By Anonymous - 28/2/2017 19:00 - Canada - Toronto

Talk about not getting the picture…

Today, I finally worked up the courage to break up with my boyfriend. His parents weren't able to pick him up for 5 hours. I ended up taking him to a movie to kill time and end on a positive note, but now he thinks we're cool and back on track. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6351

You deserved it

1975

Favorite

Love

Great speech, thanks!

Clocked

Basic Instinct

By Anonymous - 19/5/2013 17:35 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I reconnected with my best friend from childhood, and after a tearful confession, found out that for most of my engagement to my husband, she was repeatedly connecting with his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46631

You deserved it

3117

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/8/2013 19:28 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend grinning at me, her hand on my junk. I grinned back, then looked down and saw blood smeared all over her hand and my junk. After I started screaming and crying, she laughed and said it was fake blood. She recorded everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

74538

You deserved it

9793

Favorite

By slashteddy - 9/9/2009 23:30 - United States

Today, at work, I was on my break when I had to use the bathroom. I was on the toilet taking a dump when the door latch loosened and the door swung open. The little girl standing there took one look and screamed. Security busted in. My pants were still down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37826

You deserved it

2786

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/1/2015 21:17 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had a one night stand. After holding in my farts all night as is done, I decided enough was enough and to calmly let one slip out. One did not calmly slip out instead I shit myself in her bed. I was naked at the time so was unable to hide it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35876

You deserved it

16660

Favorite

By unaware - 19/9/2012 04:14 - United States - Columbus

Today, I spent ten minutes looking for my cell phone in the dark, only to realize the light I was using was my cell phone's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8984

You deserved it

35159

Favorite

By clashgurl8449 - 17/2/2011 08:08

Today, my boyfriend fed me chocolate chip cookies with laxatives in them because he was concerned I did not poop enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40311

You deserved it

4240

Favorite

By Bridget - 11/5/2013 04:01 - Canada - Orangeville

Today, I found out I have something in common with three other girls. We all have the same boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64129

You deserved it

5725

Favorite

By a very mad sister - 11/12/2016 01:33 - United States - Pomona

Today, my older brother thought it would be hilarious to have over 200 people show up at my house to celebrate my wedding anniversary with my husband. Apparently, this was his "I'm sorry" present for missing my wedding last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8966

You deserved it

678

Favorite

By a genius - 12/2/2009 13:28 - United States

Today, I lit a cigarette in the opposite direction of the wind. My hair blew into it, and caught on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14853

You deserved it

60133

Favorite

By Theaccident - 22/1/2011 10:03 - Australia

Today, my mum told me how I was only here because my dad couldn't pull out in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43857

You deserved it

3634

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/1/2012 11:44 - Australia

Bored

Today, I caught myself thinking about what to cook for dinner tonight. During sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31232

You deserved it

7219

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/10/2010 09:07 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend said he wants a Hello Kitty wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42645

You deserved it

9282

Favorite

By anonymous - 26/6/2016 20:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was sick, so I went into work to see if I could get my shift covered, instead of just calling in. I ended up working an extra hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10505

You deserved it

3324

Favorite

By Patrick - 14/10/2012 04:39 - United States - Sulphur

Today, I brought my new puppy home. I saw her sniffing around, so I took her outside to do her business. She simply played in the grass for ten minutes, so I brought her in. She walked in the door, squatted, and shit. She has diarrhea. This is the fourth time today. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25446

You deserved it

3979

Favorite

By Francoise3 - 18/3/2009 13:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I received an e-mail from the girls at work. It was an invite to lunch but it said, "Lunch today at Camber's, PLEASE don't tell Francoise, I don't think any of us can take any more of her!" I'm Francoise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

86822

You deserved it

19357

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/4/2016 13:12 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my daughter and her "friend" kept using crude euphemisms right in front of me, thinking I was too old or too stupid to figure out what they meant. I nearly had an aneurysm when she told him he could put his "pencil" in her "sharpener" next time they studied together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27029

You deserved it

2589

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/11/2013 21:57 - Argentina

Today, after getting a root canal, I told my mother how boring it was just sitting there with my mouth open for ages while the dentist did his work. She then told me how she had to do the same kind of thing on her anniversary night with my father. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48634

You deserved it

4811

Favorite

By littlekellilee - 8/3/2012 16:23 - Canada

Today, I was in class and felt something tugging on my hair. I thought it was caught on the chair, so I turned around a little to look. The guy behind me was holding my hair and smelling it. He gave me a creepy smile, winked, and continued. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32752

You deserved it

2524

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/5/2016 11:29 - United States - Westwood

Today, as I was getting x-rays of my arm, I heard one technician ask another, "Are you sure those are hers?" At 17, I have weaker bones than my grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12866

You deserved it

1072

Favorite

By Konstantine - 5/10/2009 13:55 - New Zealand

Today, I saw photos of my boyfriend at his 25th birthday party. The one he told me was cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47401

You deserved it

3525

Favorite

By bent & broken - 24/8/2018 16:30 - United States - Hot Springs Village

Today, I was lost on a dirt road when it started raining and I got stuck in the mud, so I walked 5 miles to a farm. They brought their tractor and pulled me out, but then my key broke off in the ignition. It's my birthday and I can't get home for the party my wife planned. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3030

You deserved it

275

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/1/2010 09:10 - Australia

Today, I was on a job trial at the local pet shop and, naturally, was doing all the disgusting jobs. As I was cleaning the kittens' litter in the cat enclosure, someone thought it would be funny to lock me in there. I sat in a giant cage in the middle of the store with people laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32347

You deserved it

3061

Favorite

By whyme - 8/12/2010 06:26

Today, feeling so depressed to the point of having suicidal thoughts, I texted a girl I had a crush on. Her response? "Can you please delete my number, you're getting annoying." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35404

You deserved it

19628

Favorite

By SnapeIsGood - 8/11/2016 09:44 - Germany - Kornwestheim

Today, I hit the gym. With my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12274

You deserved it

1818

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/6/2019 12:41

Today, just a day prior to my vacation starting, I learned that my five-day "seasonal fever" is actually due to a blood infection from a bacteria. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1639

You deserved it

Favorite

By musicmaniac13 - 18/3/2011 19:08 - France

Today, I performed in my school's choir concert. The girl next to me started to pass out, and I grabbed her so she wouldn't hit her head. After we were done performing and the curtains closed, my choir teacher dragged me off stage and said I was getting an F for "creating a distraction". FML

I agree, your life sucks

43560

You deserved it

3342

Favorite

By Fat and Embarrassed - 26/9/2016 02:09 - United States - Palmdale

Today, I asked an elderly customer at my work if she needed help with her groceries. She responded, "I normally would, but I'm afraid you'll eat all the groceries." FML

I agree, your life sucks

12665

You deserved it

1330

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/11/2012 06:13 - United States - Houston

Today, I was told I will be having twins; this came as a shock since there are no twins in my family. When I asked my mom about it, she said that she wasn't surprised and not to worry about it because she had "absorbed her twin" and that the problem would "take care of itself." FML

I agree, your life sucks

25777

You deserved it

2003

Favorite

By Homeless? - 7/11/2016 11:07 - United Kingdom - Gloucester

Today, I have been vomiting for 4 days. Tomorrow, my landlord is insisting on inspecting my flat. I now either have to clean my house whilst trying not to throw up all around it, or fail my inspection. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11017

You deserved it

1209

Favorite

By E or - 13/7/2010 13:41 - United States

Today, I flew a toy airplane into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12836

You deserved it

40114

Favorite

By love and tolerape, apparently - 1/3/2015 19:24 - India - Jamshedpur

Today, after a 7 year dry spell, I finally got laid. The downside? It was in my dreams and involved a character from My Little Pony forcing itself on me. Now I hate that fucking stupid show more than ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36846

You deserved it

8296

Favorite

By julia - 11/6/2011 11:12 - United States

Today, my five year old daughter came up to me and told me she wanted to be a nun. When I asked why, she replied, "So I won't get my heart broken by a boy." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41977

You deserved it

7796

Favorite

By unsatisfied - 1/2/2010 00:20 - United States

Today, things heated up with the new guy I've been seeing for a couple of weeks, he kept saying things like "I want you so bad" and "it's going to take hours" to the point that I was so hot, I decided to go for it. Apparently he has "a problem sometimes" getting it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22630

You deserved it

3873

Favorite

By thoughtidseenitall - 2/2/2013 01:01 - United States - Englewood

Today, while trucking, I got stuck in traffic on a congested highway. After 15 minutes of mind-numbing boredom, I glanced down at the car beside me, only to witness the driver changing her tampon and flicking the old one onto the highway. I can't unsee this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64197

You deserved it

3995

Favorite

By miley098 - 2/11/2011 16:37 - United Kingdom

Today, I came home from school, only to find I was locked out. The cars were all there, but no one was in. It wasn't until I heard continuous banging from my parents' window that it clicked. They locked me out for over an hour in freezing weather just to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43676

You deserved it

4665

Favorite

By FuckPollen - 8/7/2015 11:01 - United Kingdom - Hartlepool

Today, I attended a work interview. My hay fever has been flaring up during the hot weather, causing my throat to swell up and make me short of breath, which I explained. The woman interviewing me told me I was unsuccessful, as customers wouldn't be able to understand someone with my 'disability'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24801

You deserved it

1884

Favorite

By nikto - 3/6/2011 01:01

Today, I went speed dating. I arrived at my first date and she looked me up and down and said, "Oh, that's awkward." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34930

You deserved it

3940

Favorite

By defrauded - 8/3/2013 18:44 - United Kingdom - Oban

Today, I bought a textbook for my college class. Not only is the £150 book only sold by our teacher, it turned out to be a piece of shit that he obviously wrote, printed, and stapled together at home. When I went to the faculty about it, I was told it's all perfectly legal, and to drop it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36682

You deserved it

3044

Favorite

By MissAggravared - 19/11/2014 08:27 - United States - Meridian

Today, I met my sister's fiancé. I would have been happier for her if he hadn't been mine a month ago when I introduced them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43314

You deserved it

3202

Favorite

By lonethong15 - 8/8/2014 22:53 - United States - Dallas

Today, my boyfriend told me he likes to do things the old-fashioned way, and that he wouldn't propose to me without my father's blessing. My dad died 3 years ago, and he knows it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52632

You deserved it

3893

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By OhPuhleeze | 23

#7418297 - Wednesday 1 March 2017 2:13

Is your "boyfriend" 12? Why couldn't you just leave him? He needs his parents to be picked up and was distracted enough by the movie. If you'd gotten him a Happy Meal he probably would've thought you guys are married.

By cornelius74d | 13

#7418299 - Wednesday 1 March 2017 2:17

Why wouldn't you just drive him home? Surely that would have taken less than 5 hours. Or... make him walk.

COMMENTS

By OhPuhleeze | 23

#7418297 - Wednesday 1 March 2017 2:13

DraconicFeline | 31

#7418750 - Thursday 2 March 2017 0:19

They're probably still in high school and haven't gotten their licenses yet. It's not that unrealistic a scenario.

By cornelius74d | 13

#7418299 - Wednesday 1 March 2017 2:17

Why wouldn't you just drive him home? Surely that would have taken less than 5 hours. Or... make him walk.

Aethereal | 14

#7418305 - Wednesday 1 March 2017 2:38

Maybe they are 15 and can't drive, let alone own cars?

Walking or public transport might not be an option if he lives far and/or in a place with little to no public transport.

By ZiGgY576 | 20

#7418313 - Wednesday 1 March 2017 3:04

I don't see why you couldn't have clarified this with him when you found out that'd what he thought

By jcash52426 | 5

#7418314 - Wednesday 1 March 2017 3:11

That sucks but it sound like he you 2 are better off just being friends.

By RinoaHeartilly | 36

#7418338 - Wednesday 1 March 2017 5:25

Shut it down now!

By Katie Kat | 8

#7418394 - Wednesday 1 March 2017 8:53

why didn't you just take him home yourself?

HelloItsMee123 | 5

#7420842 - Monday 6 March 2017 1:47

Well obviously she doesn't drive?

By rekijan | 6

#7418395 - Wednesday 1 March 2017 8:53

Well to be fair it does seem like he was getting mixed messages. But then again I can only see the tiny titbit of text you posted not the entire day.

By sporty061200r | 8

#7418437 - Wednesday 1 March 2017 11:36

The movie theater blow job just gave him mixed signals, no wonder he thinks your back on track

By sasquatchius | 3

#7418453 - Wednesday 1 March 2017 12:28

Protip: Don't break up with your partner then spend 5 hours with them.

By iseebearbears | 27

#7418600 - Wednesday 1 March 2017 19:00

This sounds like an illegal relationship.