By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Talk about not getting the picture…

Today, I finally worked up the courage to break up with my boyfriend. His parents weren't able to pick him up for 5 hours. I ended up taking him to a movie to kill time and end on a positive note, but now he thinks we're cool and back on track. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6377

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Love

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Dangling modifier

Intense

By Username - United States

Today, my son invited his girlfriend over to our house just to break up with her. Then he asked me to drive her home. So I was then stuck in a car with a bawling teenage girl who lived over twenty minutes away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44124

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5947

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By gb - Australia

Today, I was dancing with the 4 hottest girls I've ever seen at a club, and I fainted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35480

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8827

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By Creeped_out_n_stuck - United States

Today, my roommate demanded that I dance naked for him as a birthday present. When I declined, he offered to pay me. When I declined again, he stormed off to pout in his room and played really loud depressing music. We're both guys and I have 11 months left on my lease with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46331

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By Wormy - United States

Today, I bit into a Reese's Cup that had been sitting on my desk for a while. As I did, half of a yellow meal worm fell out and landed in front of me, the other half was in my mouth. It was wiggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60105

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By jjjjjohn cena - United States - Omaha

Today, I was woken up to the crushing of my balls after my 5-year-old son thought it would be the best way to wake me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24641

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By ugamayne - United States

Today, I had to X-ray an 81 year old lady. The clothes she was wearing would show up on the X-ray so I had to make her change into a gown. I found out the hard way that 81 year olds still go commando. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26581

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By quit fucking up my life - United States - Kenai

Today, my dad met my boyfriend for the first time. He soon "casually" took a huge knife from the kitchen drawer and told my boyfriend that he's always wondered what it'd be like to stab someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48556

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By blutownie13 - United States

Today, I told my ex boyfriend I lost 20 lbs because of the stress of the break up. His response was "you're welcome." FML

I agree, your life sucks

55337

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By LeaveMeAlone

Creepy creep alert. Run!

Today, my manager "bumped" into me 3 or 4 separate times. I told him months ago I didn't want to date him. He even asked me once if I was ever afraid of being kidnapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4544

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296

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By creeped - United States

Today, I was talking to the guy that has been in love with me for two years. He said "There is a shortage of perfect breasts in the world. It would be a shame to lose yours." He then creepily looked at me and said "It's true." Thanks, Princess Bride, for supplying creepers with material. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26641

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By Anonymous

Clean me, humanoid

Today, I had to wash my cat. Twice. The first time was because he decided to roll over in the litter tray after using it. The second was the result of him pissing on the floor, then rolling in it right after I'd dried him from the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1353

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By PeedMaPants - United Kingdom - Meopham

Today, I started my first day at work. When I used the bathroom, I thought I was peeing into the bowl but it was actually leaking out. My pants kindly cleaned up the mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13303

You deserved it

2314

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By fml9124 - 7/11/2020 17:02

Legalize it!

Today, my state decriminalized small amounts of every hard drug you can name. Heroin, LSD, cocaine, you name it. I'm a recovering addict. I moved to Oregon to get away from the big city and drugs and take in nature. No I didn't. I knew this would happen. I'm screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

837

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 29/1/2021 08:01

This Charming Man

Today, I met what I thought was a decent guy, via an introduction by my pregnant friend. She's dating his brother. The guy was dropping my friend and me off, but on the way out of the door he slapped her on the butt and smiled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

723

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By Anonymous - Germany - Wuppertal

Today, my coworker keeps loudly saying things like, "Oh, now THIS!" If I don't ask, "What?" she pouts. If I do ask, she tells me, at length and with very bad grammar, how every one of our colleagues and partners is either stupid, rude or out to get her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1519

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161

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By Anonymous - United States - Chester

Today, I'm so broke after paying my bills, that I resorted to eating plain garlic butter from the pizzeria down the street for lunch. The worst part: to get the butter, I stormed in and angrily complained, saying they forgot to give it to me. I never even ordered a pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40839

You deserved it

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By Mary

Today, my officemate used the telephone beside my desk again. I still can't think of a better way to tell him how awful bad his breath is without the having to do it personally. We've been workmates for a year now and he still hasn't gotten a clue, despite of me covering my nose every time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3610

You deserved it

564

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By likesboys - Canada

Today, my entire family thinks I'm a lesbian. I'm straight. I'm embarrassed and don't know how to tell them that I've been single for so long because I can't get a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36864

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By ugly - United States

Today, I was volunteering at a school. There's this really bratty boy there and he was being rude, so I joked, "How are you ever gonna get a girlfriend when you're so mean?" He responds, "I think the better question is how are you ever gonna get a boyfriend when you're so ugly." He's 7. FML

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76384

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By Alex Xavier

False Advertising

Today, after getting married recently and my wife making a ton of promises about "things" we'd do, she admitted she won't do any of them and said I should just accept that she lied. FML

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4882

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By Anonymous - Australia - Sydney

Today, I'm so out of shape, I started wheezing on my way to check my mailbox. Not my physical mailbox, either; my email inbox on the phone I'd left on the table at the bottom of the stairs. FML

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25390

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By embarrassed2 - United States

Today, my boyfriend tickled me. In between laughs, I warned him that I was going to pee myself. He didn't believe me. After I actually did, he suggested we use a "safety word" from now on so that he will know when I'm being serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30848

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By Anonymous

Poor me

Today, I finally kissed the guy I really love at a party. He took me outside and immediately vomited. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1838

You deserved it

215

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By Anonymous - Slovakia

Today, I went out for dinner with my long-term crush, who turned out to be a huge dog person. He asked me which dog breed I like the most. In an attempt to reply with both Labrador and Doberman, I accidentally said Dumbledore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36009

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9579

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By Anonymous

Today, while on a beach with my 3 year-long boyfriend, I went on his phone to find a restaurant I'd sent him on Instagram. Instead, I found countless messages to other women, trying to slide into their DMs. Needless to say, everyone on that beach got a free show. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1807

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204

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By GLX - United States - Sand Springs

Today, I woke up to the rickety old ceiling fan above my bed crashing down on top of me. I'm fine, however I am now grounded until I can buy a new ceiling fan to replace the one I "broke". FML

I agree, your life sucks

4893

You deserved it

274

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By dannyboy1422 - United States

Today, we had a lockdown in our school for 2 hours because a man was sitting outside our school in his car with a gun in hand. I texted my mom telling her what was going on and that it's on the news. She responded saying "I'll tape it". FML

I agree, your life sucks

35852

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By figcurzyez - United Kingdom - Harlow

Today, the checkout guy at my local store asked me if I had my hair cut. I answered and started talking about my hair, and he gave me a really weird look. He was talking to his friend, who I hadn't noticed in the queue behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12916

You deserved it

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By jello_bellied_snack_snapper

Today, my daughter was stung by a bark scorpion, requiring a visit to the ER. Luckily, we were seen quickly. Unfortunately, due to a new policy, the medicine used to treat the sting is not available for children as it "might" cause low blood pressure. Awesome. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3971

You deserved it

213

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By kellthryn

Stop! Thief!

Today, during my work shift, my car got stolen and I had to walk home on the rain. While I was walking home, my stolen car drove by. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1932

You deserved it

205

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my morning sickness has been so bad that my husband's farts send me running to the bathroom. He thinks it's hilarious, and has been following me around all day trying to crack one off in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36135

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By idk what to do - 4/3/2021 00:30

Single life

Today, I'm 22 year-old woman, and my entire family thinks something is wrong with me because I've never been in a relationship. I'm starting to believe them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

842

You deserved it

122

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By Bashit - United States - Bullard

Today, I received a call from the company I applied to, only to have my father pick it up and make fun of the man's accent. They won't call me back or take any of my calls, and my dad is completely unapologetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29392

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By loser

Today, I woke up to find my 6-year-old daughter had duct taped me to my bed and dropped my wallet down the toilet. Well played. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3617

You deserved it

613

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By traveller - United States

Today, I drove 9 hours and took Monday off of work to surprise my Mom and Dad for Easter. They weren't home so I called to tell them the surprise, rather than wait. They didn't answer as they were on a flight to Denver to surprise me for Easter since "I couldn't get off work." FML

I agree, your life sucks

76376

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boss threw a party for everyone in the office who has a birthday in September. Everyone got a cake with their names on it except me. My birthday is today. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15996

You deserved it

825

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By nearlythere - Australia

Today, I was getting ready to perform a speech in anthropology on the globalization of public transportation and how it brings cultures together. On the bus ride there, the girls behind me were discussing ways to hide their track marks after injecting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24338

You deserved it

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By tittyboomboom - Australia

Today, I was taking the train home from another unsuccessful job interview. As I was sitting there, I felt the urge to yawn, but before I could raise my hand to cover my mouth some guy stuck his finger in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22848

You deserved it

2028

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By Creepedout - United States - Wilson

Today, an obese man decided it was okay to share a urinal with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23574

You deserved it

1645

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By spekledworf - United States - Plymouth

Today, as I wandered through the streets of an unfamiliar city, I spotted a cop and darted across the street to ask for assistance. He kindly gave me directions as he wrote me out a citation for jaywalking. FML

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41068

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Top comments

By OhPuhleeze | 23

#7418297 - Wednesday 1 March 2017 2:13

Is your "boyfriend" 12? Why couldn't you just leave him? He needs his parents to be picked up and was distracted enough by the movie. If you'd gotten him a Happy Meal he probably would've thought you guys are married.

By cornelius74d | 13

#7418299 - Wednesday 1 March 2017 2:17

Why wouldn't you just drive him home? Surely that would have taken less than 5 hours. Or... make him walk.

COMMENTS

By OhPuhleeze | 23

#7418297 - Wednesday 1 March 2017 2:13

DraconicFeline | 31

#7418750 - Thursday 2 March 2017 0:19

They're probably still in high school and haven't gotten their licenses yet. It's not that unrealistic a scenario.

By cornelius74d | 13

#7418299 - Wednesday 1 March 2017 2:17

Why wouldn't you just drive him home? Surely that would have taken less than 5 hours. Or... make him walk.

Aethereal | 14

#7418305 - Wednesday 1 March 2017 2:38

Maybe they are 15 and can't drive, let alone own cars?

Walking or public transport might not be an option if he lives far and/or in a place with little to no public transport.

By ZiGgY576 | 20

#7418313 - Wednesday 1 March 2017 3:04

I don't see why you couldn't have clarified this with him when you found out that'd what he thought

By jcash52426 | 5

#7418314 - Wednesday 1 March 2017 3:11

That sucks but it sound like he you 2 are better off just being friends.

By RinoaHeartilly | 36

#7418338 - Wednesday 1 March 2017 5:25

Shut it down now!

By Katie Kat | 8

#7418394 - Wednesday 1 March 2017 8:53

why didn't you just take him home yourself?

HelloItsMee123 | 5

#7420842 - Monday 6 March 2017 1:47

Well obviously she doesn't drive?

By rekijan | 6

#7418395 - Wednesday 1 March 2017 8:53

Well to be fair it does seem like he was getting mixed messages. But then again I can only see the tiny titbit of text you posted not the entire day.

By sporty061200r | 8

#7418437 - Wednesday 1 March 2017 11:36

The movie theater blow job just gave him mixed signals, no wonder he thinks your back on track

By sasquatchius | 3

#7418453 - Wednesday 1 March 2017 12:28

Protip: Don't break up with your partner then spend 5 hours with them.

By iseebearbears | 27

#7418600 - Wednesday 1 March 2017 19:00

This sounds like an illegal relationship.