Transportation: Today, I had my driver's test in rural Maine. I hit a cow. FML - FML

By Anonymous - 12/07/2013 05:24 - United States - Oakland

Today, I had my driver's test in rural Maine. I hit a cow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 770

You deserved it 14 597

Broken heart

This Charming Man

Spreading

By Morrowindwhore - 10/08/2009 22:22 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, a friend of mine was talking about how he'd spent over 30 hours on Call of Duty. I piped up and said "Oh yeah! Well I've spent well over 300 hours on Morrowind! Beat that!" To which he replied, "I've had sex. Beat that!" I couldn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 761

You deserved it 67 540

Hit and miss

By Jane. R - 16/06/2021 20:00

Today, a guy was hitting on me when I was at a café. I told him I was married, but it didn't deter him, so I told him to go away. Later, my husband came home from work with his boss for dinner and sure enough, it was the same guy who was hitting on me. Suffice to say, it was one awkward dinner night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 121

You deserved it 43

By NoorFML - 13/09/2013 13:24 - United States

Today, I woke up and saw that my alarm clock had fallen on the floor. It read 9:05 am. I panicked because I was late for work. As I frantically got ready, I went to pick my alarm clock up to place it back on my nightstand when I realized it was upside down. The actual time was 5:06. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 866

You deserved it 7 480

By babs - 07/05/2013 19:07 - United States

Today, I was in the doctor's office waiting for my husband to arrive, when a little old lady sat beside me. She seemed nice, until she started farting and blaming it on me. They weren't silent; they sounded like trucker farts and smelled like death. I was there for over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 105

You deserved it 4 726

By Anonymous - 13/11/2008 03:01 - France

Today, I scratched my cornea and have to wear a large bandage covering my eye. I'm off today, but I'll probably have to wear it to school tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 997

You deserved it 5 952

By sickmom - 21/01/2014 11:07 - United States - New Orleans

Today, I have the flu. I woke up to my son leaning over me, inches from my face, breathing in deeply. Apparently, he was trying to get sick so he could stay home from school. He's 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 549

You deserved it 5 501

By unknown - 08/03/2014 00:53 - United States - San Antonio

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to mess around at my workplace's parking lot. Things got hot and steamy, but in the middle of it all, there came a bang at my car window. My frantic boss had seen us and thought I was being attacked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 957

You deserved it 28 687

By Sdutent - 01/03/2009 08:34 - United States

Spicy

Today, I asked my girlfriend if she has ever had an affair. She replied, "Yes. With you". FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 078

You deserved it 7 324

By ouch - 11/12/2009 07:50 - United Kingdom

Today, I was preparing for a huge party I've been looking forward to for months. I did all the usual things a girl should do, put on a facemask, painted my nails, exfoliated... I was feeling confident until I peeled off the facemask. I guess when it said "vibrant" what it meant was bright red. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 103

You deserved it 8 461

By Anonymous - 20/11/2014 20:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boss said he's worried about our network, because "Wifi's all in the air. People could spy on us from anywhere!" I sarcastically said "My god, you're right!" and suggested switching to tin-foil ethernet cables to stop the signal escaping. He told me to do it ASAP. This moron makes five times my salary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 847

You deserved it 4 200

By prisym - 30/08/2017 13:00

Today, I found the $3,200 engagement ring I dropped in my yard. I ran over it with my lawnmower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 327

You deserved it 766

By Anonymous - 27/04/2011 08:19 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and her mom dropped me off at home. I told my girlfriend that I love her. She said nothing, then her mom blurted out, "I love you too!" and drove away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 249

You deserved it 5 564

By amused - 23/06/2014 21:26 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I looked at my bank balance. It read $1.23. That's higher than it usually is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 485

You deserved it 8 725

By anonymous - 13/03/2016 19:53 - United States - Marysville

Today, when my son gets mad in a store, he will scream stranger danger and run away from me, and to an employee, and ask for help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 896

You deserved it 2 392

By Lily - 02/09/2015 10:09 - Austria - Vienna

Today, my doctor informed me that the tests we've been doing the previous months show no sign of leukemia. I was just about to express my relief when he casually followed up with, "Never mind, there's still a lot of other blood-related diseases we need to look out for." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 852

You deserved it 1 527

Mask off

By Anonymous - 09/04/2020 20:00 - India

Today, I found out that the guy I've been dating for a year is and always has been gay. I was apparently "an amazingly convenient beard" for his ultra-religious family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 838

You deserved it 169

Forever alone, episode 7864

By Anonymous - 01/04/2020 23:00

Today, I lied at a store when the checkout person told me the cologne I was buying was for men. I told him it was for my boyfriend. I haven't had a boyfriend in 2 years, I just wanted it to smell like one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 329

You deserved it 368

By scared shitless - 10/12/2013 09:50 - United States - San Francisco

Today, at my job as a night janitor, at which I work alone, I saw an old man enter a bathroom. When I went to investigate, it was completely empty. I'm now scared to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 249

You deserved it 3 817

By anonymous - 22/08/2011 11:04 - Australia

Today, I was stuck in a room with a man who was catching flies. That I could cope with, until he insisted on turning the lights out because it was 'stressing out' his flies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 524

You deserved it 2 381

By Michelle - 17/10/2013 11:51 - Australia - Richmond

Today, my boyfriend told me that I have the bad habit of not doing the dishes before he has his daily piss in the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 636

You deserved it 5 605

By mylifeissad - 30/12/2009 02:10 - United States

Today, I had to look up how to eat a mango on the internet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 238

You deserved it 37 881

By Unlucky - 04/09/2018 14:30

Today, I received a bill from PayPal stating I owe $350 for an account that's linked to an email that I haven't used since 2015. I can't get into the account because someone hacked it and changed the password and security questions. Customer support is no help because I have no info about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 766

You deserved it 218

By Anonymous - 15/10/2013 20:52 - United Kingdom - Stretham

Today, my parents dropped by my new house, and my mother offered to tidy up for me while I was out. After they left, I noticed that her "tidying up" included throwing out all the pictures of my girlfriend and replacing them with pictures of herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 457

You deserved it 4 811

By Anonymous - 26/06/2012 21:10 - United States

Today, I found out that the phone number I switched to, used to host an amateur phone sex hotline. I found this out after getting several calls by teenagers, who sounded as if they were masturbating even as I yelled that they had the wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 432

You deserved it 1 997

By Cary - 26/12/2011 06:17 - United States

Today, I noticed that my girlfriend has a deeper voice than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 261

You deserved it 7 852

Kids will be kids

By bad influence - 29/03/2021 15:30 - United States

Today, I've been getting terrible backlash from the neighbors after I forbade my kids from hanging out with one of the neighborhood kids. They think I dislike her because she’s trans. The truth is she’s rude, disrespectful, has been in several fights and had run ins with the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 026

You deserved it 65

By alynna007 - 02/01/2013 10:31 - United States - Lakewood

Today, I overheard my mother telling my sister that she expects my marriage to fall apart any day now. Apparently, I have no concept of what "marriage" really means. My husband and I just celebrated our 7th anniversary, while my mother is planning her 5th wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 274

You deserved it 2 300

By Milly - 30/01/2011 19:25 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I was trying to help a very slow-witted client over the phone. After a while, I realised he was just delaying while pleasuring himself to the sound of my voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 490

You deserved it 4 064

By A.K. - 27/05/2009 12:40 - United States

Today, I was driving on the highway and a cop had his radar gun out. The woman in front of me panics and slams her brakes on, causing me to rear end her. The cop cited me for "tailgating" and I have to pay for the damages on both of our cars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 090

You deserved it 21 047

By paulinapo - 30/05/2013 01:53 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 236

You deserved it 9 808

By Annakins - 06/06/2010 18:31 - United States

Today, I am 9 months pregnant. I had a dream where I successfully pushed and gave birth to my son. Meanwhile, in the real world, I successfully pushed and gave birth to a large dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 155

You deserved it 7 058

By supergirl7 - 27/07/2011 22:21 - United States

Today, I discovered I can properly operate the television remote with my feet. I then realized that it is pretty much my only talent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 359

You deserved it 8 656

By anonymous - 26/03/2013 18:31 - United States - Staten Island

Today, after getting a new haircut, I decided to take a few photos. I set up my iPhone in my room and began posing. It wasn't until numerous shots later that I realized my phone had posted every picture to Facebook, and they were all over everyone's newsfeed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 485

You deserved it 45 639

By unknown relationship - 28/06/2013 05:23 - United States - Shorewood

Today, after working at my job for months, I quit. Why? My boss tried to convince me that we are in a secret relationship after he told me he loved me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 341

You deserved it 3 135

By Anonymouse - 02/07/2011 07:42 - United States

Today, while I thought my brother was playing with my new phone, he was actually texting a bunch of my friends that I have chlamydia. He deleted his texts so I wouldn't see them, and I spent a half-hour trying to figure out why I kept getting texts of shock and sympathy. We're both in our 20's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 535

You deserved it 4 772

Hey!

By wtf dad - 10/01/2013 03:15 - United States - Saint Charles

Today, I learned who my dad's new fiancée is. Upon meeting her she exclaimed, "My, I haven't seen you in a while!" She's my ex-boyfriend's mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 347

You deserved it 3 295

Bittie

By Anonymous - 18/09/2020 14:02 - Hungary - Sopron

Today, it was my brother's wedding so my mother-in-law was taking care of my 8-month-old son. When I came back to our room to check how things were going, I saw her "breastfeeding" my child. She said it was the only way to calm him down because he didn't have a pacifier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 578

You deserved it 144

S❤️ed

By andinpublictoo - 29/10/2021 22:59

Today, and for the first time in my life, I was unable to trust a fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 652

You deserved it 201

By aziraphaleelle - 18/03/2014 08:10 - United States - San Jose

Today, I had to wave my arms like a maniac as I sat on the toilet at work, otherwise the faulty motion sensor/timer would turn the lights off after about ten seconds. I've had to do this for several days now. No one else has reported this problem, so management won't get it fixed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 077

You deserved it 4 346

By ShadowJack - 29/04/2012 15:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. She didnt look away and we stared at each other for a while; then she asked me what I wanted from McDonalds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 333

You deserved it 9 729

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

FlyingLeumer 19

Send a private message

Friday 12 July 2013 15:56

Sounds like you should have mooved over.

Send a private message

Friday 12 July 2013 16:00

I reckon there's going to be some bad beef between you now, if the cow isn't udderly incapacitated already. But seriously, I hope you and it are bovine now.

Comments

FlyingLeumer 19

Send a private message

Friday 12 July 2013 15:56

Sounds like you should have mooved over.

OnlyAvailableID 28

Send a private message

Friday 12 July 2013 15:58

Beaten to the punch, dammit. Udderly disappointed.

FlyingLeumer 19

Send a private message

Friday 12 July 2013 16:01

Well at least now we can milk these puns for all their worth!

OnlyAvailableID 28

Send a private message

Friday 12 July 2013 16:09

I'm worried what will happen if I make a bad joke though. The steaks are too high.

CommentModerated 17

Send a private message

Friday 12 July 2013 16:31

I herd you were cowering in the car afterwards. Hopefully the car wasn't in too bad of shape and you didn't have to hoof it back home.

OnlyAvailableID 28

Send a private message

Friday 12 July 2013 16:50

Its people like you guys that I dream of meating. Innuendo intended ;)

Send a private message

Friday 12 July 2013 18:12

Well, I'll bet you're the laughing stock of rural Maine.

Send a private message

Friday 12 July 2013 19:27

Hay, come on guys, don't make so many puns!

27inch 9

Send a private message

Friday 12 July 2013 20:04

I love FML for the comic relief of these kinds of comments!!!

CoGhostRider 31

Send a private message

Friday 12 July 2013 20:15

Guess OP will have to hoof it now

Send a private message

Friday 12 July 2013 23:59

I hope you didn't get into a beef with your driving teacher.

Send a private message

Saturday 13 July 2013 0:54

Where's the beef?! It's on your grill.

Send a private message

Saturday 13 July 2013 7:08

Maybe you should learn how to steere.

Dave_Davington 33

Send a private message

Saturday 13 July 2013 17:26

When you hear about "cattle drives", this isn't what they normally have in mind.

Send a private message

Friday 12 July 2013 15:57

Too bad you couldn't moove in time to miss it! Im so sorry, but I just laughed so hard! FYL indeed OP! (Edit: My apologies #1- you beat me to it)

FlyingLeumer 19

Send a private message

Friday 12 July 2013 15:59

All is fair in love and FML comments!

Send a private message

Friday 12 July 2013 16:00

I reckon there's going to be some bad beef between you now, if the cow isn't udderly incapacitated already. But seriously, I hope you and it are bovine now.

Send a private message

Friday 12 July 2013 19:55

Another beautifully executed carpet bombing of puns. Tip of the hat to you, sir.

Send a private message

Friday 12 July 2013 16:01

Ah the joys of the country. I hope you're alright OP!

Send a private message

Wednesday 24 July 2013 21:40

AND COW!

Send a private message

Friday 12 July 2013 16:03

Ouch. Shit happens though, my local train hit a cow recently - helluva mess and nothing they could have done, cow just ambled onto the track. Maybe go a little slower around corners in future though, might save you on car repairs!

rageandlove13 8

Send a private message

Friday 12 July 2013 16:04

Cow tipping!

RedPillSucks 31

Send a private message

Friday 12 July 2013 19:03

Cows don't accept tips.

Send a private message

Friday 12 July 2013 22:58

Anybody else think of the "tommy boy" scene where Chris Farley falls in the mud trying to tip a cow? Lol.

rageandlove13 8

Send a private message

Saturday 13 July 2013 4:01

Man I love that movie...

FindingYujin 26

Send a private message

Friday 12 July 2013 16:04

I've never been to the US but if your test is in a rural area, wouldn't it be easier with less traffic and other distractions ie people? More cows though I guess.

Send a private message

Friday 12 July 2013 16:48

I took my test in rural Pennsylvania and it was the EASIEST thing ever due to that. I parallel parked, stopped at one stop sign and then turned back to the DMV. It was over in 3 minutes. No cows, no problems!

RedPillSucks 31

Send a private message

Friday 12 July 2013 19:05

Yeah. I'm wondering how bad of a driver OP was if they couldn't brake or swerve. That means they were probably driving too fast.

da_directioner39 17

Send a private message

Friday 12 July 2013 16:13

Is the cow OK?

Send a private message

Friday 12 July 2013 16:13

I'm gonna guess you didn't pass....

Send a private message

Friday 12 July 2013 16:13

How?....

Send a private message

Friday 12 July 2013 16:26

Cow...Middle of the road...Bam!

CommentModerated 17

Send a private message

Friday 12 July 2013 16:35

How now brown cow

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23

You deserved it 16

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 325

You deserved it 92

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 135

You deserved it 2 567