Kids: Today, I met up with my dad for the first time in 7 years. We... - FML

By anonymous - United States - Bellefontaine

Today, I met up with my dad for the first time in 7 years. We planned to go to a nice restaurant but he changed the place we were going to, to Chuck E. Cheese. I'm 18 years old. I waited an hour for him to show up. I then ended up babysitting his daughter the whole time. FML

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And today, on Dr Phil…

The smell detective is on the case

Broken heart

By Anonymous - Japan

Today, I not only absent-mindedly tried to scrub the natural suntan from my arm, I also spent several long seconds wondering why it wouldn't come free. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Shepton Mallet

Today, my boyfriend told me he'd drive me to the jeweler's to pick out a ring. We drove there, I picked the ring, and the sales person rang it up. I glanced at my boyfriend, only for him to reply, "Well don't look at me!" FML

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By GopherJR - Canada

Today, I convinced myself I needed to get over my ex-girlfriend. I spent twenty minutes signing up for a new dating site, only to find out, that the only other profile on the site of a person within 200 km, is my ex-girlfriend. FML

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By mimo - France

Today, I ate at a friend's house. Her 5-year-old son, who was at the table with us, looked at me and said quietly, "You're ugly." My friend told him off, causing him to cry, and shout, "But she isn't pretty!" FML

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By litterbug - 6/7/2021 04:01

Nice day for a picnic

Today, I have to go to court to contest a bullshit citation I got in the local park. I’m pregnant and was picnicking with my kids when my toddler ran off. I took off after him, leaving my blanket and food. When I came back, the power tripping park ranger wrote me a ticket for littering. FML

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By lindsay

Unflattered

Today, I was at the airport walking around, killing time. There was a man about twenty years older than me who kept on eyeballing me, and it really wasn't flattering. I get on the plane and guess who I get to sit next to. FML

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By wtf - United States

Today, I was on my girlfriend's computer. When searching on google, her browsing history popped up. The first thing was "Best positions for a small penis." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked my mom why nobody likes me. She reeled off about a dozen reasons. FML

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By apparentlyugly - United States - Henderson

Today, after spending a lazy day at home, I went to UPS with my mom to help her pick up a package. While in line, she sent me back to the car because I'm, "an embarrassment to be around" when I'm not wearing makeup. FML

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By hatestomove - United States

Today, I fell down the stairs carrying a huge TV. Don't worry, my body cushioned the TV's fall. FML

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By bodhimae - France

Today, I was taking a nap on the couch when my 2 year old daughter decided that daddy needed an ear cleaning. With all the grace of toddler-hood, she stabbed me in the eardrum with a Q-tip. Now I can't hear her coming. FML

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By kggggg - United States

Today, while at my friend's house, I noticed her brother had a bit of an accent. I laughingly said "Is it me or does your little brother have an accent?" She stared and replied with "No, he has autism." FML

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By owew

Today, I don't know anyone in the city where I just moved. I felt really lonely so I picked up my cat to try and cuddle with her. She freaked out and ripped my face apart. She ran then away to go play with the cats outside. Even my cat has more friends than me. FML

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By MerryDeathmas - Canada - Lloydminster

Today, after an argument with my girlfriend, I tried to be dramatic by slamming my car door shut as hard as I could. Something broke and now it won't open. Now I have to climb through the passenger's side just to drive my car to work. FML

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By wtf

Today, I got yelled at multiple times by my boss because my boyfriend didn't show up to work. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I got up feeling refreshed and positive for the first time in ages, so I happily threw my window open to greet the beautiful morning. A bee flew into my eye. FML

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By Peter - 30/6/2021 18:01

What did I say, Roy?

Today, my wife said I was being difficult and unreasonable, and called my mother to talk to me about my behaviour. What did I do you ask? I dared to share my opinion on something I happen to feel strongly about, instead of just mindlessly agreeing with her opinion like I have for the past 22 years. FML

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By ccat209 - United States - Riverton

Today, my parents finally realized that I've been sneaking vodka when they weren't home. Note to self: don't let them freeze vodka that's actually 75% water. FML

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By Old and Ugly - United States

Today, at work as a bank teller, an angry customer complained that the payments on his two credit cards had been messed up the previous month, with the wrong amount being credited to each account. I asked if he knew who'd helped him. He said, "Well, it wasn't you - she was younger and prettier!" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was alone in the car with my grandma for five hours while she told me all about the multiple bladder infections she's had in the past year. FML

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By Lor - Canada - Toronto

Perfume Allergy Man strikes again!

Today, a woman got on the bus wearing extremely strong perfume and sat in the seat in front of me. The gentleman I was sitting next to began violently sneezing, so much so that he eventually sneeze-vomited all over my lap and backpack. FML

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By Ugh - United States

Today, I submitted my picture to a rating website. It was rejected because I didn't clarify which person I was. The picture was of my dog and me. FML

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By what's a rimjob between friends? - United States - Boston

Today, at Walmart, a woman kept screaming at her husband for the most ridiculous reasons. My friend snickered that she must be on her period, prompting her to whirl around, storm over, and slap the hell out of me, thinking I was the one who said it. FML

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By get a grip, son - United States - Pooler

Today, my 15-year-old son got so enraged at a fly that kept harassing him, that he ended up slapping himself in the face as it flew by him. This caused him to fall out of his chair, at which point he broke down into a mess of tears, humiliating me in front of everyone. FML

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By EggHead - United States - Woodbridge

Today, at work, a 3-year-old threw an egg at me from his cart. I couldn't leave my register to clean my hair because it was too busy, so when the new manager came in, he wrote me up for "unkempt appearance." Now my new hire probation period is extended 30 days, and my nickname is "Egghead." FML

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By firecrotch - United States

Today, I work at a pizza place and one of my jobs is to spoon crushed red pepper into bags. After I finished this, without thinking to wash my hands first, I used the bathroom. It still burns. FML

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By ladymichee - 7/7/2021 14:01

What do y'all want?

Today, police barged into my apartment for a drug raid, but they had the wrong address. They came in while I was naked on my couch and didn't even apologize for breaking my door. FML

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By TractorUWG - United States

Today, I received a $100 bill in the mail as a late graduation present. I placed it on the table so I could go to the bathroom. I come back to find the table empty and my $100 bill missing. The fan blew the money on the floor and my 8 week old puppy ate it. FML

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By bakingwomannnnnnnn - United States - Redding

Today, I was cussed out by a customer who was unhappy, and he asked to speak with my manager. When I told him I owned the store, he said that that was the problem. Apparently women are "too flaky" to run a bakery properly. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my downstairs neighbor died. I knew because the smell wafted up to my apartment. FML

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By fmlgrl - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to a corner store to re-stock my chocolate stash. A guy from work walked in to see me and the cashier arguing about the amount of candy I was trying to buy with a jar of pennies. He took one look at me and said, "That time of the month, eh?" FML

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By SnowyConcussion - United States

Today, after spending the past 4 days asking both my husband and my father-in-law to salt our sidewalk, I slipped on the ice. I hit my head on our concrete stairs. While holding ice on my head, my father-in-law pats my head and says "I'll go get some salt." FML

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By Brooke - United States - San Francisco

Today, a cute guy approached me at a nightclub. I was really excited, until he drunkenly slurred "Babe, I'd suck the farts from your asshole!" and then threw up everywhere. FML

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By nomorecookies - United States

Today, someone broke into my car just to steal the freshly baked cookies in the back seat. They also left a thank you note. FML

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By LY2

Keep it in the family

Today, I found out why my boyfriend won't come over anymore. He and my brother apparently had a "thing" before we started dating. FML

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By me - United States

Today, while in my drama class, my character in a play has to quickly jump up out from his desk. Somehow, my shirt got caught on the desk, ripping it almost completely off in front of a live audience. FML

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By Phycheledic - United States

Today, I was volunteering at the daycare in my area. When this one kid was leaving, he asked his mom, "Why is she so ugly?" FML

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By my face though - United States - Kettle Falls

Today, I had to leave class early due to a profusely bleeding pimple on my forehead. FML

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By MouserMan - Canada - Olds

Today, after emptying the dishwasher, I noticed something in the back by the drain. It looked like a turkey bone. Upon closer inspection, it was a mouse carcass. I have no idea how many loads of dishes have gone through with it in there. FML

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By my_only_friend - United States - Chicago

Today, I was invited to a party. Since I rarely get invited to any, I was super pumped. Both my parents work late, so I texted a couple of people to see if I could catch a ride. It turned out everyone's cars were full. I ended up missing one of the only parties I've ever been invited to. FML

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Top comments

By allred1997 | 19

#6516995 - Friday 22 January 2016 10:43

And parent of the year goes too...
You because you did more for his kid than he did for either of you

By Ethan_Anonymous | 28

#6517009 - Friday 22 January 2016 10:58

Sorry OP. Somethings are just not meant to be, especially after 7 years and now this

COMMENTS

By amelitaliz | 22

#6516993 - Friday 22 January 2016 10:41

At least you tried! I'm sorry OP. That's terrible. I hope at least the daughter was fun!

Reply

iT_Cereal | 25

#6517366 - Friday 22 January 2016 20:06

technically that's ops sister

Reply

Chibi_Hiroko | 18

#6518382 - Sunday 24 January 2016 6:35

Or half sister. His dad could've had a child with someone else in the 7 years OP hasn't seen him

By Queen_bee1234 | 21

#6516994 - Friday 22 January 2016 10:43

You should have just left. That's what I would have done.

Reply

HawkPVZ | 17

#6516997 - Friday 22 January 2016 10:44

I'd agree with you, but he had the daughter. Dont know if someone was around except OP and the child.

By allred1997 | 19

#6516995 - Friday 22 January 2016 10:43

And parent of the year goes too...
You because you did more for his kid than he did for either of you

By Mathalamus | 24

#6516998 - Friday 22 January 2016 10:49

there's probably a reason why you didn't visit him for 7 years...

By Nomaddict | 14

#6516999 - Friday 22 January 2016 10:50

You honestly can't wrong with ChuckE cheese

Reply

MzZombicidal | 36

#6517008 - Friday 22 January 2016 10:57

You can when you're stuck babysitting your estranged father's daughter instead of actually visiting with him...

Reply

BaDoomes | 4

#6517371 - Friday 22 January 2016 20:13

#9 I'm pretty sure that was a joke... Where's the internet spirit?

Reply

YourOpinionSucks | 22

#6517743 - Saturday 23 January 2016 7:21

I hate this site in the fact that the only posts you see are spineless pussies. If it were me I'd tell my estranged dad to fuck off for another couple of years, and then ditch his bastard child in the ball pit. Not my damn problem.

By revolvearoundme | 15

#6517005 - Friday 22 January 2016 10:54

Damn least you had skeeball while you waited. My dad did something very similar with me and my sister (minus Chuck E Cheese). Long story short assume he's exactly the person you saw him for today not the person you want him to be because you'll just be disappointed and hurt.

By hamrtym | 15

#6517007 - Friday 22 January 2016 10:56

He's just a sperm donor. I have one of those too. Best thing you can do is learn what NOT to do when you have kids and break the cycle.

By Ethan_Anonymous | 28

#6517009 - Friday 22 January 2016 10:58

Sorry OP. Somethings are just not meant to be, especially after 7 years and now this

By cosmic_peanut | 17

#6517014 - Friday 22 January 2016 11:07

c'mon , don't you love chuck e cheese :( ?

By niallo | 23

#6517018 - Friday 22 January 2016 11:09

At least you got to meet your sister. I don't foresee you ever having a relationship with your father, but maybe you can have one with your sister. This is where you get to decide. Give her a good memory of you.