Today, I met up with my dad for the first time in 7 years. We... - FML

By anonymous - 22/1/2016 01:55 - United States - Bellefontaine

Today, I met up with my dad for the first time in 7 years. We planned to go to a nice restaurant but he changed the place we were going to, to Chuck E. Cheese. I'm 18 years old. I waited an hour for him to show up. I then ended up babysitting his daughter the whole time. FML

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The end of the road

Gas giant

Mr Sensitivity

By neverthesame - 29/3/2012 02:53 - United States - Shelbyville

Today, I realized that something's wrong when you have to go to a mental hospital for a family reunion. FML

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By teeth - 30/1/2009 18:23 - United States

Today, I meant to forward an email to my friend mocking a coworker's email, but I hit "reply" instead of "forward". FML

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By feeldumb - 11/6/2009 04:33 - United States

Today, I got into an argument with a 7 year old. He said that Obama was the 44th President, I said he was the 42nd. Guess who was right. FML

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By ImNotFat - 18/2/2015 04:22 - New Zealand

Today, a photo of my friends and me was posted in our college group. I didn't notice my legs looked enormous until my friend pointed it out. Her comment got 50 likes. FML

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By dsbass09 - 9/7/2011 05:59 - United States

Today, after 8 years in exceptionally difficult veterinarian classes which put me $200,000 in debt, and 7 months of job searching, I finally got a job. I will be inspecting feces for worms while making minimum wage. FML

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By PartyPooper - 18/9/2018 03:00 - Netherlands

Today, I attended my graduation ceremony. My parents acted mysteriously and kept urging me to go home, since we had to be "on time" for something. Thinking they might have planned a surprise party, I left my friends behind. I missed my graduation because my mom wanted to watch a TV show. FML

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By T_Willl - 17/11/2010 03:43

Today, a customer was rude to me, and I was rude back. He then asked for my manager, and I told him I was the store manager. He then identified himself as the corporate owner. FML

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By worksucks,Iknow. - 30/8/2018 15:00

Today, it's my first anniversary of being a manager! Today also marks a 12-month period of 30% loss in monthly income combined with 30+ hours/month of overtime. FML

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By Bellagirl - 19/7/2010 07:10 - United States

Today, I found out what's worse than having the "sex talk" with your parents: having the "sex talk" with your boyfriend, when he's 23, right before you were supposed to have sex. FML

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By FlyAwayPlease - 25/8/2015 22:38 - United Kingdom - Mold

Today, the boy that I met online six months ago and expressed my love to sent me a picture of himself and confessed how old he really was: thirteen. I'm eighteen years old and holding a steady job. FML

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By dentallycorrect - 19/8/2010 05:16 - United States

Today, while casually sitting at a bar, a drunk biker with no teeth leaned over and tried to kiss me. I'm a sailor in the Navy, but I think I screamed like a little girl. FML

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By Alaska - 29/10/2015 03:35 - United States

Today, I was taking a poop when I heard a window in my house break. Then, I heard things dropping upstairs. I decided to stay in the bathroom, which has a lock, and called the cops. Turns out it was just a bird that was trying to get at my fish in the fish tank that I have in my room. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/10/2010 16:01 - United States

Today, it's my two year anniversary with my wife. She's celebrating the day with her new boyfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/4/2012 09:45 - Canada - Thompson

Today, at a concert, I got into a fight with a man in a banana suit. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/6/2009 22:24 - United States

Today, I brought a friend who I have loved for years out to a nice restaurant for dinner. I ordered an expensive bottle of wine, and poured each of us a glass. As I was about to tell her I loved her, she raised her glass for a toast and said "A toast to friendship!" FML

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By ohmygoodness - 2/3/2009 21:51 - United States

Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's place with grumbling stomach pains. I left him in bed to go have explosive diarreah in the bathroom next to his room. When I was done, I came back to bed and snuggled in next to his sleeping form and he rolled over to whisper, "I heard everthing." FML

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By lifsabtch - 6/1/2013 17:24

Today, I went out to meet a wonderful woman I'd chatted with online. I did have a few fears about if she was really just some guy trying to make a fool out of me. When I met her, she really was a girl, and was happy to see me. Problem: she was actually 13. I'm 34. FML

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By Perdedor - 7/1/2009 21:54 - United States

Today, my boss called me in to tell me I had got a raise. I bought a $1500 Chanel bag. Two hours later he called me in to tell me he was kidding. FML

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By jfields2474 - 16/3/2015 04:37 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my dad turned off our cable. The reason? His favorite character from The Walking Dead died. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/9/2019 04:01 - United States

Try to do a nice thing…

Today, I mowed our lawn without being asked. My sister wouldn't stop yelling at me for not checking with her, because she wanted the grass to get long enough to "play jungle" in. My mom sided with her. FML

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By Flavorite - 10/2/2009 19:35 - United States

Today, my boss asked me to pick up an extra shift. I said I couldn't because I have a date. He told me I didn't need to lie and to just say no next time. FML

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By jacked - 17/4/2009 02:38 - United States

Today, my car got a flat tire. I jacked up my car, removed the flat and went to get my spare out of the trunk. Where my spare is supposed to be I found a note. It said "You're a bitch - John". John is my ex boyfriend. He borrowed my car the day we broke up, apparently he stole my spare tire too. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/12/2016 18:22

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex in the same bed my dog pooped in because we were both too polite to ask the other person why they smelt like shit. FML

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By c*nt - 13/4/2012 23:14 - Canada - London

Today, I was Skyping with this kid, when his girlfriend started arguing with him. They do this every other week, and there was a bet on when they'd finally break up. I egged the guy on and told him not to take her shit. She ended up dumping him. Now I feel like an asshole, and all for a lousy $20. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/11/2017 06:00

Today, I was getting one of the best blow jobs I have ever received. My girlfriend was getting into it when I heard an "uh oh". Her tongue ring got twisted around the hair close to my balls. She started to pull, I started to scream. FML

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By OopsMonkey - 13/9/2011 13:43 - Netherlands

Today, for the 5th day in a row, I had to keep my 7-year-old home from school and search his poop because he "forgot" he's not supposed to swallow things like, in this case, a screw that fell off his scooter. FML

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By thatgirl34 - 9/2/2012 11:29 - Australia

Today, I received my new car-seat covers. I wrote my car off yesterday. FML

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By Frenchgirl - 16/9/2011 01:42 - United States

Today, it was my first day at school in the United States. Being from France, my French accent is really strong. After being made fun of all day, I met someone from Montreal. I was so excited and said, "Parlez-vous Français?" And his response? "HUH?!" FML

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By frenchfrypotater - 24/9/2009 23:50 - United States

Today, it was our wedding anniversary. My husband takes me and our young son to a family-style chain restaurant. Hoping for a little romance, I ask him what he's excited about in our future, and he says how we shouldn't eat out like this anymore so we can afford to pay our income taxes. FML

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By ufhdafuhds - 19/3/2009 23:31 - Egypt

Today, I decided to have sex for the first time with my boyfriend. It was his first time too. While in bed, he blankly stopped and stood up and got out a piece of paper from his pockets. Turns out, he had written instructions on what to do while in bed, and forgot what he had to do next. FML

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By thebiteof87 - 22/7/2015 06:32 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was reading a picture storybook to a kindergarten kid. She could pronounce more words than me, and corrected me. I'm about triple her age. FML

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By cheaphubbyswife - 4/4/2009 09:19 - Canada

Today, I took my son for a walk to tell him about the passing of our family dog. As we were walking by the river, Ozzy (our deceased dog) was laying on the riverbank. My son thought he just ran away and we found him. Turns out my husband was too cheap to pay the 100$ vet disposal fees. FML

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By UptoHERE - 4/2/2010 03:18 - Canada

Today, I was on a road-trip with some of my buddies, when we stopped at a gas station. When I opened the door to their bathroom, brown water flowed out, soaking my legs up to my knees. I then spent another 2 hours in an enclosed vehicle. FML

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By EaglEye - 2/11/2016 08:29

Today, I found out that even though I suffer from insomnia most days, I can sleep within 5 minutes of studying Solid Mechanics, especially when I have an end term the next day. FML

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By evecamp - 10/2/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 11 months told me that she's been faking her orgasms the whole time. Just to make me "proud" of myself. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/10/2009 16:32 - United States

Today, at work, my husband came in and brought me flowers and a card for our anniversary. I opened the card to find a condom. I ran over and closed the door and we immediately got at it in the middle of my office. Halfway through, I realized I have been laying on the intercom button. FML

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By kennarama - 16/2/2010 16:35 - United States

Today, I sat a client down for his haircut. He pulled off his hat and his hair was dripping wet. I asked him if he had just washed it. He responded, "No, but isn't it a hot day out?" No, it's twenty degrees and overcast today. FML

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By Mortified - 31/3/2020 14:00

On the can

Today, I was using the bathroom at Costco when a janitor forced my door open so she could mop, then didn't bother to close it again. Apparently, the handicapped stall was too big for her to see me sitting in the corner, and I had to awkwardly squat-walk all the way to the door to close it. FML

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By Muwz - 13/8/2014 04:28 - France - Paris

Today, at the beach, I noticed a plastic bag in the water. I wanted to do something good for a change, help protect the environment and get it out. It wasn't a bag; it was a jellyfish. FML

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By jenpearl - 20/6/2015 01:06 - Australia

Today, I decided to do naked yoga in my lounge room, as I always do. Later, I found a note on my front door saying "Keep doing what you're doing". FML

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Top comments

By allred1997 | 19

#6516995 - Friday 22 January 2016 10:43

And parent of the year goes too...
You because you did more for his kid than he did for either of you

By Ethan_Anonymous | 28

#6517009 - Friday 22 January 2016 10:58

Sorry OP. Somethings are just not meant to be, especially after 7 years and now this

COMMENTS

By amelitaliz | 22

#6516993 - Friday 22 January 2016 10:41

At least you tried! I'm sorry OP. That's terrible. I hope at least the daughter was fun!

Reply

iT_Cereal | 25

#6517366 - Friday 22 January 2016 20:06

technically that's ops sister

Reply

Chibi_Hiroko | 18

#6518382 - Sunday 24 January 2016 6:35

Or half sister. His dad could've had a child with someone else in the 7 years OP hasn't seen him

By Queen_bee1234 | 21

#6516994 - Friday 22 January 2016 10:43

You should have just left. That's what I would have done.

Reply

HawkPVZ | 17

#6516997 - Friday 22 January 2016 10:44

I'd agree with you, but he had the daughter. Dont know if someone was around except OP and the child.

By allred1997 | 19

#6516995 - Friday 22 January 2016 10:43

And parent of the year goes too...
You because you did more for his kid than he did for either of you

By Mathalamus | 24

#6516998 - Friday 22 January 2016 10:49

there's probably a reason why you didn't visit him for 7 years...

By Nomaddict | 14

#6516999 - Friday 22 January 2016 10:50

You honestly can't wrong with ChuckE cheese

Reply

MzZombicidal | 36

#6517008 - Friday 22 January 2016 10:57

You can when you're stuck babysitting your estranged father's daughter instead of actually visiting with him...

Reply

BaDoomes | 4

#6517371 - Friday 22 January 2016 20:13

#9 I'm pretty sure that was a joke... Where's the internet spirit?

Reply

YourOpinionSucks | 22

#6517743 - Saturday 23 January 2016 7:21

I hate this site in the fact that the only posts you see are spineless pussies. If it were me I'd tell my estranged dad to fuck off for another couple of years, and then ditch his bastard child in the ball pit. Not my damn problem.

By revolvearoundme | 15

#6517005 - Friday 22 January 2016 10:54

Damn least you had skeeball while you waited. My dad did something very similar with me and my sister (minus Chuck E Cheese). Long story short assume he's exactly the person you saw him for today not the person you want him to be because you'll just be disappointed and hurt.

By hamrtym | 15

#6517007 - Friday 22 January 2016 10:56

He's just a sperm donor. I have one of those too. Best thing you can do is learn what NOT to do when you have kids and break the cycle.

By Ethan_Anonymous | 28

#6517009 - Friday 22 January 2016 10:58

Sorry OP. Somethings are just not meant to be, especially after 7 years and now this

By cosmic_peanut | 17

#6517014 - Friday 22 January 2016 11:07

c'mon , don't you love chuck e cheese :( ?

By niallo | 23

#6517018 - Friday 22 January 2016 11:09

At least you got to meet your sister. I don't foresee you ever having a relationship with your father, but maybe you can have one with your sister. This is where you get to decide. Give her a good memory of you.