Kids: Today, I met up with my dad for the first time in 7 years. We... - FML

By anonymous - United States - Bellefontaine

Today, I met up with my dad for the first time in 7 years. We planned to go to a nice restaurant but he changed the place we were going to, to Chuck E. Cheese. I'm 18 years old. I waited an hour for him to show up. I then ended up babysitting his daughter the whole time. FML

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BO Central

Triage

That'll be Kevin in accounting

By CaptMacLeod - United States - Lancaster

Today, after weeks of eating in the same restaurant, I finally worked up the nerve to ask the super-cute cashier for her phone number. "Aw, how cute. Do you have an older brother?" FML

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By scorpionsurviver - United States

Today, I was brushing my teeth when I looked up. There was a huge scorpion dangling on the air vent above my head. I was trapped in the bathroom for over an hour trying to build the courage to run out. FML

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By Random - United States - Tuskegee

Today, my dad walked into my school and joked around saying that he's going to shoot my boyfriend. We all laughed. Except my boyfriend. He was sobbing in a corner. FML

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By MegaZeo - United States - Livermore

Today, I could not decide what was sadder: the fact that I have to work on New Year's Eve, or that fact that working on New Year's Eve is still the most exciting thing I've ever done for New Year's Eve. FML

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By CreeptacularBait

Today, after over a month of running to lose weight, I can’t walk without crying from the shooting pain in my legs. My husband is upset that I won’t go to the grocery store, make his lunch, or go hiking with him. FML

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By FauteuilEver Alone - France

Today, my wife, who is four months pregnant, burst into tears while thinking about the armchair in our living room that we never use. According to her, we're stopping it from living out its destiny as an armchair. FML

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By friendly_neighbourhood_psycho - Sweden

Today, I was helping some friends put supplies in my crush's car for our picnic. His girlfriend cracked a joke about me, so I just sarcastically laughed and slammed the door shut. Now she has three broken fingers, and I have a reputation as a psychopath. FML

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By youdontknowwho - 10/5/2020 14:00

Forward thinker

Today, my boyfriend took a picture of us together because he wanted to have something to burn when we break up. FML

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By Gale - United States

Today, I threw a rock in the air and watched it soar. And watched it come back down and hit me in the face. Gravity. FML

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By Anonymous

I miss the hungry years…

Today, my cat let a mouse sit on his paws for several minutes, then just sat and watched as it scurried into a crack in the drywall. My cat is only 4. FML

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By GavinHosler - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and accidentally called her Brad (one of my roomates name) when I came. Now her and her friends think i'm gay and my roomate Brad moved out. FML

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By BigToe - United States

Today, I broke my toe. My mom didn't think it was necessary to take me to hospital, opting to give me some painkillers instead. They were so strong that I fell asleep for an hour during my exam. FML

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By Anonymous - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, I was cleaning up rabbit pee from the floor when my rabbit hopped up to me. To prevent her from standing in it and spreading it throughout the room, I shooed her away. She got such a fright that she jumped in the pee and spattered it all over my clothes and face. FML

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By reese - 11/6/2020 05:03

The arrogance of youth

Today, as always, I had to have my dad help me with my computer issues. Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around? FML

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By shutup shutup shutup don't wanna hear it - United States - Charlottesville

Today, my roommate told me that she was studying in the library. Turns out, she didn't feel like going to the library and just spent all afternoon studying in a friend's room because she didn't think I was capable of shutting up for long enough to get any work done. Our other friends agreed. FML

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By Kirby - United States

Today, as I was walking back to my dorm, I looked down and thought "I wonder why the ground is wet in just this one spot." Then I got hit with a water balloon. FML

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By playdated - United States - San Francisco

Today, I am so shy and friendless that my mother is literally setting up a play-date with one of her friend's daughters. I'm 25 years old and this is my best chance at making a friend. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Appleton

Today, I told my girlfriend I've been a vegetarian for 6 years. Hearing this, my mom said, "No, you're not. I fry your mushrooms and onions in bacon grease." With this new information, I've been a vegetarian for about 76 hours. FML

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By how about never? - United States - San Fernando

Today, I gave birth to my first child. The first thing my husband says? "When can I hit it again, doc?" FML

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By Anonymous

Et tu, Chandler?

Today, I found out that when my friends say they're too busy to hang out with me, what they really mean is that they're going to have an awesome pool party, and don't want me to come. The Instagram stories say it all. FML

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By no I've never asked for anal - United States - Buffalo

Today, after weeks of my girlfriend constantly mentioning pegging and asking me to let her do it, I caved and figured I might as well stand by my "try anything once" rule. Her response? Saying she knew I was gay all along and dumping me. The fuck? FML

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By bowler99 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my little brother walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex and threatened to tell my parents. I paid him $30 to keep quiet. 15 minutes later he told them. FML

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By

Today, I got another in a year-long string of threatening letters about my late mother's credit card bill. I've called the credit company repeatedly to settle the account, but they won't talk to me because I'm not authorized to access it. Hope they have a Ouija board. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked my mom why she drinks. She said she only drinks when she's depressed. My step-dad said she only drinks on the weekend. Those are the days I'm at her house. FML

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By Brinty - Australia

Today, I was napping with my boyfriend and his dog. The dog was making odd coughing noises, but my boyfriend refused to kick him out of the bed. A few moments later, I rolled onto my stomach, into a pile of dog vomit. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my class was assigned lockers. Out of all the lockers in the entire school, mine is the only one to still have graffiti on it from last year. The tagger's choice of words? "Poop face." FML

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By Anonymous - 24/2/2021 17:00 - United States

Benny Goodman classic

Today, like every other day for the past two weeks, my husband was not in the mood for sex. He told me this while masturbating. FML

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By MrOh - Canada

Today, my wife didn't say a word to me because her horoscope told her not to. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - South Salem

Today, I heard the ice cream truck. Being the idiot that I am, I ran down the steps and almost immediately fell down them. I needed four stitches. I didn't even get my ice cream. FML

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By Lex - United States

Today, I installed high performance brakes on my car after fearing that my old brake system was to weak and I could get into a crash. On the test drive a car in front of me stopped short. My new brakes worked, the ones on the car behind me didn't. I now have whiplash and a totalled car. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Warren

Grandpa's got game

Today, I tried out the high-tech eliptical at my gym. The 70-year-old man next to me who was also using one went faster and longer than I did, and unlike me didn't stop for a break. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was eating cereal and decided to warm it up to see what it tasted like. So, using a candle in the room I placed my spoon over the flame and waited to see if it heated up. Pleased with my silly experiment, I put the spoon back in my mouth. I now can't talk because of my swollen tongue. FML

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By notgay - United States - Alfred

Today, I was walking with my friend. The girl in front of us had a really nice ass, so I turned to my friend and said, "Damn, she has a perfect ass." He replied, "That's a guy." FML

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By pissed off mother - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I was out shopping with my son and unbeknownst to me, he had secretly added a bunch of expensive games he wanted to the trolley. I was too embarrassed at the till to make a fuss as there was a huge line behind me. I watched as my normal £50 shopping bill climbed to over £400. FML

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By AbsentMindedGal - United States

Today, I stopped at the gas station to fill up my tank and get some snacks. I paid the cashier, then got back into my car, totally forgetting to pump the $50 worth of fuel I'd just prepaid for. Too bad I didn't realize until my car came to a sputtering stop about a mile down the road. FML

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By LGFLIPSTER - Canada

Today, I was strolling past an old women when from behind she called "can you help me get the rest of the groceries out of the car?" I approached the car, and helped her un-load bags. She began hitting me, screaming "SOMEONE IS STEALING MY THINGS". She was actually asking her son in the car. FML

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By fax4voice3 - 3/3/2021 11:01 - United States - Greenwich

The climate is whack

Today, it was an unusually warm day after many weeks of typical subfreezing temperatures, so my family and I went for a walk in the park. We all came back with mosquito bites. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was at work serving customers at the checkout. A girl was brushing the floor behind me. I turned around and whichever way she brushed, the brush hit me twice straight in the balls before she noticed anything. She had to serve the rest of the customers while I recovered. FML

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By smh - United States - Beulah

Today, I found out the only reason my boyfriend of two years asked me out on a date was because I accidentally flashed him when we met. FML

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By DMO - United States

Today, I decided to get back into shape and go for a run. With a 1/4 mile left to run, I saw a hot chick a block ahead of me running. Trying to show off I ran hard and passed her stopping just outside my complex. I started to throw up right as she came past me because I had run so hard to pass her. FML

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Top comments

By allred1997 | 19

#6516995 - Friday 22 January 2016 10:43

And parent of the year goes too...
You because you did more for his kid than he did for either of you

By Ethan_Anonymous | 28

#6517009 - Friday 22 January 2016 10:58

Sorry OP. Somethings are just not meant to be, especially after 7 years and now this

COMMENTS

By amelitaliz | 22

#6516993 - Friday 22 January 2016 10:41

At least you tried! I'm sorry OP. That's terrible. I hope at least the daughter was fun!

Reply

iT_Cereal | 25

#6517366 - Friday 22 January 2016 20:06

technically that's ops sister

Reply

Chibi_Hiroko | 18

#6518382 - Sunday 24 January 2016 6:35

Or half sister. His dad could've had a child with someone else in the 7 years OP hasn't seen him

By Queen_bee1234 | 21

#6516994 - Friday 22 January 2016 10:43

You should have just left. That's what I would have done.

Reply

HawkPVZ | 17

#6516997 - Friday 22 January 2016 10:44

I'd agree with you, but he had the daughter. Dont know if someone was around except OP and the child.

By allred1997 | 19

#6516995 - Friday 22 January 2016 10:43

And parent of the year goes too...
You because you did more for his kid than he did for either of you

By Mathalamus | 24

#6516998 - Friday 22 January 2016 10:49

there's probably a reason why you didn't visit him for 7 years...

By Nomaddict | 14

#6516999 - Friday 22 January 2016 10:50

You honestly can't wrong with ChuckE cheese

Reply

MzZombicidal | 36

#6517008 - Friday 22 January 2016 10:57

You can when you're stuck babysitting your estranged father's daughter instead of actually visiting with him...

Reply

BaDoomes | 4

#6517371 - Friday 22 January 2016 20:13

#9 I'm pretty sure that was a joke... Where's the internet spirit?

Reply

YourOpinionSucks | 22

#6517743 - Saturday 23 January 2016 7:21

I hate this site in the fact that the only posts you see are spineless pussies. If it were me I'd tell my estranged dad to fuck off for another couple of years, and then ditch his bastard child in the ball pit. Not my damn problem.

By revolvearoundme | 15

#6517005 - Friday 22 January 2016 10:54

Damn least you had skeeball while you waited. My dad did something very similar with me and my sister (minus Chuck E Cheese). Long story short assume he's exactly the person you saw him for today not the person you want him to be because you'll just be disappointed and hurt.

By hamrtym | 15

#6517007 - Friday 22 January 2016 10:56

He's just a sperm donor. I have one of those too. Best thing you can do is learn what NOT to do when you have kids and break the cycle.

By Ethan_Anonymous | 28

#6517009 - Friday 22 January 2016 10:58

Sorry OP. Somethings are just not meant to be, especially after 7 years and now this

By cosmic_peanut | 17

#6517014 - Friday 22 January 2016 11:07

c'mon , don't you love chuck e cheese :( ?

By niallo | 23

#6517018 - Friday 22 January 2016 11:09

At least you got to meet your sister. I don't foresee you ever having a relationship with your father, but maybe you can have one with your sister. This is where you get to decide. Give her a good memory of you.