By Lewis - France - Paris This guy how asks the wrong questions... I shouldn't have said that... 1 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By kb - United States Today, my mother gave me a bottle of stool softeners as a gift at my baby shower. FML I agree, your life sucks 36612 You deserved it 4019 130 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Italy - Bologna Today, my dog apparently vomited straight down a heating vent while I was out. The stench was so bad that when I got home and the smell hit me, I threw up too. Looks like I'll be spending a few days with my mother as the house airs out. FML I agree, your life sucks 11831 Phew, glad it wasn't me 1248 17 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bw9669 - Canada Today, I had to cancel all of the plans to go away on a romantic weekend with my boyfriend. My parents are going out of town for a night and I have to stay home a babysit my little sister. She's 19. FML I agree, your life sucks 34642 You deserved it 5083 170 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jacobscrackers - United Kingdom Today, my boyfriend decided that a good time to have our first kiss was on a roller-coaster, right before a huge drop. He bit through my lip. FML I agree, your life sucks 47817 You deserved it 5851 154 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, my phone went missing. My 8-year-old son took it to school and sold it for $10. FML I agree, your life sucks 5600 You deserved it 647 26 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By FabFor87 - United Kingdom - Stockport Today, my boss asked me to send an email on his behalf with an important report attached. I've already received 3 responses from directors commenting on poor spelling and factual errors. I get paid 1/4 the salary of my boss and he can't even write properly. FML I agree, your life sucks 6615 You deserved it 508 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Crashburn - United Kingdom Today, after having a naked wrestle with my boyfriend, I discovered he'd left a skidmark on my stomach. FML I agree, your life sucks 40750 You deserved it 15360 250 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Watchtower? More like fortress. - Norway - Oslo Today, my dad saw on TV that in some parts of Africa, it's not uncommon for people to attach make-shift flamethrowers to their cars to defend against carjackers. He's now lost his mind and is forcing me to help him put one together to scare off Jehovah's Witnesses. FML I agree, your life sucks 22694 You deserved it 2488 151 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By JillianJuneBug Mexican Standoff Today, I had no choice but to use a public bathroom. I have issues going when there are others in the stalls, and apparently another person did as well. We both sat there in silence, waiting stubbornly for the other to give up and leave so we could go. It’s been 20 minutes. FML I agree, your life sucks 1383 You deserved it 575 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Tyler - United States Today, I got a lovely little surprise after I got out of the shower. That lovely little surprise? I got stung in the scrotum by a hornet that had decided to nestle itself inside the towel I was drying off with. FML I agree, your life sucks 57957 You deserved it 3244 114 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, I accidentally walked in on my dad as he was getting changed. Now I know genetics can be a real bitch. With such a massive difference in size, I have to question whether I'm even biologically related to this old three-legged git. FML I agree, your life sucks 29884 You deserved it 3571 147 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Shelly - United States Today, the only one that became aroused while looking at me in my sexy Halloween costume was my dog. FML I agree, your life sucks 25032 You deserved it 12546 117 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Menareidiots - United States Today, my guy friend and I were in his dorm room watching a movie when he started kissing me. Things heated up so we moved things over to his bed. He was on me when a hand shoots down from his top bunk. His roommate had been up there the whole time and he wanted a high-five. So they high-fived. FML I agree, your life sucks 90025 You deserved it 22446 187 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymous - 14/11/2020 06:57 - United States - Irving Entitled Today, where I work at a pharmacy, we were short staffed and running 4 hours behind. A lady came to drop off a new prescription. When I explained to her the wait time, she called the patient. I heard ,"No, they don't look busy." Like, really? FML I agree, your life sucks 756 You deserved it 61 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By CheapFamily - United States Today, I graduated from Basic Training. I was really looking forward to seeing my family after being away for almost three months. They decided not to come to graduation because they didn't want to spend the money to travel here. They live 30 minutes away. FML I agree, your life sucks 56377 You deserved it 3788 107 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Marissa Di Stefano - 5/1/2021 17:01 Leave me out of it Today, my sister and mom were arguing. My sister was being really nasty to my mom, and decided to get nasty with me and drag me into the argument. Naturally, I got nasty back at her and we started fighting. My mom yelled at me for getting nasty with my sister, and kicked me out of the house for “being too nasty.” FML I agree, your life sucks 751 You deserved it 164 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By poorpony Today, I got on an elevator with a couple that started fighting about which sex outfit the guy should wear for their next roleplay. When they couldn't decide, they proceeded to show me all of the photos, including a My Little Pony outfit. I had to go up the next 22 floors with them. FML I agree, your life sucks 3636 You deserved it 331 17 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I drove to the hospital to see my newborn. I went to the room, picked him out of the crate and held him. Then I heard the toilet flush and saw a woman who I didn't know come out. She screamed. My wife was in the room next door. FML I agree, your life sucks 31398 You deserved it 10301 88 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sliceddice - Denmark Today, I was crying because my cat died. My boyfriend cupped my face in his hands, looked me straight into the eyes and said, "I love seeing you cry." FML I agree, your life sucks 39361 You deserved it 3716 266 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By DrunkenMum Today, I’m on holiday with my mum. She got so pissed, she fell over on the dance floor at the children’s disco, then had to rely on a stranger to keep her upright so I could go get the car to take her home. FML I agree, your life sucks 1435 You deserved it 89 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By poopydaddy - Canada - Oakville Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML I agree, your life sucks 53740 You deserved it 5641 102 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By shitforchris - Canada Today, I had to give the girl I am absolutely in love with advice on how to have better sex with her boyfriend. FML I agree, your life sucks 65358 You deserved it 11609 182 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my wife thinks I will agree to anything she says if she just pleasures me orally. I now found out, she is correct. FML I agree, your life sucks 11819 You deserved it 40965 139 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By JRLJLS - United States - Lehigh Acres Today, I had phone sex with my boyfriend. He had an asthma attack. FML I agree, your life sucks 63819 You deserved it 11493 94 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By time to buy a gun - United States - Carolina Today, I was upstairs with my wife when I heard my cat scream from the porch downstairs. I ran down to find her "puffed up" and growling on the floor, and a corner of the screen next to the door busted out. I still have no idea what caused it and my wife is now afraid to go to sleep. FML I agree, your life sucks 23921 You deserved it 1676 61 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By um...no? i don't think so anyway - United States - Warren Today, I finally got the courage to tell the girl I like how I feel. She instantly burst out laughing and said "A crush? Dude, what are you, 12?! Hahaha!" FML I agree, your life sucks 47435 You deserved it 6274 107 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, while I was watching TV, my boyfriend took my unicorn pillow pet and made it hump my arm. I told him to stop acting like a child. He replied, "Children don't have sex like this," and started making sex noises while making the pillow pet hump my arm faster and harder. FML I agree, your life sucks 33985 You deserved it 11170 343 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By roadkill0321 - United States Today, my recently ex-girlfriend's mother called me regarding her baby girl, saying, "If you mess with the chicklet, you mess with the momma hen." I have no idea what the hell this means for my future, but I'm a bit scared. FML I agree, your life sucks 34393 You deserved it 5366 167 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By douchetard - United States Today, I met my girlfriend's very religious parents for dinner. Somehow we got to talking about her groin hernias that were repaired as a baby. I never knew she had hernias repaired and said, "But she doesn't have any scars down there." There was a long awkward silence. FML I agree, your life sucks 38472 You deserved it 134315 152 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - New York Today, my boss's obese bully of a grandson had a seizure. Being the only physician around, I had to rush in to tend to him. Except it wasn't a seizure as such. My daughter had found my taser and used it on him. FML I agree, your life sucks 50744 You deserved it 5277 161 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, while I was driving, a police officer jumped out from the sidewalk and into my lane. I slammed on the brakes so I wouldn't hit him. He then gave me a ticket for "obstructing traffic". FML I agree, your life sucks 34252 You deserved it 2567 191 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By "burnuptowndow" Today, we got a new boss. This would have been great if he knew how to do his job. I've spent the last week training a guy who hits on co-workers and gets paid twice as much as me. FML I agree, your life sucks 3594 You deserved it 211 15 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By housebroken - United States Today, my godmother informed me that the rule of thumb my ex had used for our relationship during a year of cohabitation was taken directly from a Cesar Millan book on "How to train dogs." FML I agree, your life sucks 23349 You deserved it 3305 66 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By troublewithbleach - United States Today, I was cleaning my bathroom, and accidentally spilled bleach, ruining my shower curtain, rugs, and towels. While attempting to wipe up the bleach, I knocked over a bottle of shower cleaner. It read, "WARNING: DO NOT MIX WITH BLEACH." I still can't go in the house. FML I agree, your life sucks 35361 You deserved it 11751 149 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymous - United States - Levittown Today, I fell asleep on the couch. My parents didn't wake me up, went to bed and set our burglar alarm. If I trip a motion sensor, a siren will go off. The motion sensor in my living room is pointed directly at me and I have to pee. It's been 2 hours. FML I agree, your life sucks 36372 You deserved it 4399 88 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anon - United States Today, I was called an assortment of names and was almost followed home by a crazy bitch. Why? Because I stated that it was unsanitary for her to bring her dog to a grocery store. She clearly disagreed. FML I agree, your life sucks 24597 You deserved it 7535 91 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Tony - United States Today, I woke up to people in the parking lot screaming "everybody wake up". They've been doing this at 7 every morning since I moved in 3 months ago. FML I agree, your life sucks 31054 You deserved it 3065 184 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By thosedamnkids - United States Today, I was working at Staples and organizing some notebooks. All of a sudden, I jumped up because of a sharp pain in my back. A little girl had grabbed a stapler and stapled my back. FML I agree, your life sucks 43240 You deserved it 2627 194 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By pinoyson - United States Today, I was texting a girl that I've liked for some time. When I asked her what she was doing, she replied "texting and p.s. I love you". I replied by telling her my feelings for her. Turns out "p.s. I love you" was the name of the movie she was watching with her friends. FML I agree, your life sucks 44808 You deserved it 12881 115 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Walpole Today, I was at a restaurant with my kids. I told my 13 year old about how the very first time she said she loved me. She was 2 and it was at this very restaurant. I told her the details and even started tearing up a little. She didn't even look up from her cell phone and said, "That's fab, ma." FML I agree, your life sucks 32114 You deserved it 8739 333 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By LunarSpiral | 17 #7741491 - Saturday 22 December 2018 3:13 The guy WHO asks the wrong questions? lol just being a smartass 😋😜 Send a private message 0 1 Reply
By LunarSpiral | 17 #7741491 - Saturday 22 December 2018 3:13 The guy WHO asks the wrong questions? lol just being a smartass 😋😜 Send a private message 0 1 Reply
Today, I found out my husband was cheating on me while I was waiting in an ICU waiting room while he was getting brain surgery. FML I agree, your life sucks 254 You deserved it 11 5 Comments
Today, I went back home after a break with my live-in boyfriend. I had to spend some time at my distant father's place in another city until we talked... I agree, your life sucks 357 You deserved it 65 5 Comments