Money: Today, I went to the print shop to get some work printed. The... - FML

By Anonymous - 20/10/2015 14:40 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, I went to the print shop to get some work printed. The guy serving me printed my entire order wrong because he pushed the wrong button, so it had to be done again. He tried to charge me a fine for the mistake he made because "it's not a viable business otherwise". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 135

You deserved it 1 573

Walk the line

Dysfunctional

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

By happy bday - 17/09/2010 04:02 - Canada

Today, is my 21st birthday. My friends took me to a bar to celebrate, knowing I don't drink. I am now in charge of driving my friends home after they had an awesome night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 927

You deserved it 9 365

By Anonymous - 08/12/2011 11:55 - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that the mother of his children, from whom he is not divorced yet, is moving back into his house because she broke up with her boyfriend and has nowhere to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 548

You deserved it 8 324

By jitterbug - 02/01/2015 05:36 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, when my roommate asked me what was wrong, I told him that something I ate was making me feel sick. He works 10+ hours a day, and I didn't have the heart to tell him that the putrid smell of his feet was making me nauseous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 676

You deserved it 4 719

News to me

By Anonymous - 14/12/2009 00:28 - United States

Today, I was texting my friend. He has a history of depression, which we were talking about, and somehow, he turned the conversation to, "If we ever broke up, I would kill myself." I didn't even know we were even going out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 172

You deserved it 2 984

By Anonymous - 27/04/2012 18:01 - United Kingdom - Hatfield

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents. After she left, they told me they disapprove of her because of her supposedly lower social class. Now I have to either dump her or lose the money they set aside to pay for my university tuition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 459

You deserved it 3 136

By Anonymous - 07/08/2012 20:13 - Canada - Pierrefonds

Today, I was at a Chinese buffet, and I got a fortune cookie. I opened it, and it said, "The love of your life is sitting across from you". The only thing across from me was an empty chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 555

You deserved it 3 510

By Anonymous - 06/02/2013 11:12 - United States

Today, my son threw the biggest fit in history about going to the dentist. He broke a whole stack of plates, overflowed the bathtub, let the dog loose, and kicked his father when he tried to calm him down. My son is 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 503

You deserved it 36 035

By hiddenplainly - 24/02/2017 10:00 - United States

Today, I did my budget. I have a good job, make decent money, and work full time, but without including any flexible spending items like groceries, I make $32 less than my bills each month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 194

You deserved it 1 212

By Hair problems - 20/10/2018 12:00

Today, I woke up with greasy hair, despite taking a shower last night. After washing my hair several times and it not going away, I realized that yesterday I put aerosol deodorant in my hair instead of hairspray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 237

You deserved it 1 215

By carsuck - 11/11/2009 05:55 - United States

Today, I woke up at 6:00 am to the sound of somebody laying on their horn outside my apartment. I ran outside to yell at them only to find out it was my car. The horn was shortcircuting. All my neighbors stood on their porch laughing as I repeatedly punched my steering wheel to make it stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 297

You deserved it 4 140

By Chels - 04/12/2009 06:27 - United States

Today, I had an elderly man come to my cash register. His total came to $15.50 He handed me $5 in nickels and dimes. A full roll of quarters. Before I could take the roll, he bust it open, making me count it. After that was all counted he was 50 cents short. So he handed me a $10 bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 045

You deserved it 2 923

By shit.jpg - 25/08/2015 19:22 - United States - Waban

Today, a fifth grader gave me a note from his "father" excusing him from PE. It was riddled with spelling errors and shockingly poor grammar, so I rejected it as a blatant fake. Several hours later, I was informed by his very angry father that it wasn't actually fake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 670

You deserved it 4 012

By daughter of a gullible cunt - 13/01/2013 21:02 - Australia

Today, as per usual, my mother went to see her psychic, who told her that one of her children is harbouring a "dark secret". Now we're all grounded until one of us confesses our obviously non-existent secret. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 678

You deserved it 2 663

By Anonymous - 18/06/2017 16:00

Today, I went to fetch our bins after they were collected, only to scare the child that was trying to fit inside our compost bin. Apparently, she's not allowed to play in hers because she already broke two by doing this. These bins are $75 a piece. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 446

You deserved it 300

DIY decoration tips

By CoyoteOldOne - 12/09/2020 08:59 - United States - Denver

Today, I got an empty peanut butter jar to put my used insulin needles in so nobody gets stuck. My husband washed it for me. He also wrote all over it: "F*** off! Sharps! Do not f***ing touch! Go away! Do not f***ing throw away!" Thanks, sweetie. Now it looks like a crazy guy shouting on the subway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 057

You deserved it 266

By Anonymous - 28/05/2016 13:00 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I was so tired, I passed out at work in the middle of a call. All because my neighbor's car alarm kept going off every 3 minutes all through the morning. It was still going when I left for work. If you see a news story in a few days about a whole neighborhood beating a guy to death, that's probably us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 350

You deserved it 1 307

Double trouble

By HipstrCharizard - 07/11/2020 23:02 - United States - Nobleboro

Today, I found out I might have Covid due to my manager's roommate getting it by being irresponsible. Two days ago, I found out I may have hep A from getting takeout at a restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 102

Happy Doggo Day!

By Holyguacamoly - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Iceland

Today, at work I had to explain to a client that male dogs can wear red collars and it doesn't make them "gay". The client then got angry and stormed out of the store, causing me to get written up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 116

You deserved it 4 933

Fairytale ending

By Anonymous - 09/06/2020 17:00

Spicy

Today, as something cute to do, me and my boyfriend dressed as Snow White and the Prince so we could photograph the moment he kisses me and I wake up. He thought it would be funny to use his penis, so now there’s a picture of us dressed up with my dumb self kissing his penis with my eyes closed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 725

You deserved it 1 267

By why me - 24/10/2017 01:30

Today, someone broke into my house and stole all of my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 240

You deserved it 274

Cool

By HarrisonR - 02/03/2021 23:30 - United Kingdom

Today, while talking to a boy, he asked what my name was and in a state of panic, I said, "Daddy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 547

You deserved it 490

By Anonymous - 04/08/2009 20:22 - United States

Today, I was working the lighting for a drama production. In the last scene, two characters realize they are in love and kiss, then the stage goes dark. I mixed up my settings, and instead of a blackout, flashing party lights started going off. 300 people turn around to stare at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 496

You deserved it 39 351

By Oopsie - 28/07/2015 17:18 - United States - Saint Albans

Today, a revolving door got the better of me. I made it into the crowded lobby, unlike my skirt. Bad day to wear a thong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 387

You deserved it 3 760

By Stumble - 17/01/2010 04:43 - United States

Today, my 6-year-old cousin came to my door, demanding canned food. I asked him what for, and he said, "Dad said I needed them for a school project." I said all right, and he started raiding my pantry. I was left with only green beans. He stole all my Spaghetti O's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 291

You deserved it 27 578

By boo8713 - 28/11/2012 06:06 - United States - Bell

Today, my wife wants to name our first child Siri, after the iPhone function. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 394

You deserved it 2 851

By Anonymous - 01/08/2012 09:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, I discovered that the only reason my husband is taking yoga classes with me is because he wants to be flexible enough to suck his own rod. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 567

You deserved it 6 552

By sonotsuave - 04/03/2019 06:00 - United States - Arlington

Today, I was tutoring. When my kids were finally working on their own, I stood in my classroom’s doorway to talk to my boss sitting outside about upcoming work. Suddenly, one of my students sitting directly behind me let out the loudest fart ever. I think my boss heard and thought it was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 890

You deserved it 174

By Bailyboo - 26/01/2012 23:50 - United States

Today, I admitted my fear of small spaces to my boyfriend. His response was to immediately lock me in the hall closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 095

You deserved it 4 749

Dream baby dream

By so sleepy - 24/04/2021 02:00 - United States

Today, as a lifelong insomnia sufferer, I was having an awful night. After tossing and turning in my bed for several hours, I decided to try sleeping on the couch. Not only did I finally fall asleep, I was having one of the best dreams of my life… Until my neighbor’s brat had a tantrum at 6 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 86

By numb fingers - 15/04/2016 05:54 - United States - Banning

Today, as I was stretching, I realized my hand can reach all the way up to touch the fan, when it was on, and going full speed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 911

You deserved it 3 721

By Sarah - 24/07/2011 00:01 - Canada

Today, I was directing traffic at work during one of the hottest days of the year. Not only do I have to stand in the heat and exhaust fumes for minimum wage, I also had to endure people asking me "Aren't you hot?" as they drove past me in their air conditioned cars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 274

You deserved it 3 622

Odd one out

By fun_gal - 25/03/2020 17:00

Today, my family said that we're all in this together, so I headed over to their house before the stay-at-home orders go into effect. When I arrived, my brother came out to stop me in the driveway to say they were practicing social distancing. From me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 746

You deserved it 207

Supportive

By Burden - 12/03/2021 06:31 - India

Today, once again, my mom ranted about how she sacrificed so much for me by moving to a better city. I said it was for my education and to stop making me feel like a burden. She scoffed, "Right, you never should've been born. My mistake." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 149

You deserved it 126

By Anonymous - 13/09/2012 20:37 - United Kingdom - Harlow

Today, my car alarm went off at a funeral, three times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 736

You deserved it 3 728

By fleatitting fame - 04/07/2014 21:30 - Norway - Oslo

Today, a guy told me that I look like Angelina Jolie. Before I could thank him, he continued, "I mean like in the chest area. After the mastectomy, you know?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 863

You deserved it 3 776

By Anonymous - 24/01/2010 19:29 - United States

Today, I broke my dominant hand. My teacher insists we hand-write our essays. I called and asked if it was okay for me to type up the essays. She said no. I have two essays due tomorrow, which count for half my grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 285

You deserved it 3 584

By brooke - 13/08/2012 04:45 - United States

Today, while out at dinner with my boyfriend, I accidentally ripped out my tampon picking a wedgie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 404

You deserved it 25 142

By Anonymous - 31/08/2014 17:51 - United States

Today, I was hiking down a steep hill, and I slipped. I instinctively grabbed the nearest object to me: a very prickly cactus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 442

You deserved it 3 848

By patrickalamo - 14/06/2011 14:23 - United States

Today, while driving in a funeral procession I was distracted, missed my turn and yelled "God dammit!" I'm the funeral director; the Priest was in the car with me as I led the funeral the wrong way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 532

You deserved it 40 535

By Champignon - 01/11/2013 14:17 - Belgium - Brasschaat

Spicy

Today, during dinner, my mom told my dad and me in great detail about the "awesome" new cosmetic surgery idea she just had: constructing earlobes for lobeless ears, using skin taken from women's labia. I was forced to sit through this until I finished my plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 202

You deserved it 4 275

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Top comments

mermaidkeels 26

Wednesday 21 October 2015 1:39

It would be "viable business" if he would have done it right the first time.

False_Stupidity 41

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Wednesday 21 October 2015 1:44

I take it from the wording that you stood your ground against the concept of him making you pay for his mistakes... Good on you OP!

Comments

Kobeh 13

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 October 2015 1:39

Honestly I'm pretty sure you're allowed to sue him in this case

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Wednesday 21 October 2015 1:43

nah, you can just not pay, and let them fuss

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Wednesday 21 October 2015 5:00

agreed ^ suing seems a bit extreme.

mermaidkeels 26

Wednesday 21 October 2015 1:39

It would be "viable business" if he would have done it right the first time.

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 October 2015 1:40

That sucks. Why doncha relax with a print of beer?

LilMissCanadian 22

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Wednesday 21 October 2015 2:42

I was about to go all grammar Nazi before I noticed the pun.

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Wednesday 21 October 2015 8:24

How can you even call this a pun...

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Wednesday 21 October 2015 12:45

Easily. That's a pun!

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Wednesday 21 October 2015 1:40

Print his ass againest the pavement.

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Wednesday 21 October 2015 1:43

Would he had offered you a second copy for half price, he would be less fucked.

Lalala579121 27

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Wednesday 21 October 2015 4:38

Pay half price for the screw up and half for the redo, seems like a good real to me.

Lalala579121 27

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Wednesday 21 October 2015 5:44

deal*

Jellysweetheart 23

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Wednesday 21 October 2015 5:59

I think he means a proper first copy, then once the first is done right, another proper copy for half price.

False_Stupidity 41

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Wednesday 21 October 2015 1:44

I take it from the wording that you stood your ground against the concept of him making you pay for his mistakes... Good on you OP!

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 October 2015 16:02

Absolutely. Key word is "tried." Thankfully that didn't go anywhere. Some people. It absolutely is difficult to have a "viable business" if the customer service and policies are so terrible. I hope your workplace starts considering the services of other print companies. Good luck OP! :)

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Wednesday 21 October 2015 1:48

Was there any issues? Did you have to talk to the manager or something like that?

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Wednesday 21 October 2015 1:48

Yeah, making mistakes and then holding others responsible /shouldn't/ be a viable business.

NthDakotaBeaches 12

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Wednesday 21 October 2015 1:50

Some people just don't understand how the world works

writerchic85 25

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Wednesday 21 October 2015 1:53

"Tried to" implies he didn't get away with it so this isn't really an Fml for you so much as it is for him.

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, at the age of 25, I learned that it is not normal to have absolutely zero sexual desire. All this time, I thought you had to have sex first before developing a sex drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 153

You deserved it 28

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 118

You deserved it 146