Today, I walked into my dorm to find my roommate hanging a voodoo...

By calliefml - 26/4/2009 06:13 - United States

Today, I walked into my dorm to find my roommate hanging a voodoo doll of me on a noose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

89650

You deserved it

6131

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Understandable

Or he's just becoming an old goober

Too embarrassed to get them from a store?

By Anonymous - 15/6/2015 02:40 - United States

Today, my grown up, unemployed boyfriend stole 70 dollars from my wallet and tried to hide it in two different places in case he needed to ditch me and go out by himself. He got angry when I confronted him and stormed out. He feels perfectly entitled. I work, pay rent and buy food. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29287

You deserved it

7089

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/6/2010 23:06 - United States

Today, it was the girl of my dreams' birthday. She already knows I am totally in love with her. So for her birthday I decided to buy her a $60 dollar bottle of rum for her and her friends to have fun with. She picked it up from my house with her new boyfriend waiting in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27332

You deserved it

39114

Favorite

By Mike Polk - 3/10/2011 12:37 - United States

Today, there was a guy following me, so to avoid him, I crouched down and basically waddled behind a wall to get past him. Sure enough, first thing I see when I get around the corner, while still waddling, was an unhappy midget couple staring right at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31071

You deserved it

5887

Favorite

By Steven - 3/9/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Llanelli

Judgmental much?

Today, at a supermarket, I ran into a girl I knew in high school. She had 2 kids with her and they were buying school supplies. My cart was full of beer and snacks. After a chat, she left, not before saying, "I hope things get better for you." I have a job and a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1482

You deserved it

182

Favorite

By "AdorableDoxie" - 17/12/2018 22:00

Today, I fell asleep in the school bus on the way back home when my loud fart woke me and a few other kids up. I am a teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2296

That could've happened to me

332

Favorite

By buckley456 - 28/5/2012 03:33 - United States - Glenolden

Today, my remote control airplane arrived in the mail. I was super excited, so naturally I took it outside for its first flight. It now resides at the top of the tallest tree in sight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20701

You deserved it

8908

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/8/2015 07:32 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was undressing for my girlfriend. I thought I was being all smooth and sexy, until I went to sit on the side of the bed and beckon her over. Instead, I sat heavily on my balls, screamed, then fell off the bed sobbing like a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28165

You deserved it

7032

Favorite

By unlucky_number13 - 14/7/2009 09:41 - United States

Today, my crush came over and we began to fool around. He started to kiss my stomach, and just when I was getting into it, he pulled away with a disgusted look on his face, wiped his mouth, and said, "We'll continue this when you get rid of all your bellybutton lint." FML

I agree, your life sucks

21816

You deserved it

62439

Favorite

By Baggabbles123 - 8/6/2009 23:24 - Canada

Today, I was camping. Me and this really cute girl were hitting it off real nice. It was the last night so we both headed over to my tent to have sex. I was just about to get it in when a raccoon ripped my tent causing the girl to scream and runaway. I got cockblocked by a raccoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

76953

You deserved it

9245

Favorite

By ksamp - 12/10/2011 04:26 - United States

Today, the man I love still thinks that female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43078

You deserved it

6219

Favorite

By A. Person - 7/4/2010 05:36 - Mexico

Today, I was t-boned by a car that sent mine flying into five parked cars. My car was totalled. As the person who hit me pulled me out of the right side of the car he said, "Sorry. I sneezed." FML

I agree, your life sucks

38856

You deserved it

2772

Favorite

By unluckysamaritan - 15/10/2016 08:51 - Sweden - H??r

Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on the subway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15341

You deserved it

883

Favorite

By GetOutOfMyHouseLoser - 8/12/2013 23:44 - United States

Today, my unemployed scumbag boyfriend sold a painting I had just bought so he could buy phoney drugs that he told me he had quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43697

You deserved it

17216

Favorite

By anotherdayfml - 4/3/2020 21:00

Strong incel vibes

Today, I told a guy that I was on birth control. He decided that it would be best for us not to continue speaking with each other. I never would've thought taking care of myself would be a deal breaker. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1530

You deserved it

142

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/7/2020 05:01

Collateral damage

Today, my sweet, nonviolent boyfriend found out my daughter's asshole boyfriend had hit her, so he rugby-tackled him so hard, it ripped the door right out of the frame and into the garden. I never knew he had it in him, so I'm proud, but now we've got to fix the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1582

You deserved it

267

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/11/2010 05:48 - United States

Today, everyone at work was demanding I stage a party at my house. I agreed to it and rushed home to tidy up before the guests arrived. No one showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30377

You deserved it

3828

Favorite

By Shino - 26/6/2018 19:00

Today, my fiancé's mother made him pack his stuff and move to Montana while I was at work. I came home to a half-written note because she wouldn’t let him finish. We own a house together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4287

You deserved it

409

Favorite

By sick and lonely - 27/8/2016 03:19 - United States - Rockford

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me while I had a fever from a stomach virus. I was shivering with cold sweats while she explained there was nothing wrong with our relationship, but she would regret not giving her cheating ex a second chance. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16178

You deserved it

1082

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/4/2015 16:45 - United States - Oakland

Today, I went to the dentist for the first time in years. His first comment upon inspecting my teeth: "Meth. Hell of a drug." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30889

You deserved it

11513

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/4/2009 18:19 - United States

Today, I backed my car into a parked car in a parking lot. Not only did I back into a parked car, but it was the ONLY parked car there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16175

You deserved it

72456

Favorite

By Anonymous - 5/1/2011 20:22 - United States

Today, I returned to work after celebrating the New Year in Mexico. I wasn't feeling well, but didn't want to call in sick after already taking a vacation. Now I'm at work with diarrhea, and trotting to the bathroom every 30 minutes. My commute home usually takes around an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25361

You deserved it

5772

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/4/2014 02:46 - United States

Today, I finished building a porch I've worked hard on for the past 2 weeks, and I was very proud on how amazing it turned out. Within 20 minutes of it being completed, my pregnant dog decided to crawl underneath it to have her puppies. I had to take half the porch apart to get to her and them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48059

You deserved it

5483

Favorite

By Lennie Mcfish - 28/8/2018 01:30

Today, I confessed my love to my crush over text. Later, she posted the message I'd sent her on Facebook and wrote "look at the pathetic man". The post had over 50 laugh reacts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3419

You deserved it

472

Favorite

By tina - 17/8/2010 12:30 - Canada

Today, I ran into my boyfriend at the mall, the same boyfriend that told me he was taking a family vacation to Mexico. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41055

You deserved it

4083

Favorite

By RyanSmithN - 15/1/2010 05:04 - United States

Today, I used a public bathroom and set my motorcycle helmet on the sink while I used the urinal. The helmet rolled into the sink, under the faucet and set off the motion detector, soaking the inside. I drove 15 miles home in 30 degree weather with a wet helmet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26140

You deserved it

9173

Favorite

By broke bitch - 23/6/2015 04:15 - United States - Hampton

Today, I got a call from my cable company in regards to a bill I didn't pay. I paid the bill two weeks ago in full, but they never told me the account changed when my name was put on the account. So now I owe $170 more, and my ex-roommate is getting a $140 refund in the mail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26369

You deserved it

2309

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/5/2011 20:33 - Canada

Today, I received a friend request on Facebook from my biological father, who I have never met in my life. As I was scrolling through his hobbies and interests, I saw "Drinking," "Black women with big asses," and "Getting laid, lol." FML

I agree, your life sucks

52024

You deserved it

3950

Favorite

By Sapphire Mills - 28/11/2018 13:30

Today, it's my 2-year wedding anniversary. It also marks 2 years since my wife told me, "We're married now we don't need to have sex anymore." FML

I agree, your life sucks

4293

You deserved it

512

Favorite

By emily - 30/7/2009 08:58 - United States

Today, my cell phone was stolen. I work in a morgue. By myself. Obviously it wasn't stolen by any of those people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43919

You deserved it

4293

Favorite

By Lockie - 28/4/2009 09:44 - Australia

Today, while at work in a subscription TV call center, a 71 year old male customer went into explicit detail about the Adult's Only programming that he enjoys, including all the kinky things he learns from said programming and tries out on his 70 year old wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

72811

You deserved it

6494

Favorite

By you're just creepy. - 11/12/2012 08:39 - Canada - Whitehorse

Today, I smiled at a new kid and started a conversation with him, just to be nice. He later sent me 24 messages describing how strong his love for me is. I'm scared to go to school tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34946

You deserved it

3734

Favorite

By ewww - 5/7/2020 17:01

Got game

Today, I went to visit my grandma at her old folks’ home. The soup she got for lunch was cold so I took it to the dining room to heat it up. As I put it in the microwave, a slow clap started behind me. I had to stand and wait for soup to heat while being wolf-whistled by a bunch of grandpas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1534

You deserved it

175

Favorite

By onlyme123 - 27/6/2018 15:00

Today, I got a phone call. I thought it was just one of these toll free numbers that were always calling so when I answered the phone, I said, “City morgue: you stab 'em, we slab 'em! How may I help you?” It was my college calling to discuss my grades. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1856

You deserved it

3607

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/7/2017 00:30

Today, after 26 years of confusion with my parents pronouncing it different ways, and in my mom's case, multiple ways, having to clear up how it's spelled every time I meet someone, I asked my mom how to pronounce my name. She got mad and then pronounced it three different ways while explaining. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5380

You deserved it

415

Favorite

By Lee - 21/6/2009 04:23 - United States

Today, we spread my uncle's ashes at my grandparent's house. We were on a hill overlooking a sunset. It was a beautiful ceremony... until the winds changed direction. Our whole family wound up covered in my Uncle. He's still stuck in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54711

You deserved it

4103

Favorite

By Ellie - 9/10/2013 23:15 - United States - Mission

Today, I dreamt that I beat someone up for using Comic Sans in a project. Now I can't look at him without being irrationally angry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37262

You deserved it

7067

Favorite

By everore - 25/12/2012 18:12 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, my brother learned how to fake cry. I've been catching shit for everything I've done and said near him ever since. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30944

You deserved it

3432

Favorite

By yingyang2 - 6/1/2011 02:19 - United States

Today, I have been teaching my 5 year-old step-daughter how to read and write. She came bounding up to me with a piece of paper and said, "look what I did". It was a letter that said "My dad misses my real mommy, not you". FML

I agree, your life sucks

37050

You deserved it

4968

Favorite

By confusedphotographer - 19/4/2009 18:09 - United States

Today, I was fixing some photos for a client. I spent 20 minutes trying to Photoshop an unusual black dot out of a picture. Only then did I discover it was a black dot on my computer screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13818

You deserved it

64068

Favorite

By imahater07 - 25/12/2015 06:28

Today, my family decided to break tradition and wake up at midnight to open presents. I didn't find out until I went downstairs to get a glass of water in the middle of the night, and found wrapping paper and empty boxes everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24113

You deserved it

1678

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By jhkmyun | 0

#144578 - Sunday 26 April 2009 16:07

Yikes, creepy much?

By 24788 | 6

#144591 - Sunday 26 April 2009 16:09

That's some creepy shit.

COMMENTS

By samxoxoxolala | 0

#144568 - Sunday 26 April 2009 16:05

weirdddd first!

maddieguinn | 0

#981523 - Sunday 18 April 2010 22:34

this is soooooo funny!!!!!!!!

rockintothebeat | 0

#986962 - Saturday 1 May 2010 14:15

haha shane dawson did a reenactment(sp?) of this in one of his videos

xlostwithoutu | 0

#2741486 - Thursday 23 June 2011 9:42

Shane Dawson reenacted this (:

Ilikecats43 | 0

#4918948 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 11:08

I remember that!!

By jhkmyun | 0

#144578 - Sunday 26 April 2009 16:07

Yikes, creepy much?

By hootersgirl09 | 0

#144579 - Sunday 26 April 2009 16:07

hahahahah WTF
maybe thats not an FML but its funny and kind of creepy. get a new roommate btw!

By ZiggyMorrison | 0

#144582 - Sunday 26 April 2009 16:07

I'm thinking maybe this is bullshit

but if it isnt than definatly FYL maybe you should sleep with a 9mm from now on

By 24788 | 6

#144591 - Sunday 26 April 2009 16:09

That's some creepy shit.

By sLap_fml | 0

#144604 - Sunday 26 April 2009 16:14

that's pretty fucked up
what'd you do?

By ammali | 0

#144606 - Sunday 26 April 2009 16:15

O______o

By SpliffyMcBlunt | 0

#144611 - Sunday 26 April 2009 16:16

good I hope you die bitch! (joke)

By fyour_own_life | 0

#144618 - Sunday 26 April 2009 16:19

made up.

By BigLord | 0

#144626 - Sunday 26 April 2009 16:21

If this is real then that roommate and yourself need to talk. Urgently.