Miscellaneous: Today, I walked into my dorm to find my roommate hanging a voodoo...

By calliefml - United States

Today, I walked into my dorm to find my roommate hanging a voodoo doll of me on a noose. FML

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89688

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Miscellaneous

Understandable

This Charming Man

Nice parents you've got there…

By Lemonhead - United States

Today, I was riding my bike back to my house. Suddenly I was hit by something in the head. I looked down to see a lemon on the ground and looked up to see a guy yelling at me in a car that was passing. He was yelling at me because I got in the way of the house he was throwing it at. FML

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29884

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By Coaldust

Today, my niece stole a bottle of whiskey from me to mix with Monster and get drunk with her boyfriend. It was a bottle of 23-year-old Pappy Van Winkle's that cost over $2000. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9464

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1941

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By bbcgj - Sweden - Uppsala

Today, my internet was so slow I couldn't even load an internet speed test to see how slow my internet was. FML

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27607

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2836

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By skidoosh - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years still refuses to memorize my phone number or remember my birthday because he says there is a limited amount of space in his brain and he does not want to push any important information out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32186

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6790

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By NoPainNoGain - United States

Today, I got my wisdom teeth pulled. Apparently the medicines don't work on me. I woke up in the middle of the surgery and felt EVERYTHING. One of the nurses asked if I was okay, and the doctor just kept saying "Don't worry she's just dreaming", while tears were pouring down my face. FML

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58286

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2585

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By lockedoutbabysitter - United States

Today, I was babysitting. Being kind, I went to grab their mail, while their 4 year old ate lunch. He locked me out, wrecked the house, and let me in right when he saw their car two hours later. I didn't get paid. I paid them. FML

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30898

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9542

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By notip - United States

Today, I was at work, when this guy came in and paid for his ice cream, then handed me a dollar. I've never gotten a tip before, so I looked at him and said, "Thank you so much, I appreciate it." He stared at me with a weird look for a moment, and then said, "Can I just get that in quarters?" FML

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31971

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5611

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I fell into a hole. And by hole, I mean a sewer. FML

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28438

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3138

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By Questions - United Kingdom - Ashford

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I'd help clean out his ex-girlfriend's closet. I found their wedding photos. FML

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5451

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492

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By Anonymous

That devil water

Today, my boyfriend went to his friends house to drink. He told me he’s a happy drinker, and I believed him. He calls me drunk about three hours later and tells me he’s been thinking about cheating on me for a long time, and that he also thinks about "being with other women." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1747

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160

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By fail - Australia

Today, whilst singing at school in front of 300 visiting primary school children I forgot the second verse to my song and let out an F*** word with the microphone still up to my face. FML

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9344

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By Anonymous - 18/4/2021 17:00

Communication Breakdown

Today, I just called my now ex-girlfriend to break up with her, due to our insurmountable lack of communication, even though I was in therapy for four months to try and keep the relationship afloat. Before breaking up, she'd blocked me on Facebook, Whatsapp, Twitter and Instagram for no reason. FML

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694

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116

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By Anonymous - United States - Redlands

Today, it was my birthday. It was also the only day my family wanted to hold the graveside funeral for my grandmother who passed last week. FML

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25003

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By Anonymous - Australia - Notting Hill

Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me. I asked why, and he said "Because sometimes you look good, and you buy me stuff." FML

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43887

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By Anonymous - United States

Not now!

Today, I was in a department store with my three year old daughter to buy some new jeans. I took her into the dressing room with me and as I began to take off my pants she yells, "Mommy, you can't go peepee in here!!" I am no longer welcome in that particular store. FML

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42292

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3816

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By nekkidness - United States - Carthage

Today, my friends and I were playing truth or dare game. It was late and we were drunk, so they dared me to run naked into my neighbor's yard while yelling, "Help! The pixies took my penis!" I ran screaming right into their big family reunion. FML

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9514

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By Triumvirate - United States

Today, I learned that making an illegal U-turn right after you see a cop doing one will not stop said cop from ticketing you. FML

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12636

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By Anonymous - 4/4/2021 20:00

Great start to the day

Today, I went into my parents' room after spending pretty much all weekend in my their bed while they were out of town. I happened to look out the window, and on the windowsill was a puddle of cat vomit with a condom in it. FML

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242

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662

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By Anonymous - Canada - Markham

Today, my brother finally paid me the $60 he owed me. I later found out that he'd stolen those $60 from my wallet. FML

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49010

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By Username - United States

Today, my mom picked up my dog from the groomers. I came home to find a small female terrier on our couch. My dog is a full grown male maltese. What's worse is that it took me a full 20 minutes to convince my mom that she had picked up the wrong dog. FML

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32841

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By Anonymous - Sweden - Karlskrona

Today, I had to use a public bathroom. I'm pregnant, though I don't really suffer from morning sickness. I do however suffer from sympathy puking, which kicked in with horrifying consequences when someone burst in and started vomiting in one of the other stalls. FML

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30853

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By Anonymous - 17/12/2020 14:07

Leave spiders to chill

Today, I saw a spider in my room. I got a piece of paper to try and put it outside. As I reached, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to smack where the spider was - my face. I fell on the floor disoriented. The spider got away. FML

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657

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276

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By anon - United States - Washougal

Today, I rear ended a cop while talking on my cell phone. FML

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8571

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By Anonymous - Mexico - Villahermosa

Today, I had the crap beaten out of me by a woman in the street, who accused me of sleeping with her husband. I still don't know who she or her husband are, and I'm still a virgin. FML

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31915

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1932

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By Anon - 19/10/2020 07:57 - United States

Feelings

Today, my parents told me, after 30 years of marriage, that they are getting a divorce. I went to my boyfriend's apartment because I needed some comfort. While sobbing to him, he decided to dump me on the spot because my reaction to the news was "immature" and he wants an "adult" relationship. FML

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1595

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307

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By Journo - United States

Nice try

Today, after two months of unemployment, I got a call from a marketing firm offering me an interview for an entry-level position. While Googling the company, I discovered it's a scam. I graduated college in 3 years with a 3.5 GPA, and the only interview I can get is at a fake company. FML

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55016

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4995

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By soapgirl - Philippines

Today, my mom was gifted with a toiletry basket. I grabbed the lotion and used it without asking. When I went out, it began raining hard. I got wet and noticed my skin got very sticky. Turns out the lotion was actually body wash. People were wondering why soap bubbles were coming from my skin. FML

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9400

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I overheard my parents discussing whether or not they could trust me being alone in the house for 2 days. They then came to the decision that I'm too unpopular and unattractive to ever throw a wild party or get laid. FML

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37578

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By Sarah-D

Today, a policeman pulled me over and proceeded to flirt with me. After I had rejected him, he gave me a ticket for "not paying attention to the road". FML

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16167

Phew, glad it wasn't me

2225

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By Anonymous - United States

Freaked out

Today, my mom called me to the laundry room after she saw a dead animal in there. I took a look and agreed we should call animal control. After ten minutes of freaking out, they finally arrived to confirm that the dead animal was the hood to my winter jacket. FML

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9201

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By justmyluck25 - United States

Today, my parents met my fiancée's parents for the first time in a large family gathering two weeks before our formal wedding. Both sets of parents were telling funny stories about our pasts. My dad's story won. He told how I spent a week in jail earlier this year. FML

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31732

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By anonymous - United States - Rio Rancho

Today, I went to a trampoline park and jumped into an adult-area foam pit that apparently used to be for children. I guess it never occurred to them to change the depth of it, as I now have a fractured ankle. FML

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11089

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By Username - United States

Today, I spent $500 buying my lost cat back from a jerk who thought it was his. I get home and my mom tells me that she'd sold it to the same guy for $10 because she thought the cat was ruining my love life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40812

You deserved it

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By megmo7 - United States

Today, my roommate who stays out til 4 or 5 in the morning each night got her key to the dorm fixed. I've been having to stay up nightly to let her in (my normal bedtime being 12:00) How'd they fix it? Turns out it was never broken she was just putting the key in the slot wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28346

You deserved it

4440

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By Anonymous - 31/12/2020 09:32 - Sri Lanka - Colombo

Insane parents, part 38765

Today, my mum vented her anger on me by shattering my mouse on the floor, taking my keyboard and nearly ripping out my monitor. At least a spare mouse and the on screen keyboard are better than nothing. This hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

777

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while arguing with my boyfriend about how I wasn't a bad driver and could parallel park, I decided it was easier to just let him do it. Unfortunately, while getting out of the car to switch seats, I forgot to take the car out of drive and it ran into the car in front of us. He was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7292

You deserved it

31764

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Today I had a narrow escape with a nailgun that nailed my workboot to the floor but luckily missed my foot. After I calmed down and changed boots I returned to the nailgun, started working again and barely 30 seconds later I managed to nail my thumb to a piece of wood. Man, I'm bad at my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2301

You deserved it

1186

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By Amberizzle - United States

Today, it is my three-year-anniversary with my boyfriend. I asked if he had planned anything for us, and he said yes. My parents volunteered to watch our daughter, I got all excited, and apparently our "plans" are to watch a football game. What do I get to do? Make sandwiches. For him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38737

You deserved it

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By kdehshaden - United States

Today, after a lot of begging, I finally convinced my husband to shave all of his pubes off. Now I can't even look at it without laughing, and he's mad at me for making him do it. FML

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8596

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By badcook - United States

Today, my mother-in-law gifted us with a new microwave. I told her it was too much and we didn't really need it. Her response, "I just want my grandkids to have food that tastes good for once." I'm a chef. FML

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42609

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Top comments

By jhkmyun | 0

#144578 - Sunday 26 April 2009 16:07

Yikes, creepy much?

By 24788 | 6

#144591 - Sunday 26 April 2009 16:09

That's some creepy shit.

COMMENTS

By samxoxoxolala | 0

#144568 - Sunday 26 April 2009 16:05

weirdddd first!

maddieguinn | 0

#981523 - Sunday 18 April 2010 22:34

this is soooooo funny!!!!!!!!

rockintothebeat | 0

#986962 - Saturday 1 May 2010 14:15

haha shane dawson did a reenactment(sp?) of this in one of his videos

xlostwithoutu | 0

#2741486 - Thursday 23 June 2011 9:42

Shane Dawson reenacted this (:

Ilikecats43 | 0

#4918948 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 11:08

I remember that!!

By jhkmyun | 0

#144578 - Sunday 26 April 2009 16:07

Yikes, creepy much?

By hootersgirl09 | 0

#144579 - Sunday 26 April 2009 16:07

hahahahah WTF
maybe thats not an FML but its funny and kind of creepy. get a new roommate btw!

By ZiggyMorrison | 0

#144582 - Sunday 26 April 2009 16:07

I'm thinking maybe this is bullshit

but if it isnt than definatly FYL maybe you should sleep with a 9mm from now on

By 24788 | 6

#144591 - Sunday 26 April 2009 16:09

That's some creepy shit.

By sLap_fml | 0

#144604 - Sunday 26 April 2009 16:14

that's pretty fucked up
what'd you do?

By ammali | 0

#144606 - Sunday 26 April 2009 16:15

O______o

By SpliffyMcBlunt | 0

#144611 - Sunday 26 April 2009 16:16

good I hope you die bitch! (joke)

By fyour_own_life | 0

#144618 - Sunday 26 April 2009 16:19

made up.

By BigLord | 0

#144626 - Sunday 26 April 2009 16:21

If this is real then that roommate and yourself need to talk. Urgently.