Transportation: Today, I was sick on an airplane. As we were taking off, I felt...

By thompson773 - 20/04/2009 04:53 - United States

Today, I was sick on an airplane. As we were taking off, I felt like I was ready to hurl. I was sitting in the window seat and was unable to get up in time to go to the bathroom so I was forced to grab the nearest container to puke in. It was a glass of juice belonging to the woman next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 272

You deserved it 9 767

Transportation

Not such a happy ending

Cut her off

Operation time!

By idk - 28/05/2014 03:23 - United States - Alexandria

Today, I saw the hottest nurse ever. Too bad he was pulling out a piece of wax the size of a raisin from my blocked ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 235

You deserved it 8 280

Sounds fishy

By Anonymous - 13/02/2021 11:01

Today, I told my wife I wasn’t comfortable with her going out with an old guy friend. Petty, sure, but our sex life is non-existent. I found out that she's been seeing him behind my back for months, spent the night with him last week and claims there’s nothing going on. Trying to decide whether I should stay or go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 974

You deserved it 159

By BDSM4Jesus - 20/01/2015 04:42 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, while trying some new kinky things with my boyfriend, he cried out, "Call me Jesus!" Yeah... I think we're done with that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 028

You deserved it 4 519

Denied

By Anonymous - 26/12/2020 07:58 - United States - Redmond

Today, my girlfriend, who live 30 minutes away, asked me over late at night. When I got there, she turned me around and kicked me out because she "wasn’t feeling it." I’m 29 and still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 186

You deserved it 238

By BrokeAsFuck - 18/10/2012 23:52 - United States

Today, my mom and I went out to a fancy and expensive restaurant per her request; she told me it was her treat. After we ate our meals and the large check came, she excused herself to the bathroom. She didn't come back. I was dine-and-dashed by my own mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 372

You deserved it 2 019

By worstwaytodumpagirl - 28/12/2013 22:34 - United Kingdom - Harrow

Today, my boyfriend bought me a pair of jeans. I couldn't fit into them, and he reacted to this by saying I've gotten too fat for him, and he can't be with me anymore. I took them off and saw they were a size 4. I've been a size 8 for the past 2 years, and he knows this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 917

You deserved it 3 541

By Anonymous - 02/12/2009 21:14 - United States

Today, my lawyer threatened to sue me because I can't afford his bill, which he sent to me after getting me out of a lawsuit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 171

You deserved it 36 935

By Richard - 18/10/2017 13:23 - United States

Today, a DNA test proved that my 2-month-old daughter isn't mine. The real father is my girlfriend's husband, whom she married last year when she lied to me about going on a vacation. We've been together for three years and I never knew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 305

You deserved it 511

By embarassed - 08/08/2009 14:53 - United States

Today, I went for a hike with my new boyfriend on a fairly deserted trail my ex-husband had shown me awhile back. In all my hikes there, I've never seen another person and figured it would be okay to get intimate. Guess who came hiking past? That's right, my ex-husband. And our 8yr old son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 088

You deserved it 72 909

By thegoldenboy3 - 12/02/2009 12:14 - Spain

Today, I'm in Spain, and told the kids with whom I will be working that I was excited to be working with them. Only the form of excitement I used apparently refers to sexual excitement. Basically, I told the kids I was sexually aroused to be working with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 163

You deserved it 14 300

What a wanker

By no action Jackson - 27/09/2020 20:02 - United States - Hesperia

Today, I walked in on my husband masturbating. I thought it was hot and asked if I could join in. He threw me a disgusted look and screamed that I’d ruined the whole mood. Now we’re both unsatisfied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 543

You deserved it 150

By Anonymous - 16/11/2010 08:07 - Canada

Today, a telemarketer found me so weird that he hung up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 470

You deserved it 8 693

Burn

By Swedishsummer - 08/05/2016 21:54 - Sweden - Floda

Today, we finally got some signs of summer in Sweden and I went to hang out in the sun with some friends. I was wearing sunglasses so I only put sunscreen on my nose and forehead. I now have a dick-shaped area in my face where I didn't completely burn my face off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 312

You deserved it 5 499

By moe - 27/05/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, I found out what getting slapped in the face with lettuce feels like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 663

You deserved it 7 704

By tattooapprentice - 01/12/2018 17:30

Today, at my first day of my dream job, I dropped a delicate $700 piece of machinery on the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 748

You deserved it 418

By myhairgetsfrizzywhenwet - 03/06/2011 08:55 - Australia

Today, my sister drove past me while i was walking home in the rain, she honked to let me know she was there, and kept on driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 682

You deserved it 3 503

By unwantedforlife - 20/11/2013 00:19 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me but wanted to make sure that we were still friends, so he could still use my Netflix. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 897

You deserved it 3 835

By Going to work naked tomorrow - 11/12/2018 04:00 - United Kingdom - Northallerton

Today I remembered to put my work uniform in the wash; as I hit start I got an email notification. My landlord confirmed that the engineer will be out to fix the washing machine tomorrow after my housemate reported it as broken. My clothes are locked in the machine that now won't turn on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 164

You deserved it 207

Post-it

By Lalalala - 06/09/2020 02:02 - United States - Austin

Today, my boyfriend told me to stay home, because he wanted to come by to give me a birthday surprise. Later on, he came by, posted a note, rung the bell and left. The note was a break up note. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 662

You deserved it 98

By anonymous - 02/10/2016 06:38 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to shower together, things were getting heated until we actually got into the shower and found my roommates fingernail clippings all over the place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 056

You deserved it 1 128

By anon - 11/07/2015 12:51 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, after coming home from an AFL match in Melbourne at about 11pm, I saw a woman asleep on the train as we neared the end of the line. Being a nice person, I went to wake her, to which she started screaming and trying to punch me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 648

You deserved it 3 215

By Anonymous - 27/02/2012 12:29 - United States

Today, I woke up with the worst vaginal itching and swelling. I then find out it was brought on by my boyfriend's cheap brand of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 990

You deserved it 3 744

By nk - 03/11/2010 04:39 - United States

Today, I was so lonely that I had a 3 hour conversation with a one-legged cricket I found in my room. I'm keeping him. He has a name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 493

You deserved it 12 006

By TimeForANewJob - 16/01/2017 17:47

Today, at work, my colleague started to look for a new job. For me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 931

You deserved it 705

By OMGraven - 19/02/2010 08:24 - United States

Today, I returned home to find that my boyfriend's dog had gotten into the garbage and ripped all my used pads to shreds. There's a trail of Always tatters leading to his dog bed, and blood everywhere. My blood. Oh God. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 619

You deserved it 3 580

Hangry sex

By Krissy - 06/04/2012 02:11 - United States

Today, during sex, my boyfriend stopped and asked if he could eat a sandwich while we do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 075

You deserved it 4 830

By CMANIA - 07/09/2009 22:19 - United States

Today, at work, I accidentally got ink on my white dress shirt - right by my left nipple. Absentmindedly, I licked my finger and tried rubbing the stain out. When I looked up, the Vice President was staring at me in disbelief. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 970

You deserved it 6 607

Phone holder

By my arms hurt - 25/11/2019 20:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I had to sit in between two boys on a two-hour bus ride. They were watching a movie and each of them had shared an earphone. They made me hold the phone up so both of them could see the screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 152

You deserved it 1 818

By Noname - 14/02/2012 23:14 - Canada

Today, my two best friends decided to boycott Valentine's Day, ditching their boyfriends to hang out together. Not only am I single, but I wasn't invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 012

You deserved it 2 584

By Anonymous - 02/08/2009 19:23 - United States

Today, I sold a customer some beer. He then asked to see the manager, and told me he was a 19 year old undercover cop. My knee jerk reaction was to panic and curse aloud, before realizing he was balding, toothless, probably 50, certainly not a cop, and laughing at me for being such a gullible moron. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 621

You deserved it 53 838

By screwedupfuck - 27/03/2015 21:19 - United States - Lowell

Today, I was at a big meeting at work. The CEO was reaming the hell out of us for our recent poor profits, when I accidentally let rip a vile fart. I was then subjected to a 10 minute tirade of abuse for "trying to be a funny man", and told that whatever small chance I had for a promotion is now gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 400

You deserved it 6 040

Breakfast time!

By shit flavored eggs - 09/03/2021 00:30

Today, I decided to make an almighty breakfast of fried eggs and bacon. I couldn't find anything to flip the eggs with so I used a red spatula that my sister handed me. As I was finishing a delicious fry up, my mom came downstairs and asked me why the cat litter scoop was resting in the frying pan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 956

You deserved it 389

By paging dr. kevorkian - 16/05/2013 21:23 - Netherlands

Today, I took my girlfriend to a family dinner. Things went great, until my grandma arrived. She thought it would be okay to continue our friendly prank war by congratulating me on my "wife's" pregnancy. My girlfriend actually believed it, and now thinks she's the "other woman". FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 711

You deserved it 5 896

By fukingtigans - 29/07/2015 15:30 - Croatia - Rupalj

Today, my business got broken into and I lost a lot of valuable equipment. Although I have 24/7 security guards, they left in the middle of the burglary because they were too scared to stop the burglars or even to call the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 597

You deserved it 2 478

By likecomeon - 03/11/2015 03:55 - United States - Glendale

Today, I figured out why my 'best friend' hasn't talked to me in weeks. She assumed an FML post she read was about her. It was posted in 2009. I met her last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 859

You deserved it 1 735

By Anonymous - 02/01/2014 21:50 - Puerto Rico - Arecibo

Today, my father took me out for some driving lessons. I accidentally reversed while still in the driveway, and I instinctively hit the brakes. In my panic, I accidentally let go of the brakes, and ended up reversing straight into our house, all while my father yelled "NOOOOOO!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 683

You deserved it 18 769

By OMFG - 22/02/2010 10:13 - Australia

Today, I witnessed my roommate pop a blister with a skewer and casually place it back in the kitchen drawer, before wiping what seeped out with the teatowel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 829

You deserved it 2 061

Thank you for your service

By Anonymous - 08/11/2021 17:00

Today, I was pretending to be a veteran for the US Navy at a local outlet, because I was desperate for cheap stuff. All was going well, until an actual vet pointed out that the ship I had on my naval hat was a fictitious one. Shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 136

You deserved it 3 073

By StarWarsGeek - 21/11/2013 06:00 - United States

Today, I met a fellow Star Wars fan. We began enthusiastically talking about how almost no one our age knows the good old classics anymore. I was referring to the original trilogy; she was talking about the ones with Jar Jar Binks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 586

You deserved it 7 114

By Anonymous - 27/10/2011 19:54 - Denmark

Today, I realized that trying to fit in with my crush's social circle by acting like one of the lads was a waste of time. All he does is high-five me all the time and tell me every little detail of his latest one night stands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 328

You deserved it 27 837

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Top comments

taureau139 0

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Monday 20 April 2009 12:22

Just for future reference... most airlines put barf bags in all the seat pockets.

michanelle 0

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Monday 20 April 2009 12:13

at least u didnt puke all over her

joezay_lemon 0

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Monday 20 April 2009 12:12

you are fucked; your life that is

responses 0

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Tuesday 9 March 2010 16:01

Hmm if only there was a bag of some sort located right in the pocket in front of you. YDI for being overdramatic and not being able to think under pressure.

writergirl69 0

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Sunday 26 December 2010 16:49

Absolute agreement with #119

Juli_fml 0

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Monday 20 April 2009 12:13

at least it was in something

michanelle 0

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Monday 20 April 2009 12:13

at least u didnt puke all over her

fish1806 0

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Monday 20 April 2009 12:16

fuck her life!

nautical 0

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Monday 20 April 2009 12:17

thats what i was going to say #3.. it's not really that bad..

taureau139 0

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Monday 20 April 2009 12:22

Just for future reference... most airlines put barf bags in all the seat pockets.

Iswear 4

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Monday 13 June 2011 2:40

Not all seats have the bags. Sometimes the steward(ess) or maintenance crew misses a seat between flights. I've been on quite a few flights and very rarely did my chair have a barf bag.

Jodie Zawadzka 11

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Wednesday 22 February 2017 10:30

all you have to do is ask for one or two, they have them in the galleys

inerax 0

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Monday 20 April 2009 12:35

ALL airlines have barf bags for this reason........

onigiriqueen 0

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Monday 20 April 2009 12:37

If I were that woman, I'd understand, and be very grateful that puke hadn't been added as a new accessory to my wardrobe. But also... yeah, #7 is right. They're located at the back of the seat in front of you, easily attainable.