Transportation: Today, I was sick on an airplane. As we were taking off, I felt... - FML

By thompson773 - United States

Today, I was sick on an airplane. As we were taking off, I felt like I was ready to hurl. I was sitting in the window seat and was unable to get up in time to go to the bathroom so I was forced to grab the nearest container to puke in. It was a glass of juice belonging to the woman next to me. FML

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Dementia or hate? You decide

Heartless

Assumption Day

By ~~~~ - Belgium - Hemiksem

Today, my boyfriend added me to his friends' private Whatsapp group, after weeks of asking him to include me in more of his life. It turns out almost all they do is post pictures of their shits and rate them. There is nearly a year's worth of pictures. FML

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By Lawrence - United States

Today, I was riding my bike to the local grocery store to pick up some supplies for dinner. On the way down, traveling down a hill, I hit a drain with no lid. I went to grab hold of the nearest object to soften my fall. That nearest object was a barbed wire fence. FML

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By Username - France

Today, I was playing with my four month old daughter, flying her in the air like an airplane. I open my mouth saying 'Weeee', and she vomited on my face. FML

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By lockedoutbabysitter - United States

Today, I was babysitting. Being kind, I went to grab their mail, while their 4 year old ate lunch. He locked me out, wrecked the house, and let me in right when he saw their car two hours later. I didn't get paid. I paid them. FML

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By CC - United States - Southfield

Today, I was icing an injured foot with a frozen water bottle as the doctor directed me. When I was done, I picked the bottle up and immediately dropped it on the same injured foot, which is now swollen and bruised. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around. He threw me over his shoulder and turned around, smacking my face against the wall. Then he smacked my head into the fridge after turning round to see "what that loud bang" was. FML

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By JustLeaveThem

Today, I was reaching into the floor vent in my toddler's room to retrieve some toys she'd dropped. What I found instead was a clump of large dead spiders. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, my 16 year-old daughter tried to convince me that tampons don't actually work, all because she can still pee with one in. FML

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By chieftain - Norway - T?nsberg

Today, I am defending a client on trial for perjury. She is a sweet girl and the first person I've loved in years, but she keeps doing everything she can to make herself look guilty in front of the jury. Now I'm having a daily crisis of conscience in the middle of the courtroom. FML

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By lucky - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend of almost ten months who his top five women to have it off with would be. I was third. My mom was second. FML

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By KnuckleSandwich - United States

Today, I received a medical bill because my daughter thought it would be hilarious to try and fit her fist in her mouth. She succeeded in getting it in, but not in getting it out. FML

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By flopsy - Australia

Today, I was about to lose my virginity. I couldn't get it up. FML

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By emilyxoxoxo - United States

Today, my friend and I thought it would be funny if we could both fit into her big sweatpants. When we tried to take a step, she fell on top of me. She started peeing uncontrollably. We had to cut ourselves out of the sweatpants. FML

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By Babysitter Probs - United States - Fresno

Today, the 8 year old that I babysit every week told me that it was sad that I didn't have a boyfriend while he has a girlfriend. I got burned by a 3rd grader. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my 2 year-old son decided to pee on the dog for the second day in a row. I'm afraid this will turn into a routine thing. FML

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By shecrieseverytimeIremindher - United States - Oregon City

Today, I looked at the revenue from my Etsy shop. After hours and hours of hard work, I was ecstatic to find that I made about $560 so far. That is, until I remembered that it all went to my mom's bank account and I paid all the fees out of my own pocket. And yes, she won't give it back. FML

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By dkajxu - Singapore

Today, while studying in the middle of the night, my dad came home drunk. I helped him to the sofa and after clearing up his mess, he started going on about how useless my sister Vanessa was, and how good a daughter I am. I am Vanessa. FML

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By Cinnamon - Jamaica

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she thought I was cheating on her. With my own sister. FML

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By Allycat - United States - Ronkonkoma

Today, I was working a kid's birthday party dressed as a clown. The child's mother made me change because he was scared of clowns. The only thing I had in my car was a princess costume that was owned by a girl co-worker. So for 4 hours I had to entertain in a tight pink dress. I'm a guy. FML

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By jojolee68 - United States

Today, I'm stuck in a taxi cab while the driver listens to a radio show about sex fetishes. Can't wait to look him in the eye as I pay him. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/2/2021 20:01

Alexa, play "Panic" by The Smiths

Today, I'm now convinced that a series of forlorn, increasingly panicked-sounding little bird-calls are coming from the vents in my apartment. Between my social anxiety and the lockdown, I can see no way to get help. FML

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By I'm donnnneeee - United States - Slidell

Today, I finished a 6-part project. It took me 7 hours of straight work because my partner decided I should do it alone. I then learned that the reason my partner did not help me was because the teacher e-mailed the leader of every group, saying the project was cancelled. FML

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By stressedandcrowded - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my sister is going to spend the last two months of her pregancy in my house to be with my mother. She's bringing with her her three wild children. The visit also happens to coincide with my end of year examinations in May and June. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was running with two other women when a guy started tailing us in his car and catcalling. I quickly got fed up and gave him the finger. Turns out, he's the husband of one of the women I was running with. For the next half hour, I had to listen to her go on about how adorable he was. She totally saw what I did. FML

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By AgentOrion - United States - Bessemer

Today, I dreamed I was wrestling an alligator. I quickly woke up to my girlfriend yelling and me holding her in a headlock. FML

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By So I can go now then?

Today, I got fired from a job I had already resigned from after agreeing to stay on and help them out for an extra month, despite having no contract. They fired me because a colleague refused to work with me anymore because I wouldn't date him. FML

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By me - United States

Today, another employee scolded me for being "socially awkward". The same employee who just before had a 10 minute discussion with a client about her poop. FML

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By crybaby - United States - Seattle

Today, I went to let my puppy out, and I turned around to see her peeing on the carpet. After getting her outside, I saw my little sister pooping on the floor. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, trying to be cute, I told my soon-to-be husband he was the ying to my yang. He responded with "Baby, you're the Monica Lewinsky to my Bill Clinton." FML

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By Indianagirl94 - United States

Today, I was woken up by my husband attempting to breastfeed off my lactating nipples. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - East Hampton

Today, I watched in horror as my dad picked up a dead centipede, placed it on his tongue, and then swallowed it. FML

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By bitchasshonky - France

Today, I had a fancy dinner date with a really hot guy. Near the end of our meal, he asked if I wanted to go back to his place. As soon as we walked in the door, he started a religious debate with his room mate. It's been 45 minutes and its still going. FML

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By Anonymous

Sneaky

Today, after losing a battle with ants in my apartment, I just pulled one off that was biting me in the vagina. FML

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By NowBroke - United Kingdom - Malmesbury

Today, I found out my mother drives my car. I was okay with it; I don't use it all the time and she's my mother. However, I was not okay with the multiple speeding tickets that came through in the post. "You're the registered keeper, so why should I pay?" FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Uxbridge

Today, I'm insanely hungover from a long night of drinking. I'm going to my nephew's baptism in an hour as his godmother. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after telling my parents just exactly what I thought of them and that I was moving out, the person I was supposed to move in with called to say they'd decided they would rather live alone. FML

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By WasntMe - United States

Today, I was at the park playing Frisbee with my friends, when I saw a boy sitting on a bench looking rather sad. "Hey!" I yelled, and he looked up at me. I lightly threw the Frisbee in his direction, and it hit him in the face. He was blind. FML

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By wtf - United States

Today, I found out that my overprotective parents hired a private investigator a month ago, who since then has been watching my perfectly normal boyfriend, in case he "tries to rape or kill" me. We're both 25 years old. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a girl called me asking for one of her friends. She wouldn't believe me when I told her she had the wrong number, and I spent a few minutes convincing her she did. After a while she said "what the fuck" and hung up. That was the longest conversation I had with a girl in months. FML

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By lalararara - United States

Today, I got a 95 on my term project. To congratulate me, my boyfriend said we're having sex tonight. I only get laid if I get good grades. FML

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Top comments

By taureau139 | 0

#126652 - Monday 20 April 2009 12:22

Just for future reference... most airlines put barf bags in all the seat pockets.

By michanelle | 0

#126640 - Monday 20 April 2009 12:13

at least u didnt puke all over her

COMMENTS

By joezay_lemon | 0

#126637 - Monday 20 April 2009 12:12

you are fucked; your life that is

Reply

responses | 0

#928912 - Tuesday 9 March 2010 16:01

Hmm if only there was a bag of some sort located right in the pocket in front of you. YDI for being overdramatic and not being able to think under pressure.

Reply

writergirl69 | 0

#1893296 - Sunday 26 December 2010 16:49

Absolute agreement with #119

By Juli_fml | 0

#126639 - Monday 20 April 2009 12:13

at least it was in something

By michanelle | 0

#126640 - Monday 20 April 2009 12:13

at least u didnt puke all over her

By fish1806 | 0

#126643 - Monday 20 April 2009 12:16

fuck her life!

By nautical | 0

#126646 - Monday 20 April 2009 12:17

thats what i was going to say #3..
it's not really that bad..

By taureau139 | 0

#126652 - Monday 20 April 2009 12:22

Just for future reference... most airlines put barf bags in all the seat pockets.

Reply

Iswear | 4

#2668614 - Monday 13 June 2011 2:40

Not all seats have the bags. Sometimes the steward(ess) or maintenance crew misses a seat between flights. I've been on quite a few flights and very rarely did my chair have a barf bag.

By inerax | 0

#126665 - Monday 20 April 2009 12:35

ALL airlines have barf bags for this reason........

By onigiriqueen | 0

#126669 - Monday 20 April 2009 12:37

If I were that woman, I'd understand, and be very grateful that puke hadn't been added as a new accessory to my wardrobe.

But also... yeah, #7 is right. They're located at the back of the seat in front of you, easily attainable.

By McLaughlane | 0

#126670 - Monday 20 April 2009 12:38

BARF BAG. They're obligatory on airplanes. :| And probably hold more puke than that poor woman's cup.

By suckerz | 0

#126672 - Monday 20 April 2009 12:38

so??? you solved the problem in the best possible way (if there wasn't a bag that is...) so why is this a FML???