Love: Today, my girlfriend dumped me because she apparently saw me... - FML

By Anonymous - 18/05/2013 19:34 - United States - Coatesville

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because she apparently saw me making out with her sister. She doesn't even have a sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 397

You deserved it 4 666

Mother of the year

Different goals

Piece of piss

By oops - 08/05/2013 14:44 - Canada - Okotoks

Spicy

Today, while packing for a trip, my mom bumped my bag and it started to vibrate. She flew into a huge rage calling me all sorts of colourful names, thinking it was a sex toy. It was my tooth brush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 445

You deserved it 5 668

By thank god you'll only live once - 08/11/2013 20:12 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, in the lunch line at school, a kid literally ordered a "hamburger with extra swag." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 094

You deserved it 3 762

By waitthatsnotme - 15/08/2009 00:39 - United States

Today, after dating my girlfriend for about a month she decided to change her Facebook status to taken. When I saw the update I immediately clicked "Like." Then I looked up and saw I wasn't the person she had put herself in the relationship with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 181

You deserved it 5 521

By Annonymous - 17/12/2010 02:28

Today, my neighbors put up their Christmas lights. They blink red and green on and off. Ever since they put them up, my dog hasn't stopped barking. It's 2:00AM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 707

You deserved it 3 977

Funny, thanks

By picklebug - 26/07/2013 16:25 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I was taken to the hospital after I fell down the stairs. The physician who saw me bit his lip and said he would have to amputate my foot, and I fainted in terror. One of the nurses later told me to "learn to take a damn joke." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 166

You deserved it 10 151

By slightlyfamous - 17/01/2016 13:59 - Canada - Port-menier

Today, my dick of a roommate was moving out. She didn't actually tell us she was moving out and took the wifi, modem and all, while my other roommate was on a Skype call and I was watching a show. All with no warning. It's Saturday, I have an online assignment due Sunday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 822

You deserved it 2 256

By Username - 15/07/2011 19:51 - United States

Today, the plant on my windowsill fell and landed in my face while I was napping. It's a cactus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 135

You deserved it 7 924

By jessiejaybee - 18/11/2014 10:41 - United States

Today, while lying in bed cuddling with my cat after getting stood up, I found out that even 80-year-old Charles Manson is engaged to be married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 508

You deserved it 3 701

By Anonymous - 12/12/2012 03:50 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I announced to my coworkers that I'd "fixed the massive problem" they'd all been complaining about. Eleven different people made guesses at what the problem had been, ranging from how bad I smell to if I had learned to brush my teeth. I just meant that I'd fixed the coffee machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 693

You deserved it 8 592

By uterus why - 01/02/2019 16:00

Today, I have realised that since I get laid so infrequently, every time I have sex now, it kickstarts my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 126

You deserved it 260

By Andrexwife - 31/07/2009 07:03 - United Kingdom

Today, it's my first wedding anniversary, or Paper anniversary. I got him airline tickets for an expensive weekend break for two in Berlin. He got me a toilet roll. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 296

You deserved it 4 984

By shelby - 30/03/2011 04:54 - United States

Today, I realized I don't know which is sadder: the fact I have detailed conversations with myself in my car, or that I bought a Bluetooth earpiece so that I can do it in public without people thinking I'm a complete lunatic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 436

You deserved it 27 309

By Colleen Nichols - 04/02/2013 12:17 - United States - Piscataway

Today, I ran into a former co-worker who I hadn't seen in years. She was raving at how I hadn't aged a bit, but before I could thank her she said, "But, you know, chubby people age better." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 771

You deserved it 3 669

By dmachin - 08/02/2010 19:30 - France

Today, I visited my grandmother who has dementia. She thought I was my father, and told me that I should never have married my mother, let alone have had children with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 079

You deserved it 2 118

Like the beginning of a porno

By Anonymous - 15/07/2020 23:01

Spicy

Today, my girlfriends dared me to answer the door naked to the cute pizza delivery guy. He laughed it off and thanked me for the awesome tip. An hour later, police arrived because my nosy, frigid, couldn’t-get-laid-in-a-brothel neighbour reported me for public indecency. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 056

You deserved it 1 187

Class act

By Anonymous - 23/03/2020 17:23

Today, after 5 years, an engagement, and me being 5 months pregnant, my boyfriend downloaded Tinder again. 2020 is really great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 813

You deserved it 259

By Trash - 21/01/2009 14:23 - France

Today, a girl was coming on to me throughout an entire concert, giving me drinks. At the end of the evening, she gave me her MSN address so that we could do other things together. Thanks to all the drinks I'd had, I forgot her address. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 381

You deserved it 28 179

By Anonymous - 27/02/2014 14:34 - United States - Fort Collins

Today, I learned that no matter how much you want the Nutella, it's never a good idea to deep-throat the knife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 032

You deserved it 61 087

Alas, poor Stuart

By ShouldIHelpIt - 18/05/2016 02:46 - United States - Northampton

Today, I woke up to hear dripping water in the kitchen. Thinking it was someone getting a glass of water or something, I came out to find that it was just a mouse drowning in my dog's water bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 759

You deserved it 908

Close but no cigar

By bbb - 03/10/2012 16:19 - United States - Hillsborough

Today, after having tried for months to get a promotion at work, I finally had an interview for a higher position. Everything went great, and I was told I would get a call next week for my second interview. I went back to my desk, only to get an email stating they're canceling the position. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 786

You deserved it 1 593

By fail - 16/01/2011 01:50 - Canada

Today, I decided to play a friendly game of Clue with my family. This resulted in one kid crying, one dad with a broken nose, two broken plates and a trip to Walmart to get a new Clue game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 283

You deserved it 4 114

By My spit everywhere - 30/12/2015 07:48 - United States - La Grange Park

Today, I went to the dentist. She had a tool that sucks up saliva, and put it in my mouth. She told me to close my mouth, and I did. Turns out she forgot to turn it on, causing my saliva to go all over my face. I had to sit like that for the rest of the visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 879

You deserved it 1 752

By nightowl506 - 21/11/2011 07:22 - United States

Today, I received gorgeous orchids from my long distance boyfriend. I was excited about it and told my parents. They still are convinced I have no boyfriend and I mailed the flowers to myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 839

You deserved it 4 006

By Pete - 07/08/2018 13:00

Today, it's the third day I've been at home recuperating from ear surgery. My surgery was on the same day my neighbor started renovating. There's been hours of jack-hammering every day I've been home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 615

You deserved it 118

By fonsui - 02/02/2009 00:11 - United States

Today, I was standing on a desk at work to run wiring in a suspended ceiling, since we have no ladder. My phone rang, I rushed to answer it, tripping and smashing my leg. It was my boss, calling to tell me he was bringing over a ladder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 287

You deserved it 4 276

By mister_pinky - 15/07/2014 22:04 - United States - Portland

Today, I returned to my teaching job at a local community college after surfing for the weekend. I'd got sunburned, one student immediately noticed and said to me, "Morning, Mr. Pinky!" Now they all do it. My students are assholes. I hate teaching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 407

You deserved it 8 355

By notthebesttime - 13/10/2012 12:04

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He decided that the best time would be while I was giving him a blowjob. He then seemed confused as to why I didn't finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 672

You deserved it 3 710

Not now, guys

By Sonofa - 17/05/2013 15:52 - Canada - Cold Lake

Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 166

You deserved it 3 791

By Anonymous - 27/11/2010 15:32 - Canada

Today, I went downtown with my friends. A group of guys came up to us and started hitting on everyone but me. Then, one of them said: "Do you girls hang out with her to make yourselves look better?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 765

You deserved it 3 847

By BrewPack - 14/07/2014 02:22 - United States - Slinger

Today, the couple who had written the offer we had accepted for our house withdrew it because apparently when they came by for the home inspection, my next door neighbor's teenage son tried to sell them heroin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 014

You deserved it 3 408

By Awkward... - 29/01/2013 09:40 - United States - Killeen

Spicy

Today, my sister's boyfriend called while she was out. The second I answered he tried to have phone sex with me. When I explained to him that I wasn't my sister and that we just sound the same on the phone, he replied, "Don't care, let's keep going." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 080

You deserved it 4 967

Coming up short

By MaximB - 15/07/2020 14:02

Today, some babe finally super-liked me on Tinder, but didn't want to continue the chat after finding out I'm shorter than her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 467

You deserved it 318

By mr. machine - 31/08/2019 04:00 - United States

Today, my 19-year-old daughter got a haircut. When I asked her if she tipped the hairdresser, she looked at me in horror and asked, "You’re supposed to tip hairdressers?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 290

You deserved it 634

Just a prank, bro

By Anonymous - 14/05/2021 22:03

Today, I had a job interview. I was feeling upbeat and confident I was gonna get the position, until I saw that my main qualification on my resume was being a "real n**ga" and "getting bitches and hoes 24/7." My brother had changed it as a prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 155

You deserved it 198

By Noname - 20/02/2009 05:06 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was doing a strip tease for my husband. He asked me to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 256

You deserved it 19 354

Assholes, assholes everywhere

By badmombadkids - 24/05/2020 02:00

Today, my nephews decided to play with and break the antique hourglass I bought for my mom. It took months to find and cost nearly $500. When I told my sister, she refused to repay me and responded with, "What do you expect, they’re just little boys!" Her "little boys" are 12 and 14. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 443

You deserved it 151

By slitherasssnape - 13/09/2016 18:53 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, in science class, I was bored and playing with a paper towel, dipping it into a container of water. When my teacher caught me and asked what I was doing, I panicked and said I was 'drying the water'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 803

You deserved it 3 294

Lonely, so lonely…

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Scarborough

Today, I held hands with a male mannequin in a department store, just to remember what holding hands felt like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 087

You deserved it 6 972

By IDIOT - 28/03/2014 20:11 - United States

Today, a would-be customer practically kicked my store door in, then got pissed and started throwing around insults after I told him that we were still closed, hence the closed sign. He claimed the sign was "confusing". FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 578

You deserved it 3 259

By Anonymous - 17/07/2019 22:00

Today, when my boyfriend came to bed, I rolled over and watched as he used his pinky to clean out both nostrils, then eat it what he found. He’s almost 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 650

You deserved it 275

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Sunday 19 May 2013 0:58

She is lying to you to have an excuse to dump you. That's harsh....

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Sunday 19 May 2013 0:58

If it resorts to lies, just accept it and move on I say.

Comments

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Sunday 19 May 2013 0:58

She is lying to you to have an excuse to dump you. That's harsh....

CaptainSaveAHoe 11

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Sunday 19 May 2013 0:59

captain obvious saves the day yet again! thank you kindly, for without you, I surely wouldn't be able to sleep at night.

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Sunday 19 May 2013 1:03

Ow man sorry for having a little compassion for the OP

ThatGuyWhoTalks 10

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Sunday 19 May 2013 1:48

Or op was cheating on her

YeaSo3 14

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Sunday 19 May 2013 7:00

or she's insane...win-win for you op...

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Sunday 19 May 2013 12:53

Something tells me "captain save a hoe " shouldn't be giving pointers on being compassionate. I can't put my finger on why he shouldn't be though.

dancinwookie 21

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Thursday 23 May 2013 2:13

Why do people have to lie over such stupid crap? And, to make up a sister? Brass balls. Life runs much smoother when you say what you actually mean, and not play mind games.

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Sunday 19 May 2013 0:58

If it resorts to lies, just accept it and move on I say.

wlddog 14

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Sunday 19 May 2013 1:05

Well you see.... She USED to have a sister, but that sister was really an evil twin clone. She really hates her evil twin clone so she devised a strategy to get rid of her, but not before the evil clone could taint her relationship.

UnidentifiedFun 37

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Sunday 19 May 2013 1:09

... What?

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Sunday 19 May 2013 2:10

Cocaine, its a hell of a drug right number 8? Lay off the conspiracies a little...

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Sunday 19 May 2013 5:57

Wow 8. Two threads with evil clone theories? What has the world come to...

wlddog 14

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Sunday 19 May 2013 8:49

I know it was a long shot. But it was an attempt to tie them together. Guess it was a fail. Oh well.

PaigeLeeAnn11 23

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Sunday 19 May 2013 0:59

What a pathetic excuse. Better off without her.

TorturedXeno 27

Sunday 19 May 2013 5:30

She sounds like a fruitcake anyway.

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Sunday 19 May 2013 1:01

If she used such an obvious lie to break up, you probably doesnt need her.

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Sunday 19 May 2013 1:10

Let me guess: you "doesnt" need a dictionary either.

DasKonigsEnde 9

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Tuesday 14 July 2015 5:43

Don't be a faggot

UnidentifiedFun 37

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Sunday 19 May 2013 1:03

Tell her that your 'brother' said she was pretty good in bed.

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Monday 20 May 2013 18:40

Yes, fight the childish accusations with more childish accusations. Good plan

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Sunday 19 May 2013 1:12

What a bullshit excuse...good god, people are this stupid? You're better off without a stupid dumb bitch like her.

kwyk 23

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Sunday 19 May 2013 1:12

Are you sure she doesn't have a sister? Your relationship didn't sound the greatest.

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Sunday 19 May 2013 3:51

Either she was batshit crazy or had a close friend she regards as a sister. Possibly a sorority sister? My money is still on batshit crazy.

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Sunday 19 May 2013 1:12

Maybe she considers her best friend a sister? I need more information before I decide whether it's a YDI or FYL moment.

jerryj 27

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Sunday 19 May 2013 13:34

Stop sitting on the fence! Indecisiveness has become unacceptable in today's fast-paced world.

MooseKnuckle5150 13

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Sunday 19 May 2013 1:17

Sounds like you're better off in the long run.

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Sunday 19 May 2013 1:18

Well good thing you don't have to worry about an immature girlfriend

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11

You deserved it 14

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 386

You deserved it 1 062

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 1 207