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By Anonymous - 09/09/2015 18:54 - United States - Decatur

Today, I drove across two states to see my brother, who's had a history of heart problems. My mother had sent me a long e-mail saying he was on his death bed and wanted to talk to me to "get his affairs in order." When I arrived worriedly, he was fine. My mother guilt-tripped me to come visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 749

You deserved it 3 681

By Mush - 27/08/2015 16:42 - France - Montpellier

Today, after an 8-month wait, I went on my big vacation. The beach, the sea, the dive, the jellyfish, the allergic reaction, the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 558

You deserved it 59

By Jo - 26/10/2009 03:14 - United States

Today, there was an earthquake. Good news: the only damage was a tree fell on some loser's car. Bad news: that loser was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 942

You deserved it 3 073

Masterchef

By Embarassed - 19/03/2014 22:24 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, my boss told me that there is no point in making me cut onions anymore because every time I do, I look like I've "been beaten", and can't be seen by the customers for at least half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 754

You deserved it 3 633

By Jello - 26/02/2009 02:23 - United States

Today, I went to have dessert with my boyfriend. We ordered some Jello. I said that I loved Jello because it is so fun and jiggly. My boyfriend said, "Like you. Except the fun part". FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 906

You deserved it 5 929

By Well this Is Awkward - 17/12/2013 20:02 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my boyfriend gave me his theory on how the world would be a better place if Hitler had won the 2nd World War. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 960

You deserved it 6 621

By Anonymous - 30/01/2015 23:31 - United States - Iowa City

Today, in the middle of sex with my boyfriend, my visiting brother knocked on the door saying he'd want to hear the details later. My boyfriend said, "Sure", and kept going. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 757

You deserved it 4 169

By Anon - 11/12/2014 18:13 - Ireland - Cork

Today, I found out my boyfriend uses a period tracker app to find out when we can fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 721

You deserved it 8 218

By Anonymous - 16/07/2013 04:41 - United States

Today, as I was about to enter a public restroom, a man walked out and said, "You may want to hold your nose in there. I just took the biggest dump of my life." It was the ladies' restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 213

You deserved it 3 377

By anonymous - 05/09/2014 18:54 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I just got back from a two week vacation. I live with six people and only the dog was happy to see me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 018

You deserved it 3 596

By Anonymous - 04/10/2015 14:20 - United States - Pensacola

Today, I got dragged into playing doubles tennis. It was me and my wife against her parents. I wound up hitting the ball too hard. My mother-in-law, who has the reaction times of a comatose turtle, got nailed. Everyone's convinced I did it on purpose because of our mutual hatred of each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 307

You deserved it 2 429

Freaked out

By scarredforlife - 03/10/2015 01:13 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, after taking my little niece out onto the balcony of her family's new apartment to enjoy the view, we watched as a man jaywalked across the street down below and was run over by a car. My niece is pretty much traumatized for life now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 426

You deserved it 1 650

By H4rd_Man - 01/11/2009 19:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I came back home to meet people before going away to university, including my ex and her new boyfriend. We broke up about two months ago and there were no bad feelings between us, so I decided to have a chat with them. I asked "How long have you been going out?" He replied "Seven months." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 121

You deserved it 2 806

By natalyV - 04/09/2015 15:58

Today, my boyfriend has been sulking like a moody kid all day, all because I won't set my phone background to a picture of his dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 075

You deserved it 3 270

Dogbowl

By NoOrdinaryNZer - 27/07/2015 09:25 - New Zealand - Rotorua

Today, I got the last clean bowl out of the cupboard for a bowl of cereal. After I had finished, my family asked me if I had cleaned it first. It turns out that that specific bowl is apparently the dog's, and everyone just puts it back after feeding him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 891

You deserved it 5 540

Big night

By mybad7 - 15/09/2009 08:13 - Australia

Today, I finally decided to sleep with my boyfriend. It was my first time and I was really nervous so when he was being all romantic with candles and wine I went a bit overboard and drank too much. I passed out. I woke up a few hours later, still a virgin, and in a puddle of my own piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 987

You deserved it 34 787

By smileydays - 29/01/2014 03:09 - Canada - Merritt

Today, I had an oral English exam to present in front of three teachers. Halfway through, I completely lost my voice. They failed me because they thought I was trying to play a prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 831

You deserved it 3 819

By brandogg - 27/04/2016 09:33 - United States - Clovis

Today, I tried to impress a girl I like by sliding down the rails of our school's stairs. My foot got snagged and I ended up with a broken ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 172

You deserved it 15 017

brandogg tells us more.

brandogg 13

Thursday 28 April 2016 12:20

Just so you know, it was a really long and also it spiraled

By Anonymous - 06/03/2015 16:51 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had to sit and smile as a drunk lady ranted about how body hair on a woman is disgusting and unfeminine, then in the next breath say that only pedos like women who shave their vaginas. That's the last time I ever have dinner with my boyfriend's parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 872

You deserved it 2 350

By Noname - 16/01/2009 20:43 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me I smell like vegetables. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 671

You deserved it 6 686

By ameliaruth09 - 22/01/2015 22:36 - United States - Milford

Today, while breast feeding my 7 month-old before his nap, I hummed his favorite song as I rocked. He pulled away, stared at me, and cried til I shut up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 925

You deserved it 5 141

By jennybrev - 13/07/2009 21:27 - United States

Today, I awoke to find a water pipe burst. I frantically ran down to the basement to turn off the water to the house. What I didn't expect when I reached the bottom of the stairs was to have to start dodging the falling, wet ceiling tiles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 712

You deserved it 2 859

By zevil - 18/11/2008 16:54 - Peru

Today, I had a date with a girl. Wanting to make a good impression, I spend a lot of time getting ready and by the time I get to the place we were supposed to meet she isn't there anymore. I call her to see where she is. She's in bed with another guy and says "I was REALLY waiting for you". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 806

You deserved it 9 762

By lovefool - 12/01/2011 10:58 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend of a year dumped me by text. It's also the day that the birthday present I ordered for him was finally processed and shipped, meaning I can't cancel and get my money back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 727

You deserved it 2 849

Bad boy

By Anonymous - 08/01/2016 21:57 - United States - Spring Valley

Today, I woke up early to bake cinnamon rolls for a party. I came home later to find the whole tray spilled onto the floor, most of the rolls eaten, and my dog sitting happily nearby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 837

You deserved it 4 660

By egged - 08/07/2014 01:41 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I have a really high fever and my sister thought I was hot enough to fry an egg on. So I'm lying in bed now, still terribly feverish, but smelling of the egg she cracked on my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 347

You deserved it 3 653

By ACCCHHHOOOO!!!!!!!!! -_- - 04/09/2015 15:48 - United States - Laurel

Today, my dick of a neighbor tried to file a noise complaint against me, all because I have the flu and am sneezing a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 413

You deserved it 1 627

By Busted - 21/10/2009 21:25 - United States

Today, I was with my boyfriend, and things were getting pretty heated. Trying to be sexy, I told him that every time we touched was a guilty pleasure. He rolled off of me, and said "Oh, you're married too?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 261

You deserved it 4 294

By cargaljen - 17/05/2014 21:34 - United States - Olathe

Today, a nice couple came in to buy a car. I offered to drive it out from the line of cars for them, since it was a tight squeeze. They then watched as I managed to back it straight into another car, causing a large amount of damage to both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 950

You deserved it 22 125

By shylahrc - 03/05/2014 23:51 - United States

Today, my mom discovered a new way to get over her breakup: yodelling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 196

You deserved it 3 539

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The Top

Today, I kept getting out of bed because I was sure my daughter had pooped in her diaper. Every time, I found nothing. I finally figured out the foul smell was my husband's breath, when he leaned into kiss me goodnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 318

You deserved it 2 592

Today, I went to the Apple store to try and figure out what's going on with my iPhone. After an hour of speaking to three different geniuses and waiting around, their solution was to "Google it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 954

You deserved it 3 980

Today, I was giving a lecture to my class I heard a phone go off. Aggravated and exhausted, I asked everyone to turn their phones off. Then the phone rang again. I lost my shit and spent the next half hour calling my students a bunch of "technology whores". Then I realized the phone was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 213

You deserved it 200 130

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend doggy-style and noticed a piece of toilet paper had been "left behind". I had such a bad internal conflict about whether to tell her or to remove it myself, I went limp. She started crying and accused me of not being attracted to her anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 019

You deserved it 1 677

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why he shouldn't take drugs from strangers. I'm 35 and he's 34. FML

I agree, your life sucks 795

You deserved it 143

Today, I tried to discreetly fix a wedgie while walking into a crowded store. Right as I yanked my waistband, the automatic doors opened and revealed a full line of people staring directly at me mid-adjustment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 147

You deserved it 274