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Nostalgia

By Fatty - 06/05/2009 15:04 - United States

Today, I was excited about my friend going wedding dress shopping, so before I went to go work out, I decided to try on a prom dress from high school to remember what it felt like to get dressed up. It was too tight, I broke the zipper, and spent 45 minutes trapped before I cut myself out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 587

You deserved it 41 615

By missmisfit - 13/06/2012 04:14 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I gave my puppy a treat for finally doing his business in the grass instead of on the patio. He later puked it up all over the patio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 067

You deserved it 3 333

By sadsadboy - 07/09/2015 21:20 - Peru

Today, I went to a bar which has two stories. I was on the top floor and then went downstairs. As I was going down, I recognised a boy in a wheelchair and his friends trying to get him up. I helped and took the wheelchair. One of his friends decided it would be a good moment to steal my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 418

You deserved it 1 848

At last!

By neverStopLaughin - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I moved out of my parents' basement. After I hugged my parents, I walked out the door, only to remember I'd left my phone in the kitchen. I opened the door to see my parents dancing with joy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 689

You deserved it 14 431

Good job

By whatnow - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Carmel

Today, I fell asleep on the couch while babysitting. When the kids' parents came home, they made fake crying noises to see if I would wake up. I slept like a baby, and by the time they finally roused me, I'd left a nice drool stain on the armrest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 951

You deserved it 34 727

By rcarn - 12/06/2015 14:25 - United States - Leesburg

Today, my friends decided to throw a going away party because I'm moving. It would have been great if I had actually been invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 058

You deserved it 2 379

By AznKoreanGuy - 04/03/2009 06:06 - United States

Today, while getting off the bus, there was a lady in front of me wearing a dress and suddenly her phone dropped out of her bag. I picked up the phone for her which landed right beneath her dress and as she turned around she thought I was trying to take pictures of her panties and slapped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 951

You deserved it 4 696

By Anonymous - 10/02/2013 01:39 - United States - Decatur

Today, I came home from a two-week vacation. When I walked into my house, I found cat poop everywhere. It took me several hours to clean it all up, and the house still smells terrible. The worst part is that I've never owned a cat in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 491

You deserved it 2 411

By Jared - 25/02/2012 19:09 - United States

Today, I got so bored that I drew a face on my index finger, and made a video of me garrotting it with a string. I ended up rupturing a blood vessel, and had to think up a cover story for my girlfriend to explain my screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 027

You deserved it 30 904

Poker face

By jwz - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Netherlands

Today, I lost 200 dollars while playing poker with my new sunglasses. Turns out you can see the cards in the reflection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 598

You deserved it 81 399

Reunited

By Username - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, my boyfriend told me he had to go pick up his family from the airport. I assumed he meant his parents. He apologized and said he meant his wife and child. They'd got their Visas sooner than he'd thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 680

You deserved it 6 326

By Anonymous - 26/11/2013 16:43 - United States - Erie

Today, I had a family get-together for my birthday. I got to watch all my family members get piss-drunk and argue over who's having the worst time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 099

You deserved it 3 573

By hardlyworking - 04/03/2011 00:39 - United States

Today, I was on a conference call and digital meeting at work when I got bored and started surfing the Internet. Little did I know that my desktop was being shared. My boss was on the call and saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 693

You deserved it 37 828

By f*ck - 06/03/2015 17:41 - Australia - Reynella

Today, I saw my boss heading my way at work. He has a "no food in the office" policy, so I quickly scarfed down my Pop-Tart. I ended up choking on it so hard that I threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 766

You deserved it 19 755

By vixenscars - 19/01/2009 16:49 - United States

Today, I slipped on a banana peel in a store parking lot as I was getting out of my car. I landed on my ass. The cops that were parking behind me later informed me that I would be able to see the video on youtube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 649

You deserved it 2 510

By tatertotes13 - 05/04/2016 17:37 - United States - West Bridgewater

Today, I was trying to fix a stapler, but it turns out it wasn't broken at all. It wouldn't staple a small stack of papers but had no trouble stapling through my finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 441

You deserved it 3 938

tatertotes13 tells us more.

tatertotes13 10

Wednesday 6 April 2016 14:43

OP here. Apparently this requires more explanation than I thought. The stapler was jammed so I opened the top to see if the staples were stuck. When I went to close it, the top took a lot of force to close again. My hand slipped and it sent a staple into my finger. It was an accident. I wasn't "testing it out on my finger." At the time, I was in school. I was using the only stapler in the library and it's not like I could leave school in the middle of the day to "go buy a new one." Have a little more faith in me.

By emi - 03/04/2016 17:18 - United States - Oklahoma City

Spicy

Today, the guy I've been seeing asked me to have a threesome. With his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 478

You deserved it 2 794

By l0stnwundrland - 24/01/2011 08:01 - United States

Today, I went to the eye doctor. For the past three days every time I wear my glasses I become nauseous, get migraines, and have that "fish-eye view" where everything is rounded. Turns out they placed my lenses on the wrong sides. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 839

You deserved it 3 060

FREAKOUT!

By peachesthepigeon - 19/01/2011 18:54 - United States

Today, at work, I helped out an employee who was having trouble. I even bought her a bottle of water. After the production manager decided to fire her on the spot, she went out in the parking lot and broke into several cars, including mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 231

You deserved it 2 689

Golddigger

By back to cock-hunting - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Canada - Burnaby

Today, on our second date, the unemployed guy I'm seeing tried to convince me to open a joint bank account in our name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 837

You deserved it 5 171

By Anonymous - 11/11/2014 23:48 - France

Today, while shopping, a lady came up to me and asked if she could borrow my baby because, "Y'know, I'm in a hurry and they'll let me checkout first." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 348

You deserved it 2 707

By Tired Hungry Geek - 27/10/2015 04:40 - United States

Today, I was exhausted after a long day at work and didn't feel like cooking so I went to a drive thru. I placed my order, went to the window and paid. I then drove off without my food and didn't realize it for a couple of blocks. I was too embarrassed to go back and get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 695

You deserved it 10 351

By alisaav - 08/08/2014 07:40 - Thailand

Today, I saw a cute guy walking out of a restaurant. When he saw me, he smiled and to be a bit flirty I bit my lip. Too bad it started to bleed like hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 279

You deserved it 13 666

By Nic - 17/11/2009 06:34 - United States

Today, after sleeping in, I finally sorted through a stack of mail I had been putting off and I found a Jury summons. Thinking it must be coming up soon, I checked the date, my appearance is scheduled for 7:45am on November 16th. Today is November 17th. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 648

You deserved it 41 274

By Me - 27/09/2015 09:53 - Australia

Today, I tried taking a shortcut through a nature trail, hoping to save myself some time getting back to my car. I ended up getting lost for nearly 3 hours and getting to work nearly 2 hours late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 183

You deserved it 12 424

By Anonymous - 15/05/2013 20:12 - United States

Today, I called my mother to tell her that I got engaged. In the 15 minute conversation that followed, 13 were spent listening to how this is going to affect her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 496

You deserved it 3 352

Rising Damp

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I'm the only one at work in a small office. The water tank sprung a leak. Guess who had to call the boss and get instructions via cell phone to turn it off? I can't even leave the office to change my soaked clothes, because I need to wait for an important phone call. Seven hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 487

You deserved it 2 522

Drip drip drip

By ewww - 03/04/2009 00:46 - United States

Today, I used the community vacuum to clean my dorm. When spots started appearing on the floor, I assumed it was leaking water. By the time I finished there were tons of wet spots on the floor. Later I found out that someone had just used that very vacuum to suck up vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 282

You deserved it 5 233

By Anonymous - 02/04/2014 11:30 - Australia - Maribyrnong

Today, my students all handed in their 1,000 word papers. The assignment was for them to write about a strong, benevolent leader who influenced the world. Around half of the papers were about Hitler. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 200

You deserved it 10 592

By Anonymous - 01/04/2011 14:19 - United States

Today, just a few minutes after I got to work, my usually laconic boss came into my office and said, "Pack your stuff and get the f*ck out." Apparently, half my department was being downsized. Thinking it was an April Fool's, I burst out laughing and told him how funny the prank was. He wasn't kidding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 895

You deserved it 4 600

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The Top

The Top

Today, my internet was so slow I couldn't even load an internet speed test to see how slow my internet was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 720

You deserved it 2 858

Today, I got a XXX wax, because my boyfriend wouldn't go down on me as he didn't like the hair. Now he won't sleep with me at all because I look like a child with no pubic hair, and he "feels like a pedophile." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 490

You deserved it 10 139

Today, my girlfriend's best friend was dumped, and was absolutely depressed. My girlfriend thought she'd show her sympathy by breaking up with me so they "could be single together." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 887

You deserved it 2 806

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I cried and told him that I loved him. He gave me a quarter and told me to call someone who cared. I threw the quarter in his face and ran. I waited for the bus, but when I got on, I realized I was 25 cents short of the fare. I walked home in the rain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 299 988

You deserved it 67 638

Today, I knew my mom wanted to go out to dinner with me and my sisters, and I couldn't remember why, so I called her and said, "Why are we going out to dinner?" and she goes, "Well, we always have." I forgot today's the anniversary of my stepdad dying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 753

You deserved it 599

Today, I spent hours decorating my front yard for Halloween. When I stepped back to admire my work, the wind blew all the decorations into my neighbor's yard. Of course, they're currently away on a long vacation and I can't get to my stuff, so… you're welcome, I guess! FML

I agree, your life sucks 434

You deserved it 552