The Top

I wrote this - just in an FML mood. I'm the OP, and this is precisely the point. I already did some translation (mostly unpaid, but was getting experience) before I started this degree. Translators without this authorisation can also get work, but that takes more experience. I figured with the degree I would actually get paid for doing what was otherwise my hobby. Now any motivation to finish writing my thesis seems to have disappeared.

By chippuh - 26/04/2009 23:44 - United States

Today, my family and I drove to a mall an hour away. We split up, and I went into a store by myself. A little later, I get a call from my brother asking me where I am. They had already left to go home and didn't notice me missing from the car. They were already halfway home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 868

You deserved it 3 123

Not your fault

By Steve - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I had to explain to a customer how our hotel charged his card, even though he has never stayed with us. Apparently his wife is a regular customer. I can't help but feel like a homewrecker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 370

You deserved it 2 405

What a hunt

By nickcedola40 - 04/04/2013 00:24 - United States - Palm Harbor

Today, I was on a scavenger hunt. One of the things on the list was to ask a stranger to marry them. I saw an old lady in a wheelchair; I tried to make her day by asking her to marry me. She declined and attempted to run me over with her wheelchair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 172

You deserved it 34 098

By Anonymous - 16/07/2015 19:16 - United States

Today, I saw my friend at the mall. He didn't see me, so I called him to say "Turn around." He took one look at his phone, snorted loudly enough for me to hear from way off, and put it back in his pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 942

You deserved it 2 427

By newmoongirl1036 - 13/07/2015 02:03 - United States - Chicago

Today, I went on a date with a guy that I really like. At the last minute he informed me a friend would be tagging along. To keep his friend from being a third-wheel, I kept up a conversation, and managed to piss my date off. He thought I would be a better match for his friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 042

You deserved it 3 369

By SabriLittleRed - 01/01/2014 18:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I saw my sister after three days away. When I went to get in the car with her, she told me I had to sit in the back, because her teddy rides in front now. She was serious. I've already been replaced by a stuffed bear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 352

You deserved it 4 243

SabriLittleRed tells us more.

SabriLittleRed 25

Thursday 2 January 2014 6:46

Heyy guys, I'm the OP, & no, I didn't do anything to her first. The bear was a gift from her bf. I thought she was joking at first, & was kinda surprised & hurt she actually made me sit in the back. I enjoyed all your puns; they were ”beary” funny, lol. Happy New Years Everyone!! :D

By you fucking idiot - 19/12/2013 17:20 - United States - Union

Today, I found out the money my husband's been funneling from our bank account wasn't for drugs or gifts for another girl like I thought. It was for a guy he stupidly believed was a foreign diplomat, who supposedly needed to bribe officials in order to send us several million dollars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 513

You deserved it 4 367

By JoshWontonDo - 03/05/2016 15:06 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I tried to charge my phone at school by removing the socket for the fan. All the computers in the room turned off. I accidentally removed the power cables for the computers and got suspended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 207

You deserved it 15 194

By fack - 26/11/2013 18:35 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mom told me that when my sister and I were born, the first thing my dad said was, "I hope they don't turn out vegetarian." I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 561

You deserved it 10 196

By this sucks - 05/08/2013 04:00 - United States - El Paso

Today, after gaining all the weight back that I had lost after my first marriage, I realized that the only thing that fits me now is my wedding ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 136

You deserved it 9 833

By Invisible - 08/12/2010 21:55 - Canada

Today, I realized that the only time I've ever been noticed by my classmates is when I brought cake for the potluck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 653

You deserved it 3 304

By just trying to be nice - 21/06/2013 02:17 - United States - Tucson

Today, I honked at a man in a Subway parking lot. He rolled down his window and screamed insults and slurs at me before driving away. Why did I honk at him? He'd left his lunch on top of his car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 352

You deserved it 4 036

By Anonymous - 27/09/2015 12:21 - Australia

Today, I got detention from my teacher for not handing an assignment in. It would be understandable if I hadn't handed it in a week before it was due. She won't listen to reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 382

You deserved it 1 858

Get up off your ass

By Anonymous - 18/05/2013 19:27 - Mexico - Celaya

Today, I got my third promotion at work in as many years. My husband congratulated me very briefly, before asking if this meant he no longer had to look for a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 447

You deserved it 5 111

By caisse à outs - 23/09/2015 01:06 - France - Saint Quentin

Today, my brother told me that he needed to borrow a hammer, a chisel, and a drill just in case. I asked him if he was finally getting round to starting work on his apartment. Not at all, he was just going to crack open the coconut he'd just bought at the supermarket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 541

You deserved it 51

By Leanne798 - 30/03/2013 23:16 - United States

Today, I boarded my first airplane flight. The girl on my right is sick, and the guy on my left says he gets extremely nauseous on flights. My earphones can't block out the panting and retching on either side of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 447

You deserved it 2 353

Leanne798 tells us more.

Leanne798 25

Monday 1 April 2013 23:01

Yeah, OP here, this was a flight to the Philippines from California...14 hours of fun...

By Anonymous - 27/02/2013 18:27 - United States - New Orleans

Today, after scouring my apartment for quarters to do laundry, I found the correct amount of change. The change got jammed in the washing machine. I now have no more quarters, and my clothes are caked with soap from washing them in the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 301

You deserved it 3 951

By SwimminginSweat - 27/02/2012 05:12 - United States

Today, during a slow dance, my date wrapped his arms around my waist. Right as I touched his neck he says, "Sorry, I'm slightly sweaty." He wasn't lying. For the longest two minutes of my life I was swimming in his sweat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 199

You deserved it 4 521

By Briscuit - 05/12/2013 00:00 - Canada - Pitt Meadows

Today, I was granted a donation to pay for a creative writing course. When I told my mom she couldn't even muster a smile. She found her excitement later, however, when she posted how proud she was of me on Facebook. I can only get praise through my mom attention-whoring on social media. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 143

You deserved it 2 663

By Anonymous - 08/04/2016 21:01 - United States - East Orange

Today, I asked a customer for a number we could call her at to let her know when we'd finished fixing her PC. I'm so desperately lonely that when she wrote it down for me, I got a raging boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 510

You deserved it 5 548

OK, thanks

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Worcester

Today, we had a safety meeting at my warehouse job. They had an entire PowerPoint based around their message, "Stop getting hurt; it costs the company too much money." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 799

You deserved it 4 301

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I found out that the girl I've been dating online for over three months is actually a very bored 14-year-old boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117 198

You deserved it 294 134

Today, I wanted revenge on the rabbit who ate my garden's plants. When he returned, he was standing next to my brand new above-ground swimming pool. I pull out my 22. rifle and shot at it, but the bullet missed and popped a hole in my pool. 15,000 gallons of water flooded my basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 060

You deserved it 287 702

Random

Today, trying to be romantic, I started coming on to my wife while in bed, only for her to yet again say she wasn't in the mood. When I asked why she never is lately, she sarcastically blamed it on the government shutdown, then rolled over to go to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 058

You deserved it 6 357

Today, I found out my boyfriend gave me a surprise birthday present: herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 007

You deserved it 7 448

Today, while I was trying to take off my eye make up, I accidentally used nail polish remover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 784

You deserved it 35 125

Today, I phoned up my bank's customer service department. I waited eleven minutes on hold with the lovely music, and when a woman finally picked up, I ran out of phone credit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 398

You deserved it 3 042

Today, without really meaning to, I’ve become the angry old widower who lives alone, and whose neighbours don’t talk to him and their kids are scared of. I can’t be sure, but I think the kids even invented a legend about me being the old man monster of the neighbourhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 928

You deserved it 205

Today, my boyfriend was breaking up with me because he felt his needs were not met. I asked what I could do to change his mind. He said, "Suck my dick, right now." It got me more turned on than I thought possible. What is wrong with me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 171

You deserved it 582