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By tdiz - 12/10/2010 04:48 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was getting frisky with my fiancée when she started talking about her dead great-grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 918

You deserved it 3 577

By Anonymous - 09/11/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, I told the woman that I've had a crush on for some time how I felt. She laughed so hard that water sprayed from her nose and hit me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 635

You deserved it 2 926

By kahemae44 - 27/10/2009 10:20 - United States

Today, I visited my boyfriend's house excited about the romantic night he promised me. As time passed, we started making out and heading up to his room. Rose petals and candles filled his room. "How romantic", I thought. That is, until we saw his 5 year old sister blowing up condom balloons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 451

You deserved it 5 574

By Clutz - 25/10/2009 00:41 - United States

Today, after I had finished vacuuming, I ripped the cord out of the outlet and it hit me in the face cutting both my top and bottom lip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 428

You deserved it 35 919

By Anonymous - 11/07/2010 18:18 - United States

Today, I was at the movies with my boyfriend when I really had to pee. I tried to get out of the aisle in a hurry so I wouldn't disturb anyone when I tripped, landing on the people in the row in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 756

You deserved it 5 474

Road rage

By howannoying - 16/02/2013 06:24 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my mother started cursing at a lady for tooting her horn at her in traffic, because there was "no need for road rage." When I tried to calm her down, she slammed on the brakes and told me to get out and walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 330

You deserved it 3 911

Golden

By Ackbar - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I fell out of the shower. It was still on. Bracing my fall, I reached into the toilet. It wasn't flushed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 150

You deserved it 15 824

Splashed out

By El Boz - 22/02/2009 14:52 - United States

Today, I took my dog for a walk down by the river. I was throwing sticks for him with one hand and talking on the phone with the other. Then I accidentally threw my phone in the river instead of the stick and was standing there talking to the stick while my phone sat at the bottom of the river. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 133

You deserved it 61 929

By Anonymous - 29/11/2013 18:08 - United States - Parker

Today, I went to my first job interview in months. Just minutes in, a sudden huge, uncontrollable sneeze overcame me. A wad of snot flew out onto my shirt, which I didn't even notice until the visibly disgusted interviewer pointed it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 317

You deserved it 3 924

By shirley - 28/02/2011 02:20 - Spain

Today, I tried a new sugar scrub soap that's supposed to help get rid of cellulite. I didn't read the instructions correctly and now as well as still having the cellulite, my butt looks like I got a massage from an angry cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 742

You deserved it 34 830

By Anonymous - 16/11/2013 01:15 - India - Ahmedabad

Today, I found out my best friend made a program to reply to my text messages with random sentences from a list. It took 15 minutes of texting before I finally noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 755

You deserved it 6 356

Every day is Caturday

By Anonymous - 16/11/2012 00:36 - United States - Panama City

Today, my mom came home drunk and yelled at me for 20 minutes for not feeding the cat. We don't have a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 551

You deserved it 1 837

Taking a stand

By vampyrate3562 - 29/01/2015 12:56 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to run for the train, but because of my bad foot and limping they held the train, much to people's displeasure. No one let me sit down, so for the 20 minute journey, I stood. With a bad foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 942

You deserved it 4 063

Mystery man

By LifeSucks - 29/10/2008 11:57 - Canada

Today, as I was taking my three year-old daughter home from daycare, she asked where her daddy was. I tried to tell her that I was her father, but she answered, "No, not you! My other daddy!" I've got some talking to do tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 776

You deserved it 3 985

By Anonymous - 27/02/2016 09:12 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I'm neck-deep in debt paying for med school. What's worse, the professors here are so terrible that even the morons on Yahoo Answers are 100 times better at explaining my coursework to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 148

You deserved it 1 953

ICYMI

By senelbeat - 03/07/2009 15:47 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was talking to my mother about my sex life, telling her, "If I want to have sex, I'm going to have sex." She looked at me for a moment and said, "You're staying a virgin until you get married." She wasn't ordering me, she was informing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 392

You deserved it 8 626

High times

By Anonymous - 23/01/2016 10:09 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to give a joint presentation at college. My partner was so high, she couldn't even pronounce her own name properly in her introduction. I'm pretty sure her antics are going to get us both failed hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 048

You deserved it 1 639

By jcedarholm - 13/09/2012 05:19 - United States - San Marcos

Today, at work, I was talking to a Scottish woman when my coworker and I both told her we were also Scottish. To this she replied, "We Scottish people get around." I then said, "Tell me about it, I'm one of four siblings from my dad, he definitely gets around." She was talking about travel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 767

You deserved it 24 214

By NoBasement4U - 26/11/2015 20:24 - Canada - Medicine Hat

Today, my dad went to a hardware store to replace the broken shower head in my bathroom. He got the cheapest shower head he could find, and so when I took a shower, the shower head burst out and hit me square in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 446

You deserved it 2 140

By ChildhoodTerror - 26/12/2016 06:40

Today, my cousin left her undisciplined demon-child at my house for Christmas. This child destroyed the other children's gifts and made so much noise that the neighbors called the police. The adults can't really discipline her while her mother is away, so all we can do is apologize in this child's wake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 720

You deserved it 1 589

By time to buy a gun - 02/11/2015 04:22 - United States - Carolina

Today, I was upstairs with my wife when I heard my cat scream from the porch downstairs. I ran down to find her "puffed up" and growling on the floor, and a corner of the screen next to the door busted out. I still have no idea what caused it and my wife is now afraid to go to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 049

You deserved it 1 704

By That idiot - 28/08/2014 02:33 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I won a goldfish at the amusement park. My little brother took him out of the bowl because he thought he was drowning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 419

You deserved it 3 631

Nature is healing

By KeysToHappiness - 16/08/2015 12:39 - United States - Roseville

Today, I was kayaking with my family for my birthday when we tipped over while going down a rocky cascade. My husband badly cut up his arm, and my car keys and my phone both went for a swim and never returned. Great birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 479

You deserved it 8 690

By fuck you, gran - 09/03/2013 00:38 - United States - Ashland

Today, my family threw me my 21st birthday party. My grandma's gift turned out to be a pack of condoms. "Not that you'll ever get to use them," she said, turning and walking off, cackling maniacally. Now I remember why I never talk to the old crone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 110

You deserved it 4 096

By GirlFromAus - 25/09/2009 08:13 - Australia

Today, I had to listen to my mum and grandma planning a funeral for my grandpa. Who isn't dead yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 481

You deserved it 2 707

GirlFromAus tells us more.

GirlFromAus 0

Thursday 22 October 2009 11:28

guys, I am the OP, so listen up... my grandpa wasnt actually aware it was happening he had no say whatsoever he wasnt planning his own, they planned it FOR him, while he wasnt there

By Staying Home Today - 04/03/2014 12:25 - United States - Severn

Today, my driver's-side door was so frozen that the locking mechanism wouldn't move. My passenger-side door's lock worked, but the door itself wouldn't budge. The door handle on the other hand, budged quite well. It budged right off its hinges. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 965

You deserved it 3 795

By asdfghjkl_12 - 25/02/2009 04:33 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend owns and wears more thongs than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 816

You deserved it 6 752

Some friend

By Anonymous - 28/12/2013 20:07 - France - Sardieu

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend informed me that our relationship is an open one. This was only after I was told that when she was "stuck in traffic" two days ago, she was actually playing the triple-X version of Twister in my "best friend's" bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 132

You deserved it 3 396

By dino317 - 27/02/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, after many weeks of talking to this guy over the phone for hours on end and establishing that we both had feelings for the other, we met in person. He saw me, got an "emergency text," and hasn't talked to me since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 166

You deserved it 5 537

By Halcyon_Sancta - 19/01/2015 13:05 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend when I began dozing off. I was then awoken by an explosive fart. It was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 774

You deserved it 5 536

Halcyon_Sancta tells us more.

Halcyon_Sancta 12

Thursday 5 March 2015 10:26

Hi, op here. Just so you guys know, the fart didn't kill my boyfriend. And now we fart around each other all the time. It's hilarious. Also- I know heteronormativity is a thing, but we're both men.

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The Top

The Top

Today, I tried to be sexy by pulling down my girlfriend's panties with my teeth. I didn't expect to be faced with the mother of all shit stains and start gagging so bad I nearly puked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 969

You deserved it 5 378

Today, I was pooping at a local Target when I heard someone say, "You need to eat more solids, you're pooping like a rabbit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 451

You deserved it 4 250

Today, I went to go get my driver's license, only to be told that I need a copy of my birth certificate. In order to get the copy of my birth certificate, I need a driver's license or my passport. In order to get a passport, I need a copy of my birth certificate or a drivers license. I have none. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 720

You deserved it 5 549

Today, I explained to my 5 year old daughter that her older sister from my husband's first marriage lives with her mommy, and my daughter lives with us. She exclaimed, "It's not fair! I want two mommies like she has! Can we swap, I like her mommy better than you anyway!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 816

You deserved it 5 060

Today, right before a huge snowstorm hit our area, I broke up with my girlfriend. In her fury, she decided to grab my car keys and roll down all four windows in my car. I now have 2 feet of half melted snow in my backseat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 028

You deserved it 11 840

Today, I figured out how my wife sees things. When I'm at work, I don't have to deal with responsibilities at home. Thus, work is a mini-vacation, and since I take a mini-vacation every day, I should have no problem cooking dinner and cleaning for hours after work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 518

You deserved it 166