Love: Today, my ex looked at me for the first time in months. I felt... - FML

By katiekat - United States

Today, my ex looked at me for the first time in months. I felt like I could fly. Seconds later my flight ended. I fell down the stairs. FML

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There's no helping some people

Mother of the year

Zoom this, bitches!

By Adulting

Today, I accidentally washed an entire box of macaroni and cheese with a load of laundry. I'm 25 and do not have kids. FML

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By failedparenting - United States - Bronx

Today, I figured out why I have been feeling so drowsy and lethargic for the past week. My daughter had been slipping sleeping pills into my coffee as payback for taking her phone away. FML

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By bham boy

Today, I went for a job interview. I was asked if I wanted a drink. I have no idea why, but I replied "a bottle of milk please." FML

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By Rhyno - United States

Today, I went to meet my girlfriends parents for the first time. I accidentally drove past their house the first time, but saw the whole family outside waiting to meet me. I pulled a U-Turn and heard a thud. The whole family watched me run over their dog. FML

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By watchmaker - United Kingdom

Today, since I had no lessons until 1pm, I decided to head out to the store to run errands. Our school has a strict policy against leaving the campus during school hours. I returned to a fire drill taking place. The fire assembly point? The student parking lot. All 900 students watched me drive in. FML

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By Tomato

Today, I went with the kids I work with to a roller rink, where there are tons of black lights. Under the glow, I realized in horror that an old semen stain could be seen on my shorts. Praying no one saw, or realized what it was. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Chill out, dude

Today, I was lectured about how emotionally immature I am by someone who, afterwards, promptly threw a chair out of anger. FML

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By morethanablondemoment - United States - Redding

Today, after working 8 hours and immediately packing my house for another 6 hours to prepare for moving, I was extremely exhausted and more than ready to brush my teeth and go to bed. I tiredly brushed my teeth with my mascara. FML

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By mottephobe - United States

Today, I subbed for a first grade class. They were releasing butterflies. Butterflies scare me shitless. A bunch of 7 year-olds watched as I screamed hysterically when one landed on me. FML

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By Headache - United States

Today, the "Child Care and Development" class at my high school assigned all 50 students to carry a fake baby around school all day for a week. I can't even read a page of my notes without hearing a robotic crying noise. Today is the first day. FML

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By Tired - Philippines

Today, my building's elevators were temporarily out of service. I climbed up 17 flights of stairs only to realize I left my keys downstairs. After the painful climb back up, the elevator lights came on. FML

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By FriutlessApple - United Kingdom

Today, feeling bored and lonely, I drove into town to wander around the shops and go to Subway for lunch. While there, I picked up two trays and put one on the opposite side of the table, along with some of my rubbish, to make it look like I was with someone. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I've spent nearly three weeks indulging my boyfriend's weird fetish, where he wears a hockey mask and I call him Jason. He just confessed it isn't really a fetish for him and that was just fucking with me. He's already told all his friends. I'm humiliated. FML

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By Scott - United States

Today, I caught my pregnant wife trying to suck milk from her breasts. FML

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By MissYouPieceOfSkin - United States - Kirkland

Today, I had a nightmare in which I was haunted by the ghost of my foreskin. I then spent the whole day moping around, wondering what my life would've been like if my parents hadn't opted to slice it off. Will I see you in heaven, long-lost ghostly foreskin? FML

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By plzstop - United States - West Lafayette

Today, I'm a college student. Just like every other goddamn day, my roommate set about twenty alarms a good two hours before she even needs to get up. She just sleeps through the first hour or so of alarms while I wake up. I've been waking up at 6 a.m., even though my first classes are at 9. FML.

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By Will - United States

Today, my roommate drew a giant red penis and scrotum on our refrigerator, using what he thought was a dry erase marker. It was a permanent marker. I just renewed my lease. I get to look at a red penis every day for the next year and a half. FML

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By FuckedByLife - United Kingdom - Bridgend

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend of two years was cheating on me. How? His other girlfriend crashed her car into mine and had him pick her up. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I overheard my parents planning on how to get me to move out of the house. It's my house. They only came to visit and forgot to leave. FML

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By CrystalsDontWork - United States - El Paso

Today, my colleagues and I found out that our boss has been taking business advice from an astrologer as well as a soothsayer. FML

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By RyanM - France

Today, I found out what people really think about the beard I've been proudly growing for over a month. It appears that my face now looks like an unshaven ballsack. FML

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By egged - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I had this really high fever and my sister decides I'm hot enough to fry an egg on. So I'm lying in bed now, still terribly feverish but smelling of the egg she cracked on my back. FML

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By Peel - France

Today, when I left the restaurant, the very handsome waiter whom I had been trying to tune all night says to me, in front of everyone "But why did you write your number on the table with hearts next to it? You know, I won't call you!" FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, I checked my son's browser history, as he's been acting strangely around his computer recently. I found several bizarre Google searches, including but not limited to: "unicorn dick-farts", "sharting kittens", and "can you get AIDS from Asians?" What the fuck is wrong with him? FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Cardiff

Today, upon applying for a new job to leave my old crappy job I was informed by my new potential employer that he was unable to hire me because he is friends with my current boss. FML

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By inlovewithstupid - United States

Today, my boyfriend bitched me out for being too controlling. Apparently, not only am I being unreasonable by not wanting him visiting strip clubs with his friends, I'm also just "looking for excuses to get mad" at him. FML

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By eliteslayer29 - United States

Today, I sent my resume to a place where I hoped to work at. Since the job requires me to be doing work on the run, I put on it that I have a laptop. The only problem is that I always thought it was "labtop." I didn't learn the correct spelling until my daughter called me an idiot, she's 6. FML

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By Anja - 3/2/2021 03:30

Thanks, I hate it!

Today, I was having a horrible day and messaged a friend to vent. She replied with, "Eat a cookie" and proceeded to send me a picture with a "motivational" quote from her buddhistic spiritual leader. FML

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By Rachel - United States

Today, I was planning on meeting my friend at the mall. She came late, and I was in the dressing room trying on a few things. When I came out to meet her, she looked at me oddly and said, "You shouldn't buy that, it looks terrible on you." Those were the clothes I came in. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was getting ready, when I heard my dad in the shower. He was singing along to the song "The Wheel in the Sky" by Journey. Except he'd changed the lyrics and was singing, "The dick on this guy needs a rubbin'." It turns out my mom was in the shower with him. FML

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By alicia - Canada - Montreal

Wanker

Today, I had to explain to my fiancé that having me watch him jerk off over a porno is not in fact considered foreplay. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/6/2020 17:00

Sensitive

Today, my mom had to go off on my grandmother because I don’t have kids yet and she, "wants great grand babies before she dies." My grandmother was going to gift me a baby outfit for me to get another hint. I’m 25 and can’t conceive because of health issues. I may never have my own kids. She knows. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my brother has two broken arms and needs help wiping his own ass. Bonus, he has bad diarrhoea from the food poisoning he got from the shrimp he made me hand-feed him yesterday. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Charlotte

Today, I was disciplined by my boss for "not smiling enough." I'm a dishwasher. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took off my sweatshirt in the middle of class. The tanktop I was wearing underneath went with it. FML

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By Depressed and clueless - United States - Manhattan

Today, after months of being told I'm just being paranoid, my hallmates admitted and proved that there really is a dorm-wide conspiracy to socially isolate me. I don’t know what I did wrong. FML

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By ohhmydamn - United States

Today, I found out if you slide down the stairs on a foam matress topper, it just folds under instead of sliding. Then you slide the rest of the way down on your knees and break your nose at the bottom. FML

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By Anonymous - Mexico - Villahermosa

Today, I had the crap beaten out of me by a woman in the street, who accused me of sleeping with her husband. I still don't know who she or her husband are, and I'm still a virgin. FML

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By Hellosinglelife - Trinidad and Tobago - Diego Martin

Today, my now ex-girlfriend posted on Facebook that I called her a "fucking bitch". Our mutual friends were all outraged, and demanded that I treat her with respect. What she failed to mention was that I said it after finding out that she's been sleeping with my "best friend" for the past year. FML

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By Anonymous - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, my boss decided that a mug and a public 'thank you' were a sufficient substitute for a Christmas bonus. FML

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Top comments

By kolKatay | 0

#757366 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:35

Today i saw my crazy, needy ex for the first time in months, my feelings of dread were relieved when she fell down the stairs... My life rocks!

By FiddleStikz | 0

#757316 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:19

Just because he looked at you?

COMMENTS

By dante0220 | 0

#757304 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:16

lmfao sucks

Reply

B4SK3TB4IL | 0

#1436614 - Tuesday 21 September 2010 19:46

u could've still been flying on the way down

Reply

Diarrhea_Volcano | 29

#6110438 - Wednesday 5 November 2014 21:05

I believe there is a bright blue button for that

By samlovesyou | 0

#757314 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:18

Lmaoo. Wow. Nice(:

By FiddleStikz | 0

#757316 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:19

Just because he looked at you?

Reply

gingersnapper | 0

#757342 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:24

Must've been pretty hot.

Way to go, OP, for hitting that!

By baby_gurl2405 | 0

#757344 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:26

who cares if ur ex looked at u for the first time in a while.... he's ur ex... try leaving it tht way

the only way u'd be 'excited' wat-so-ever is if he dumped you...... in which case good for him

D-E-S-P-E-R-A-T-E

By kolKatay | 0

#757355 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:32

YDI for being needy.

By tman118 | 0

#757362 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:34

ydi for having stairs

By kolKatay | 0

#757366 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:35

Today i saw my crazy, needy ex for the first time in months, my feelings of dread were relieved when she fell down the stairs... My life rocks!

Reply

KylaaKatastrophe | 0

#1190320 - Thursday 5 August 2010 1:12

#8 So cruel! Yet, incredibly funny.

By If0nly | 0

#757367 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:36

know how you feel <3

Reply

InstaKarma | 0

#757613 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 2:47

Residual feelings -- yes. Being so fucking desperate that you "felt like you could fly" and were so damn out of it for a LOOK that you fell down the stairs? That's just pathetic. YDI. Grow up.

By sillychilegirl | 0

#757381 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:44

wow you guys are all asses. so
she still likes her ex... big deal. so do I. then she tripped which I thought was hilarious but still.

By GanjAxZermA | 0

#757407 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:54

wow really YDi for having stairs. seriously guys grow up.. tht can actually happen to anyone.. so maybe before commenting think about it and put yourself into
that person's position..