Today, my ex looked at me for the first time in months. I felt... - FML

By katiekat - 5/1/2010 20:24 - United States

Today, my ex looked at me for the first time in months. I felt like I could fly. Seconds later my flight ended. I fell down the stairs. FML

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Understandable

All in the family

Crowded House

By bear92 - 19/6/2009 04:25 - United States

Today, I went outside a friend's house to find that my car had been saran wrapped. I cleaned it up and went back inside the house. An hour later, I heard a doorbell ring so I went outside the house. They saran wrapped my car again. FML

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By ubbernoob - 5/3/2009 19:33 - United States

Today, I walked into my house to find everyone sitting around the table and looking sad. I thought it would be a good time to crack a joke and said "What's wrong? Grandma finally die?" Turns out she had. FML

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By s3xygrandpa - 6/11/2013 19:09 - United States - Palm Harbor

Today, despite my fear of using public restrooms, I was forced to anyway to avoid my bladder exploding. I was finally getting over it when someone stuck their head under the stall to "see if someone's in there". I'm scared more now than I was before. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/5/2015 14:23 - United States - Bradenton

Today, my father told me that my mental health issues, which have been confirmed by multiple doctors and tests, are all caused by the fact that I'm slightly overweight and don't exercise a lot. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/4/2011 08:42 - United States

Today, my dog decided to chase a smaller dog for three blocks. When I finally caught up with him, he laid down and refused to go anywhere. I had to carry my 80 pounds Labrador like a baby all the way home. FML

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By Singlelady - 21/9/2016 19:16 - United Kingdom - Stoke-on-trent

Today, my sister gently asked me if I was gay. Turns out I've been without a boyfriend for so long that the whole family believes I secretly have a girlfriend. FML

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By can't eat paper - 11/5/2014 01:34 - United States

Today, after a long day at work, I was starving, so I stopped by the drive-through for something to eat. When I got home and hurriedly opened the bag, all I found inside was napkins. Thanks, McDonald's. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/11/2010 02:37 - Canada

Today, I was forced to go to the mall with my dad. He wore a bear suit the entire time. FML

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By youmindyourownbusiness - 15/2/2013 05:53 - United States - Genoa

Today, I walked past a few of my coworkers sitting outside smoking. As I got a whiff of the smoke, I coughed. They immediately started to defend their habit, and I was told to "mind my own fucking business." I wasn't trying to be rude; I'm actually allergic to cigarette smoke. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/11/2013 18:53 - United Kingdom - Congleton

Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house at 9am to surprise him on our 1 year anniversary. In the process, I gatecrashed another celebration he was having with his second girlfriend. FML

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By 3-wheeler - 9/3/2010 11:12 - United Kingdom

Today, I left my car in a disreputable area. After picking it up later on, I heard a strange "clonking" sound. The clonking suddenly stopped when my wheel fell off; someone had stolen my wheel nuts. FML

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By BadLuckLad - 22/10/2014 22:38 - United Kingdom - Portsmouth

Today, I walked in on my girlfriend cheating on me. The guy turned around and said, "Sorry, I borrowed your condoms." FML

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By LaundryVictim - 15/6/2016 20:50

Today, I picked up my laundry from the wash-and-fold and proceeded to put everything away. I noticed a hand towel that wasn't mine and made a mental note to return it; turned out they'd given me someone else's boxers as well. My boyfriend doesn't believe me. FML

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By toyotasmash - 7/10/2010 23:37 - United States

Today, my sister and I got into an argument at a tennis court which ended up with her trying to run me over in the parking lot. I stepped to the side and hit her door, denting it. My parents expect me to pay for the damage caused by my sister trying to kill me. FML

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By CambodianAsshole - 25/12/2012 06:41 - United States - Placentia

Today, I opened my Christmas present from my parents. I got a road-side assistance package. I don't own a vehicle, and I don't even have a driver's license. FML

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By Eivana - 30/11/2018 12:00

Today, I finally got up the nerve to leave my boyfriend. We have no spark and quite honestly, it's been really awkward. I planned to tell him when he came in, and I did. After all was said and done, he handed me the roses and new puppy he had bought for me, a puppy that I had been saving up to get. FML

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By Martine624 - 7/5/2015 21:56 - Netherlands

Today, I spent nearly two hours listening to our cleaning lady talking about her son's infected penis, her fear of dentists, how to catch and kill ducks, her husband's childhood and her supposedly murdered dog. She ended up crying and left without cleaning. FML

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By Anya - 17/12/2016 16:09 - Japan - Fukuoka

Today, after being fed up with my sarcastic, mouthy daughter, I decided to remove her TV from her room. I dropped it on my foot and broke two toes. She promptly said, "that's what you get." FML

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By FuckSteakNShake - 6/6/2017 16:00

Today, I was fired, all because I asked my manager for help on the line when we were short staffed and he was on his butt in the office. He said it wasn't his job to help us. Apparently, asking your manager for help when you're busy gets you fired. FML

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By Anothernametaken - 18/11/2011 12:22 - United States

Today, while working the drive-through at Mcdonald's, I was handing a gentleman his vanilla shake. He responded by popping the cap off, yelling "Fire in the hole!" And throwing it back in. He then quickly drove off. I was covered in vanilla shake. FML

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By maryfaithh - 27/1/2012 16:30 - United States

Today, I tried to open a can with a potato peeler. For a minute I forgot what a can opener looked like. FML

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By Kelli - 8/4/2020 02:00

That slaps!

Today, the whole time my husband and I had sex, my stomach flab violently slapped my thighs. The harder he pumped, the louder the slapping got. Time to lose some weight. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/10/2018 22:00

Today, I went to a haunted hayride with my crush and friends. I got scared and screamed so he put his arm around me and hugged me. I took this as a good sign and leaned in. Turns out his friend was handing him something and he wasn't putting his arm around me. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/6/2012 02:36 - United Kingdom - London

Today, at the beach, my boyfriend picked me up and carried me over his shoulder. I felt my bikini top come undone in the process. I panicked and pulled down on his shorts. We were fined for indecent exposure. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/1/2011 11:38 - Australia

Today, my mum is convinced I'm a hoarder. While I was out of the house, she went through my room and threw out stuff I "don't need." This included $500 worth of textbooks, a flash drive with crucial work on it, and my phone charger. FML

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By WTF is all I ask - 27/7/2012 23:55 - United States - Mcallen

Today, I was at the mall, when I saw an elderly lady drop her groceries, so I rushed over to help her pick them up. She took one look at me, called me a "Liberal bastard," and shouted for me to get away from her before she called the cops. FML

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By woopwoop - 18/4/2009 01:22 - United States

Today, while standing in line at the grocery store, I noticed that myself and the woman in front of me were wearing the same shirt. As she was about to leave, I said to her "Hey! I'm wearing that shirt!" She turned to me and replied, "Not in THIS size you aren't." FML

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By mybad - 25/8/2009 13:21 - United States

Today, a customer brought her kids into the store where I work. I like to make people laugh so being my usual joking self I kidded "Why aren't those kids in school?". She didn't laugh when she said that their house burned down the night before and the kids had no clothes to wear to school. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/4/2009 05:13 - United States

Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML

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By a fatty - 15/2/2011 06:25

Today, the lady running the pastry shop asked who I buy the second pastry for every day. I lied and told her that it's for a coworker. I eat them both. FML

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By person - 10/6/2009 11:03 - United States

Today, I busted my ass to help this old lady move her stuff because she was going to a nursing home. I was told I would get paid. When I finished four hours later the lady took me to a room and told me to pick out anything in her little goody bag. I got a race car as payment. FML

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By metalmusic - 5/7/2010 05:37 - United States

Today, my boyfriend went to the beach. His parents relentlessly tried to hook him with other girls, all the while knowing that we're dating. Their reasoning is that I'm not a 'real girlfriend.' FML

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By Anonymous - 5/4/2015 12:27 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, I started having chest pains and shortness of breath. I thought I was having a heart attack and I asked my husband to take me to the hospital. He told me to wait because he'd just ordered a pizza. FML

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By everyoneheard - 28/3/2013 15:11 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was eating out with a group of friends and my boyfriend. During the meal, I accidentally took a sip from my male friend's glass. My boyfriend pointed and said, "Babe, you took his drink." My friend responded by putting his arm round me and saying, "Whatever, I took her virginity." FML

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By Noname - 12/3/2009 09:06 - United States

Today, I got a text message. My phone was sitting on the edge of the bed and set on vibrate, so it fell off. I reached down to grab my phone and fell off the bed. My macbook landed on top of me. I fractured my arm and broke my laptop to read a text from facebook. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/12/2011 05:53 - United States

Today, I went caroling with some family friends. We got pelted with oranges. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/12/2014 07:52 - United States - Bend

Today, feeling too lazy to cook dinner, I bought a bagged salad from a low-end store. I dumped the contents into a bowl; the first thing that fell out was a dead mouse. Bon appetit. FML

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By Shelly - 7/6/2009 02:25 - United States

Today, I used the restroom at a department store. While I was in my stall, I overheard a little girl say to her mother, "I see someone wearing pink!" I remembered that I was wearing pink just as she finished her thought, "And she's pooping." She was peeking at me through the stall. FML

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By jessii - 9/10/2010 08:22 - United States

Today, in math class, I got an answer "wrong." The teacher yelled at me, then he realized that my answer was correct. Then he yelled at me for not correcting him. FML

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By anonymous - 6/7/2016 13:53 - United States

Today, I got a question wrong on an exam. The question started with, "In your opinion..." FML

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Top comments

By kolKatay | 0

#757366 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:35

Today i saw my crazy, needy ex for the first time in months, my feelings of dread were relieved when she fell down the stairs... My life rocks!

By FiddleStikz | 0

#757316 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:19

Just because he looked at you?

Comments

By dante0220 | 0

#757304 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:16

lmfao sucks

Reply

B4SK3TB4IL | 0

#1436614 - Tuesday 21 September 2010 19:46

u could've still been flying on the way down

Reply

Diarrhea_Volcano | 29

#6110438 - Wednesday 5 November 2014 21:05

I believe there is a bright blue button for that

By samlovesyou | 0

#757314 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:18

Lmaoo. Wow. Nice(:

By FiddleStikz | 0

#757316 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:19

Just because he looked at you?

Reply

gingersnapper | 0

#757342 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:24

Must've been pretty hot.

Way to go, OP, for hitting that!

By baby_gurl2405 | 0

#757344 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:26

who cares if ur ex looked at u for the first time in a while.... he's ur ex... try leaving it tht way

the only way u'd be 'excited' wat-so-ever is if he dumped you...... in which case good for him

D-E-S-P-E-R-A-T-E

By kolKatay | 0

#757355 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:32

YDI for being needy.

By tman118 | 0

#757362 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:34

ydi for having stairs

By kolKatay | 0

#757366 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:35

Today i saw my crazy, needy ex for the first time in months, my feelings of dread were relieved when she fell down the stairs... My life rocks!

Reply

KylaaKatastrophe | 0

#1190320 - Thursday 5 August 2010 1:12

#8 So cruel! Yet, incredibly funny.

By If0nly | 0

#757367 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:36

know how you feel <3

Reply

InstaKarma | 0

#757613 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 2:47

Residual feelings -- yes. Being so fucking desperate that you "felt like you could fly" and were so damn out of it for a LOOK that you fell down the stairs? That's just pathetic. YDI. Grow up.

By sillychilegirl | 0

#757381 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:44

wow you guys are all asses. so
she still likes her ex... big deal. so do I. then she tripped which I thought was hilarious but still.

By GanjAxZermA | 0

#757407 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:54

wow really YDi for having stairs. seriously guys grow up.. tht can actually happen to anyone.. so maybe before commenting think about it and put yourself into
that person's position..