Miscellaneous: Today, a repairman woke me up so he could change the filter in...

By Anonymous - 11/12/2009 03:10 - United States

Today, a repairman woke me up so he could change the filter in my furnace. This would have been fine, except he didn't wake me up until he was already in my room, where I was sleeping naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 218

You deserved it 4 618

Miscellaneous

Age difference

Good kid

Great family you've got there

By Lionman - 05/04/2012 05:11 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, during my first man-to-man conversation with my girlfriend's father, he decided to mention the details of lion mating patterns he'd once witnessed. After a lengthy description of the lion's barbed penis, he said, "It also made me feel better about myself that I could last longer than a lion." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 214

You deserved it 2 711

Today, on Dr. Phil…

By Anonymous - 23/09/2019 18:00

Today, I realized that masturbating to pictures of my girlfriend is better than having sex with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 778

You deserved it 437

By ko - 03/01/2015 17:53

Today, my boyfriend told me he'd come over and help me move a heavy dresser so I could paint the wall behind it. After an hour of waiting for him, I decided to move it myself. He finally arrived, not ten minutes after I broke my toe when I accidentally dropped the dresser on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 039

You deserved it 9 653

By TooSunnyForSkin - 05/06/2013 04:22 - United States - Huntington

Today, I found out my work gave me a vacation for my performance. It's a trip to somewhere in the Caribbean, with the nickname "The Sunniest Place on Earth." I have skin cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 838

You deserved it 4 183

Terminally online

By Anonymous - 27/05/2021 17:01

Today, a thunderstorm killed our internet and I realized there were lots of things I could do "in the real world", but… I’m too tired to do any of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 517

By Anonymous - 09/08/2012 04:19 - United States - La Crosse

Today, I found one of my mom's old diaries that dated back to my infant days. I couldn't help but read a little. I'm now in great concern over how many times my mom wrote that she wanted to dunk me in the toilet or throw me against a wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 537

You deserved it 3 913

By BobbyHutchinson - 20/10/2009 15:57 - Australia

Today, some thug tried to mug me. I panicked and ran. As they chased me with their knife out, I heard a slip and a shout behind me but kept running. Six blocks later I was spotted, arrested and held for questioning by the police. The mugger fell, stabbed themselves and told a cop that I did it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 785

You deserved it 2 827

By lifesucks4me - 23/02/2009 12:51 - United States

Today, I'm playing basketball with my little brother. After jokingly blocking his shot, he turns to me and says "You're a bitch." He's 6. After asking where he heard that word, he responded with "Daddy calls you that when you're not around." FML

I agree, your life sucks 160 741

You deserved it 13 743

Smoked

By Anonymous - 21/09/2020 11:01 - Canada

Today, I washed my clothes in the shared laundry room. All my clothes came out smelling like smoke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 988

You deserved it 109

By miss_peppermint - 14/12/2018 13:30

Today, my dog of 10 years died suddenly. My husband’s response? “At least you don’t have to buy dog food anymore". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 903

You deserved it 205

By effyou - 10/02/2011 05:16 - United States

Today, my best friend decided to start dating my ex. We broke up yesterday. She also thinks I'm crazy because I'm upset about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 292

You deserved it 4 207

By ahuman - 29/09/2013 05:10 - United States

Today, I saw two kids having a fistfight in the street. I ran over to stop them, and one ended up hitting me in the eye. I now have a black eye over what turned out to have been a fight over who was going to get the last slice of pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 696

You deserved it 9 740

The call of the wild

By not outdoorsy - 10/07/2020 14:02

Today, I haven’t been camping since I was a kid. I decided to give it another shot. I bought all the best equipment, researched all the great locations, planned a whole weekend. Turns out I still fucking hate camping and now I’m out over $400. FML

I agree, your life sucks 541

You deserved it 2 072

By Mcwifi - 21/04/2016 17:58 - United States - Elmhurst

Today, traffic was so bad that I was able to connect to the WiFi of a nearby McDonald's and successfully listen to a 30-minute podcast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 808

You deserved it 1 431

By Anonymous - 11/01/2010 08:09 - United States

Today, my daughter learned that if she rips a toy out of its package in front of a store employee, mommy will be forced to buy it. She now has two new toys today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 853

You deserved it 11 184

By anonymous - 16/10/2014 20:53 - United States - Canton

Today, I walked into my house and saw it was flooded. I went upstairs to the bathroom to see the toilet overflowing and my boyfriend holding my dog over it so he could drink it. My boyfriend said he didn't know what else to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 058

You deserved it 4 043

By piliseep - 01/10/2017 23:15

Today, my cousin's three kittens peed all over every single pair of shoes under my desk, including some expensive heels. I spent two and a half hours cleaning all eighteen pairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 925

You deserved it 793

By AboutToBeHomeless - 03/11/2016 13:16

Today, I received a letter from my landlord's attorney. It said my landlord is terminating my "verbal" lease with him. Ten years ago, the deal began as rent to own. My landlord is my grandfather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 829

You deserved it 726

By rejected4ever - 14/02/2012 18:29 - United States

Today, for Valentine's Day, my boyfriend gave me the half-eaten chocolate bar that I left in his fridge two weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 504

You deserved it 4 181

By thatoneperson - 17/02/2012 12:43 - United States

Today, I discovered that you can't always assume your little brother is kidding when he says that you have a spider on top of your head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 357

You deserved it 5 883

By annon - 11/02/2012 06:23 - Canada

Today, my brother's girlfriend broke up with him. He has been playing Whitney Houston's "I will always love you" all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 389

You deserved it 3 357

Do what you gotta do

By Anonymous - 27/03/2020 23:00

Today, my university's dorms closed due to COVID-19 and when I asked my parents if I could stay with them, they said no because, "we're social distancing." They weren't joking, I have nobody else to stay with. I'm now legitimately living in a tent under a bridge until this pandemic ends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 589

You deserved it 134

By Anonymous - 25/12/2011 07:28 - United States

Today, I overheard my mom telling my younger sister not to use my razors because she "doesn't know what I may have." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 927

You deserved it 4 962

By Anonymous - 05/12/2018 03:30 - United States - Pleasant Hill

Today my wife came home and said "Before you go into the garage, let me tell you what happened". She was stopped at a traffic light and when it turned green she stepped on the gas, but the truck in front of her did not. The grill was smashed and the car has a 3 inch hole in the bumper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 388

You deserved it 225

By tim12345 - 25/07/2011 16:08 - United States

Today, my friends and I rented a party bus, which broke down on the highway 45 minutes into the ride. I paid the guy for the whole four hours. He said he was going to flag down a car to get someone to help us. We saw him get into a car and leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 094

You deserved it 3 557

Creepy

By bam.93 - 14/04/2020 17:00

Today, my supervisor asked me to help him for some modifications on an Excel sheet. I helped him for some stuff, but couldn't help him completely. He said to me, " Try to learn more about Excel, I want someone to satisfy my needs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 522

You deserved it 198

By abonde29 - 24/05/2018 20:30

Today, I got a text from my cousin saying he's gay. I was thrilled and told him I'm bisexual. He later texted me saying that his friend took his phone and said that. He also told all of our relatives. I accidentally came out to my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 221

You deserved it 540

By LoveTheElder - 11/05/2016 01:38 - United States - San Clemente

Today, the elderly lady I work for got mad at me, all because I wouldn't feed her imaginary friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 972

You deserved it 1 325

Ironic

By AnotherCrazyCatLady - 17/06/2021 09:31 - Australia - Strathalbyn

Today, I found out that I have Dysarthria, a condition where you can't pronounce certain words. I can't even pronounce the condition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 739

You deserved it 49

First Impression

By Katy3225 - 06/06/2018 15:00 - United States - Rockaway Park

Today, it was my first day teaching economics to a university class of 150. For the first 5 minutes, a bunch of students snickered. I asked why. One said, "Your zipper's open, but it doesn't matter because your blue panties are showing through your white pants anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 508

You deserved it 1 639

By Anonymous - 03/10/2014 20:43 - United States - Tempe

Today, I overheard my brother telling his friend that having sex with a girl who's on the pill gives the guy female hormones and "turns you into like, half-chick, half-dude." He was serious. How am I related to this moron? FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 352

You deserved it 3 085

By TheodoreFinches - 01/08/2016 15:14 - United Kingdom

Today, on the bus ride home from work, two women behind me kept pulling my hair. I turned around and told them to, "cut it out." When I got home, I realized they'd took it literally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 980

You deserved it 1 545

By camerashyguy - 20/09/2014 03:14 - United States - Longview

Today, while giving directions to a blind guy, I accidentally made him walk into a wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 827

You deserved it 8 870

The opposite of a good idea

By gorokhan2 - 27/04/2020 17:00

Today, I wanted to prank my girlfriend by giving her a jump scare. Right before I tried to scare her in an empty parking lot, she turned towards me, pepper-sprayed me in the eyes and kicked me in the balls. When she realized it was me, she called me an asshole and dumped on the spot and drove away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 4 182

By farts - 22/11/2018 17:30

Today, my brother who routinely marred my life by stealing from me, fighting me, and isolating me from my own family, made his hollow AA apology to me so he'll feel better. My parents employ him, bought his car and house, and pay his insurance. I've been in poverty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 317

You deserved it 202

By Kristinmarsh08 - 29/10/2010 12:02 - United States

Today, I texted my dad and told him I was getting married in five months. His reply: "I gotta work that day." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 294

You deserved it 3 691

By raybandy - 24/01/2009 00:22 - United States

Today, I wake up only to find that my roommates cooked all my food. Now I'm starving and the place smells like delicious bacon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 186

You deserved it 2 345

First Dates

By sillvy - 13/01/2012 09:32 - United States

Today, I was on a date. I noticed he kept looking at my lips. Thinking he wanted to kiss me, I leaned in closer. Disgusted, he pulled away and said, "I'm sorry, but that pimple on your chin is, like, staring at me or something." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 073

You deserved it 5 531

By bip - 15/12/2008 05:36 - France

Today, I wanted to see if the frying pan was hot. I no longer have fingerprints. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 859

You deserved it 57 321

By dawg3360 - 07/06/2009 06:02 - Canada

Today, I noticed I have to lift up my fat to see my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 578

You deserved it 134 062

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Top comments

humorizer 14

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Friday 11 December 2009 9:25

Eh, just for the heck of it, second? Also, why didn't you lock the door before going to bed? Lucky for you it wasn't a rapist/burglar.

spacebar1 0

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Friday 11 December 2009 9:23

sleeping naked FTW.

spacebar1 0

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Friday 11 December 2009 9:23

sleeping naked FTW.

bonertastic 0

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Friday 11 December 2009 11:55

sounds like the beginning to every porno i have ever seen. http://myawkwardlovelife.com

deathmajestic 0

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Sunday 13 December 2009 1:59

the true question is once you were awake was he smiling? was your blanket removed? did he have a boner and and a small wet spot on his shorts? did your ass hurt? if you answer yes to any of these,..- -be afraid, be very afraid

Neorecon19 18

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Thursday 7 July 2011 15:32

Talk about servicing =o

Denikk 0

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Thursday 14 July 2011 1:08

USA? sue him

humorizer 14

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Friday 11 December 2009 9:25

Eh, just for the heck of it, second? Also, why didn't you lock the door before going to bed? Lucky for you it wasn't a rapist/burglar.

spacebar1 0

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Friday 11 December 2009 9:26

True, how the hell did he just walk into your house?

girlygirl666 0

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Friday 11 December 2009 9:37

A repairman just walks into your house, and then into your room, and then he wakes you up?? You seem to be just a little too ok with that...

Starfire22 5

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Friday 11 December 2009 9:49

Yea, I wouldn't be ok with that...

smurfsarwales 9

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Tuesday 6 November 2012 20:10

Yes, she was absolutely fine with it. That's why she posted this on FML.

Squadoosh 0

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Friday 11 December 2009 9:39

That would be so freaky for someone to just walk into your house, and wake you up. He must have been really determined to change your filter. When repairmen come to my house, and I am asleep or not home, they just leave a note and leave.

crazy_vet_tech 10

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Friday 11 December 2009 9:43

this is kind of like what happened to me at school, my roommates let the repairmen in but didnt mention that I was upstairs sleeping and I wake up hearing the repair guys talking right outside my door...I was so thanksul that I was wearing something halfway decent...so yeah, it can happen, and it sucks when it does

YayAmerica 0

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Friday 11 December 2009 9:54

Bow chicka wow wow.

containsnosoy 0

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Friday 11 December 2009 9:54

Obviously this isn't the whole story. Putting aside it being creepy if he had just randomly walked into your room, people don't just show up without an appointment.