Today, I went on a date with a guy that I really like. At the... - FML

By newmoongirl1036 - United States - Chicago

Today, I went on a date with a guy that I really like. At the last minute he informed me a friend would be tagging along. To keep his friend from being a third-wheel, I kept up a conversation, and managed to piss my date off. He thought I would be a better match for his friend. FML

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Messed up

Out of it

Genius, definitely

By wiseoldone - United States

Today, I am going to an event where I will be meeting quite a few people who will be excellent contacts in my future career. Since I wanted to make a good impression, I did the whole makeup and grooming thing before setting out, I accidentally removed about half my left eyebrow. FML

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By digressions - Canada

Today, I tore a muscle in my back. At the hospital, I was prescribed some pain medication. My husband got me settled at home, with everything I needed within reach, and left for work. As I picked up the bottle to take the first pill, I knocked it on the floor. It rolled under the couch. FML

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By rent-a-cop - Canada - Toronto

Today, as a condominium security guard, I had to enter an old lady's apartment to supervise the mandatory maintenance taking place inside. I commented on the lakeside view from her window and mentioned, "This is a pretty nice view up here isn't it?" It turns out that she's blind. FML

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By hnickell93 - United States - Visalia

Today, I realized that sex with my husband has gotten so boring that I'd rather fake an orgasm than let him continue. FML

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By Well... fuck me sideways and call me Eustace - United States - Riverside

Today, on my way to work, I hit a pothole about the size of Alabama, bending my wheel and flattening my tire. After changing it and having to explain myself to my furious boss, I went back on that road in my other car to take a picture of the pothole. While looking for it, I hit it again. FML

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By steph - France

Today, my ex-girlfriend told me that she can't live without me, but she has another boyfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I got stuck in an elevator for well over an hour while riding it up to my weight and fitness class. Very funny, universe. FML

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By crazymirrors - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided that we should go to the carnival in the Bizarre House place where there were a lot of crazy mirrors. I checked myself out in one of the mirrors. Then my boyfriend says "That will probably be the only time you will ever look that skinny." FML

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By thenewgirl29 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, the guy I've been seeing for a few months told me he couldn't stay overnight because his mom would yell at him for not coming home. We're both 30 and I didn't know he still lived at home. FML

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By ijustwannaplaymymusic - United States - Jackson

Today, I was practicing the piano. My brother told me that if I loved him, I would stop. FML

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By BadDay - Australia - Beerwah

Today, being a little stressed, I managed to lock my keys inside my car. I was taking this fairly calmly until, while waiting for roadside assistance, I overheard another woman in the same carpark say, "No, of course I didn't lock my keys in the car! I'm not a COMPLETE idiot." FML

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By Infadel - United States - San Marcos

Today, I was prepping for an interview after several months of unemployment. I had just finished brushing my teeth when I reached back and grabbed a towel behind me to wipe my face. Turns out it wasn't a towel, it was my newly dry-cleaned suit jacket that my wife had put there for me. FML

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By nbj10 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, my dad went snooping on my laptop, and saw that I'd recently looked up 2 Girls, 1 Cup. It was out of morbid curiosity, but he thinks I'm into "satanic porn", and confiscated every electronic device I own. Now I have to sneak to the library just to check my emails. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I ran into one of my teachers from high school. When I told her I just recently graduated college and was starting graduate school in the fall, she said "you don't have to lie, some people just are not cut out for college. There is no shame." I wasn't lying, I graduated with honors too. FML

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By xnickx - United States

Today, I changed the locks on my apartment so my crazy ex girlfriend couldn't get in. I went to her house to return her house key. I accidentally gave her the key to my new locks, and can't find her old house key. Now I need her to come let me in to my own house. FML

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By Galaxy - Belgium - Guigoven

Today, my girlfriend texted me, telling me to come home quickly, because she had a "surprise" waiting for me. I convinced my boss to let me go home, and rushed out. Turns out the "surprise" was just that she'd bought herself a pet bunny. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, a man wearing a Santa hat stumbled out of a bar, staggered over to my car, and vomited through the open window into my lap. FML

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By ostfae - United States

Today, I was told by this big guy from school that I needed to stop stalking his girlfriend, and stop following her home from school. She's my neighbor. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I went running. My girlfriend was so surprised at the fact that I'm exercising that she accused me of making it up so I could cheat on her. I'm just trying to get in shape. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me all about how his parents sat him down last night and had a 20 minute talk with him about how I'm the biggest mistake he'll ever make. FML

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By livingonmyownfromnowon - United States - Olivehurst

Today, after evicting my roommate for excessively not abiding by the lease agreements, he thought he could get back at me by sending me a video of my sister giving him head. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Foam Lake

We need to talk

Today, I just found my husband on Craigslist. He's working away from home, and he's looking to give a blowjob. FML

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By makeitstop - United Kingdom

Today, my daughter wouldn't stop yapping on about not being able to register on the new Harry Potter website. The amount of whiny jibber-jabber emanating from her cake-hole made me want to boot her from our family tree, and I had to resort to booze to wash the pain away. I'm a terrible parent. FML

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By loveless - Australia

Today, I realised that the last three people to see my intimate parts these last weeks were my beautician, my doctor and the lady who did my check up ultra sound. Oh, and I'm married. FML

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By pasquale - Australia - Parramatta

Today, my mother threw an egg at my face with force because I returned home 5 minutes late to dinner. FML

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By claustrophobic - United States - Baltimore

Today, I have been in my "office" for 6 weeks. It is literally a closet. I was reminded of this fact when a janitor walked in without knocking, carrying empty boxes he intended to store. FML

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By cane - United States

Today, my mom needed coffee so I drove to Starbucks to get her some. She let me drive the Porsche, which has never happened. Upon coming home I picked the coffee up out of the cupholder so it wouldnt spill. My phone vibrated in my pocket, I spilled the coffee and crashed the car into the garage. FML

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By chevygirl51 - United States

Today, I took my driving test. It was all going well until out of habit from driving with my boyfriend, I reached over and held my instructor's hand. FML

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By B-Rad - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she found out I share a birthday with a fictional character who is "untrustworthy" and has a "dark side", so therefore I can't be trusted either. FML

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By michellemoyah - United States

Today, I went to a dance with the boy I like. To my delight, he tried to pick me up. To my dismay, he couldn't. FML

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By fsfs - Germany - Kiel

Today, I went downstairs a little after midnight to grab a snack, and in the dark hallway, I clearly saw a small child walk into the kitchen. I was freaked out, but I followed him in. There was nobody in the room. I'm now too scared to sleep, and am seriously considering moving house. FML

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By nicoreal89 - United States

Today, at the Black Friday Sale, a fully grown man hit my 5 year old daughter for an Xbox. In anger, I punched the guy and gave him a bloody nose. I'm now banned from Best Buy, and my daughter has a concussion. FML

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By KieRendan - United States - Rio Rancho

Today, due to an unforeseen pipe-related incident, I had to shave my legs in my backyard fish pond, while a plumber assessed the damage to my war-zone of a bathroom. FML

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By Pokecousin

Today, I had to explain to my Pokemon-obsessed 6-year-old cousin that Albinos are not "Shiny People". FML

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By RP Havens - United States - Galloway

Today, my grandmother called me to tell me that there will be a nice, single guy for me to meet at the family reunion. She went on and on about how perfect he was for me. I didn't have the heart to tell her I'm a lesbian, and have been out to the rest of the family for over six years. FML

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By gutted - United Kingdom

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She promptly had a panic attack and screamed, "No!" FML

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By Anonymous

The Spectacular Spider-Thief

Today, I went to a comic shop to celebrate Free Comic Book Day. A guy in a really nice Spider-Man costume showed up, so I asked and got a selfie with him on my way out. When I got home, I realized my wallet was missing from my back pocket. I was robbed by Spider-Man. FML

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By Anna - 25/7/2020 05:10

Masterchef

Today, my partner, our 5-month-old baby and I had to go to A&E because my idiot boyfriend mistook dishwasher rinse aid for cooking oil, and cooked a meal for us in it. As I'm breastfeeding, even our baby needed blood tests. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, after 38 years of never meeting my dad, and paying a private investigator thousands of pounds over several weeks of searching, I found him living 2 floors down in the same block of flats. He’s the grouchy downstairs neighbour I’ve hated for 6 years. FML

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By Jason McGinnis - 22/9/2020 16:51 - Canada - Brampton

That'll be Kevin in accounting

Today, just like every other day, my company is so dysfunctional that local food chains require us to pay cash up front for our catering, because we routinely take 6 months or more to pay for a chicken sandwich. FML

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Top comments

By DerpAngel | 8

#6349518 - Monday 13 July 2015 13:11

Should've just stuck to actual date rule and not bring his friend along.

By MzZombicidal | 36

#6349520 - Monday 13 July 2015 13:12

That really sucks, OP. I don't know why he bothered to take you on a date if he wasn't even interested. Perhaps you WILL be a better match? :D Seems you two got along pretty well anyways.
Regardless, I hope you have better dating luck from now on!

COMMENTS

By HUGBUG | 23

#6349515 - Monday 13 July 2015 13:09

Wow that guy is a jerk

Reply

uncle_ssaamm | 12

#6350042 - Tuesday 14 July 2015 2:11

op she should let him know that it stopped being a date the minute he invited a friend

By miianah1 | 22

#6349516 - Monday 13 July 2015 13:09

Damn, first comment and I have nothing witty nor useful to say. Oh well, FYL.

By Cads1 | 24

#6349517 - Monday 13 July 2015 13:11

Sounds like a win too me.

By DerpAngel | 8

#6349518 - Monday 13 July 2015 13:11

Should've just stuck to actual date rule and not bring his friend along.

By xoragebaby | 17

#6349519 - Monday 13 July 2015 13:12

Who brings a friend on a "date"? Unless you met said guy on a dating site and you're meeting for the first time, seems pretty bogus. On to the next, OP!

Reply

cameosurgeon | 16

#6350651 - Tuesday 14 July 2015 21:50

it doesn't say it was the first date. plus, nowadays dates are basically just a hang out. he just sounds jealous.

By MzZombicidal | 36

#6349520 - Monday 13 July 2015 13:12

That really sucks, OP. I don't know why he bothered to take you on a date if he wasn't even interested. Perhaps you WILL be a better match? :D Seems you two got along pretty well anyways.
Regardless, I hope you have better dating luck from now on!

Reply

interesting33 | 36

#6349542 - Monday 13 July 2015 13:32

I think it sounds like he WAS interested. And jealous.

Reply

meggieeeee92 | 27

#6349681 - Monday 13 July 2015 17:25

If he was really all the interested he wouldn't have brought his friend along. It's not really a date at that point.

Reply

interesting33 | 36

#6349717 - Monday 13 July 2015 18:25

But then why would he get annoyed at OP for talking to his friend?

Reply

Shadowblast423 | 3

#6349762 - Monday 13 July 2015 19:09

He thought that the conversation would go better and that OP and the date's friend would hit it off. When that didn't happen, date boy got pissed.

By limegreenpoopie | 31

#6349521 - Monday 13 July 2015 13:13

You should call the friend up now! Lol

By kpetrovski | 24

#6349522 - Monday 13 July 2015 13:13

... "newmoongirl"

Reply

MzZombicidal | 36

#6349637 - Monday 13 July 2015 16:30

What about it?

Reply

laden_swallow09 | 34

#6349677 - Monday 13 July 2015 17:22

… Aaaaaaand?

Reply

randomcritic | 14

#6349694 - Monday 13 July 2015 17:47

Edward vs. Jacob?

Reply

rabbi1010 | 29

#6349929 - Monday 13 July 2015 23:07

Edward and Jacob

By iwanttogotoparis | 26

#6349525 - Monday 13 July 2015 13:15

That guy isn't worth your time, good thing you didn't go any further with him

By rieebee | 23

#6349526 - Monday 13 July 2015 13:15

Doesn't seem like he was taking your date seriously in the first place if he thought bringing his friend was a good idea. You're probably better off without him.