Love: Today, I went on a date with a guy that I really like. At the... - FML

By newmoongirl1036 - United States - Chicago

Today, I went on a date with a guy that I really like. At the last minute he informed me a friend would be tagging along. To keep his friend from being a third-wheel, I kept up a conversation, and managed to piss my date off. He thought I would be a better match for his friend. FML

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Academia ain't for everyone

By tanya - Canada

Today, I was in a rush and forgot to flush the toilet after taking a huge dump. After coming home from work, I check my facebook to find myself tagged by my boyfriend in a photo. The photo was of the toilet, with the caption: "This is what Taco Bell does." FML

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By sad_dad - Canada

Today, I got home from work and heard the shower in my bathroom running. Thinking my wife was taking a shower, I got completely undressed and walked in. My wife wasn't in the shower, instead I found my daughter and her boyfriend in the shower, making out. There was an awkward moment of silence. FML

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By fukinnature

Today, I was feeling stressed about some upcoming exams, so I went on a nice relaxing nature walk through the nearby bushland. I slipped off a rock and landed in knee-deep mud that claimed my shoe when I pulled my leg free. I'm even more stressed now. FML

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By O0hdear - United States - Humble

Today, I went to my fiance's cousin's wedding with him. I got drunk and danced like a stripper in front of his entire extended family, who I'd just met that day. FML

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By Confused - 23/9/2020 17:01 - Australia - Perth

Suspicious

Today, I texted my boyfriend, asking him to meet me when he finished work. Paranoid as he is, he took this to mean that I wanted to break up with him, and is ghosting me into oblivion. All I wanted was to see him on our 4-year anniversary. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/2/2021 13:57

Damn kids!

Today, I found out that my 9 year-old cousin logged into my main chess account and lost 1700 points on purpose down from 2300. Which took 8 years of grinding and several national championships. FML

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By Zoey - Canada

Today, my husband started a food fight. During our wedding reception. FML

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By Godi - United States

Today, I got a call from my girlfriend of 13 months. She told me that she had gotten chlamydia from the guy she cheated on me with, and that I most likely have it too. I gave her a diamond ring, she gave me chlamydia. FML

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By JustAnotherFML23 - United States - Seattle

Today, my loneliness reached a new level when I befriended the fly in my apartment, Mr. Stickyfoot. FML

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By Ella - 15/1/2021 01:01 - United Kingdom

Thanks Boris!

Today, after Boris made his Monday night lockdown announcement, my husband announced that no way can he handle another lockdown stuck in the house with me and two teenagers, so he drove all night to our static caravan and insists he’s staying there alone until lockdown is over. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Nottingham

Today, while visiting my grandparents, I was afraid that one of their many cats would pee on me. I was peed on all right, by my grandma. FML

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By anon - United States

Today, I got so drunk that I tasered myself in the balls as a joke, fell down my friend's porch stairs and rolled out into the street. FML

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By Ithoughtheywerenormalpeople - United States - Houston

Today, as I awoke, the sun was shining, the birds were tweeting, and police sirens were wailing at a drug bust next door. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Birmingham

Today, a few weeks after teaching my dog to fetch my phone and drop it in my lap, he decided to do it spontaneously. Too bad I was in the bath at the time. There goes a $300 phone. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my boyfriend said that we can "maybe have sleepovers" at his house when he FINALLY moves out. He's 24, and we've been dating for 6 years. FML

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By LuckyLoser9 - United States

Today, I found out that absentmindedly correcting my boss's use of the word "whom" could result in my immediate termination. FML

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By communistgirl - United States

Today, I had to do community service work, so I helped out at a senior center. One of the confused elderly patients, who believed the Cold War was still on, thought I was a Soviet and started screaming about how I was going to nuke his country. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, I was babysitting my friend's 12-year-old son while his dad was having an emergency procedure at the hospital. I walked into the den to see if he wanted to go out to dinner, only to find him watching Pornhub on my iPad. FML

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By georgiana072 - Philippines

Today, as I was coming out of the ladies' room, I saw a guy glancing at me. A few minutes later, I saw him coming at me at a fast rate. I decided to run from him. As I got out of the building and into a cab, I saw him from the window waving my phone at me. He was just trying to return it. FML

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By ABBenzin - United States

Today, I was breaking into a house when three police cruisers pulled up. They ran my social, my license plates, and asked me twenty minutes worth of questions, before allowing me to go back to work. I work as a locksmith; the homeowner had lost their keys. FML

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By bunnyyy - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via text message. You would think he could at least spell my name right while ending our relationship. FML

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By Lonesome - United States - Bossier City

Today, I realized just how lonely I am when I tried to time my ejaculation to happen right as the new year started. FML

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By thefriedman - United States - Perris

Today, I realized that the air freshener in my bathroom and the air freshener in my girlfriend's bedroom are the exact same scent. Now, every time I go to the bathroom I get an erection, and every time my girlfriend and I have sex in her room, I think about shitting. FML

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By Uh-oh - Australia

Today, I decided to come clean with my daughter about her adoptive status within my family. Just after I told her she was adopted, I realized that I have been telling her stories about me giving birth to her. FML

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By Rejected - United States - Lynnwood

Today, I told my wife that she gets 100% of me and I keep nothing from her. She told me she doesn't want it and that I should get counseling. FML

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By hopeless - United States - Annandale On Hudson

Today, I confessed my feelings to the only man I've ever loved. He asked me for dating advice. FML

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By Asl94 - 16/1/2021 05:01

Are you calling me a fatass?

Today, my mom asked me what I wanted as a gift, so I said a Cricut machine. She replied, "You don’t need exercise equipment, you need to eat healthier." A Cricut is a sticker maker. FML

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By frustrated - United States - Antioch

Today, I got head lice, so I went to a store to buy medicated shampoo. When checking out the cashier saw my shampoo and asked me to leave immediately to protect the other customers. He didn't let me buy the shampoo. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, we were celebrating my birthday and my boyfriend thought it would be funny to shove my face in the cake. While the candles were still lit. FML

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By givingup - United States

Today, I was left at the altar. For the second time. By the same man. FML

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By oppafucktardstyle - United States - Waterloo

Today, I had to pick my parents up from the hospital and drive them back home, after they were treated for eating large amounts of cheese that my dad claimed to have "aged" for several years. FML

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By lulu - United States

Today, my dog attacked me because I had a chicken costume on for a party. I'm currently in a hospital, dressed as a chicken, waiting for medical assistance. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, our school started an anti-bullying policy, and we watched a video about bullying. After the video, I told a teacher about a bullying case going on that I know about. His response? "Tell someone who cares" as he walked away chuckling. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my husband came home from the hospital after having 6 gangrenous toes amputated because he hasn't been treating his diabetes properly. Not half an hour after he got home, I caught him sneaking sweets from a hiding place in his toolbox. He's already lost the bag with his medication in it. Again. FML

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By notdrivinganytimesoon - United States - Richardson

Today, I got pulled over during my driving test. FML

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By BadTime - United States

Today, my wife tried to refill the windshield wiper fluid on her own. However, she poured it where the oil goes. Now the car is having major issues. Last week I lost my job, and I have no idea how much this is going to cost to fix. FML

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By PunchingKennyLoggins - United States

Today, the satellite radio at work went on the fritz, playing one song over and over. Management wouldn't turn it off, though, because then customers would miss out on all those upcoming-sale announcements that run intermittently. Meanwhile, I got to listen to "Footloose" for eight hours. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my boyfriend keeps a gun under his pillow. This was only after my friends and I surprised him with his birthday cake while he was sleeping. FML

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By EmberLove - United States

Today, my current boyfriend and my ex-boyfriend got into a fight about when my birthday is. They were both wrong. FML

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By I’m stressed - 22/12/2020 08:02 - United States - San Jose

Badass

Today, someone tried to open the stall I was in, and I instinctively screamed. I was yelled at and called, "incredibly rude and disrespectful." The lady then waited for me to come out so she could, "kick my ass." FML

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Top comments

By DerpAngel | 8

#6349518 - Monday 13 July 2015 13:11

Should've just stuck to actual date rule and not bring his friend along.

By MzZombicidal | 36

#6349520 - Monday 13 July 2015 13:12

That really sucks, OP. I don't know why he bothered to take you on a date if he wasn't even interested. Perhaps you WILL be a better match? :D Seems you two got along pretty well anyways.
Regardless, I hope you have better dating luck from now on!

COMMENTS

By HUGBUG | 23

#6349515 - Monday 13 July 2015 13:09

Wow that guy is a jerk

Reply

uncle_ssaamm | 12

#6350042 - Tuesday 14 July 2015 2:11

op she should let him know that it stopped being a date the minute he invited a friend

By miianah1 | 22

#6349516 - Monday 13 July 2015 13:09

Damn, first comment and I have nothing witty nor useful to say. Oh well, FYL.

By Cads1 | 24

#6349517 - Monday 13 July 2015 13:11

Sounds like a win too me.

By DerpAngel | 8

#6349518 - Monday 13 July 2015 13:11

Should've just stuck to actual date rule and not bring his friend along.

By xoragebaby | 17

#6349519 - Monday 13 July 2015 13:12

Who brings a friend on a "date"? Unless you met said guy on a dating site and you're meeting for the first time, seems pretty bogus. On to the next, OP!

Reply

cameosurgeon | 16

#6350651 - Tuesday 14 July 2015 21:50

it doesn't say it was the first date. plus, nowadays dates are basically just a hang out. he just sounds jealous.

By MzZombicidal | 36

#6349520 - Monday 13 July 2015 13:12

That really sucks, OP. I don't know why he bothered to take you on a date if he wasn't even interested. Perhaps you WILL be a better match? :D Seems you two got along pretty well anyways.
Regardless, I hope you have better dating luck from now on!

Reply

interesting33 | 36

#6349542 - Monday 13 July 2015 13:32

I think it sounds like he WAS interested. And jealous.

Reply

meggieeeee92 | 27

#6349681 - Monday 13 July 2015 17:25

If he was really all the interested he wouldn't have brought his friend along. It's not really a date at that point.

Reply

interesting33 | 36

#6349717 - Monday 13 July 2015 18:25

But then why would he get annoyed at OP for talking to his friend?

Reply

Shadowblast423 | 3

#6349762 - Monday 13 July 2015 19:09

He thought that the conversation would go better and that OP and the date's friend would hit it off. When that didn't happen, date boy got pissed.

By limegreenpoopie | 31

#6349521 - Monday 13 July 2015 13:13

You should call the friend up now! Lol

By kpetrovski | 24

#6349522 - Monday 13 July 2015 13:13

... "newmoongirl"

Reply

MzZombicidal | 36

#6349637 - Monday 13 July 2015 16:30

What about it?

Reply

laden_swallow09 | 34

#6349677 - Monday 13 July 2015 17:22

… Aaaaaaand?

Reply

randomcritic | 14

#6349694 - Monday 13 July 2015 17:47

Edward vs. Jacob?

Reply

rabbi1010 | 29

#6349929 - Monday 13 July 2015 23:07

Edward and Jacob

By iwanttogotoparis | 26

#6349525 - Monday 13 July 2015 13:15

That guy isn't worth your time, good thing you didn't go any further with him

By rieebee | 23

#6349526 - Monday 13 July 2015 13:15

Doesn't seem like he was taking your date seriously in the first place if he thought bringing his friend was a good idea. You're probably better off without him.