Miscellaneous: Today, I realized that the only time I've ever been noticed by... - FML

By Invisible - 08/12/2010 21:55 - Canada

Today, I realized that the only time I've ever been noticed by my classmates is when I brought cake for the potluck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 572

You deserved it 3 280

Late term

Good kid

The Conquest of Bread

By catpeecathy - 14/09/2009 04:20 - United States

Today, I was looking in my laundry basket for a clean tank top to wear. As I felt around, I realized that most of my clothes were still wet after two days. After asking my mom what was wrong with the dryer, I found out that for two days my cat had been using my laundry basket as a litter box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 558

You deserved it 5 400

By Olerbia - 28/05/2013 07:11 - United States

Today, while working at Walmart, I was walking the sales floor and passed the end of an aisle. I saw a customer coming at me from the corner of my eye, so I jumped backwards. I hit a display case, and watched it topple over before turning to apologize to the customer. It was a ladder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 036

You deserved it 9 981

On the down low

By Anonymous - 09/10/2012 16:03 - Canada - Montreal

Today, at work, my buddy pulled up in his car. I handed him $40, and he handed me a bag. It must have looked like a drug deal, but he was actually just smuggling in the new Pokémon game for me. I'm 22, and a drug deal would probably have been less embarrassing to explain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 818

You deserved it 7 920

By wannadi - 03/03/2013 09:29 - United States - Camden

Today, I was told by co-workers with whom I have worked for 2 years that I tan too much and dye my hair black too often. I'm from the Middle East and have never tanned nor dyed my hair. My co-workers think I'm a wannabe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 580

You deserved it 2 835

Poor pillow

By Randy Candy - 12/02/2021 17:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having a fantastic sex dream. So good, in fact, that I woke myself up breathing heavily and humping my pillow. I was at my friend's house and she saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 129

You deserved it 234

By LesToiliettes - 25/03/2012 07:12 - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, was the first day of my new job. My boss admitted that they hadn't cleaned the employee bathroom for over two months. My first task: clean the employee bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 782

You deserved it 2 136

By Banana_Lord - 03/03/2015 10:41 - United Kingdom - Saint Andrews

Today, I walked 20 minutes in rain, winds that almost knocked me over, and face-fulls of stinging hailstones. Less than a minute after I finally got inside, the weather cleared up, the sun came out, and a rainbow appeared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 734

You deserved it 3 147

Not now, please

By Anonymous - 01/12/2020 19:01 - Costa Rica - San José

Today, days before my graduation, I got sick with a virus, so I had constant vomit and incontinence. To receive my diploma, I had to wear a diaper and spend the whole graduation drinking electrolytes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 91

By googlefreak54321 - 25/07/2011 06:05 - United States

Today, I went out to go meet up with a guy. I walked all the way to his house just to see him. Then he made me hide behind a bush till his girlfriend left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 448

You deserved it 13 554

By Kulcha - 13/02/2009 11:07 - Australia

Today, I was expelled from school. By my own mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 388

You deserved it 40 349

By Discouraged - 31/05/2012 12:43 - United States - Rockville

Today, my little brother got his crush to go out with him by impressing her with his level 500 FarmVille. This is the next generation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 857

You deserved it 2 634

By youre dumped shitforbrain - 19/08/2012 16:52 - Sweden - H?lleforsn

Today, my boyfriend again accused me of cheating on him. This time, it was because I delayed replying to his text message so I could feed my pet. Apparently I'm fucking my pet toad now. Jesus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 646

You deserved it 5 447

Who's the worst?

By good mom - 05/11/2019 19:00 - United States - Monterey Park

Today, despite the fact that I own my home, car and have a career, I was once again told that I’ve shamed my family by being a single mom. Meanwhile, my brother has four kids with three different women and constantly hits up every family member for money. He gets nothing but just support. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 118

You deserved it 168

By NYMTS - 01/07/2011 23:22 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I had to make a deal with my 22 year old fiancé. What was the deal? If he put deodorant on, he could squeeze my boob for as long as he liked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 295

You deserved it 10 889

By a - 31/10/2009 04:14 - Korea Republic of

Today, I was chatting with a friend on msn. She told me a few days ago a Halloween party we had been planning was canceled because her parents said no at the last moment. Wanting to cheer her up, I went to her house to surprise her. I guess the party wasn't canceled after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 544

You deserved it 2 881

By hot_shot - 29/11/2011 01:33 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because we watched a movie that Taylor Lautner was in, she claims they made special eye contact and they are destined to be together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 634

You deserved it 5 010

By My Life Is Just PERFECT - 30/03/2013 15:29 - United States

Today, I went on a blind date that my friend set up for me. It was going pretty good, then he said he was going to go out to smoke. 10 minutes went by and he still hadn't come back. I called my friend and she said he doesn't smoke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 902

You deserved it 4 121

By hannibal - 02/11/2010 13:44 - Australia

Today, I heard a loud-speaker announcement in my college that someone had left their car in the car park, still running, with keys in the ignition. I laughed at that person's foolishness until I realised it was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 829

You deserved it 37 332

By Idk - 12/12/2018 08:00 - United States - Wilton

Today at work I had recieved a lot of phone calls. I thought maybe it was a scammer line because I never recieve calls. Turns out my phone number was a character's same number in a TV Show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 594

You deserved it 159

By johnfrank - 26/03/2009 17:11 - United States

Today, I was on a blind date with a girl my friend set me up with. We went to a fancy restaurant and she ordered the shrimp. I told her, "I'm allergic to shrimp, so you shouldn't order it in case I want to kiss you later." She looked at the waiter and said, "I'll have the shrimp." FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 613

You deserved it 35 233

Masterchef 2020

By Anonymous - 26/11/2020 18:58 - United States - Maryville

Today, I was eating some cake that my roommate's girlfriend brought by for us. I felt something weird in my mouth, so I stopped chewing to grab it. It was a fingernail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868

You deserved it 47

By Anonymous - 15/01/2012 09:44 - United States

Today, I took my car to a drive-through car wash. It wasn't until after my back seat was filled with foam and I had been squirted in the face that I realized my back seat window was rolled down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 947

You deserved it 36 425

By Anonymous - 29/05/2009 04:08 - United States

Today, I learned to never blast classic rock with your convertible's top down while passing an SUV full of gangbanger wanna-bes. That is, of course, unless you want your immaculate, newly detailed leather seats to be decorated with pretty brown and white milkshake stains. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 719

You deserved it 8 591

By Nothanks - 06/06/2016 02:43

Today, at the healthy age of 26, I broke my hip during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 104

You deserved it 1 345

By Anonymous - 31/12/2015 18:55 - United States

Today, I overheard my mother-in-law and sister-in-law over the baby monitor. They were talking about how much better off my daughter would be if I were to die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 043

You deserved it 1 599

By Anonymous - 18/08/2012 23:02 - United States

Today, I found myself trying to explain to my puppy why I'm still single. I think I just found out why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 066

You deserved it 6 599

By fuckingads - 13/02/2017 19:00 - United States - Brookfield

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex to music, which we hadn't done before. I was getting close when it cut to commercial. I was so turned off by the idea of coming during an ad break that I didn't come at all. Thanks Spotify. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 578

You deserved it 2 057

By perfectmoment - 30/11/2009 00:47 - Canada

Today, I called my boyfriend to have a shoulder to cry on because my grandpa died. As soon as I told him, he started crying and telling me how much he missed his grandmother, who died six years ago. I spent the majority of the phone call listening to him wail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 487

You deserved it 5 972

By phoneless - 17/04/2012 19:23 - Jordan

Today, I bought my first iPhone. Today, I broke my first iPhone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 121

You deserved it 26 156

By Anonymous - 14/05/2011 11:40 - Canada

Today, I found out that my grandma has been sending me birthday money every year. My mom just steals it before I ever see it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 351

You deserved it 3 260

By CrazyBitch - 04/04/2013 08:20 - United States - Palo Alto

Today, my girlfriend said that while she was playing volleyball, her whole life flashed before her eyes. According to her grandmother, my girlfriend is now psychic. She completely believes it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 170

You deserved it 3 475

When it rains, it pours.

By BadKarma - 28/08/2018 07:00 - United States - Douglas

Today, my washing machine, dryer, vacuum cleaner, and laptop all stopped working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 253

You deserved it 145

By King7 - 09/01/2010 10:17 - Pakistan

Today, I got on a treadmill for the first time. I was running at a very high speed. I needed a break but didn't know how to get off. I decided to just let the machine take me to the edge so I could get off. I was thrown off the treadmill and landed with my happy sacks crashing into a dumbbell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 706

You deserved it 42 320

By Anonymous - 02/10/2010 13:12 - Australia

Today, I was at the beach with my parents. They were walking hand in hand, when they spotted a crab. My Dad turned to my Mum and said "Oh, must've crawled out of my pubes!" they both laughed and kissed. I don't think they realized I was within hearing distance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 833

You deserved it 3 829

By coffeeshopgirl - 08/05/2012 00:25 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I'm cheering myself up about being newly single by having a sleepover with my best friends. Their boyfriends have all decided to sleep over as well though, so I'm currently alone in a corridor with nothing but the sound of all my friends having loud sex to keep me company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 771

You deserved it 4 466

By Anonymous - 22/04/2009 17:10 - United States

Today, I was crocheting while watching television, and thinking to myself how proud I was that I taught myself to crochet. Then, an episode of Golden Girls came on, and I watched that while I crocheted. I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 812

You deserved it 40 494

By afraidtoburn - 26/02/2012 04:18 - Canada

Today, I discovered that during fire drills, my school lines everyone up next to some extremely flammable and explosive propane tanks. If we ever have a real fire, we will all die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 310

You deserved it 2 562

By last time I drive stoned - 08/12/2012 17:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I was stuck at a red light on an empty road for ten minutes before I finally realised that not only was I looking at the wrong traffic light, it was also broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 397

You deserved it 25 867

By wtf - 08/03/2012 09:03 - United States

Today, I was jamming out and playing some air guitar. I somehow managed to knee myself directly in my left eye socket. I now have a hideously swollen face and a black eye. When people ask me what happened, I'll be hesitant to tell the truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 807

You deserved it 24 455

By Milo - 02/06/2015 16:50 - Mexico - Mexico

Today, one of my tires blew out on the highway. I managed to slow down and pull over without dying, and went to get my spare tire. I found it right where it was supposed to be, knifed to hell and with a taunting note from my psycho ex taped to it. We broke up nearly 3 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 109

You deserved it 3 281

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Top comments

alaaloo_fml_fml 0

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Thursday 9 December 2010 1:50

Laxatives in the cake batter? Anyone? Haaaa. Show em', OP.

smokeymcpottt 3

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Thursday 9 December 2010 1:53

Now you know not to bring salad... Cause everyone knows, you don't make friends with salad.

Comments

alaaloo_fml_fml 0

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Thursday 9 December 2010 1:50

Laxatives in the cake batter? Anyone? Haaaa. Show em', OP.

SokDek 14

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Thursday 9 December 2010 2:05

oh yea!

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Thursday 9 December 2010 2:22

there's a mexican saying: "they only come when the cactus has fruit"

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Thursday 9 December 2010 2:30

Dammit! I had the same thought. Those assholes will notice you're the only one who's intestines aren't trying to evacuate!

very_ugly_girl 0

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Thursday 9 December 2010 2:49

I tried that before, not a smart decision. On the same day there were college representatives touring our school and had some of my cake. I wanted to get into their colleges, but could not due to my foolish behavior.

ElishaxMelxKym 0

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Thursday 9 December 2010 3:07

Lol 13 I got that ;D

Adolf_Grammer_Hi 0

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Thursday 9 December 2010 4:17

Oh really?

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Thursday 9 December 2010 6:42

There's also a Polish saying: "They only come when the pierogie has cheese." Wait what?

alaaloo_fml_fml 0

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Thursday 9 December 2010 7:41

The sayings are sad but true. Although I do not understand #38's... #28- What do you get exactly? I don't think anyone is following.

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Thursday 9 December 2010 8:30

@40 I think she's just saying that she gets why he said "oh ya" in his comment. Hes got a picture of the cool aid man and he says oh ya when he jumps through a wall. There's not a lot eles to get from it, but I could be wrong.

alaaloo_fml_fml 0

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Thursday 9 December 2010 9:26

45- I see haha silly girl..

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Thursday 9 December 2010 14:35

if you don't do anything to be noticed then you will not be noticed. it is completely your fault because you haven't taken the opportunity to get out of your comfort zone and do something or say something worth remembering

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Thursday 9 December 2010 1:51

Looks like you can't have your cake and never mind I feel like this pun has been made way too much on this site. But is it really anyone else's fault?

HesJustTheBest 0

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Thursday 9 December 2010 1:51

The cake was a lie.

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Thursday 9 December 2010 5:28

exactly.

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Thursday 9 December 2010 15:22

At least the OP is -puts on sunglasses- Still Alive. YEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHH (Dont delete or mod my comment if you don't get it, please.)

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Thursday 9 December 2010 18:08

That statment is false the cake is not a lie. It is in part two and at the end of the credits in part one.

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Thursday 9 December 2010 1:51

You obviously need to start bringing them cake more often.

Brandi_Faith 33

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Thursday 9 December 2010 7:47

Agreed!! Just keep bringing food to class! Like muffins and cookies, ect. That will get you noticed at least, then it's up to you to talk them and do the rest! But trust me, food is the way to any mans heart, so you'll definately get guy friends!!

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Thursday 9 December 2010 1:52

aww man thats just sad

smokeymcpottt 3

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Thursday 9 December 2010 1:53

Now you know not to bring salad... Cause everyone knows, you don't make friends with salad.

alaaloo_fml_fml 0

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Thursday 9 December 2010 1:53

A potluck is a small gathering where everyone brings a dish to share.

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

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Thursday 9 December 2010 1:59

CAKE?! Can I get some?????

very_ugly_girl 0

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Thursday 9 December 2010 2:44

That is not a smart question. The cake was probably gone by now and you have the nerve to asked this girl for some cake.

urdirtyolduncle 15

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Thursday 9 December 2010 3:15

why,yes you may :D

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Thursday 9 December 2010 10:41

But, I thought the cake was a lie.

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Thursday 9 December 2010 18:10

The cake was never a lie!

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Thursday 9 December 2010 2:00

Well eat all of the cake infront of their faces and make sure they notice when the frosting is on the rims of your lips and your making nom nom nom noises.

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Thursday 9 December 2010 3:04

"the rims of your lips" made me gag a little.

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Thursday 9 December 2010 3:57

Yeah, awful choice of words there

RedPillSucks 31

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Thursday 9 December 2010 19:38

Why? Which lips were you thinking of?

yourmothersass 0

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Thursday 9 December 2010 2:07

cool story, bro.

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35

You deserved it 9

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 10

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 637

You deserved it 142

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 729

You deserved it 91