Today, I was granted a donation to pay for a creative writing... - FML

By Briscuit - 5/12/2013 00:00 - Canada - Pitt Meadows

Today, I was granted a donation to pay for a creative writing course. When I told my mom she couldn't even muster a smile. She found her excitement later, however, when she posted how proud she was of me on Facebook. I can only get praise through my mom attention-whoring on social media. FML

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Alexa, play "Hey! Student" by The Fall

Hello everyone!

Creepy

By jerkgirl - 8/4/2009 05:18 - United States

Today, while getting my hair done, I was annoyed that the beautician was not paying attention while straightening my hair. After asking her three times to watch what she was doing, I grabbed the iron and said "let me do it, you're going to burn me!". I then burned two layers of skin off my ear. FML

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By effmylife - 23/10/2009 10:09 - United States

Today, I took my SUV in to get the oil changed, and the tires rotated. They allowed me to stay there, because they said it would only take 30 minutes. So I sit there in the waiting room, and I look through the window only to see my SUV falling off the lift, from 6 feet in the air. FML

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By jenA - 12/7/2012 02:40 - United States

Today, I got a sweet promotion at my job. Instead of being happy and celebrating with me, my boyfriend broke up with me because he is jealous that I'm more successful than he is. FML

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By Ugh - 14/6/2016 20:41 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I'm looking forward to my orthodontist's appointment more than I'm looking forward to my birthday. FML

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By Off_Road - 4/6/2014 19:30 - United States - North Pole

Today, while on the highway, a guy in a truck sped up to pass me. He was hauling a trailer, which hit me and ran me off the road. I called the cops and followed him all the way into town, where the cops pulled him over. They let him go without even a ticket, because, "He didn't know he hit you." FML

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By Loho - 25/3/2009 02:46 - Canada

Today, I was using my dad's cell because I had broken mine. I was texting my boyfriend all day when my dad needed his phone back. I forgot to tell my boyfriend that my dad would be using the phone. My boyfriend then texted graphically what he wanted to do to my dad. FML

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By mooseknuckle - 31/5/2009 17:11 - United States

Today, I realized that the closest thing I have to a savings account is the cup on my dresser with coins in it. I counted it, $17.34. That is my savings. I'm 28. FML

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By starboy - 10/3/2012 06:50 - United States

Today, I was humming the Star Wars theme song while on the bus. When my stop came I walked down the aisle only to hear a girl mutter, "The virginity is strong in this one." She's right. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/4/2009 05:40 - United States

Today, I walked into the ladies restroom and was shocked to see the guy I've had a huge crush on for two years. Peeing. In the sink. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/12/2012 18:39 - Australia - Perth

Today, my boyfriend discovered how to make me queef on demand when he has his fingers inside me. I now feel like my love life has been replaced with fart sounds. FML

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By psychworker - 15/12/2009 18:04 - United States

Today, while at work, I was asked if I wanted to leave early. I said no and let my co-worker go instead. Two hours later, I was punched in the face by one of my patients with absolutely no warning or provocation. FML

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By Igballoon2 - 23/4/2020 14:00

Get a load of this nerd!

Today, I was told that school was cancelled for the rest of the year. School is/was my one place of escape, and the only distraction in my life. It's now not going to be an escape until September. FML

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By Explicit - 13/1/2009 18:17 - United States

Today, I had to give a speech in front of my class and during my speech I had to say the words "But six"; however, because of my accent it sounded like "Butt sex". For the remainder of the day I was frequently asked about "Butt sex". FML

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By Anonymouse - 7/11/2015 02:03

Today, I was in bed with the stomach flu. My boyfriend thought it would be funny to fart in the fan next to our bed, which caused me to vomit all over myself. FML

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By mandie - 13/11/2011 17:10 - United States

Today, I brought my girlfriend of six months over to meet my family. When my grandpa saw her, he said, "What a waste of good breeding stock." FML

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By Stoopid - 7/7/2009 17:25 - United States

Today, I came home to find a BMW partially blocking my driveway. I was already having a bad day, and was upset that some stuck up fool blocked my driveway, so I keyed the driver's side. 5 minutes later my parents show up. The BMW was a graduation gift for me. FML

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By booyouwhoree - 3/3/2009 20:49 - United States

Today, I told my friend I hadn't had a period in 5 months. She asked me if I was pregnant. When I asked her if I looked 5 months pregant, she replied by saying "is that supposed to be a trick question?" FML

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By loser - 17/2/2009 23:33 - United States

Today, in front of the entire family, I yelled at my mom and told her she wasn't a good parent. She responded with "Well, at least I had friends when I was your age." FML

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By Anonymous - 17/7/2019 16:09

Today, I was using a disabled toilet. I'm disabled partly because of spinal problems. While I was doing my business, the whole toilet fell to the floor, leaving me sitting in a puddle of my own urine and smashed porcelain, with even more spinal problems. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/4/2011 15:30 - United States

Today, I finally found a reason to quit smoking. I threw my cigarette butt out the window and it blew back in, went down the back of my pants, and burnt my butt in 3 different places. FML

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By twowords - 8/6/2009 18:44 - United States

Today, I had to find a date for this banquet we did in my town every year. I paid my neighbor 40 bucks an hour to be my date. It was a 4 hour event. Best part: she got drunk and told the whole town I was paying her. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/2/2016 17:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend still won't get a job, because he's convinced he's going to make millions inventing and selling carbonated ketchup. FML

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By Jersey girl - 8/12/2016 07:58 - United States - Miami

Today, I requested to have the next Sunday off of my job in retail. Not only did my boss say that we're not allowed to ask for weekends off anymore, but I also have to work on another weekend that I requested off. I guess I'm not going to my sister's wedding. FML

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By 4fingerdiscount - 13/9/2016 11:07 - United States - Knoxville

Today, my bitch of a boss sent out a group text saying she'd had a chainsaw accident and lost the tips of 4 of her fingers and would be out indefinitely. When I told my boyfriend, his immediate response was to grab my phone and reply "I'm stumped, I don't know what to say." She hasn't responded yet. FML

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By whoslade - 28/6/2012 17:36 - United States

Today, I woke up to a punch in the balls. FML

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By mrjude - 28/10/2019 04:00

Whiner!

Today, my boss yelled at me, telling me that I can't answer the phone anymore. Not because I do a bad job, but because a co-worker whined about it being her job. People call her and complain about how rude she is and then ask to talk to me. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/10/2010 07:21 - Australia

Today, I was on MSN when the conversation died. So I lied and told them I had to go get ready for a party, and that everyone was expecting me there. I spent the rest of the night playing The Sims. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/6/2012 02:36 - United Kingdom - London

Today, at the beach, my boyfriend picked me up and carried me over his shoulder. I felt my bikini top come undone in the process. I panicked and pulled down on his shorts. We were fined for indecent exposure. FML

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By joe - 8/8/2010 07:14 - United States

Today, I was in the checkout line at Foodmax around 11:30pm. Three girls behind me were buying Tequila, salt and some limes. I was buying frozen pizza and some toilet paper. They were going to an awesome party. I was going home to eat pizza by myself. FML

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By Gangnam - 16/11/2012 15:52 - Sweden - Bromma

Today, while at a red light, a guy in a tux and sunglasses doing the Gangnam Style passed over the crossing, followed by a man with a video camera. This isn't the first time I've stopped for people doing a Gangnam Style parody. FML

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By hehe - 2/2/2011 23:57

Today, I went to shovel the massive amount of snow that was on our car. After spending time in the cold wind, I finally finished, realizing it wasn't my car. It was an identical car. FML

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By Annakins - 6/6/2010 18:31 - United States

Today, I am 9 months pregnant. I had a dream where I successfully pushed and gave birth to my son. Meanwhile, in the real world, I successfully pushed and gave birth to a large dump. FML

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By Pissed - 21/9/2012 23:20 - United States - Newton Center

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. My dad noticed my depression and got me to tell him what was wrong. I told him everything, and trusting him to have an intelligent suggestion, I asked him what I should do. He shrugged and said, "Fuck, sue him, I dunno." FML

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By Twysted91 - 28/12/2015 03:50 - United States - Milford

Today, I was rushed to the emergency room in crippling pain, thanks to a very dangerous cluster of cysts on my ovaries that could rupture at any time. My boyfriend took this news as my way of denying him sex and broke up with me for "going to obscene lengths" to emasculate him. FML

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By rattledwife666 - 21/1/2017 14:00

Today, when I asked my husband to join me In the shower to "save water", he said, "let the environment suffer, not me." FML

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By sleepless - 25/6/2019 20:00

Today, it's the third day that I can't sleep. Somewhere in my room, there's a mosquito craving for my blood, and every time I'm about to fall asleep, I can hear it flying around. I'm covered in bites, even in places that barely see the daylight. FML

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By ohhhemmgee - 6/9/2012 06:39 - United States - Reno

Today, I locked myself out of the house I was house-sitting. An hour later, and my fifth attempt at climbing the fence, I figured I'd try the door one more time. Turns out I was turning the handle the wrong way and the door wasn't locked in the first place. FML

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By lol smiley face - 28/11/2009 15:57 - United States

Today, I woke up feeling awesome. I turned to face the sunrise in the window, and as I stretched and let out a big yawn. Only for my boyfriend to say "Baby, turn back over. Your breath smells like turds." FML

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By Username - 15/6/2011 05:07 - United States

Today, a car hit me while I was in a crosswalk. The driver jumped out of her car and stepped over me to check her car for damage. FML

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By Journo - 27/4/2009 19:46 - United States

Today, after two months of unemployment, I got a call from a marketing firm offering me an interview for an entry-level position. While Googling the company, I discovered it's a scam. I graduated college in 3 years with a 3.5 GPA, and the only interview I can get is at a fake company. FML

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Top comments

By fartay55 | 11

#5779463 - Thursday 5 December 2013 8:40

People get so distracted by social media today that they don't take the time to realize that memories are happening right in front of them

By nesto209 | 7

#5779461 - Thursday 5 December 2013 8:39

That's life Nowadays

Comments

By nesto209 | 7

#5779461 - Thursday 5 December 2013 8:39

That's life Nowadays

Reply

californiapoppy | 11

#5779512 - Thursday 5 December 2013 9:24

People are too self absorbed in the social media world that they've stopped caring about real life. The only thing that matter is how many likes on Facebook or Instagram they get. Why can't we have a good conversation without someone having to be on their phone?

Reply

Siererrr | 13

#5779682 - Thursday 5 December 2013 13:04

It really is. My mom does this on a daily basis.

Reply

MissMiranda93 | 7

#5779957 - Thursday 5 December 2013 17:20

My mom did the same exact thing when I got accepted to college.

Reply

cardinallove | 11

#5780383 - Thursday 5 December 2013 23:48

Seriously! My boyfriend's mom is like this. It drives us nuts.

Reply

MrsDruidess | 23

#5781032 - Friday 6 December 2013 10:46

well there is no point in loving your child unless you can get props for it have have people "like" it.

I fear what they world will be like when my children are of age . . .

By fartay55 | 11

#5779463 - Thursday 5 December 2013 8:40

People get so distracted by social media today that they don't take the time to realize that memories are happening right in front of them

Reply

Ambient25 | 24

#5779475 - Thursday 5 December 2013 8:49

The worse though are people who involve themselves in the accomplishments when they had nothing to do with it.

Reply

SmuggletheBudgie | 15

#5779484 - Thursday 5 December 2013 9:00

I deactivated my facebook earlier this year. Never looked back.

Reply

Ambient25 | 24

#5779500 - Thursday 5 December 2013 9:15

You know what's funny? I don't think anyone would say they deactivated their Myspace. I think that one falls on the line of "forgot" lol.

By mackdeezy | 21

#5779464 - Thursday 5 December 2013 8:40

People care more about themselves than their own kids these days. Sorry OP

Reply

caohm | 18

#5779557 - Thursday 5 December 2013 10:12

I feel like you skimmed it fast so you could get one of the first comments yet your efforts have been in vain. I award you no points and we're all dumber for just having read that.

Reply

mackdeezy | 21

#5779634 - Thursday 5 December 2013 12:27

I would have appreciated the constructive criticism had you not used a Billy Madison reference to make a point. It was funny in the movie but not how you used it.

Reply

WellThatSucked89 | 13

#5780838 - Friday 6 December 2013 6:34

Idon't know why 3 is getting buried. If the only reason the mother posted on Facebook was for her own praise, then that is quite selfish. OP deserves the credit and approval, not the mother.

By jabfinch | 9

#5779465 - Thursday 5 December 2013 8:40

Yeah... Facebook..... Afk.

By DarkSighty | 7

#5779466 - Thursday 5 December 2013 8:41

Maybe she was happy for you and couldn't express herself on face; its similar to how people express themselves better on messages. They feel more comfortable, I guess.

But, congratulations to you!

Reply

xMidna | 6

#5779844 - Thursday 5 December 2013 15:40

My mum's a bit like this too, but she doesn't mean anything by it. She's just one of those people who doesn't show emotion most the time.

When my partner first met her, he thought she was a bitch but she just has a funny way of expressing emotion.

Wouldn't have her any other way either.

By Angelic_Author | 16

#5779467 - Thursday 5 December 2013 8:42

The way I see it you can either be happy she acknowledges you, or post a comment about how she's an attention whore and using you for likes when she doesn't give a fuck. Either way, congratulations.

By Girlie7 | 11

#5779468 - Thursday 5 December 2013 8:44

Now that's called addiction

By adam_tajyar | 10

#5779469 - Thursday 5 December 2013 8:44

At least she's stating how's she's proud of u in some way shape or form. Better then no acknowledgment at all

By BrockALee | 14

#5779471 - Thursday 5 December 2013 8:45

Well, congratulations Op! It's sad how your mum can't even tell that to you.

By NessaMae | 19

#5779474 - Thursday 5 December 2013 8:49

This is why generation stereotypes are irrelevant. Because parents do things like this, too.