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By Wtfbruhimmovingout - 28/11/2015 02:38 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my mom tried to burn my arm with a hot spatula, all because I got a tattoo against her wishes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 510

You deserved it 5 535

Get me the manager

By Diachronic - 12/09/2014 08:05 - United States - Lewiston

Today, at the restaurant where I work, a guest choked on a bone from her crosscut ribs. She asked me to bring the manager over, so I did. When he got there, she complained that the bone could have seriously injured her, and we should be more careful of where we put the bones in the ribs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 454

You deserved it 3 091

Bad doggo

By babyboomerang - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I spent hours baking a multi-layered, detailed cake from scratch for my mom's birthday. It took two seconds for my dog to devour the cake while I picked up a spoon I dropped on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 258

You deserved it 6 838

By WTFruits - 29/05/2013 18:29 - Canada - Kitchener

Today, my math teacher raged at a student for eating an apple in class. As he yelled at the student, he slapped the apple out of his hand and right into my face. Everyone laughed, including the teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 534

You deserved it 3 859

By Ashe - 01/06/2012 17:58 - Australia - Carrum

Today, I was admitted to hospital for suspected kidney failure. I called my best friend to let her know I couldn't make it to her birthday party tonight. She seemed to be infinitely more upset that I wouldn't be able to give her a birthday present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 564

You deserved it 2 151

By awkward - 26/09/2016 21:31 - United States - Oakland

Today, I was out to dinner with a friend I had a crush on. The whole time, he was flirting with the waitress while I was trying to get him to notice me. When we got the check, he looked at her and said, "She's not my girlfriend, I only go out with pretty girls. So, can I have your number?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 036

You deserved it 1 383

By Alex - 31/03/2009 04:41 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me how I am too occupied with work for our relationship. Before we had sex I told my friend to call me in ten minutes so I can pretend its my boss and I would throw the phone away to impress her. He called me in ten minutes, but I only lasted five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 768

You deserved it 89 159

By breakfast tea - 07/04/2012 19:30 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, I was escorted out of the building for getting in a scuffle at my anger management class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 719

You deserved it 28 628

By Charlotte - 28/09/2009 04:03 - United States

Today, I arrived at work at 8, and business was abnormally slow, but we assumed it would pick up. Few hours later, we had not had a single customer. As I walk out of the restaurant, I realize the open sign has been off all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 132

You deserved it 39 081

ARE YOU ******* SORRY?

By Evelyn - 19/03/2012 20:18 - United States

Today, I was at the park with my friends. We were all having fun on the swings, when out of nowhere I heard a thud, followed by a child crying. Turns out I accidentally kicked him in the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 527

You deserved it 7 911

Score!

By OverIt - 25/02/2014 22:24 - United States - Winchester

Today, I talked to my husband about his lack of interest in sex. Apparently his definition is polar to mine; his is along the lines of cuddling. Not only did I wait until marriage to have sex with this man, apparently he prefers a permanent roommate without benefits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 829

You deserved it 11 240

Star witness

By Anunimos - 19/04/2015 13:08 - Romania - Bucharest

Today, I found out my best friend's girlfriend is cheating on him with his own brother. I went over to his place and told him everything while his girlfriend was in the same room. He called me a jealous liar who wanted to break them up, and kicked me out while she looked on, smirking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 992

You deserved it 3 442

By justpeachy - 08/03/2010 20:27 - United States

Today, I was invited by my boyfriend's parents for dinner at their house. The dinner went well I thought, until I was getting ready to leave. Before I could make it out the front door, I could hear them discussing their disappointment that their son would ever consider someone like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 597

You deserved it 2 556

By axsmith01 - 21/08/2009 06:48 - United States

Today, the girl I have been dating for the past five years asked me to move to California with her to get married. Naturally, I was thrilled and said, "Of course, when do you want to leave?". She just stared at me blankly and said, "Shit, I was kidding." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 705

You deserved it 5 759

axsmith01 tells us more.

axsmith01 0

Friday 21 August 2009 21:34

Today, it turns out I am the only bi-sexual woman in the world who doesn't know same-sex marriages in California are no longer legal. Double FML

By Anonymous - 18/11/2013 18:53 - United Kingdom - Congleton

Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house at 9am to surprise him on our 1 year anniversary. In the process, I gatecrashed another celebration he was having with his second girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 911

You deserved it 4 591

By ilovemom - 21/01/2010 05:41 - United States

Today, holding my newborn baby and yearning for some affection from my mother, I asked my mom what the best day of her life was, hoping she would say the day I was born. Her answer? "The day you moved out." She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 282

You deserved it 6 673

By lonewolf2701 - 22/11/2009 09:15 - United States

Today, my manager sent me a text message with a picture of Santa masturbating, with a message that said he wished me a white Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 606

You deserved it 4 287

Clubbing tip

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Pocatello

Today, I approached a cute girl at a club, and she started barking at me like a rabid dog. Thinking she might be mentally unhinged, I left, only to see the same girl laughing her ass off with her friends minutes later. When I went back over, her friends started barking at me too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 081

You deserved it 7 086

Hell no!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my ex-wife, whom I divorced just 8 months ago, asked me to attend her wedding, because "it would mean a lot" to her. She's marrying the man she cheated on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 799

You deserved it 3 396

By lifesuck - 19/09/2010 14:11 - United States

Today, while at a local river, I had been pulled underwater by a very fast and strong current. While fighting for my life, I had let go of my sandals so I could pull myself up. After explaining to my mom what had happened to me, her response was "YOU LOST YOUR SANDALS!?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 598

You deserved it 3 785

By sadgf - 29/03/2009 17:41 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were snuggling on bed watching TV. He gets up at one point and turns the light off, so I asked him why. He replied, "You look better in the dark." FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 925

You deserved it 6 045

By ticket - 06/10/2009 15:44 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a ticket for having my brights on. The street was pitch black and it was 1:30 in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 974

You deserved it 6 904

By Momma - 19/06/2010 07:47 - France

Today, my kids thought it would be funny to put pictures of naked men and women as people's ID on my phone. They won't tell me how to change it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 085

You deserved it 30 785

You happened

By Anonymous - 10/09/2009 09:13 - New Zealand

Today, my 11-year-old son and I were going through some old photos. He saw one of me when I was 22 on a beach, wearing a bikini. He said "Wow! Who's that?" Quite proudly I said it was me. He looked at me and said "What happened?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 519

You deserved it 7 859

Shook

By footfetish - 02/02/2013 11:21 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, a male employee at a shoe shop helped me try on shoes. Once I found a pair, I went to pay for them. I was telling the cashier about how great of an employee he was when she told me there were no male employees. A guy with a foot fetish helped me find shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 742

You deserved it 4 603

That's enough of that

By really?!? - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Wendell

Today, I was driving my 9 month pregnant sister around in our golf cart when it died. I had to push it the rest of the way home. She wouldn't stop faking going into labor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 393

You deserved it 4 547

Nice try, bucko

By Subliminal message - 19/01/2014 23:21 - Switzerland

Today, my boyfriend started whispering "blowjobbbb" into my ear while we were watching a movie. When I asked him what he was doing, he denied ever saying it and claimed it must have been a subliminal message in the movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 780

You deserved it 8 510

Useful

By Zach - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Lewes

Today, I found out the only reason my parents haven't kicked me out yet is because of my OCD which makes me clean the house every single day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 691

You deserved it 3 751

By dammit - 01/02/2012 08:22 - United States

Today, my nap was cut short by three bricks flying through my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 364

You deserved it 2 414

It's business time

By anonymous - 17/03/2015 05:09 - United States - Spokane

Today, I tried to surprise my husband by wearing something sexy to bed. He didn't say anything, just laughed and left the room for 10 minutes. The little confidence I had disappeared, so I changed, feeling stupid for thinking I could pull off sexy. He got mad at me for being confusing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 255

You deserved it 4 118

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The Top

Today, I was walking in the shoes I'm going to wear for a wedding and fell, spraining my ankle. I'm the Matron of Honor and I can barely walk. The wedding is in three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 102

You deserved it 4 363

Today, my husband asked me to come see his turd. After I said no, he said, "What kind of wife are you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 295

You deserved it 9 983

Today, I had to wait an hour in the awful rain for my mom to pick me up, because she didn't realize the clocks had gone forward already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 670

You deserved it 4 218

Today, a good friend refuses to speak to me because she found out that I slept with her husband. It happened twelve years before they met. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 670

You deserved it 741

Today, my work told my they are launching a work performance investigation. That would be OK, if the only person assessing me wasn't the same person giving me the tasks that have nothing to do with my experience, and thus causing the low performance. My kids need my work visa to stay in the country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 993

You deserved it 118

Today, I was looking for proof that my dad’s much younger girlfriend is just a dumb gold digging slut looking for a payday. Turns out she has a PhD, owns her own home, and makes six figures. So what’s she doing with his old ass? FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 941