Miscellaneous: Today, while at a local river, I had been pulled underwater by...

By lifesuck - 19/09/2010 14:11 - United States

Today, while at a local river, I had been pulled underwater by a very fast and strong current. While fighting for my life, I had let go of my sandals so I could pull myself up. After explaining to my mom what had happened to me, her response was "YOU LOST YOUR SANDALS!?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 481

You deserved it 3 751

Miscellaneous

Another great day to be alive

Are you a wizard?

Nice guy

By KereKris - 01/12/2016 19:18

Today, I wrote a bad review for a pizza place after their pizza gave me food poisoning. Now, they won't stop calling me, begging me to take my review down in exchange for free pizza. I have tried to tell them that I wouldn't eat their pizza again even if I got paid to do so, but they won't listen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 514

You deserved it 1 371

By Pongy - 12/11/2013 05:31

Today, I found out that shirt sizes don't get longer, they get wider. Being 6ft4, every shirt I try on makes me look like a cheap stripper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 568

You deserved it 3 257

By Remember the parking brake - 06/10/2010 23:41 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were making love in the backseat. Being in the moment we didn't notice the car moving. We DID notice the pole that stopped us though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 141

You deserved it 37 014

By lsta - 04/05/2009 04:40 - United States

Today, I donated blood for the first time, and all the nurses kept complimenting on how good my veins were. That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me in the past 2 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 973

You deserved it 4 410

By whatsmccraken - 10/09/2009 12:37 - Taiwan

Today, I was on a 12 hour trans-Atlantic flight overseas. I asked the flight attendant where this rancid smell was coming from. The guy sitting next to me started laughing, saying, "Sorry, something I ate is not agreeing with me." This was hour 1 of the flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 630

You deserved it 2 290

By Anonymous - 19/09/2009 04:55 - United States

Today, I went back home. My drunk mother was screaming at my drunk step-dad about a fight that happened four years ago. My little sister was looking in the mirror practicing her "orgasm face" while the neighbors were dancing outside, coked out and naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86 126

You deserved it 5 358

By Higgs - 02/06/2009 19:10 - United States

Today, I went to the pool. When I hit the water the top of my swimsuit came off so I tried to put it on underwater. The lifeguard thought I was drowning and pulled me out in front of everyone. Topless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 034

You deserved it 6 181

By Anonymous - 05/05/2012 07:08 - United States

Today, it was my wedding. Everyone showed up, except my fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 242

You deserved it 3 205

Health hazard

By lacie - 08/04/2021 21:30

Today, multiple customers have complained about my body odor. Not only can I not smell anything, but I shower three times a day and brush my teeth seven times a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 849

You deserved it 102

By Almostfunny - 16/03/2011 13:01 - United States

Today, I emailed my potential boss a copy of my résumé. However, I didn't realize until too late that it was my fake resume, created for an English class project. Some of my former jobs included being a certified gangster, as well as the former president of Canada. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 334

You deserved it 52 145

By Gabi - 20/02/2012 14:23 - United States

Today, my boyfriend would rather jerk off than have sex with me. Even if I'm next to him in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 101

You deserved it 6 520

By wellfuck - 02/05/2015 14:23 - United States - Lexington

Today, I realized I get more pleasure watching YouTube videos of people lighting their farts on fire than I do from making love to my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 187

You deserved it 7 561

By Anonymous - 23/09/2009 10:23 - Singapore

Today, I was playing hide and seek with my eight year old cousin. For the past two turns, he had been hiding in the bathroom. I saw the bathroom lights on, yet again, and opened the door with a triumphant "AHA!" It was my Grandma, taking a smelly dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 382

You deserved it 38 052

By smyp - 27/05/2015 22:27 - Lithuania - Vilnius

Today, I was let go from my job, because I "progress too quickly and there's no promotions available" and I "can find a better place to work at". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 720

You deserved it 2 277

By WTF - 14/07/2013 20:08 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, my girlfriend of six weeks dumped me when she learned that Macedonia, where I was born, is in Europe. Apparently, she thought that I was "Asian" and she doesn't want to date a "white guy." Yeah, I'm totally confused too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 447

You deserved it 3 868

Demonic attack!

By zombie mommy - 27/06/2020 17:02

Today, my 10-month-old kept me up all night after a gruelling day. I finally fell asleep with her at about 2 a.m., and I woke up half an hour later to her hands on my throat, and her biting my nose. Startled, I took a big breath through my nose and snorted an ungodly amount of slobber. I’m awake now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 394

You deserved it 210

They Do.

By Anonymous - 24/07/2019 16:00

Today, my boyfriend told me he would be really disappointed if we had kids before we got married, because it would ruin our plans to go to Disney World for our honeymoon. Apparently, kids ruin vacations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 125

You deserved it 1 022

By MLZ - 30/07/2010 20:00 - United States

Today, while at the restaurant I work at, a bunch of kids came in. They all gave incredibly complex orders, laughed at everything I did, and made a huge mess by "spilling" hot sauce and water all over the floor. After they left, I was tipped eleven cents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 237

You deserved it 3 532

By special-ingredient - 02/08/2009 03:41 - Canada

Today, I came home tired and hungry from work. I put my feet up and sat down with a big bowl of chips and salsa. I thought I must have been really hungry because my regular no-name salsa tasted way better than usual. I looked down to examine the jar. Looks like I like the taste of mold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 929

You deserved it 13 900

By Anonymous - 16/12/2018 12:30

My long-distance partner came to visit me for the weekend. When he arrived he seemed moody and tired, and refused any kind of physical contact. Upset, I asked him what was wrong. Turns out he's mad for coming to see me because I've put on weight, making the trip a waste of his time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 559

You deserved it 450

By ... - 15/04/2012 21:26 - United States - Clermont

Today, I arrived at work, only to find my computer's massive CRT monitor had been smashed up beyond belief. Everyone else has flat-screen monitors, and I'd made no secret of how unfair it is to me. According to my boss, this makes me the obvious culprit, and now I'm suspended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 678

You deserved it 2 773

By Anonymous - 16/10/2010 09:57 - United States

Today, I started some laundry late at night. Once my clothes were in the washer for about a half hour, I got bored and I decided I would listen to my iPod. After looking for it for another 15 minutes, I remembered where I'd left it; in my jacket... which is now nice and clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 551

You deserved it 27 286

Contagion

By Anonymous - 26/12/2020 05:02

Today, after bronchitis and a negative COVID test, I finally went back into my classroom for the last day before break. An hour after I got home, a parent contacted me to let me know her child (whom I helped all day) had tested positive and that I needed to quarantine. She thought I would, "want to know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 66

Assumptions

By Blue Lemon - 13/12/2020 20:01

Today, I was at a job interview and thought the guy interviewing me was a bit of a perv because he kept staring down at my cleavage. Afterwards, I realised what he was really looking at: the wire in my bra had popped out and had been poking right through my shirt like a dagger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 024

You deserved it 241

My body hates me

By HappilyNeverAfter - 18/09/2014 03:14 - Canada - Port Perry

Today, a guy asked me out, and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I soon realized that it wasn't butterflies, but an unexpected bowel movement. I stood there awkwardly, looking him in the eyes, then farted hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 779

You deserved it 5 256

By muscalata - 20/07/2018 01:30

Today, my girlfriend sent a text asking if I think she’s pretty. I replied "Yes, of course!" She then got mad and blocked me. Turns out she'd said "petty". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 424

You deserved it 779

By jkass - 07/10/2011 15:07 - Australia

Today, I was pulled over by the police. The cop was my ex-boyfriend. He had no legitimate reason to pull me over, so he thoroughly checked my car. He gave me a defect notice and a fine. What for? A broken door lock, on my rear passenger door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 322

You deserved it 4 469

By Andrew - 29/06/2009 10:31 - Canada

Today, there was a meeting at work. I had to give a presentation to my boss and the other attendants. My first subject was on how my 5 year old son got to my briefcase and replaced the contents of it with crayons and a stuffed teddy bear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 975

You deserved it 5 425

By Rynne S. - 13/03/2012 06:12 - United States

Today, I got my yearbook. My sister and I are identical twins, and we realized only my sister had a picture in it. When we asked the head of yearbook, they said they thought it was the same girl trying to get two pictures, so they put in the prettier one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 437

You deserved it 2 455

Vandals!

By volvo_owner - 10/02/2021 02:01 - Germany - Harsefeld

Today, I wanted to go shopping in my new car that I bought just a month ago. When I stepped outside, I saw someone had smashed the driver side's window. They didn't even steal anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 910

You deserved it 49

By RatQuiRit - 13/10/2008 08:21

Today, I arrived at the station at 7:30pm sharp for the train... which was cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 705

You deserved it 15 876

By Anonymous - 27/10/2010 16:17 - United States

Today, a hummingbird somehow got into my house. I spent two and a half hours trying to get it out after finally using a blanket to catch it. I run outside to release it from my hands, and it flew back into my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 319

You deserved it 6 343

By nobodywasthere - 12/09/2017 01:30

Today, I rushed onto the metro to get to work. I found there were no seats left and asked a perfectly healthy guy to let me sit in the handicap spot. He refused to because "being tired" was a handicap characteristic. I have one leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 632

You deserved it 271

Primitive art

By Anonymous - 19/04/2021 00:30

Today, I went to check on my 2 year-old daughter in her playroom, since she was being awfully quiet. I walk in to see her finger painting with her own feces on her kiddie table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 844

You deserved it 259

By mvp - 26/07/2009 23:51 - United States

Today, my 50-year-old mother borrowed my denim miniskirt to go to the bar. In return, she offered to let me borrow her red "f*** me" pumps whenever I needed them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 845

You deserved it 3 467

By Kurda - 23/05/2015 02:26 - United States - Wallburg

Today, I finally found a bug I had been trying to get rid of. When I removed my bra, I noticed what looked like a piece of bug on it. Apparently, the bug was flattened and suffocated by my boob the entire day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 467

You deserved it 2 747

Cough up

By Anonymous - 10/08/2021 18:01

Today, my wife somehow convinced a judge to force me to pay child support for a child that isn’t mine. I recently discovered our son was the result of an affair and not biologically mine, so I divorced her, but the judge is forcing me to keep supporting them financially. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 396

You deserved it 114

By joking0303 - 16/07/2009 07:08 - United States

Today, my friend gave me a fortune cookie that said, "Don't be saddened by an upcoming event". Three hours later my girlfriend broke up with me because she said I was too superstitious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 042

You deserved it 6 436

By Enslaved - 15/11/2016 08:40

Today, I told my long-distance friend about the flooding in Florida due to the Supermoon. He's a Flat Earther and despite proof, denies the coincidence because he believes the moon and gravity aren't what we're taught. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 517

You deserved it 1 288

By fml_forever32 - 23/12/2009 18:56 - United States

Today, I was in the bus on my way home. I was reading a book, and drops of something were getting all over it. It was the man sitting next to me who was asleep and drooling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 074

You deserved it 2 482

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Top comments

Macromartyr 3

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Sunday 19 September 2010 19:04

Were they purple?

sirbrainiac 2

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Sunday 19 September 2010 19:05

those sandals cost 10 bucks!!!

Macromartyr 3

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Sunday 19 September 2010 19:04

Were they purple?

anorexicbarbie 8

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Sunday 19 September 2010 19:12

Fighting for your life, you mean?

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

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Sunday 19 September 2010 19:14

No, she's fighting her fore-life, duh! She hath been enlightened and struggles to not go back to the before time!

zerobahamut03 2

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Sunday 19 September 2010 19:15

@#11 of course that's what he meant. @OP maybe they were some very expensive sandals? lol jk! that sucks.

anorexicbarbie 8

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Sunday 19 September 2010 19:34

14 "fighting my for life"

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

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Sunday 19 September 2010 19:53

#1 I love your cat!

christa953 12

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Sunday 19 September 2010 19:56

YOU LOST YOUR SANDALS?!?!!

CitizenSnipz 0

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Monday 20 September 2010 6:28

I was 4 and I got sucked into a thick muddy canal. The kind where it goes underground. My babysitter stuck in her hand randomly and grabbed mine. I lost my lucky hat, but I kept my life. I still have nightmares about it.

penguins17 0

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Monday 20 September 2010 8:09

Noe they had to go back to goodwill

beautiful_disast_fml 2

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Monday 20 September 2010 9:30

that cat is honestly really scary! =O

lyssannexo 1

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Monday 20 September 2010 14:27

bullshit that's your fault for going too deep in a river.. smh

blo0_starZz 0

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Monday 20 September 2010 15:04

mayb they were Gina sandals? those r ridiculously expensive

Mars_Bars_Big_Na 0

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Tuesday 21 September 2010 1:18

we gota word for that down here in Georgia. biotch

laxgirl17 5

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Tuesday 21 September 2010 5:14

Your mom wears sandals

andrewzzz 0

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Tuesday 21 September 2010 5:42

71 lucky as hell

Shootamonkey3 0

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Thursday 20 January 2011 7:49

GTFO of the kiddie pool!!!!

sirbrainiac 2

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Sunday 19 September 2010 19:05

those sandals cost 10 bucks!!!

bravesfan112233 0

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Sunday 19 September 2010 20:03

plus shipping and handling

iTzAeroz 0

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Sunday 19 September 2010 20:27

plus tax

bubbarific 0

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Sunday 19 September 2010 20:46

plus warranty

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

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Sunday 19 September 2010 20:47

plus tacos

JillianlikesVogu 0

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Sunday 19 September 2010 20:55

I like tacos.

fakeaccountX 6

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Sunday 19 September 2010 21:27

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Jessi2487 0

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Sunday 19 September 2010 21:33

papi tu no puede con el Taco Bell. all for me!

penguins17 0

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Monday 20 September 2010 8:04

YOU LOST UR SANDLES. now we have to go back to the goodwill

Akumie 6

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Tuesday 24 July 2012 6:33

Who doesn't like tacos?

rawrzy 0

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Sunday 19 September 2010 19:05

haha wow awesome mom

ilovefatcats 12

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Thursday 23 September 2010 2:39

LOL

HedgehogHead 0

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Sunday 19 September 2010 19:05

u lost ur sandals!! Rebel;)

crazedcabbages 0

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Monday 20 September 2010 9:26

yeah i kno right xD

Y_U_19029 0

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Sunday 19 September 2010 19:05

Wow that sucks, how much were the sandels?

CitizenSnipz 0

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Monday 20 September 2010 6:31

See post and replies about price and tacos.

lovely220 0

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Sunday 19 September 2010 19:05

such a caring mother you have...

beautiful_disast_fml 2

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Monday 20 September 2010 9:32

my mom would prob laugh at the fact of me almost dying! :

Abbigaile 0

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Sunday 19 September 2010 19:06

That sucks.. maybe they were expensive sandals. :/

Juneyah1017 9

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Sunday 19 September 2010 19:08

Goodjob Giligan, you lost your moms sandals.

angela3222 0

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Monday 20 September 2010 5:38

lmao, win xD

zxcvbnm321 2

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Sunday 19 September 2010 19:12

oh dear you lost your mandals

beautiful_disast_fml 2

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Monday 20 September 2010 9:34

mandals! haha thats great :)

bigredmonkeybutt 25

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Sunday 19 September 2010 19:14

Wait. You were swimming in sandals? You were wading and a current sucked you out if your sandals? Help this make sense please? And YDI for losing your sandals.

ironballs16 0

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Sunday 19 September 2010 21:18

I'm pretty sure it was that OP was wading through the river with his sandals in his hands so that his bare feet would be able to keep a grip on the rocks. While struggling to get back to the surface, he had to let go of the sandals so he could use his hands better and avoid drowning.