Today, my manager sent me a text message with a picture of Santa...

By lonewolf2701 - 22/11/2009 09:15 - United States

Today, my manager sent me a text message with a picture of Santa masturbating, with a message that said he wished me a white Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26366

You deserved it

4256

Favorite

Intimacy

Long story short

Banished

In my day…

By Anonymous - 7/11/2014 23:59 - Canada - Halifax

Today, I finally found out why my husband is always so eager and happy to buy me whatever I am craving during my pregnancy. It's because it gives him an excuse to meet up with his mistress and have a quickie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62492

You deserved it

4027

Favorite

By suckstobeme - 16/4/2009 18:38 - United States

Today, I asked my girlfriend what her favorite quality about me was. Her answer, "Your car." FML

I agree, your life sucks

67935

You deserved it

8767

Favorite

By I_Am_The_Edge - 11/6/2009 16:06 - United States

Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man sleeping on a bench. I thought it would be funny to throw a small rock at him. He thought it would be funny to pull out his knife and chase me for six blocks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68558

You deserved it

863173

Favorite

By Nuttree - 1/8/2010 07:02 - United States

Today, I noticed my husband chews his tongue while we are having it off. He also does this while he is playing World of Warcraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30295

You deserved it

6851

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/3/2016 11:13 - United Kingdom - London

Today, an attention seeking weirdo who thinks she's my friend asked me who was going to be the maid of honour at my wedding. Knowing what she was really asking, I said I just want a small, non-fancy wedding with no bridesmaids. She broke down into a sobbing mess in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18913

You deserved it

2066

Favorite

By uuuuugh - 21/1/2010 10:47 - United States

Today, I actually had to have a discussion with my boyfriend about why he should shower more than once a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37033

You deserved it

7569

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/1/2012 23:45 - United Kingdom

Today, I drove home from work, only to find both my next-door neighbours loudly arguing in the middle of my driveway. I got out and asked them what the hell was going on, only to find out one of their inbred kids had put a brick through my back window, and each is claiming the other did it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25971

You deserved it

2239

Favorite

By i'm not psychic, mother fucker - 2/6/2013 20:48 - Sweden - Uppsala

Today, I got a text message while driving home. I checked after arriving, and found it was a kinky text from my boyfriend, so I sent him an even kinkier reply. He later raged at me, because I somehow should have known he was showing off his phone to his mom when I sent my reply. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61253

You deserved it

6592

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/11/2010 09:35 - United States

Today, a guy at work was ranking the girls we work with in the order he'd want to date them. He told me I was 6th "because personality is important, too." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29989

You deserved it

5390

Favorite

By tortured - 27/11/2013 03:11 - United States

Today, my coworkers were bored. To solve this, they taped me to a chair and tried tickling me to death. My boss joined in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45134

You deserved it

4524

Favorite

By swiggityswooty - 23/7/2014 04:09 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I got the, "It's not you, it's me" speech for the third breakup in a row. I'm beginning to think that they may not be entirely telling me the truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45947

You deserved it

7326

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/12/2014 16:07 - Australia

Today, my cat let out the biggest moan I have ever heard, while we were both in the living room. My dad heard and accused me of watching porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36414

You deserved it

3209

Favorite

By DyingOfShame - 24/8/2010 23:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a text from my boyfriend whilst on the train home from spending the weekend with him at his grandparents' house. It said, 'Gran says to tell you that the bin beside the toilet is actually for storing spare shampoos and toothbrushes, so could you not put your tampons in it next time?' FML

I agree, your life sucks

36992

You deserved it

8400

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/11/2014 18:59 - United States - Deatsville

Today, my boss is still refusing to fire my psychotic coworker, who's made it his mission to insult, annoy, bully and threaten me every day into making me quit. My boss is convinced the guy just has "assburger's" and that the company would get sued if we fired him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34871

You deserved it

3473

Favorite

By Anonymous - 3/10/2009 17:55 - United States

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to dress in all black with a ski mask and use my spare key to break into my house as a joke. He though it was even funnier when I jumped out the window and broke my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43499

You deserved it

6305

Favorite

By . - 27/2/2012 00:02 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my husband. We thought the house was empty so we didn't mind being loud. Apparently, my grandma thought it would be fun to give us a surprise visit. All I found was a note on the counter from her and the spare key saying "Next time, I'll call." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35443

You deserved it

4554

Favorite

By ILoveAnimals - 11/6/2012 07:14 - Austria - Vienna

Today, I went to the circus with my family. When we were looking at the animals during the break, an elephant took my purse with his trunk and ate it. It crushed my cellphone, camera, keys and wallet. After that, the circus director yelled at me for feeding poisonous stuff to his elephant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32630

You deserved it

5488

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/3/2014 21:06 - Norway - Nesoddtangen

Today, after nearly a month, I found out my wife isn't pregnant after all. She was just screwing around to win a bet with her friends on how long it'd take me to figure out the truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52695

You deserved it

4847

Favorite

By "lildale92" - 5/11/2019 02:00

So cute

Today, my youngest decided my phone needed a bath in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1650

You deserved it

266

Favorite

By yourmainman - 28/1/2013 05:03 - Canada

Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55656

You deserved it

15832

Favorite

By Raw - 25/1/2017 14:00

Today, I shoveled snow at work. I had to because my co-workers refused to "get sick." I told my co-workers if anyone needs me, just tell them I'm shoveling snow. Our boss asked for me and they said that I left without punching. This also happened when I went out to water the flowers in the summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3083

You deserved it

335

Favorite

By showerpower - 21/1/2010 00:23 - United States

Today, while in the shower with my girlfriend she was going on and on about how she thinks she's fat when she's in perfect shape. With what she said still on my mind, I meant to say "honey, you're so beautiful", but accidentally said "honey, you're so fat". I'll be sleeping alone tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16461

You deserved it

34755

Favorite

By LY2 - 25/10/2019 02:00

Keep it in the family

Today, I found out why my boyfriend won't come over anymore. He and my brother apparently had a "thing" before we started dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1778

You deserved it

116

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/1/2013 05:01 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me all about how his parents sat him down last night and had a 20 minute talk with him about how I'm the biggest mistake he'll ever make. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36949

You deserved it

3949

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/7/2013 19:08 - Trinidad and Tobago - Port-of-spain

Today, my boyfriend posted a screenshot from a porno on my Facebook, because the girl in it looked freakishly similar to me. My dad commented, asking for a link to the video. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57907

You deserved it

4487

Favorite

By AlwaysTired - 14/9/2016 14:57 - United States

Today, marks the third time this month my parents came to visit. I moved 5 hours away to get away from them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13040

You deserved it

1513

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/5/2013 01:14 - Netherlands

Today, walking by myself, I was caught up in a group of people that got arrested, and we all got fined for creating a public disturbance. When I explained I wasn't with them, the group backed me up. The police thought I was the ringleader, and now I have to go to court. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65138

You deserved it

3776

Favorite

By jellymoon14 - 28/7/2011 22:25 - United States

Today, after being recently laid off at work due to "cutbacks", I went job searching around town. During my drive, I cruised past my old workplace and saw a "now hiring" sign in their window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37729

You deserved it

4017

Favorite

By Huge A Hole - 1/2/2009 05:22 - United States

Today, a girl I've had a huge crush on for a long time told another friend of ours to get a life. I, in my infinite genius responded that her mom needed to get a life. She ran out of the room bawling. I got slapped in the face and informed that her mom had died not long ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12631

You deserved it

39203

Favorite

By Uriyahu - 20/9/2010 22:11 - United States

Today, a drunk driver crashed in through my living room wall. Not only that, but he managed to completely miss the first two houses on the block, which should have been a barrier before mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32033

You deserved it

3221

Favorite

By cplaner - 4/2/2009 12:56 - United States

Today, I was teaching swim lessons. I got felt up by a 6 year old boy. 3 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33627

You deserved it

5176

Favorite

By PickedOnByDamien - 2/10/2013 08:12 - United States - Holyoke

Today, my bully made me cry once again. It's been going on for weeks. I don't know who to turn to; I can't say anything because I'd get into even more trouble. He even stole my Nintendo 3DS and won't give it back. My bully is my girlfriend's son. He's 10. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33357

You deserved it

54720

Favorite

By Savviecat97 - 25/7/2019 00:01

Today, I finally got to see the results of the new timesheet I made to make things simpler for both the employees and the managers. Apparently, 75% of them don't know how to read. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1359

You deserved it

154

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/1/2014 18:38 - United States - Canton

Today, I'm now able to put my acne cream on my face without having to look in the mirror, because I've memorized the crater and trench-filled war zone that is my acne-riddled face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46633

You deserved it

4517

Favorite

By Kaz - 7/5/2011 06:40 - United States

Today, I snuck out to see my girlfriend in the middle of the night. When I got to her house, I decided to throw a rock at her window to wake her up. It broke a hole in the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12554

You deserved it

50123

Favorite

By Anon - 25/5/2011 05:28 - United States

Today, I was so lonely that I was comforted by the sound of mice running through the walls of my apartment. I left cheese and peanut butter out for them to find so that I could at least have a pet for company. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35840

You deserved it

9815

Favorite

By fourfootnine - 7/3/2011 13:47 - United States

Today, I discovered that I'm short enough to be legally considered a midget. My daughter now wants to bring me to school for show and tell. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45610

You deserved it

4350

Favorite

By Thomas - 11/11/2013 17:20 - United States - Portsmouth

Today, my wife and I were watching Killing Kennedy. Jokingly, I said, "Spoiler alert: he dies." She threw a book at me and won't talk to me. I think she's serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50290

You deserved it

7573

Favorite

By kait - 29/11/2011 05:34 - United States

Today, at work, an overweight man riding an electric cart started peeing all around the store. I had to clean it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32881

You deserved it

2332

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/9/2010 00:33 - United States

Today, I attended a job fair for a position at a shop. I was the only one who showed and submitted an application. I didn't get the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27458

You deserved it

3163

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By stupiddumbblonde | 0

#683284 - Sunday 22 November 2009 16:26

hahahahahaha. come on people, get a sense of Humor. :) not an FML!!

By lsfry | 0

#683273 - Sunday 22 November 2009 16:21

sexual harassment anyone?

COMMENTS

By 123e3 | 0

#683268 - Sunday 22 November 2009 16:19

FIRST! And ew

sexyscooter | 0

#1282867 - Sunday 22 August 2010 6:59

thats HILARIOUS!!

By lsfry | 0

#683273 - Sunday 22 November 2009 16:21

sexual harassment anyone?

My2864 | 1

#1015865 - Tuesday 1 June 2010 22:34

awww fuck off thats no sexual harresment...
thats epic its called a joke get over yourself

xiShawnx | 0

#1084637 - Tuesday 13 July 2010 14:50

Win

cayytee | 0

#4387937 - Thursday 3 May 2012 22:34

sounds like op is just trying to make a joke so we all think he/she is funny. posting for attention

TheCowCollector | 2

#5774655 - Sunday 1 December 2013 18:11

Get a fucking sense of humor!

By stupiddumbblonde | 0

#683284 - Sunday 22 November 2009 16:26

hahahahahaha. come on people, get a sense of Humor. :) not an FML!!

666Broghan666 | 0

#990313 - Monday 10 May 2010 8:22

AGREED. :3

hollyman | 0

#2966983 - Sunday 24 July 2011 22:17

ikr!!!

ibanez330 | 2

#3822028 - Tuesday 3 January 2012 0:25

I couldnt agree more!

By elgordito_fml | 0

#683288 - Sunday 22 November 2009 16:28

hahaha that sucks

By Laxloverr24 | 0

#683290 - Sunday 22 November 2009 16:29

hahaha

ydi for no having a sense of humor!
you can just delete the picture. not a big deal.

Laxer21 | 0

#1040765 - Thursday 24 June 2010 4:11

yeah. just a joke

YellowKettleBell | 31

#5904399 - Friday 4 April 2014 2:38

still gross.

By Super_Vegetto | 0

#683300 - Sunday 22 November 2009 16:32

By G5guy | 0

#683304 - Sunday 22 November 2009 16:34

so what? delete it and move on.

By 604 | 11

#683307 - Sunday 22 November 2009 16:36

LOL

By clarke1986 | 0

#683309 - Sunday 22 November 2009 16:37

how come my comments never show up... testing...1...2...3...

By Rico5037 | 0

#683317 - Sunday 22 November 2009 16:42

Oh no fyl because your boss has a sense of humor..