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I really don't understand why some people think that relationships should be exclusive. Perhaps because I'm über liberal, but my thought process is that why not have it all - a deep friendship with your gf/bf and enjoying having the freedom by sleeping with other hot people. It's not like she is OP's property. Live a little - safely and within moderation of course.
To me, that sounds extremely superficial and I feel as though every relationship should have meaning. I also think that while all relationships should have intimacy, only one should be sexually intimate, if not for respect of that person, then for health/safety issues.
@ OJ As long as both partners agree to not be exclusive from the start, fine (but if you are going to do that, why bother with a relationship in the first place). Otherwise it's a violation of trust between two people. Property has nothing to do with it. You want that kind of thing? Have a best friend and sleep around with everyone else. Problem solved. Both people take a vow from the start of dating that they will only sleep with each other (unless otherwise specified). If one of them wants to sleep around, that's when it's time for a breakup so that that person can do so. Otherwise you are breaking the rules, and hurting the other person. Again, respecting the other person enough not to screw everything in sight while you're with them isn't a question of property, but responsibility.
#18 and #19 -- It really is my belief, no wind up. I do see my self settling down at some point, but I have a work hard, play hard mentality, and with school (Uni/college) coming up in a couple of months, sports, fulfilling leadership obligations and going out I have little time to fully commit to relationships. Quite a few people I know are in this position, and in Australia at least, we aren't as staunch on trying to find exclusivity, but we do respect boundaries if someone else is in a relationship. It's more of a friends with benefits culture.
#28 I'm Australian too and I have to say WHAT THE HELL? ok, you're going to uni and have other obligations. "not having time" for a partner is bullshit! should you find the right person you would make time and being a human being with their own life, your SO would be understanding. That is not a culture your talking about, it's priorities and you being a young adult and enjoying yourself. It's a personal choice to be single, de facto etc.
You choose to be with me then I'll expect you to respect me as well. When you choose to be with one person you also take on some responsibilities! Talk with your partner about restrictions if you are unsure, people has different view on where the limits are, and knowing your bf/gf limits is something you should care about. If you think your partners limits are too tight, then say it, they may sway, or you may have to change. Or you might be unfit for each other. Me and my gf had pretty different limits. Me as pretty conservative had issues with her behavior towards other guys. I had a hard time accepting what she counted as a normal thing to do. An example: She had coffee with another guy in his apartment by themselves. The issue wasn't that I believed her to be unfaithful, just that i did not think of it as a okay action, mostly because it's something i would never do, out of respect for her (no, it was not an old friend she had known forever, but a guy she had known a couple months). So we had to talk about it and work out some middle way.
As long as both people in the relationship are okay with fooling around while they're together well why not .. but honestly I don't know many people that would accept that.. And i always noticed that in this kind of free relationships, it is not rare than one people in the two gets hurt or doesn't live the "agreement" as well as the other one.. I mean when you truly love someone you certainly don't wanna share him/her with anybody else.. This is what I call the boundaries between friends(you can have as many as you want) and lover (which is exclusively yours when it comes to feelings and sex) Anyway oj101, good luck with finding someone that shares your POV..
therr are many many people that do. some people simply do not feel jealousy and have different things that mean something to them. personally i dont think i could do it on a long term scale but it is an equally valid relationship and a happy one too if any of my friends testimonies are to be believed. it is not a shallow view either. relationships have no set construct.
13- If you are just having a " Deep friendship" with your bf/gf, then it isn't a relationship. It's a friendship. This is why liberals should not run anything. You clearly do not understand the concept of a relationship. Maybe if OP's girlfriend actually told him, they could have worked something out. But clearly that is not the case.
What you're talking about, 13, is friends with benefits, it is not a relationship. It's a cop out, It's a guy and girl who don't want a relationship (or are in a relationship, but can't stay faithful) but want cheap meaningless sex. It's exactly that type of mindset that is ruining human relationships, causing high divorce rates, and causing men and women alike to think that cheating is not only okay, but acceptable.
You know what they say about the word assume; it makes an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'me'