Today, my boss insisted that we get in the holiday mood by putting...

By unhappyelf - 14/11/2011 21:53 - United States

Today, my boss insisted that we get in the holiday mood by putting up lights, playing Christmas music, and wearing bells on our uniforms. It's not even Thanksgiving yet and I can't even have a tinkle without full-blown jingling. FML

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Work

Long story short

Delayed proposal

Banished

By unpatriotic - 4/7/2013 13:13 - United States - Eugene

Today, my manager made me remove an Eiffel Tower ornament from one of my displays. Not because it didn't look good or match the theme, but because it was "disrespectful" to have it out on the 4th of July. FML

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By kilamo80 - 27/7/2013 09:26 - United States - Clarkston

Today, I found out why we've had to replace 3 washing machines this year. My sister thinks that "huge capacity" means "load the washing machine until no more clothes will fit." It blows the motor every time. She's 31. FML

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By lance - 12/3/2010 12:10 - Canada

Today, I parked my car to go inside to grab my wallet than I'd forgotten. In the short time it took me to do that, someone broke two of my car's windows. FML

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By shut up. - 11/11/2013 10:36 - New Zealand

Today, I was mentioning to a coworker how there was a huge lull today in business. A young coworker then turns to me and says in a snooty tone, "I think you mean a 'lol', it's pronounced L-O-L." FML

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By bad friend - 22/10/2019 05:00 - United States - Monterey Park

Hissy fit incoming!

Today, my boyfriend’s female "best friend" hates me for absolutely no other reason other than she, "just doesn’t get along with girls." Boyfriend doesn’t see a problem with this, and insists I should just accept it since, "that’s just how she is." Time to throw the whole man away. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/11/2009 06:27 - United States

Today, I found out that my mother cheated on my father. It turns out she had a drunken one night stand with the manager of the restaurant that my parents own and that I work at. The same manager I have been secretly sleeping with for over six months. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/7/2016 04:17 - United States - Gilroy

Today, I was heading out for my flight to Australia. I'd put a padlock on my luggage to keep my wallet and passport safe, only to realize way too late that I'd left the key at home. I couldn't get at my passport and ended up missing my flight and my whole vacation along with it. FML

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By YankeeDoodle - 4/3/2010 05:30 - Australia

Today, I discovered my employer is advertising for a contractor position within my team performing basically the same role as myself. Except the pay is seven times more. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/5/2019 12:08

Today, someone overheard my ex talking about ditching me with a year-long lease. FML

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By lel - 6/11/2018 13:30

Today, I got a blue screen of death on my brand new computer. Why? My parents installed an "anti-virus" before I got home. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/3/2015 17:10 - United States - Tallahassee

Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be romantic to take me to a strip club for our 1-year anniversary. FML

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By Cheerieful - 7/5/2011 16:26 - United States

Today, I playfully nudged my friend on the shoulder. She countered by shoving me head-first into a trash can. FML

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By sleepy2010 - 8/3/2010 14:46 - United States

Today, I started my spring break. My college is letting the students stay in the dorms for break, so I figured that staying here would mean getting more sleep than going home. Not so much. The fire alarm has been going off every 20 mins since 7:30am because they're "fixing" it. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/10/2012 00:29 - United States - Bellingham

Today, while my mother's blind friend was waiting in our kitchen for my mom to come home, I thought it would be funny to talk to her in the nude. Turns out she's only blind in one eye. FML

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By BlueB - 6/7/2013 15:42 - United States

Today, I realized that I am such a Grammar Nazi that when a porn star says something grammatically-incorrect, I lose my boner. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/11/2019 01:00

Complete mockery

Today, the people in my class wondered why I seem to avoid them. The same people who call me a creep and hide when they see me in public because of my disability. FML

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By Bad Cat - 29/5/2019 14:00

Today, I saw my cat playing in the other room. Fascinated, I watched him for a few minutes before I realized he was playing with one of my daughter's fish. Well, what was left of it. FML

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By notevencatnipworks - 27/8/2018 13:00

Today, as every day for the past three weeks, my girlfriend's cat kept us up from 3:30am crying nonstop. We've tried everything, and even exiled my well-behaved cat to keep him company. Now she cries because she feels she's being punished. Starting around 4am. FML

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By This girl - 19/12/2011 18:01 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street, when I slipped and fell on a patch of ice. It wasn't all that embarrassing, until I walked two more feet and slipped again. The second time, a man pulled over and loudly asked if I was drunk. FML

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By InTheDoghouse23 - 24/8/2009 21:25 - United States

Today, my wife and I had another couple over. My wife was beside me while we all talked in the kitchen. I turned to put something in the fridge, and the other couple went into the next room. Turning back, I groped my wife's breasts playfully. She screamed and slapped me. It wasn't my wife. FML

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By CityBoysNow - 11/9/2013 00:14 - United States - Lake Saint Louis

Today, I hooked up with the guy I've liked for a while, even though my friends joked that his large pickup truck meant that he was "compensating" for having a small penis. They were right. Very right. FML

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By fucked - 6/2/2015 08:06 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, in a desperate attempt to get fired, I sent a sexual love letter to my boss. We're going on our first date tomorrow. FML

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By Dhagiik - 24/2/2017 18:00 - United States - Oak Park

Today, I walked into the bathroom at work, and in the stall next to me I could hear someone pleasuring himself. I decided to let my boss know what was going on, but it turns out that it was my boss in the stall next to me. FML

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By loli-conned - 21/6/2009 22:10 - United Kingdom

Today, I was shopping for my little sister's birthday. She loves manga. I've never read manga, so I bought a couple of novels from the "popular" shelf. Turns out if they have white covers it means they are "adult" books. I bought my sister a "lolicon" manga - filled with prebuscent naked girls. FML

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By lucas_urev - 15/9/2014 22:19 - United States - Cold Spring Harbor

Today, I had made a cup of my favorite coffee, which I had recently found to be discontinued. To accompany this last cup, I went to get a muffin. As I turned around, I see my son pouring the cup out because I out put it next to the sink and he thought it was dirty. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/6/2009 13:32 - Singapore

Today, my 9 year old nephew found his way onto my iTunes. I now have 401 songs titled "aidfj3P" by "ffjiel". FML

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By jena - 22/8/2018 22:00

EMERGENCY

Today, my daughter called 911. Why? Because she couldn't get the images to show up on her phone. She's 12. FML

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By chunkymonkey - 24/8/2012 13:53 - United States

Today, my boyfriend actually held onto my love handles while we were having sex. He said they "made it easier." FML

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By Anonymous - 23/4/2009 02:22 - United States

Today, I spotted one of my friends using the ATM outside our school's university center. I crept up behind him, grabbed his shoulders abruptly, and shouted in my best deep man-voice, "Give me all your money!" Turned out to be a poor, unsuspecting freshman. He gave me his money. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/5/2014 03:57 - United States - State College

Today, while at work as a telemarketer, I called a customer on his home phone. Once I was connected, an automated voice said, "To speak with a customer, please press 1." Confused, I pressed one. I then heard loud laughter followed by, "Oh my god! What a dumbass!" before they hung up. FML

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By OpenSesame - 9/5/2020 05:00

Portal

Today, at Walmart, I unknowingly chose the only non-automatic door to exit through. I stood in front of the door looking for the motion sensor while the greeters laughed at me for at least half a minute before I saw the "PUSH" sticker. FML

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By anon - 27/7/2011 00:01 - Israel

Today, it's my birthday. Out of loneliness, I went to order some flowers and a cake "for a friend". The guy who delivered it to my house was the same guy from the counter. FML

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By oops - 2/3/2013 18:32 - Netherlands - Nieuwe-niedorp

Today, after spending almost an hour in the dentist's waiting room, watching other people get called in for their appointments, I finally lost my patience and asked the receptionist what was taking so long. I'd forgotten to sign in. FML

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By Fack. - 19/2/2009 00:43 - United States

Today, I told my long-distance girlfriend that I just could not handle the distance and we should just be friends. To which she responded, "What? You thought we were going out? Lol". FML

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By Lady Madeira von Cuntshunt - 21/3/2014 20:46 - United States - Denver

Today, I received my employee ID, which I have to wear at all times at my new job. The only problem is that in my photo, I look like a donkey having a seizure. Customers keep snickering at it, and my boss thinks I posed like that deliberately. FML

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By badmom101 - 16/5/2009 11:26 - Canada

Today, my 5 year old daughter thought it would be funny to wake me up by tickling my toes. I guess one of my reflexes acted out because I kicked her right in the face. FML

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By PaperInfection - 23/11/2009 16:19 - United States

Today, I fell in a hole in my back yard and got stuck. My mother called the fire department. They all stood around laughing and taking pictures before they helped me. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/2/2017 18:00 - United States - Dayton

Today, I asked a very attractive girl out, then later I ended up talking with her. One of my friends comes up to us and points out that I'm beet red and, "blushing like a bitch". She notices and laughs. FML

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By Bjax - 11/10/2017 16:00

Shame on you!

Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5am to tell me she was mad at me. Apparently I did something bad in her dream. She still won't talk to me. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/5/2011 07:26 - United States

Today, I ate some hardboiled eggs for breakfast, not knowing they were practically rotten. My whole day has consisted of vomit-inducing sulfuric farts and diarrhea. FML

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Top comments

By ReinaJay | 13

#3587294 - Tuesday 15 November 2011 1:49

Does everyone just forget about Thanksgiving?

By holybuckets | 0

#3587307 - Tuesday 15 November 2011 1:52

I totally though of Micheal from The Office when I read this. :)

COMMENTS

By indistructo | 3

#3587287 - Tuesday 15 November 2011 1:48

your boss is CRAZY as shit

mlb58 | 0

#3587425 - Tuesday 15 November 2011 2:16

Hear those sleigh bella ring-a-ling ting ting tinklin...

xosportsgirl14x | 8

#3587429 - Tuesday 15 November 2011 2:17

Seriously. Think how must awkward that be, considering most people try to be quiet when peeing in public.

RetardedBullFrog | 4

#3587443 - Tuesday 15 November 2011 2:20

Time to rock the jingle while you tingle!

npnptracking | 7

#3588065 - Tuesday 15 November 2011 5:19

Well at least it's Christmas he's making you celebrate and not Hanukkah or Kwanzaa or something ;)

hinchkongfang | 0

#3588181 - Tuesday 15 November 2011 6:02

You tinkle while you tinkle!!

Checker | 20

#3588193 - Tuesday 15 November 2011 6:05

Why is Christmas the superior, 60?

Moonsorrow_fml | 0

#3588200 - Tuesday 15 November 2011 6:06

60 is obviously one of "those" christians.

OriginalimoaN | 15

#3588204 - Tuesday 15 November 2011 6:08

And what exactly is wrong with those holidays? Celebrating Hannukah entails eating a shit ton of fried foods!

leogirl95 | 12

#3588208 - Tuesday 15 November 2011 6:10

It's Christmas...we're all in misery. (From Christmas Vacation)

Checker | 20

#3588213 - Tuesday 15 November 2011 6:11

My conclusion: He's an asshole... Am I allowed to say that?

Lenho | 26

#3589354 - Tuesday 15 November 2011 17:10

#60 Why didn't you include Robanukah?

alsnyder12 | 0

#3590483 - Tuesday 15 November 2011 22:37

Cleverly worded

By ReinaJay | 13

#3587294 - Tuesday 15 November 2011 1:49

Does everyone just forget about Thanksgiving?

EvilPotato | 14

#3587928 - Tuesday 15 November 2011 4:37

Maybe not everyone, but OP's boss apparently does.

juliahockey | 0

#3587931 - Tuesday 15 November 2011 4:37

Here in Canada, it already passed! Next holiday is christmas.

harbqll | 0

#3588096 - Tuesday 15 November 2011 5:29

Who says you can't have two months of Christmas, AND do Thanksgiving? Don't be such a Scrooge.

cjguthrie | 8

#3588158 - Tuesday 15 November 2011 5:54

No to my family thanksgiving is huge in our family same with Easter and stuff pike that but we all are big into civil rights and our religion of christianity

cjguthrie | 8

#3588165 - Tuesday 15 November 2011 5:56

(like)

Cmdr_Shepard | 17

#3588459 - Tuesday 15 November 2011 8:02

How can we forget about Thanksgiving? The day after that is Black Friday! :D But seriously, unless you're selling turkeys, you're not gonna care about Thanksgiving. Christmas is what makes all the money.

shannonreneee | 11

#3592397 - Wednesday 16 November 2011 5:43

Not everyone celebrates thanks giving

By holybuckets | 0

#3587307 - Tuesday 15 November 2011 1:52

I totally though of Micheal from The Office when I read this. :)

RMRaidersNumbah3 | 0

#3587993 - Tuesday 15 November 2011 4:59

so im not the only one

MLK12345 | 4

#3588305 - Tuesday 15 November 2011 6:42

I miss Michael;(

By ceilingfans | 1

#3587312 - Tuesday 15 November 2011 1:52

Your boss is awesome. Don't argue.

KiddNYC1O | 20

#3587395 - Tuesday 15 November 2011 2:09

Christmas is awesome. The boss is just trying to keep it alive because let's be serious, as you get older, Christmas just isn't the same...

419 | 0

#3587649 - Tuesday 15 November 2011 3:27

Wonder if he listens to Justin Bieber... That could have gotten him into the Christmas spirit.

tysen97 | 0

#3587811 - Tuesday 15 November 2011 4:14

Omg fucking mistletoe shit!

darkflight | 3

#3610534 - Sunday 20 November 2011 16:31

Op's boss is like my mom.

By palahniukpaul | 6

#3587327 - Tuesday 15 November 2011 1:53

Could be worse...

FYLDeep | 25

#3587338 - Tuesday 15 November 2011 1:54

Anyone who's ever worked retail knows that the holiday mood isn't a good mood.

By upyourzlolz | 11

#3587329 - Tuesday 15 November 2011 1:54

I think it's worse when the christmas theme stays till February.

zombicidal | 11

#3587399 - Tuesday 15 November 2011 2:10

reminds me of scrubs JD breaks up with a girl for singing Christmas carols in summer. (IT WAS AUGUST THE WEATHER WAS FAR FROM FRIGHTFUL!)

By substitutes | 0

#3587335 - Tuesday 15 November 2011 1:54

That's the jingle bell
Rockk

chickenwalrus | 14

#3588122 - Tuesday 15 November 2011 5:41

Can't tingle without a jingle

By bad_chiquita | 5

#3587344 - Tuesday 15 November 2011 1:55

That last line made me LMAO!!!

Youdrongo | 0

#3587850 - Tuesday 15 November 2011 4:22

This comment made me F.A.C.E.P.A.L.M!

By CalCommando | 6

#3587349 - Tuesday 15 November 2011 1:56

It's never too early to spread holiday cheer! Fuck, who am I kidding, I hate people like your boss.

rattusrattus | 18

#3587449 - Tuesday 15 November 2011 2:22

Christmas cheer starts on the 1st December. It must be gone by 12th January. Otherwise I get the opposite of cheery. The homicidal opposite.

By waycool | 10

#3587361 - Tuesday 15 November 2011 1:59

I would prefer 'tinkling' to a jingle than hearing plops from a cubicle!

foodlord | 5

#3588501 - Tuesday 15 November 2011 8:31

Female boss?