Miscellaneous: Today, I told my roommates they have to go get jobs, because...

By Anonymous - 17/11/2013 01:03 - United States

Today, I told my roommates they have to go get jobs, because I can't afford to support them or their bad habits any more. They responded by pawning all my DVDs for cash to buy cigarettes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 616

You deserved it 7 096

Miscellaneous

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Your cooking, dude

Emergency room time

Pump and dump

By Anonymous - 05/07/2021 16:00

Today, my husband had to admit that he lost 5000$ on a cryptocurrency scam that some asshole Twitch streamer convinced him to invest in via Twitter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 897

You deserved it 129

By I hate Walmart???? - 24/02/2014 09:36 - United States - Greensboro

Today, I went to the self-checkout line at Walmart. When I tried to pay, the cash wouldn't go in, so I stood there trying to cram money into the thing that's supposed to take your money. What I didn't realize was that there was a sign up top that said: "No Cash. Cards Only." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 892

You deserved it 41 549

I can't quit you

By Damngurl - 28/02/2021 03:01 - United States - Kula

Today, I scripted-planned and went to quit my job. Instead, I somehow ended up an emotional crying mess during the conversation with my manager - who recommended I get counseling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 250

By eeeee - 14/06/2012 20:40 - United States

Today, my morning sickness was so bad that I threw up everywhere, just from thinking about the pretend meal that a kid had made for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 344

You deserved it 2 691

By baybuh - 30/12/2009 17:26 - United States

Today, I realized that the cute freckle I noticed a few weeks ago is actually a giant blackhead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 875

You deserved it 26 362

By Anonymous - 26/06/2009 14:31 - United States

Today, my brother and I were going to give our parents their anniversary gift which cost us over $3000. The gift was a trip to London in August to see a show on Michael Jackson's comeback tour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111 213

You deserved it 10 856

Descriptive

By Teaching26 - 15/05/2010 07:47 - United States

Today, I lectured my second-grade class to be more descriptive in their writing. I gave them an assignment to describe something in the classroom. I was grading their work later, and one student wrote, "My class is taught by a fat teacher with gray hair." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 085

You deserved it 17 481

By marsbar - 15/03/2009 05:07 - United States

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he was moving his hand from his thigh to my chest but on the way he sort of squeezed my stomach. When I asked him why he did that, he told me that "his fingers got stuck under my roll." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 667

You deserved it 20 053

By Anonymous - 22/09/2011 13:55 - Australia

Today, I was expecting my period. To avoid the embarrassment of everyone in the office finding out, instead of putting tampons in my bag, I hid one in my bra. It fell out while I was coming back from lunch. I am now known to all as "The Tampon Dispenser". FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 911

You deserved it 33 935

By Anonimo - 08/11/2012 21:22 - Italy - Monserrato

Today, after a year of living with my boyfriend at our new place, he told me that he wants to sell our house and live in a trailer, so he can be closer to his mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 027

You deserved it 2 602

By Anonymous - 13/04/2009 04:39 - United States

Today, I was on a small plane. A flight attendant told us that there was too much weight in the front of the plane and they needed 3 people to move to the back of the plane. I volunteer and walk to the back. She says, "Okay, we're going to need 1 more person." FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 213

You deserved it 12 086

By Pissssd - 31/08/2009 01:56 - United States

Today, I interviewed for a job at a pharmaceutical lab. During the interview, I said something about a past work experience that made the interviewers think that I would enjoy doing something similar to that... so they gave me a warehouse job instead. I have a degree in chemistry and biology. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 849

You deserved it 4 057

By TraumatizedMother - 02/10/2011 07:27 - United States

Today, my six-year-old got in an argument with my four-year-old. I told them to go outside. The next thing I know, my son was standing in front of his sister's burning Barbie's Malibu Dream House, singing "Burn Baby Burn" and cackling madly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 759

You deserved it 10 284

By cassieono - 10/07/2014 21:28 - United States - Springfield

Today, I nearly had an anxiety attack trying to sneak up on my sister to silly-string her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 808

You deserved it 13 648

By Unappreciated Grandchild - 06/11/2012 07:59 - United States - Bel Air

Today, I looked over to see my grandfather looking thoughtfully at me. Feeling flattered because he rarely shows affection, I waved at him. He then said, "I was looking out the window" and continued to stare past my head out of the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 810

You deserved it 2 116

Her House, Her Rules.

By Anonymous - 02/08/2019 16:03

Today, my grandma told me she likes to clean the house naked every day. I'm staying there all next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 513

You deserved it 137

By Anonymous - 11/07/2013 19:09 - United States - Omaha

Today, my boyfriend convinced me do an Insanity workout with him. I passed out during the warmup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 953

You deserved it 12 822

By Anonymous - 02/02/2011 14:30 - United States

Today, I was eating breakfast at an IHOP. As I was eating, the old man sitting directly behind me started discussing every aspect of his spastic colon, in vivid detail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 157

You deserved it 3 004

Cosmopolitan's 50 Top Tips for Lonely Saddos!

By opposites don’t attract - 16/09/2020 11:03 - United States

Today, I was so sad and lonely, so I started browsing articles about how to get a man. Basically every list was naming the exact opposite of everything I am. So I guess if I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life, I have to change everything about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 061

You deserved it 321

Movie night

By nah - 11/06/2021 11:01

Today, my boyfriend finally convinced me to watch Harry Potter for the first time. I was bored out of my mind the entire time, and by about an hour in, all I could think about was how badly I wanted to punch Hermione for being a rude little know it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 614

You deserved it 1 613

By Anonymous - 24/01/2011 07:29 - United States

Today, I was grounded for not agreeing with an article on dating my mom found in a very strict magazine. The article told parents to monitor phone calls, make rumors about their children cheating on people and not allow their children anywhere but home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 410

You deserved it 3 128

By kingkarnie - 12/12/2010 01:55 - United States

Today, my mother called to uninvite me from Christmas, my ex-wife is going and she doesn't want it to be awkward for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 197

You deserved it 2 948

By Donny - 04/08/2011 20:49 - United States

Today, severely tired and pulling an all-nighter, I was editing documents at work. Eventually the words blurred together and "which" began to look funny, so I corrected them. I realized too late that I'd turned in the company's brochure with every "which" spelt as "witch". FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 936

You deserved it 28 702

By ew - 03/08/2014 18:49 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I painted my nails in the car. After I finished, I stuck my hands out the window to let them dry. When I pulled my hands back in there were live bugs stuck in my nail polish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 519

You deserved it 49 859

By Queen_of_Night - 27/10/2009 21:57 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was reaching over to give me a hug for no reason. I said "Aww, You're sweet! I love you too!" He looked confused and said, "That's great, but I was reaching for the remote." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 302

You deserved it 6 551

By DF - 26/06/2014 14:58 - Israel - Rehovot

Today, I went bowling with my girlfriend, her sister and her brother-in-law, and her niece. After 10 rounds, I came in last place. Her niece is 3 years old. She got twice as many points as me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 583

You deserved it 12 107

By acincollege - 21/02/2009 05:36 - United States

Today, I jokingly told my mom that I was having sex with my Professor. Her response was, "As long as you're getting A's, honey!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 430

You deserved it 52 878

By cantunhear - 20/12/2014 03:16 - United States - Fishkill

Today, my parents had a loud argument over who is worse in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 164

You deserved it 2 448

By Anonymous - 29/06/2012 22:46 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, I was trying to put some new curtains up. I couldn't make sense of the instructions, so I decided to wing it. I spent a frustrating half hour fighting with it, and just seconds after I succeeded, the curtain rod gave way and slammed straight onto my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 904

You deserved it 18 431

By Anonymous - 08/08/2009 07:02 - United States

Today, I was working in the box office. A group came in for tickets but wanted to pay individually. One paid $40 for a $25 ticket. Laughing, I reached for the calculator while saying, "I went to public school, so I can't do math." They didn't laugh. They were all teachers in public schools. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 011

You deserved it 55 145

By Sundendako - 27/01/2010 10:20 - Australia

Today, my mum got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 304

You deserved it 3 527

By Anonymous - 27/11/2010 02:09 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend announced he has stopped wearing deodorant because he thinks his BO smells "manly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 036

You deserved it 3 297

By stanDman - 21/01/2009 20:06 - Canada

Today, I sprayed hair spray under my arms instead of anti-perspirant. I didn't realize it until I went to put my shirt on and couldn't raise my arms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 024

You deserved it 10 915

By LonerCow - 20/01/2012 15:15 - United States

Today, I got really bored so I posted on Facebook "Someone should kidnap me for the day." My mom commented, "The only things willing to kidnap you are aliens, and that would be because they'd mistaken you for a cow." 16 people liked her comment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 542

You deserved it 11 603

By drunkluv - 12/04/2011 02:58 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend openly admitted to me that she wouldn't have gone out with me if she hadn't been drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 989

You deserved it 4 163

By fucking teen cunts - 27/01/2013 21:59 - Australia - Chatswood

Today, I was on a ladder at work, fetching some stock from one of the storage shelves. Some teenage kid thought it would be fucking hilarious to grab the ladder and violently shake it. He hadn't bet on me being startled enough to fall off and fracture my elbow on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 041

You deserved it 2 508

By Weedle - 04/06/2019 20:00

Today, I was at my brother's graduation. His mom was taking pictures of him in his cap and gown, but she got a picture of me sucking off a Coke bottle for a laugh, and she posted it on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 792

You deserved it 1 795

By Thanks Honey - 05/06/2013 15:08 - United States

Today, I found my husband farting on my pillows, bare ass. His only words were, "This isn't what it looks like." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 512

You deserved it 5 181

By Anonymous - 10/02/2014 22:37 - United Kingdom

Today, I got into a slight spot of shit with my new boss over his speech. Apparently he was not actually impersonating Sylvester the Cat, and he just has a speech impediment. When I jokingly said "sufferin' succotash" to him, he wasn't pleased at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 615

You deserved it 42 886

By blumaster04 - 22/12/2009 22:53 - United States

Today, in an effort to repair our fake Christmas tree, my girlfriend succeeded in gluing it to the floor. I can't get it loose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 276

You deserved it 4 024

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Top comments

lameuser 23

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Sunday 17 November 2013 8:55

You better find some new roommates. FYL

misspulkadot24 17

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Sunday 17 November 2013 8:57

Then stop enabling them and make them pay their own rent. They will be evicted soon enough.

lameuser 23

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Sunday 17 November 2013 8:55

You better find some new roommates. FYL

Ambient25 24

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Sunday 17 November 2013 9:19

OP should never have supported them to begin with. If he's covering their rent while they have bad habits then he's an idiot.

eddeeezzyy 19

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Sunday 17 November 2013 9:48

Never support the true scum of the earth.

dalink 24

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Sunday 17 November 2013 12:56

That's easy to say. Much harder to actually do.

Ambient25 24

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Sunday 17 November 2013 13:09

That's why you don't get in that situation. "Hey man I might not be able to make rent this month, can I meet you half way?" That's acceptable. "Hey man I can't make this month again, and I know I owe you for last month..." that's not acceptable.

swaggalikethat 22

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Monday 18 November 2013 13:56

Well he DID want them to get money. Too bad they couldn't spend it in something they can all use, like hookers

michaelaranda 28

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Sunday 17 November 2013 8:55

I think its time to get new friends

vincen46 5

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Sunday 17 November 2013 9:29

I see this godam comment on every FML. no please

michaelaranda 28

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Sunday 17 November 2013 10:07

I thought op was talking about his friends not his roommates. I apologize for my comment. but I think its time to get new roommates or move out. your roommates need to understand they cant use you for money. dont let them walk all over you and stand up for yourself op.

lux0rd 18

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Sunday 17 November 2013 19:42

@ 79. Yes because I steal from all of my friends to fund my bad habbits!

dingleberrysteve 6

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Sunday 17 November 2013 8:55

sounds lile an opportunity to have them forcibly put into a new housing unit

misspulkadot24 17

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Sunday 17 November 2013 8:57

Then stop enabling them and make them pay their own rent. They will be evicted soon enough.

awkwardloveannie 28

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Sunday 17 November 2013 9:11

but op would get evicted as well which would make finding a new place difficult to rent with an eviction on ops record

swampbaby985 30

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Sunday 17 November 2013 8:57

You mean ex roommates right?

Tthug 34

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Sunday 17 November 2013 9:16

Probably not. If its like my situation, my roommates are on the lease, so I can't kick any of them out, as much as I want to get rid of one of them.

hellryu 20

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Sunday 17 November 2013 10:54

You didn't have to sign a "roommate agreement"? I did, mine made it so if any roommate did not pay rent, I was not accountable for it.

Alexis2742 31

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Sunday 17 November 2013 8:58

Well luckily there's Netflix

cyttex 13

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Sunday 17 November 2013 9:07

Who cares it's still op's stuff they're taking.

Nilorak 24

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Sunday 17 November 2013 13:54

Yay, i'm going to steal your dvds, cause if you have netflix I guess you wouldn't mind.

leena24 11

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Sunday 17 November 2013 8:58

Why were you supporting them in the first place? Not your responsibility.

awkwardloveannie 28

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Sunday 17 November 2013 8:59

if you have your own room lock your stuff in there, especially when you sleep you never know when you'll wake up to them trying to cut your kidneys out for cash

Rivas_95 5

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Sunday 17 November 2013 8:59

Why don't you just find your own place? Since you can pay rent all on your own.

piggle 9

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Sunday 17 November 2013 13:13

Because you usually can't break lease contracts without a penalty

luckyone365 7

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Sunday 17 November 2013 15:42

9 never said anything about breaking the lease.

TheDrifter 23

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Sunday 17 November 2013 18:08

If only op is leaving the least can be altered so that the roommate remains on it. It's a minor change, in the level of the kind of update you make when the rent is raised.

knoxxx 22

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Tuesday 19 November 2013 10:45

If he's supporting himself and his roommates, he can surely afford to pay a fee for breaking the lease, especially if he stops paying for his roommates.

beautifulsoul89 11

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Sunday 17 November 2013 9:03

Take some of their stuff and pawn it. Than kick em out! You don't deserve that, you can be fine on your own especially if your doing it now while you have people called "friends" leeching off you!