Miscellaneous: Today, I was arrested for drinking in public. It was my friend... - FML

By meeks123 - 20/06/2012 05:03 - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, I was arrested for drinking in public. It was my friend who was drinking; I was taking the alcohol from her so she wouldn't be arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 935

You deserved it 5 307

Our house, in the middle of our street

Age difference

Taking stock

By anonomous - 07/04/2012 15:27 - United States

Spicy

Today, after years of secretly faking my orgasms, my husband gave me my first real one. Afterward was also the first time he ever accused me of faking it because, "It was different from all the other times." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 913

You deserved it 46 126

By delamer - 29/01/2012 16:00 - United States

Today, I found out we have new neighbors in our apartment complex that park in the stall next to our truck. Turns out their car is the same make of our truck. And it also turns out that when I unlock our truck it will set off their car alarm - every time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 252

You deserved it 2 062

By boo - 27/05/2009 18:15 - United States

Today, I had a job interview. I had to drop my daughter off with my babysitter first. When I got to the interview I got a weird look from the vice president of the company. I had lime green poop running down the side of my white blouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 690

You deserved it 7 394

Dat ass

By Anonymous - 15/09/2021 11:01

Today, I got a slap because my 8 year-old stepson has such a big mouth, he couldn’t resist pointing out a nearby white woman had a "phat butt" and should "give it back to the black lady she stole it from." I blame his racist old grandad for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 912

You deserved it 172

By Katie - 30/06/2010 23:36 - United States

Today, I was late to work because the metro broke down. Yesterday I was late to work because the train in front of me broke down. The week before that I was late to work because the swat team shut the entire metro station down. Even the interns think I'm making this up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 626

You deserved it 3 484

By Jenny - 31/03/2009 00:06 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. All of a sudden he jumped off of me, going "shit, shit!". Worried, i asked him what was wrong. He shouted "I forgot to set my TiVO!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 115 149

You deserved it 8 688

By Amey - 04/05/2009 09:09 - United States

Today, while watching TV, I danced, sang along, and helped Dora the Explorer get to her Grandmother's house. It was the most fun I've had all year. I'm 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 269

You deserved it 29 331

Happy Birthday!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to wrap presents for a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 385

You deserved it 7 697

By Anonymous - 13/07/2014 16:04 - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, I discovered the downside to having a "sneak-attacks-allowed" tickle war with my 4-year-old son. I had to explain to several outraged strangers at the supermarket why my son kept flinching and pulling away whenever I made any sudden movements near him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 276

You deserved it 6 770

By sigh - 29/03/2016 04:57 - United States - North Branford

Today, I gave the guy I've been seeing a copy of my newly published book, because I know he loves writing. He started reading and commented on how amazing it was. Then he gave it back. He didn't realize it was a gift. My awkward self didn't correct him. I'd written him a sweet letter inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 291

You deserved it 4 868

By ultraattitude - 14/06/2012 19:34 - United States

Today, I went to see my dermatologist friend for a free consultation on my terrible acne. During my visit, she said I probably won't be getting any more pimples. Excited, I asked her how she could tell. She replied, "There's no more room for it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 058

You deserved it 2 655

By appleville - 10/02/2009 06:20 - United States

Today, a customer at one of my tables left his phone number and a smiley face on the credit card slip. I was completely flattered until I looked at the bottom of the slip and realized that he had left me a $0.26 tip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 528

You deserved it 3 066

By MAC - 13/01/2009 09:47 - France

Today, like every other day, I turn up at work at the security guard's gate to show my ID badge. Except that my brother had stuck a huge "FBI" sticker on it. My co-workers now all call me Mulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 337

You deserved it 3 140

By ... - 04/01/2014 05:25 - United States

Today, I wrote a text to the guy I've had a crush on for two years. I typed "hey" and put my phone down, not ready to send it. A little while later, I heard it buzz. The reply said "Um... what?" Apparently my sister had added "I'm a shitty prostitute" to my text and sent it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 283

You deserved it 8 761

By mr_loveless - 11/02/2013 07:19 - United States

Today, I got married on Skyrim. To an elf. While in real life, my love life is floundering like a half-dead carp in the surf on a hot day. So much so in fact that I actually draw a measure of comfort from being married to an elf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 243

You deserved it 10 643

Branded

By Anonymous - 20/10/2021 07:00 - United States - Eau Claire

Today, I was talking to a friend on the phone, asking him pick me up for a cookout while his kids were yelling in the background, asking where my friend, their dad, was going. He jokingly answered them, "To pick up my ugly friend." They quickly replied with my name, out of the dozens of friends he hangs out more with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 835

You deserved it 96

By terpity12 - 07/08/2009 19:39 - United States

Today, I rescheduled my doctor's appointment for a tetanus shot to go camping with my friends. While running on a path at the camp site, I stepped on a rusty nail that went right through my shoe and into my foot. Maybe I should have kept my appointment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 331

You deserved it 24 313

By space_cadet90818 - 08/03/2010 00:16 - United States

Today, I woke up with one of the worst migraines I've had in months. My mother (who thinks I'm a hypochondriac) began to scream at me about "making up an illness". When I asked for my meds, she called me an addict and dumped my $300 prescription down the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 453

You deserved it 2 913

By ADT - 09/02/2009 02:14 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Mid-thrust she says "I love you, Jeremy." Then in rapid succession, she fires off 2 other names. None of the names were mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 428

You deserved it 3 818

It's about time

By peetime - 24/07/2021 02:01 - United States

Today, I was in the car with my mom taking the dog to the vet, when he peed on me. We were taking him there because he hadn't peed in three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 848

You deserved it 72

By John Brown - 24/07/2018 15:00

Today, my roommate told me that I have to find a new place to live because I make his new girlfriend uncomfortable. I just had surgery and am bedridden. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 639

You deserved it 163

By Anonymous - 18/10/2011 20:35 - United States

Today, I found out I have an abscess in my bellybutton which causes me extreme pain and discomfort when I sit down. I am a receptionist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 096

You deserved it 2 650

By Anonymous - 22/07/2010 05:52 - United States

Spicy

Today, while having sex for our first time, my boyfriend decided to test out a theory he heard about, that conversation during sex makes it more enjoyable. His way of doing it? He looked me straight in the eye and asked "How 'bout them Brewers?" We're from Wisconsin. That's our local sports team. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 926

You deserved it 5 245

By eddiemusicjazz - 26/05/2012 07:30 - United States - Azusa

Today, a week after I lost my wallet, replaced the majority of my ID cards, canceled my debit card, and went to the DMV and paid for a replacement driver's license, I found my wallet. It was in my shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 969

You deserved it 26 722

By mylifesucks - 26/03/2011 07:05

Today, I laid in bed all night texting my drunk boyfriend and drunk best friend. They were at two different parties, neither of which I was invited to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 137

You deserved it 5 714

By prostitott - 04/05/2013 07:22

Today, I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her for half-an-hour I finally said, "At least you're not doing drugs." She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 423

You deserved it 15 346

By damn... - 28/10/2008 08:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a job conference. At lunch, I saw this stunning guy. At dessert time, I coughed so much that the piece of chocolate cake in my mouth went straight onto his glasses. I think it's too late to introduce myself now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 646

You deserved it 6 233

By Dude_Stop - 27/03/2017 18:00

Today, I was hanging out with my friends when I tripped and a chair rolled over my foot, breaking a bone. A friend, who didn't believe me, then dogpiled on top of me and laughed as I screamed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 182

You deserved it 276

By Anonymous - 14/10/2013 00:33 - United States - North Little Rock

Today, I got dumped because a guy sat next to me at a party and I didn't get up to change seats. Apparently, it means I subconsciously like the guy who sat down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 265

You deserved it 4 203

By Anonymous - 12/11/2009 11:17 - Australia

Today, I realized that I hadn't shaved in so long that when the wind blew, the hairs on my legs moved in the breeze. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 821

You deserved it 49 399

Headshot

By PeterRabit - 25/07/2009 15:11 - Canada

Today, I was walking around in a park when I pass some kids playing soccer. One of them kicks the ball as hard as he could at me. Luckily I catch the ball. Then I drop kick the ball, intending to say "go get it." Instead it ricochets of a nearby tree and hits my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 832

You deserved it 47 112

By blood buddies - 03/07/2014 17:53 - United States - Milford

Today, I was showing the guy I like something on my phone. My period tracking app decided it was the perfect time to tell me that I need to stock up on tampons, because I'm getting my period tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 401

You deserved it 8 626

By randomjulz - 16/06/2011 03:53 - United States

Today, my husband asked me to come see his turd. After I said no, he said, "What kind of wife are you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 196

You deserved it 9 946

Paparazzi

By iStoleTheBrownie - 25/08/2017 01:32

Today, my friend asked me to send her a picture of my crush. I've never talked to him so I had to take the picture without him knowing. My flash was on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 542

You deserved it 3 887

Pica?

By Anonymous - 21/06/2021 17:59

Today, my mom ate some flowers without knowing if they were safe. Turns out they are slightly poisonous and she had an upset stomach, but she will be fine. Her excuse? "I didn't know it had poison." I had to explain that's exactly why you don't eat plants you don't know are poisonous or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 801

You deserved it 67

Romance is dead

By Anonymous - 08/06/2021 10:59

Spicy

Today, my husband seems to think sex once a month is adequate, and that it’s acceptable to nap on the sofa once he gets home from work, wake up for dinner, then go straight to bed. I also can’t speak to him while he’s eating, because he’s watching tv. I thought I had a husband, not a roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 246

You deserved it 158

By theJoblessArchaeologist - 13/04/2017 05:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, as within the last couple of years, my dream job is only accepting applications from students continuing their degree in the fall. Literally, people with half degrees can get what I can't get with a full degree and experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 253

You deserved it 304

Street art

By German;) - 19/09/2019 04:00

Today, I came outside to see someone had written on my car, "I love your hairy butt, pubes, and fat girlfriend!" multiple times. I wouldn't have been bothered if all those things weren't true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 303

You deserved it 216

Beyond help

By Anonymous - 03/04/2015 18:43 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I explained to my sister that the reason she isn't getting job offers is probably because her résumé is in Comic Sans and contains TXT language and a lot of typos. She thanked me for my help by calling me a "clueless horse-fucker" and telling me to shut my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 731

You deserved it 2 488

By not eyelid - 20/09/2016 19:53 - Spain - Manresa

Today, at work, I quickly bought plane tickets on an iPad. I should have taken my time doing it, because now, thanks to autocorrect, I have two tickets for a girl with the first name of Eyelid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 041

You deserved it 5 476

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Top comments

Llama_Face89 33

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Wednesday 20 June 2012 11:56

Ouch bad luck OP. Shouldn't they test to see if you've been drinking? That hardly seems fair...

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Wednesday 20 June 2012 11:54

At least you tried? This is almost like the saying "good friends bail you out of jail, best friends sit beside you and say "we fucked up". But in this case... You got screwed over. Sorry OP

Comments

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Wednesday 20 June 2012 11:53

That sucks, of she was underage you shouldn't let her drink.

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Wednesday 20 June 2012 21:14

I think it's legal to have open booze on the street where OP lives. I know where I am you can get arrested for drinking in public areas.

Pandacupcakelove 26

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Wednesday 20 June 2012 21:38

Underaged* also, OP didn't let her drink! Did you even read the FML?

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Thursday 21 June 2012 5:14

It was so she wouldn't be cought drinking in public

kingdomgirl94 28

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Thursday 22 May 2014 19:56

Where in the FML does it imply that anyone in this situation is underage? For all we know they could be 40 something adults with every right to drink, just not in public.

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Wednesday 20 June 2012 11:54

At least you tried? This is almost like the saying "good friends bail you out of jail, best friends sit beside you and say "we fucked up". But in this case... You got screwed over. Sorry OP

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Wednesday 20 June 2012 12:26

Were you perhaps slurring your words as well so your friend could understand drunk speech? A good idea, but you generally shouldn't do it when the cops are around.

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Wednesday 20 June 2012 13:40

21 - Have you ever heard two drunk people talking? They barely understand themselves, let alone each other, so that wouldn't work

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Thursday 21 June 2012 5:02

This reminds me of an episode of That 70s show when Eric gets suspended for smoking holding Donna's cigarette..

Pandacupcakelove 26

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Wednesday 20 June 2012 11:55

Such irony... I'm sorry OP, FYL indeed!

Angel1000168 16

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Wednesday 20 June 2012 11:55

Ahh what we do for friends...

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Wednesday 20 June 2012 11:56

ohhhh. been there..

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Wednesday 20 June 2012 13:11

...done that

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Wednesday 20 June 2012 15:22

I ain't looking back...

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Thursday 21 June 2012 3:51

...under the table, i understand you took your pants off but were in public and this is getting ridiculous.

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Wednesday 20 June 2012 11:56

This reminds me of an episode of full house. And an episode of Boy meets world. And an episode of Saved by the Bell. Gosh, this happens a lot on tv. You should have a show!

Llama_Face89 33

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Wednesday 20 June 2012 11:56

Ouch bad luck OP. Shouldn't they test to see if you've been drinking? That hardly seems fair...

BunchieRules 31

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Wednesday 20 June 2012 12:37

I agree that they shouldn't have arrested OP, but I don't think they would have bothered with a drug test once they saw the bottle in OP's hands. Granted, they should have tested both of them, but nonetheless, they were probably too quick to judge.

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Wednesday 20 June 2012 16:06

Op likely was drinking, just not on the walk home.

shannonreneee 11

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Wednesday 20 June 2012 16:51

7, in Australia it is illegal to have an open alcoholic beverage outside your house/front yard and OP mentioned it was for public drinking. They wouldn't have been charged for underaged drinking.

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Wednesday 20 June 2012 16:56

Maybe OP was drinking. Just not drunk.

peachesncreem 21

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Thursday 21 June 2012 0:46

56 - Since when is it illegal to drink on your front yard? That's where we have BBQ's and parties. I've had the cops stop in front of my place because my friend was running back and forth across the road. They saw we were drinking and didn't do anything.

False_Stupidity 41

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Friday 22 June 2012 5:01

88, re-read 56's comment... They said its illegal to have an open alcoholic beverage OUTSIDE of your house/front yard. In other words off your property.

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Wednesday 20 June 2012 11:57

Get her back...

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Thursday 21 June 2012 2:40

Read again.

perdix 29

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Wednesday 20 June 2012 11:58

And somehow her alcohol magically ended up in your breath... Tell it to the judge!

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Wednesday 20 June 2012 14:12

Maybe they kissed?

flockz 19

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Wednesday 20 June 2012 12:00

this is why i stay in the car and continue driving when i have alcohol.

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Wednesday 20 June 2012 12:48

I'm hoping that just came out wrong?

flockz 19

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Wednesday 20 June 2012 19:39

sorry forgot to add *sarcasm*

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13

You deserved it 9

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 16

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 107

You deserved it 2 073

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 856

You deserved it 191