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By Professional_Ars - 18/10/2018 12:00

Today, my coworker brought chocolate muffins to work for everyone. This would have been really nice if they hadn't tasted like rotten blueberry muffins spray-painted brown. I reflexively gagged after taking a bite and coughed up a brown mush in front of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 535

You deserved it 235

Classic mistake

By Need cash now - 09/07/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I had a job interview. It went rather well and I was sure they would hire me. I put in my two weeks notice at my current job and told my boss to suck a dumpster of dick. I then get an email saying they “won’t be moving forward” because my Threads and Instagram don’t “align with the company values.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 1 606

Freakout

By Anonymous - 11/07/2024 03:00 - United States - Lafayette

Today, my boyfriend trapped me in a corner of our apartment and kept making sounds that he knows cause me to become violently angry (I have misophonia). He wouldn't stop, even though I was practically begging him to, and now he's mad that I freaked out and broke his nose to get away from him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 857

You deserved it 147

Field recordings

By Stress - 06/02/2020 14:00 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, after our teacher had said this class would be very important and that we should take notes, instead of writing notes, I brought a recorder to class. After class, I listened to the recording, and all I could hear was muffled voices. FML

I agree, your life sucks 840

You deserved it 2 846

Not worth it

By Anonymous - 17/12/2021 20:01

Today, I drove 4 hours to see a girl I’ve been messaging with for months. Her friends came along for everything. I opted to sleep in my car, and go fishing alone. I didn’t know the river was near a nuclear power plant, so I’m probably sterile now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 775

You deserved it 414

Going well is it?

By Anonymous - 30/12/2021 03:31 - India - Mumbai

Today, I analysed my first mock test for an exam I have to take in 5 months. I got 31/150. FML

I agree, your life sucks 863

You deserved it 373

You can't do anything these days!

By I want a divorce! - 24/07/2024 13:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, even though I told him not to, my husband tried the old “pull a shotgun on your daughter’s date” thing. It turns out the kid’s mom is a lawyer and his uncle is a cop. Now my husband is under investigation for a hate crime, because the kid is a different race than us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 589

You deserved it 383

Don't drink and drive

By Anonymous - 08/03/2023 10:00

Today, after 7 hours of driving, I begged my wife to take over for the last 3 hours. She pulled out a flask and took a long swig, then smirked at me. I drove the rest of the way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 199

You deserved it 147

Bustin' my ass

By Anonymous - 07/10/2020 20:01

Today, I went in for an interview. While I was waiting to be called, I used the restroom. When I stood up to wipe, I slipped on the floor and fell ass first into the unflushed toilet. I was found an hour later, covered in my own shit and too injured to move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 448

You deserved it 202

Sounds wholesome…

By Anonymous - 09/10/2020 08:04

Today, my grandmother told me that my grandfather was a great man, and that he did a lot for the state of Ohio. When I got home, I googled him. He was the leader of one of the biggest KKK groups in America. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 607

You deserved it 139

Drunk texts

By Anonymous - 18/06/2023 06:00

Today, at around 2 a.m., I texted my crush that I liked him. He replied that he's in a relationship. I just felt a tight knot in my stomach and couldn't breathe for a few seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 676

You deserved it 956

Nutty

By Anonymous - 30/11/2020 20:01 - Canada - Toronto

Today, i discovered I can only get an erection in the presence of a real woman. My days of busting nuts alone are over. Except I don't have a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 863

You deserved it 287

Thematical

By Anonymous - 22/08/2024 13:00

Today, at our wedding, my groomsmen had a lightsaber fight on the dance floor. Everyone was laughing and the kids loved it. My wife burst into tears, started screaming that we ruined her fairytale wedding, and stormed out. Our entire relationship started when we met at the cinema when Star Wars was on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 563

You deserved it 157

Make it work

By Anonymous - 23/10/2020 23:01 - United States - Georgetown

Today, I got my hair cut short, as it hasn’t been cut in well over a year and I was getting sick of dealing with it. I told the hairdresser I would probably look like a boy but she said it would look cute, and that she’d make sure it looks feminine. I loved how it came out, until the kid at CVS asked, “Can I help you sir?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 037

You deserved it 317

Thanks capitalism!

By PolarBear2020 - 03/01/2022 22:59

Today, I was informed by a supermarket employee that yet another product that I loved to eat has been discontinued, due to low sales. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 057

You deserved it 164

Sorry, but…

By Loveless - 29/10/2020 20:08

Today, my crush said that I was exceptionally ordinary. To my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 010

You deserved it 175

Fight Club

By Anonymous - 21/01/2022 17:01

Today, my son finally stood up to his bully and gave him a smashing that he damn well deserved. I’m desperate to tell him how proud I am, but my wife won’t let me because “we’re not raising a thug” and after 17 years of marriage, I’ve learned arguing with her is pointless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 278

You deserved it 417

Couch potato

By Anonymous - 03/11/2020 17:06

Today, I'm so out of shape that my arm ached after lifting chips out of a Lays bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 333

You deserved it 1 211

Wage slave

By Anonymous - 11/02/2022 00:01

Today, after working 24 of the last 26 days, 12+ hour shifts in public safety, I find myself so exhausted, stressed, and depressed, that I'm literally sitting in bed, staring at the wall, waiting for my next shift. None of my hobbies or vices hold any interest for me whatsoever, and I'm being a bitch to my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 402

You deserved it 185

Delusional

By why - 06/11/2020 23:01

Today, I was at work. I had a male patient expose himself to me. He then apologized and said he thought that's what I wanted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 218

You deserved it 115

By Dave - 07/02/2017 06:00 - United States

Today, a vendor contacted me to let me know that our contract renewal went through. Turns out, I misread our original contract and now I've obligated our company to buy $24k of services, when my boss wanted to cancel it. It's only February and I already know I'm not getting a bonus this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 047

You deserved it 2 609

Reminder

By Anonymous - 03/05/2023 22:00

Today, my wife refuses to sleep with me anymore because it turns out I’m the spitting image of her dad when he abandoned the family when she was a 10. Even I think the resemblance is spooky but now she can’t even think of sex with me without feeling physically sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 524

You deserved it 151

QC issue

By Anonymous - 02/10/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my date was about to go down on me when he burst out laughing. I'd bought some new sexy panties, which apparently had a sticker on them that came off and got stuck to me. It seems my vagina had been examined by employee No.32 for quality control purposes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 286

You deserved it 484

Sounds like a catch

By Anonymous - 15/12/2020 16:58

Today, the momma's boy I was getting to know cried when I said we should just be friends. He said I was being added to the list of people who treat him like shit and verbally abuse him. He has bad hygiene, musty, wears dirty clothes and I taught him how to properly clean a toilet. But I’m the bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 145

You deserved it 156

High expectations

By Anonymous - 13/02/2022 02:01

Today, I got broken up with by a professional clown who lives with his elderly parents and doesn’t have a car. This is definitely a low point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 383

By JL. - 16/03/2019 00:00

Today I was trying to show off to my mother about how much detail I placed into my group project that I had to do tomorrow. I then proceeded to delete the project thinking that I was just removing it from my phone.... Everyone's research and my 3 day's of hard work went with it. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1 042

You deserved it 2 662

Entitled

By Bad friend - 19/12/2020 02:04 - United States

Today, after I'd mailed my friend her Christmas gifts since we can’t see each other, she called me ranting because the gift I sent her dog only cost $5. According to her, that means I must not really care as her dog is her “baby”. I bought gifts for all 5 of her kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 272

You deserved it 106

By Overlord247 - 28/06/2019 07:05 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, due to sleep deprivation, I wasn't paying attention to where the elevator stopped. I walked into a flat, thinking it was mine. It wasn't. It was the flat just beneath mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 438

You deserved it 492

Battleground

By Anonymous - 26/03/2022 04:00

Today, my son wants to go to Norway for our holiday and my husband wants to go to Disneyland, so of course they decide they can only choose by having a Nerf battle through the entire house. Meanwhile, I seem to be the only one taking anything seriously. This is why I despair of both of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 389

You deserved it 792

Arseholes

By Anonymous - 14/11/2024 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, it was dad’s funeral and I intended to speak but I was crying so much I couldn’t finish and mom had to help me back to my seat. Unfortunately, most of our family are arseholes and I could hear someone saying, “Disgraceful, shaming his dad like that.” It was the worst day of my entire life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 729

You deserved it 117

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The Top

Today, my partner is pissed off at me because someone sent me a meme she disapproves of. As if I have any control over what people send to me… FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 152

Today, my bestie had me kicked out of her wedding the day of. All because I altered my bridesmaid's dress without telling her. She knows I hate fabric against my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 286

You deserved it 2 337

Today, I was at the mall with my little brother. I saw him touching some expensive objects, so I slapped his arm. I noticed he wasn't my brother when he started crying and his real mom slapped me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 488

You deserved it 56 354

Today, a guy wolf-whistled me as I walked to the shop wearing comfy joggers, no makeup and my hair scraped back. Feeling rather pleased about it, I told my best friend and my fiancé. Their unanimous conclusion: the guy must have been drunk or taking hallucinogenic drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 818

You deserved it 4 425

Today, I was screamed at by a girl, all because I wore a pride-themed Mickey Mouse shirt. Apparently, I’m supporting “hypocritical capitalist freaks” who profit off LGBT people, yet support anti-LGBT legislation. Also, she commented about my Starbucks drink, another “anti-LGBT company.” I can’t win. FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 379

Today, I decided to get a haircut to change up my look. I asked for a bob, but the hairstylist misunderstood and gave me some sort of bowl cut. I look like a '90s sitcom character. FML

I agree, your life sucks 713

You deserved it 190