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Thwarted

By It_gets_better - 12/10/2020 07:55 - United States - Las Cruces

Today, I weigh the same as I did the day I gave birth six months ago. I'd been working out and finally making progress, until I fell off a horse and injured my hip. I can't work out for at least the next two weeks either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 133

You deserved it 197

It_gets_better tells us more.

It_gets_better 19

Monday 12 October 2020 0:58

Oh wow, my FML finally got published! I know it takes some time to fully heal from the baby, it just hits me harder because both of my sisters had babies after me and they're both back into their nonmaternity wardrobe. So I am a little jealous that it took me a while to start making progress- and why it was such a bummer to move backward so fast. Really, I know I picked up bad habits during pregnancy and I gained a lot of unhealthy weight, not just baby weight, so I'm exercising to be healthier overall. The riding in the first place is part of my course load at university. I fell off because the stirrup snapped and I hit the ground with it. My husband had to wheel me to urgent care and they did X rays to make sure I didn't break my pelvis. So while the good news is nothing was broken- I couldn't get off the couch for days and it still took me about three weeks to be able to walk around the house. I'm feeling much better now and should be back in classes at the end of this week!

Anonymous's next job could be in cyber (she just doesn't know it yet)

By Anonymous - 15/10/2020 14:01 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my doctor told me the severe hearing damage from my car accident is permanent. I just graduated with a degree for Interpreting and Translating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 682

You deserved it 136

Awkward conversation

By anon - 28/12/2019 05:00 - United States - La Puente

Today, I had to have a very difficult and awkward conversation with my best friend about her fiancé hitting on me. She seemed completely unfazed and ended up admitting that a three-way with me was actually her idea, but she didn't want to "weird me out" by asking me about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 661

You deserved it 387

Dog whisperer

By J……… - 16/10/2020 02:02

Today, my new dog broke out of his new crate, ate my door, pissed on the floor, and trashed my room. I got him to help with my anxiety, but all he does is give me more anxiety. The worst part is that I adopted him as a favor to a friend, because she couldn’t handle him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 1 235

Good question

By Juliett - 30/08/2019 02:00 - United States - Wisconsin Rapids

Today, my boyfriend gave me an amazing orgasm after a long dry spell. I moaned his name as I climaxed, and he replied, "What?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 887

You deserved it 319

By Bad Mum? - 01/04/2019 00:00 - United Kingdom - Harrow

Today, my eldest son told me he wishes he lived with his dad. This after I, two years ago, managed to get myself and my children out of the abusive situation we were in. Why? He didn't want to tidy his toys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 512

You deserved it 228

By Anonymous - 08/05/2019 23:00

Today, my husband argued that it's not cheating if he's using his brother's Facebook account to talk to other women, because they think it's him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 119

You deserved it 161

By realnotimaginary - 15/12/2016 06:00

Today, my boss gave me a lecture accompanied with a formal warning because I failed to take notes during a client meeting. I was never at this client meeting, in fact, I had a call with another client at the same time. Regardless, he insists I was there and refuses to listen to reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 209

You deserved it 539

Goodbye

By nba - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, my coworkers threw me a going away lunch, since I’m moving on to a better opportunity. Nothing reminds you why you’re leaving like being the last person to your own party, and picking over the minuscule amount of food scraps that are left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 952

You deserved it 373

Embrace your kink

By Anonymous - 31/03/2022 16:00

Today, I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I can only have sex with really fat men, because that’s what turns me on, yet as soon as the sex is over, through no fault of theirs, I have to run to the toilet to be sick because I can’t believe what I just had sex with. I’m so messed up in the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 2 593

By Anonymous - 07/06/2019 22:00

Today, I went into my fridge and someone had drank all the beer. Only my 8-year-old son lives with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 643

You deserved it 389

#1 Mom of the Year

By minnie - 23/02/2021 04:58

Today, while trying to walk past my mother in the hallway, I hesitated because she suddenly moved to the side. She screamed at me for a solid five minutes about not being able to "predict her movements." And she wonders why I’m suicidal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 104

You deserved it 130

Who are you to judge?

By vertigoisarat - 23/02/2021 08:01 - United States

Today, I went to the drug store to pick up a few things. After looking for condoms for 15 minutes, I asked the cashier where I could find them. She said they keep them behind the counter due to theft. She refused to sell them to me, because they're for customers who might actually need them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 230

You deserved it 175

Good news!

By Anonymous - 03/08/2023 08:00

Today, I told my family I’m pregnant again. My boyfriend is now sat outside, crying and getting drunk. My oldest son is looking at apartments for rent because he doesn’t want to be around screaming babies again, and my younger two are crying because they don’t want another sibling either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 369

You deserved it 1 806

Failing upwards

By Anonymous - 26/02/2021 20:01 - United States

Today, I got my acceptance letter from Harvard University. Yay! Unfortunately, I sent it as a joke, never thinking I'd get accepted and I have absolutely no way to get there, or the money to pay for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 913

You deserved it 548

This explains that

By 1gullible_bugger - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I was assaulted by a crazy drunk woman. Why? Six years ago, her kids were put into foster care because she was unfit. Somehow, this was my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 226

You deserved it 206

Bad day

By mandieee - 15/06/2017 20:00

Today, I had my first shift as a server at a restaurant after getting stuck behind an accident and arriving late, apologizing profusely. Apparently no one knew I'd been hired but I was still yelled at for tardiness. They then made me clean a fridge for 4 hours and paid me in pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 297

You deserved it 394

By Anonymous - 15/07/2019 14:00

Today, as revenge for a prank I played on him last week, my brother took things way too far and loaded my milkshake with so many chocolate laxatives, I’m now in hospital. I’ve had so much diarrhoea in the past few hours, I’m dangerously dehydrated and had to be put on a saline drip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 051

You deserved it 349

Not really my problem, but OK

By wtf - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I got yelled at multiple times by my boss because my boyfriend didn't show up to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 189

You deserved it 514

Pencil

By thought that was a good thing - 07/06/2022 10:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend once again asked me if I could “not get so wet down there” when we have sex, because it “feels funny”. Ummm, even if I could control it, I never knew it was a problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 475

You deserved it 179

By imatotalloser - 28/07/2017 05:00

Today, after months of telling my landlord about the weak floorboards in my living room, I fell through them as I was trying to repair them myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 289

You deserved it 347

By Shelby - 14/08/2019 02:00

Today, my boyfriend told me that he hasn't showered in over a week, because he "doesn't like to be wet." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 696

You deserved it 242

Neither a borrower nor a lender be

By Taty - 14/04/2021 14:00

Today, my friend won’t pay me back the money I lent her. I stupidly lent her $1200. She’s calling me an “inconsiderate bitch” because I “have a good paying job, I’ll be alright.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 147

You deserved it 267

Bad job

By Anonymous - 17/04/2021 23:00

Today, I confirmed that my professor hates me. Weeks ago, I failed a paper for the first time, so I went to my professor, apologized profusely, and discussed my revision plan. I got his approval on my conclusions and added all the details he suggested. I then submitted my paper. I got my grade this morning: C-. FML

I agree, your life sucks 824

You deserved it 315

The Fear

By marie - 26/04/2021 22:59

Today, the kids in my 6 year-old daughter’s class were asked what they feared the most. My daughter’s worst fear is apparently not werewolves, sharks, monsters or clowns. Nope, it’s "Eating food I don’t like." FML

I agree, your life sucks 736

You deserved it 226

Con Artist Kitty

By Tray - 25/09/2017 20:13

Today, I had just finished making myself an ice cream cone when my cat puked all over the floor. I set my cone on the counter while I cleaned up, and when I finished, my cat was licking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 893

You deserved it 642

Mom knows best

By Troy - 10/09/2019 22:00

Today, my mom offered me a reward if I went out and mowed our lawn. After 45 mins of pushing a lawnmower in 95-degree heat and getting stung by a bee, I go inside and ask my mom for my reward. She comes up to me, gives me a 'loving hug' and says, "Thank you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 029

You deserved it 1 692

Goodbye horses

By Anonymous - 23/10/2017 16:19

Today, my dad tried to help me overcome my intense fear of horses (due to nearly being killed by one as a child) by taking me to a ranch. Within 30 minutes, a horse bit my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 023

You deserved it 483

By Dummy - 21/11/2017 05:00

Today, I found out that the little red dots all over my body aren't some horrible disease like I originally thought. They're bedbug bites. I've managed to not notice a huge infestation for 5 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 540

You deserved it 1 152

AITA? Yes.

By Anonymous - 21/12/2023 06:00 - United States

Today, after sharing my library app account with my sister for years, out of revenge for sleeping with her boyfriend, she removed the holds on all the books and audios I’ve been waiting months for. It could be half a year before I get any of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 2 398

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The Top

Today, while waiting for my violin student to unpack his violin, he farted loudly and rhythmically on the sofa, and then went on about how it sounded like the "Shave and a Haircut" rhythm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 856

You deserved it 3 050

Today, my sister introduced our parents to her new boyfriend. He's my boyfriend, and he told me he was going to be out of state for a few weeks on business. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 012

You deserved it 4 028

Today, I was texting my girlfriend and asked her for a picture, expecting something provocative. She sent me a picture of her holding a positive pregnancy test. We had sex once. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 053

You deserved it 46 483

Today, I was driving home from work when I saw the woman in the car in front of me throw something out the window. Only when it landed on my windshield did I realize what it was. A bloody tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 518

You deserved it 2 664

Today, my wife, who NEVER wants to have sex, decided that now is the time. I, of course, had to take antibiotics that make me so bloated I can’t move without extreme pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 692

You deserved it 162

Today, I got in the car with some friends, only to realize none of them were wearing seat belts. They heckled me until I took mine off, then the driver slammed on the brakes and I hit the dash. They'd all known it was coming and braced themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 170

You deserved it 613