The Top

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The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By livinproof - 10/12/2018 13:30

Today, not only did my horse step on my foot & refuse to move, he also took the opportunity to crap on my other foot while I was incapable of moving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 622

You deserved it 329

By Anonymous - 08/02/2017 04:00 - United States - Tucson

Today, I was playing tug of war with my dog. She let go and I ended up punching myself in the mouth. My lip is still swollen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 967

You deserved it 1 101

You've got some explaining to do

By Anonymous - 19/11/2020 23:01

Today, my boyfriend accidentally synced his contacts to my phone. I'm not sure who I want to message first, "Amber (Big Ass)", "Kayla (Baby Girl)", or one of the other 64 with similar descriptions in parentheses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 368

You deserved it 132

By Amazon Ruined My Life - 28/12/2018 14:00

Today, my mother opened her birthday gift in front of my entire family. Two days ago, I ordered an essential oil diffuser and flesh light from Amazon. Guess which one she got? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 243

You deserved it 3 441

By jjoker - 30/12/2018 14:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I went to the toilet to do a number 2. As I went to wipe, the toilet paper slipped out of my hand and I before my brain could register, I wiped my ass with my bare hand.. I also had curry the night before, so yeah. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 324

You deserved it 970

Fun fun fun!

By manchild bf - 02/10/2024 00:00 - United States - New York

Today, my boyfriend was helping me with my medications. While I called the pharmacy, I looked over and saw him making the pill bottles fight each other, with sound effects and funny voices. He's 33. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 483

Bigmouth strikes again

By Anonymous - 28/02/2022 21:59 - United States - Morganville

Today, I thought the cashier said the new blouse I picked out was ugly as she was ringing me up. I'm really self-conscious about my fashion sense, so I snapped and started yelling at her. It wasn't until she was close to tears did I find out she said "lovely" not "ugly". So, that's another store I can't go back to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 190

You deserved it 3 015

By Anonymous - 27/02/2019 18:00

Today, I was fired from my job. Why? My boss didn't like that my manager and I are friends outside of work, and he thinks we are sleeping together. She's gay and I live with my boyfriend of 5 years. He blamed it on me wearing the wrong shoes 3 weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 436

You deserved it 169

Noise Annoys

By Anonymous - 24/03/2019 19:00 - United Kingdom - Sutton Coldfield

Today, I'm dead on my feet. My flatmate's alarm went off for 20 minutes at 5 a.m., which I heard and he didn't. A car alarm went off outside my window for half an hour at 7 a.m. My building fire alarm went off twice, at 8 and 8:10 a.m. Just let me sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 311

You deserved it 170

By Mamaofdrama - 06/04/2019 18:00

Today, I was working on potty training my daughter. She opened the fridge while I wasn't looking and peed all over the lower shelf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 963

You deserved it 344

By Anonymous - 22/03/2017 17:00 - United States - Troy

Today, I saw some pretty heinous graffiti on the urinal stall at school, so I opted to scribble it out. A supervisor came in the second the pen touched the stall. Now I have detention and have to scrub the entire stall clean as a "lesson". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 377

You deserved it 1 697

Fun fun fun

By levsterx - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, my mom dragged me along with her to a baby shower. I was the only guy there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 902

You deserved it 705

By Taylor - 02/07/2019 20:00

Today, I asked my boyfriend, who loves board games, to give me advice on a board game I'm making. I ended up crying in the fetal position. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 514

You deserved it 468

I miss the hungry years…

By Anonymous - 18/04/2017 12:00

Today, my cat let a mouse sit on his paws for several minutes, then just sat and watched as it scurried into a crack in the drywall. My cat is only 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 939

You deserved it 361

New OS update released

By Susanliz89 - 29/06/2023 03:00

Today, my husband is divorcing me for a girl who was born in 2004. Two thousand fucking four. He’s 41. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 060

You deserved it 177

By Anonymous - 17/05/2019 12:18

Today, I found out that someone left an open sharpie pen in the dryer. It left pen marks on everything inside of the dryer. Not just one or two pen marks, but nearly 1,000 on each article of clothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 881

You deserved it 187

Goodbye

By nba - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, my coworkers threw me a going away lunch, since I’m moving on to a better opportunity. Nothing reminds you why you’re leaving like being the last person to your own party, and picking over the minuscule amount of food scraps that are left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 944

You deserved it 373

Rites of passage

By Anonymous - 29/03/2022 10:00 - United States - Morganville

Today, I had to console a crying teenage boy, who'd realized he had been set up for a prank date at the restaurant I work at. All I could think about was how I used to set boys up on prank dates when I was his age. I had no idea how damaging it actually was on the receiving end, and now I can't stop hating myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 243

You deserved it 2 853

Mystery shutdown

By Anonymous - 29/12/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife always told me she loved sex too much to ever give it up. I don’t know what’s happened recently but she’s now angry for no reason, bitter at the world, makes me suffer just for existing, and yes, she’s cancelled all intimacy and sex for the foreseeable future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 513

You deserved it 168

By Anonymous - 07/06/2019 22:00

Today, I went into my fridge and someone had drank all the beer. Only my 8-year-old son lives with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 632

You deserved it 388

This explains that

By 1gullible_bugger - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I was assaulted by a crazy drunk woman. Why? Six years ago, her kids were put into foster care because she was unfit. Somehow, this was my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 223

You deserved it 201

Bad day

By mandieee - 15/06/2017 20:00

Today, I had my first shift as a server at a restaurant after getting stuck behind an accident and arriving late, apologizing profusely. Apparently no one knew I'd been hired but I was still yelled at for tardiness. They then made me clean a fridge for 4 hours and paid me in pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 293

You deserved it 393

By Anonymous - 15/07/2019 14:00

Today, as revenge for a prank I played on him last week, my brother took things way too far and loaded my milkshake with so many chocolate laxatives, I’m now in hospital. I’ve had so much diarrhoea in the past few hours, I’m dangerously dehydrated and had to be put on a saline drip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 042

You deserved it 347

Not really my problem, but OK

By wtf - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I got yelled at multiple times by my boss because my boyfriend didn't show up to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 183

You deserved it 510

The receipts, the tea

By over and over it - 19/03/2021 16:30 - United States

Today, I found out a guy I used to date is trying to get me fired from my dream job. He found an old flip phone with a text argument we had nearly 17 years ago. He wants me punished for things I said when I was an angry 15 year old-kid. HR is now looking into the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 712

You deserved it 125

By imatotalloser - 28/07/2017 05:00

Today, after months of telling my landlord about the weak floorboards in my living room, I fell through them as I was trying to repair them myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 285

You deserved it 344

By Shelby - 14/08/2019 02:00

Today, my boyfriend told me that he hasn't showered in over a week, because he "doesn't like to be wet." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 691

You deserved it 239

By sadgirlhours - 26/08/2019 19:01 - United States - Gulfport

Today, I tried plugging in my Gatorade bottle with a charging cable instead of my phone. I couldn't tell if the reason was because I was high, or I'm just really that fucking stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 576

You deserved it 1 873

By mastermind - 01/09/2019 02:00

Today, I can add "Ferrari" to the long list of cars I’ve almost been hit by. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 423

You deserved it 240

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy

By ShootMe - 07/09/2017 23:15

Today, a high maintenance client informed me that he wants 50+ pages of new content added to his website "now". He doesn't understand that I also have 30+ other clients to write for. I'm wondering if I can charge him for my new anxiety meds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 324

You deserved it 329

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, like every other day, I turn up at work at the security guard's gate to show my ID badge. Except that my brother had stuck a huge "FBI" sticker on it. My co-workers now all call me Mulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 411

You deserved it 3 169

Today, I was upset that my boyfriend hasn't called in a while. Turns out, my step-mother blocked his number so he can't call. She never told me and, instead, just let me think he hated me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 247

You deserved it 2 531

Today, I went to do my laundry. Having no laundry bag, I put clothes in a suitcase and headed to the basement. When my roommate saw me, she burst into tears with happiness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 969

You deserved it 5 721

Today, while walking barefoot through my house, I saw something shine on the floor across the hallway. Curious as to what it was, I rubbed my foot across the carpet to feel it. It wasn't until it was deeply lodged in my foot did I realize it was an open safety pin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 681

You deserved it 40 891

Today, I tried to make homemade sushi for the first time. It ended up looking like a Jackson Pollock painting, and tasted like a shoe. My roommates politely declined when I offered them some. FML

I agree, your life sucks 520

You deserved it 288

Today, I borrowed my adopted mom's laptop and found out that either her, my dad, or both of them, have been trying to research legal ways of un-adopting me and giving me back to the foster care system. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 113

You deserved it 132