Today, I was awoken by the sound of my dorm roommate having sex three feet from me. He was sober, knew I was there, and has a deployed military girlfriend. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I listened to my roommate having sex from 3 a.m. until 6 a.m. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of someone having sex in the room next to me. I don't have a roommate. Turns out my mom thought I was out of town and used her extra key to bring a guy over for sex. FML
Today, I woke up to my girlfriend having phone sex less than 10 feet away from me. FML
Today, I heard my parents having sex. It wouldn't have been so bad if we weren't in the same hotel room. They thought I was asleep. FML
Today, I walked in on my roommate having sex in my bed, because apparently hers is "for sleeping only". FML
Today, for the second day in a row, I got to hear both of my roommates having sex, through two closed doors and a hallway. This is as I hit my thirtieth month of involuntary celibacy. FML
Today, I moved back into my dorm. My ex-girlfriend, and the guy she left me for, now cohabit next door. Now I get to hear them screwing while I try to do my homework. FML
Today, I was woken up by my drunk girlfriend calling me and saying how much she loves me. She then stopped to tell the guy she was in bed with to be quiet because I might hear him. FML
Today, the guy in the dorm room next to me was playing very loud metal music. I went next door and kindly asked him to turn it off. He did, so I went back to my room to go back to sleep. It turns out he was using the music to drown out his girlfriend's very loud moans. FML
Today, I came back to my dorm only to hear my neighbor having loud sex. I thought I was just thinking when I said, "At least do it against the other wall," but when I was left later on, he walked by, apologized and said that he thought I wasn't home, and promised to be more quiet next time. FML
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Top comments
weeping_willow 25
Your roommate sounds like a scumbag
MidnaLink 35
You probably should let the girlfriend know somehow. She might be deployed, but he’s obviously not going to tell her anytime soon if he was sober.
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Comments (10)
weeping_willow 25
Your roommate sounds like a scumbag
MidnaLink 35
You probably should let the girlfriend know somehow. She might be deployed, but he’s obviously not going to tell her anytime soon if he was sober.
RichardPencil 32
He'll eventually get fragged.
skippydoda 32
Next time, make comments about his technique. Or act like you're commenting on a game.
mekiswrite 21
Would you really deny a man some long awaited booty?
Hiimhaileypotter 53
He was cheating on his girlfriend, though.
mekiswrite 21
I misread this then XD I read it as though the girlfriend was back and they were going at it
Sonotsuave 37
Wow I only just got that last part. I would have a huge talk or even change roommates if needed and not that’s it’s you’re business, but tell his girlfriend she should know
Cody Vertigo Bonthoux 15
u should let her know
DrSamba 7
The guy is a total loser. I hope the girlfriend meets someone decent and dumps his ass. It would serve him right.