Today, I realized that I have an odd habit of plucking the tiny... - FML

By Hairylass - 2/10/2018 06:00 - United States

Today, I realized that I have an odd habit of plucking the tiny white hairs on my upper lip when I am overly stressed. But only the right side. I noticed when examining my face and seeing they'd all come back black. I've got half a mustache. I'm female. FML

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Rock, hard place

Alexa, play "Cannonball" by The Breeders

Risky business

By cheesylad - 10/6/2017 06:00 - Australia - Sunnybank

Today, I was alone in the car with my crush. For reasons I will never understand, I put on the song 'Kiss a Girl' by Keith Urban. I could feel her cringing. FML

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By Username - 5/8/2011 19:06 - United States

Today, even though I made the point of tanning naked, I still got tan lines thanks to my fat rolls. FML

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By itstillhurts - 21/12/2009 04:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I was down the pub with a mate and we got onto the subject of bar fights. I said I thought being glassed wouldn't actually hurt that much. My friend looks at me, calmly finishes his pint and then swiftly smashes his glass over my head. Turns out I was wrong. And we got kicked out. FML

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By bigmikenyc - 15/7/2010 09:31 - United States

Today, I realized if you leave a can of soda in parked car during a heatwave it will explode all over everything. My car is like a human glue trap. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/5/2011 21:45 - United States

Today, on the school bus, I rapped on a window in an attempt to get my friend's attention. A guy sitting behind me took this as an opportunity to shove my face into the window, breaking my nose. FML

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By sihehe - 28/4/2020 05:00

Hide and seek

Today, my cat got diarrhea. My house is under renovation at the moment. I can smell it, but I don't know where it is. FML

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By Alisha-_- - 23/11/2018 03:00

Today, I found out that the love of my life had been pleasuring himself to pictures of my ex-boyfriends. Yes, he's bisexual. He says it's ok because I'm dating him now. Great. FML

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By FML - 4/9/2015 16:27 - United States - Maricopa

Today, I took my boyfriend to a family dinner. It went well, until my dad got drunk and started telling everyone about how "midgets" are assholes and are ruining America. FML

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By smoothcoffee - 27/8/2009 05:53 - Australia

Today, the bank called saying we were late in the mortgage payments. I was puzzled because three months ago I issued a big cheque to my mum pay off the mortgage. I just discovered that she instead lost it all at the casino. Turns out, she's become a compulsive gambler ever since dad passed away. FML

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By candie - 27/8/2011 02:10 - United States

Today, thanks to my wife's confession, I found out that the 14 year old child I've raised since I was 16 isn't related to me at all. But at least this narrows the real father down to one of three other guys. FML

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By Stepheroni - 13/4/2017 18:00

Today, I went to the doctor to ask what the weird white lump was on my back, and if it was cancer. He told me it was the biggest pimple he'd ever seen. FML

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By tired waitress - 25/4/2016 23:05 - United States

Today, I'm a waitress. A customer came in and acted very kindly and even mentioned how I was such a help to her. She also mentioned leaving a nice tip. The tip? A fake $20. Thanks. FML

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By Samantha - 25/12/2018 02:00

Today, I discovered that my parents made a game out of my mental illness. Every morning, they have a bet on which one of them can make me cry first. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/1/2016 11:37 - Australia

Today, I went on a date at the park. Have you ever felt dozens of ants swarming up your legs and back? I have now. FML

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By erlad678 - 4/1/2011 02:59

Today, I was woken up by the sound of part of my kitchen ceiling hitting the floor. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/9/2013 22:35 - United States - Cypress

Today, my mom mentioned how she loves certain actor's "British" accent. I couldn't help but mention that there's no such thing, and that there are lots of different accents in Britain. She got pissed and lectured me for "lying" to her and trying to make her feel stupid. FML

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By get tf over it! - 30/6/2020 20:02

Cartoon villain

Today, I had a Skype interview for a wonderful new job. I was calm, cool and ready to land it. But just like in a bad movie, the interviewer ended up being the creepy guy I turned down repeatedly in high school and in our 20s. He smirked and told me I could continue, but it would be pointless. FML

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By Jess - 20/12/2013 08:02 - United States - Modesto

Today, in a desperate attempt to add some variety to my life, I resorted to closing my eyes and picking a random font for my essay paper. FML

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By dusty - 6/12/2018 15:30

Today I picked my baby up from my babysitter's house. As I was getting him ready for bed, I saw blood and immediately went into a panic, rushing to the hospital and trying to contact her to see if my baby fell and she didn't tell me. Turns out it was just hot Cheeto dust mixed with drool. FML

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By wellokthen - 26/11/2019 18:00 - United States - Birmingham

Bed move

Today, my friend sent me a link to a porn video. The guy in it was my boyfriend, the girl in it wasn't me, but they were in my bed. FML

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By student101 - 26/3/2014 03:37 - United States - Sun Prairie

Today, I got a history project back that I worked very hard on. The teacher didn't bother to write any feedback, besides, "Did you even understand the assignment?" on the back. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/9/2010 00:10 - United States

Today, I was asked to crawl through a sun roof because one of my co workers locked her keys in her car. After I got the keys, instead of opening the car door, I climbed back out through the sun roof. To laughter. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/12/2011 19:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I met my father for the first time since I was a baby. The first comment out of his mouth was, "I bet all the boys love those motherfucking bazongas, don't they?" Hi, Dad. FML

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By xBubbles38 - 18/7/2011 15:17 - United States

Today, I woke up to a scream downstairs. My 13 year-old daughter was trying to bite her little brother's neck. No matter how hard I try, she will not believe that she is NOT and NEVER WILL BE a vampire. FML

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By MakeItMaaco - 11/7/2011 17:56 - United States

Today, I saw a Red Tailed Hawk land on my car and spend a few minutes looking at his reflection in the windshield. This was all really neat until I found out he badly scratched my hood with his large talons. FML

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By Grrrawrwtf - 3/6/2012 04:25 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that he wanted to break up with me but it had to be after our cruise together because he doesn't want to lose out on money. Can't wait for the Bahamas. FML

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By James - 16/4/2020 08:00

Anxious

Today, I began worrying I have social anxiety, all because while getting dressed I convinced myself that everyone would talk about me behind my back if I wore a striped shirt. FML

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By SocialAnxietyNightmare - 9/2/2012 16:42 - United Kingdom

Today, my social anxiety got so bad, I nearly had a panic attack when too many people joined my World of Warcraft party. FML

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By cakekiller - 29/9/2009 18:40 - United States

Today, there was a big cake at the office. I thought it was funny to pretend to push the cute girl in the office into it. She laughed, but then lost her balance and fell forward. Everyone saw. Turns out she’s allergic to coconut, even just the shavings on a cake, and had to go to the hospital. FML

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By joybirdnot_13 - 8/7/2009 12:08 - United States

Today, I was working at the mall as the girl that stands around giving out samples of the foods. This guy came up to me and we were flirting for at least 30 mins. With the tray in one hand, I gave him my cell to put his number in it. He ran away with my phone. FML

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By Lunar-Spice - 23/10/2019 14:00

Free the Flow!

Today, I went to take a shower. I noticed a funky smell, but I just assumed it was from whoever had been there last. When I pulled the shower curtain back, I found out that my sister has stopped using feminine hygiene products for her period. It looked like someone had died in the bathtub. FML

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By screwwyou - 28/9/2009 01:16 - United States

Today, I was talking and joking with my boyfriend. He said "Hey wanna hear a joke?" I said "Yes." He said, "Our relationship." and walked away. He seriously dumped me through a one-liner. FML

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By dukemisery - 5/11/2016 08:53 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, while sitting down on the dentist's chair, the tooth to be removed came out on its own. I still had to pay $50 for the cotton and advice. FML

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By Misunderstood - 8/2/2009 05:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a few notes from this girl I like at school for 2 years telling me she feels the same way. My dad knocks on the door and I panic and say "Hold on!". I shoved them under my pillow then told him to come in. He said "Son, it's perfectly normal to masturbate." FML

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By Unsuspecting - 16/4/2016 12:23 - United States

Today, I started my period almost a week earlier than I expected to. I also happened to be at the beach with a guy that I really liked when it started. He was the one who noticed, and he informed me by saying that we couldn't go back in the water or we would be eaten by sharks. FML

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By singleladynow - 20/1/2011 05:04 - United States

Today, I bought something special at Victoria's Secret, then sat in bumper-to-bumper traffic for 2 hours to get to my boyfriend's house. When I got there, he broke up with me. We're 37 years old and he actually gave me the "it's not you, it's me" speech. FML

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By broken finger - 18/7/2013 20:53 - United States

Today, while wiping my ass, the broken finger that has been set straight dipped into the toilet and touched a turd. This keeps happening since I broke it, and I'm sure it will again. FML

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By Noslo - 10/11/2011 03:52 - United States

Today, in a large church youth group, we were told to write our current biggest trial on a piece of paper, crumple it up, and throw it in pile. I wrote "My mother's death and having to leave my friends and family." The one I picked up just said "math." FML

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By JK2010 - 11/1/2010 18:12 - Israel

Today, my crush of over a year came over for me to take her on our first date. Today was also the day my drunk parents decided to dance the chicken dance in our front yard, naked. FML

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By VacationTSA - 19/2/2009 16:29 - United States

Today, I woke up in a girls bed, that I have had a crush on for two years. She was sleeping on the floor with someone else. FML

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Top comments

By 2013bchan41 | 20

#7702875 - Tuesday 2 October 2018 13:55

You have trichotillomania, I have it too, but instead of my mustache I pull at my beard hair
I suggest waxing or epilating, it'll get the hairs out and they won't grow back for at least a couple weeks.

By bluhbluhbluh | 14

#7702841 - Tuesday 2 October 2018 12:35

I mustache you to cut it out immediately.

COMMENTS

By bluhbluhbluh | 14

#7702841 - Tuesday 2 October 2018 12:35

I mustache you to cut it out immediately.

By Jeremy Phillips | 18

#7702860 - Tuesday 2 October 2018 13:34

Real life two face

By 2013bchan41 | 20

#7702875 - Tuesday 2 October 2018 13:55

You have trichotillomania, I have it too, but instead of my mustache I pull at my beard hair
I suggest waxing or epilating, it'll get the hairs out and they won't grow back for at least a couple weeks.

Reply

WHSKitty4ever | 23

#7703029 - Tuesday 2 October 2018 20:08

Um, that’s incorrect. What you’re thinking of is people who pull out body (not just scalp) hair. https://www.google.com/?sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwislKTPq-jdAhXp5IMKHUfGC2MQOwgC

By melisssa87 | 30

#7702901 - Tuesday 2 October 2018 15:03

Lots of women have a moustache, I hate mine but it feels good to wax it and see how much hair you pulled out

By Abbusser | 9

#7703111 - Tuesday 2 October 2018 22:29

Better start plucking the other side now so it grows out evenly...

By Charlie Given | 23

#7703126 - Tuesday 2 October 2018 22:50

This could be a new career for you in a freak show as the half man half woman side show 😏

By PhoenixChick | 26

#7703194 - Wednesday 3 October 2018 1:53

Holy shit, I do this too. But I just pull the left side. Weird lady mustache plucking sister!

By Meghan Johnston | 2

#7703778 - Thursday 4 October 2018 13:16

Does no one understand this isn't possible?
It's genetics and age, and your chemical makeup that decides what colour any hair on your body is. The whole pull out a hair and it comes back thicker and darker is literally a myth and a load of crap.