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By Anonymous - 01/09/2018 03:30

Today, at work, I received flowers from a Tinder fling gone wrong. He constantly flipped out on me and then would apologize. I finally got tired of it and blocked him on all social media. The scary part is that I never told him where I work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 976

You deserved it 251

Slobber

By Sad_Happy_Gorl - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, after getting together with the guy who I like, and who actually likes me back, he finally kissed me. Unfortunately, he kisses like he’s trying to suck out my soul. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 000

You deserved it 299

Three kids?

By Anonymous - 08/01/2020 20:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got the results proving if my ex-girlfriend's kid was mine. The results came back negative and I can't have kids. This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have 3 kids with my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 208

You deserved it 321

Jumping the gun

By Jenna - 12/10/2020 02:02

Today, my boyfriend of one week kissed my stomach and began speaking to our "baby." We haven't had sex yet. In fact, I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 633

You deserved it 147

MAKE IT STOP

By anonymous198913 - 04/02/2017 12:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I learned how to play "Happy Birthday" on the guitar, just to have my friend tell me that my voice sucks, and that I needed to stop immediately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 103

You deserved it 713

By Anonymous - 24/01/2017 16:00

Today, I was rear-ended while heading to my appointment with my physiotherapist. This is the physiotherapist I am seeing to treat the pinched disc I got from being rear-ended 6 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 407

You deserved it 437

Overly cautious

By Anonymous - 10/02/2022 22:00

Today, my husband refuses to have sex with me until I get my tubes tied. We both agree that we don't want children, but this seems to be an exaggerated reaction since he learned that most birth controls are not 100% effective. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 292

You deserved it 290

Drama Queen

By sam - 11/11/2020 11:03 - United States - Denver

Today, my daughter lightly bumped her hand on a wall, cried and screamed for 5 minutes, vomited, then passed out. She’s 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 122

You deserved it 283

Close, but no cigar

By Anonymous - 22/09/2019 04:00 - United States - Athens

Today, my boyfriend tried to compliment my date-night attire. His brain couldn't decide between, "So pretty" and, "You're the shit," so his mouth decided, "You're so shitty" would suffice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 908

You deserved it 305

Let me iiiiiiin

By Space†Witch - 03/01/2019 04:00

Today, I'm working a photography gig for a very prominent metal band. The doorman asked me for my I.D, which I happily obliged. I'm 27, however I look like I'm still in my mid to late teens. He will not let me in, even with my I.D, and the band who hired me won't answer their phones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 147

You deserved it 212

Rookie mistake

By Anonymous - 02/03/2022 18:00

Today, I had to pay an exorbitant fee to get my drain unblocked. It turns out it was about a million condoms. My son just got his first serious girlfriend and apparently instead of throwing them in the bin, he flushes their used condoms down the toilet. I’m gonna kill him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 649

You deserved it 251

By Suzie - 18/02/2019 16:00

Today, the family posted my mother in law’s obituary. My husband was listed as a survivor, with no mention of me, while all the other spouses were named. Also listed as a survivor - his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 576

You deserved it 230

Che Guevara and Debussy to a disco beat

By Anonymous - 22/03/2022 22:00

Today, my son's school actually called me to complain that despite his excellent test scores, he spends too much time reading, and has a wilfully overactive imagination, so could I please get him to stop ''reading and imagining'' so much, as it makes him hard to teach. Are they taking the piss? They must be taking the piss, right? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 775

You deserved it 113

Real?

By Anonymous - 20/06/2026 09:00 - United States

Today, to my horror, I discovered I will owe child support for the kids my ex and I adopted together since she couldn't have any. I've met someone else and I'm planning on having real kids with her, but these payments will destroy everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 1 307

Sorry

By Anonymous - 01/05/2019 18:00

Today, I finally got my forklift license after training for a week. Almost eight hours later, I lost my license by not lowering my forks, crashing into and destroying four overhead light fixtures which cost more than $500 in damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 3 040

Cliché

By MoaRcofuzed - 23/06/2023 12:00

Today, after 5 years of dating and not even so much as a hint of a ring on the horizon, I asked my boyfriend why he hasn’t proposed yet. His response was “Babe, I’m not gonna pay for the cow when I get the milk for free.” What does that even mean? FML

I agree, your life sucks 846

You deserved it 504

By Ana - 25/04/2017 21:00 - Brazil

Today, I called in my parents to look at pictures from my recent trip on my laptop. It wasn’t until after they left that I realized I had left a tab open with the title “20 Things You’ll Understand if You’ve Ever Had Anal Sex.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 295

You deserved it 2 597

Sudarsky's gas giant classification

By leah - 06/02/2021 08:00 - United States - Denver

Today, despite not eating for a week, my digestive system is still overflowing with gas and I fart every 2 minutes. No medicines help, and the six doctors I’ve been to have not been able to find anything wrong with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 928

You deserved it 109

By Eponine13 - 05/06/2019 22:00

Today, I thought it would be fun to climb a tree. My older sister also thought it would be fun to set the tree on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 972

You deserved it 189

By unefoispasdeux - 04/07/2017 21:00 - France - Paris

Today, I went out to a club with a friend who got her wallet stolen. Wanting to help her look for it, I left my purse with a different friend while I went back inside to look. She put my purse on the floor and it got stolen as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 407

You deserved it 1 902

By hannah - 26/06/2019 18:05

Today, I discovered that every time my period ends, I queef loudly and uncontrollably. I’m literally too embarrassed to see a doctor about this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 787

You deserved it 368

A like is a like, dude

By Anonymous - 04/06/2017 12:00

Today, the girl I have a huge crush on only likes my Instagram posts if it's a post about food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 337

You deserved it 587

By Tom - 06/06/2017 20:00 - United States - Antelope

Today, I went for my usual morning run. Halfway through, I needed to pee, so I found a perfect bush… to walk in on a lady who had also stopped to pee. I was called a pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 521

You deserved it 464

By Anonymous - 13/01/2017 16:38

Today, I went to Walmart with all my birthday money, which I had in a wallet with my permit and everything else. I was sat on a bench looking for items for my iPod Touch However… I left my wallet behind. Turns out an old couple stole it. I got my shit jacked by grandparents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 422

You deserved it 2 515

Ever Given

By Anonymous - 01/04/2021 02:00 - United States - Elverson

Today, I had to poop, but as I sat down, it wouldn't come out. After about 10 minutes I realized I needed help. The only help I could get was my mother, who couldn't stop laughing at the sweat and faces I made. I still hurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 871

You deserved it 317

By MaryJane - 07/08/2019 02:00

Today, my best friend told me she didn't want to be my friend anymore, because she wanted to start afresh in college and have pretty friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 172

You deserved it 132

By Farmgirl - 04/10/2017 01:30

Today, during harvest, I got out of my tractor and promptly fell down the stairs, peed my pants, and stepped ankle deep in a mud hole. I sat in wet pants for the next two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 212

You deserved it 406

Are you OK?

By FUCKING IDIOT - 09/11/2023 04:00

Today, my boyfriend yet again bought paper towels instead of toilet paper. I screamed myself hoarse at him, and told him to go get some toilet paper before I killed us both. He came back with coffee filters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319

You deserved it 852

Empathy lives

By Natasha9 - 22/05/2021 20:01

Today, my mom walked in on me crying in my room and yelled at me for being a "weak little crybaby." I’d just found out my best friend died in a car accident. When I told my mom that, she said, "Does it look like I fucking care?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 713

You deserved it 150

Comedy gold

By Landdownunder - 05/10/2019 06:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me and decided it'd be funny to blow raspberries in my crotch. He literally thought it was the funniest thing ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 838

You deserved it 349

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The Top

Today, I broke my leg while riding a bike. The doctor couldn’t help laughing when he saw on the X-ray that the broken tip of my bone looked like a puzzle piece. FML

I agree, your life sucks 581

You deserved it 53

Today, after ranting to my best friend about how all our friends are having kids and how teenage pregnancy will ruin their lives, she announced to me that she's pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 796

You deserved it 7 370

Today, I finally realized how stupid I am, when I answered a question correctly in class and my teacher started clapping and cheering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 891

You deserved it 4 517

Today, I realized that the only times I get to hang out with my friends outside of school are when one of them accidentally mentions plans in front of me and they are obligated by social protocol to invite me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 710

You deserved it 3 248

Today, I asked the girl I like if she wanted to go to the movies, she said yes and I said I'd let her pick the movie. She picked the movie, "Just Friends". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 859

You deserved it 4 052

Today, I got off early from work to catch my wife screwing her co-worker in our bed. I ask her what I did to deserve this. She told me she was “lonely” and that he “always makes her feel like a woman,” unlike me. She would come home from work and I would initiate intimacy, but she would decline every time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 075

You deserved it 188