Love: I should?

I should?

By potatoehead178 - 28/01/2020 05:00 - United States - Fairfield

Today, while I finished my business with my girlfriend, she asked if I used Viagra. I replied, "No I never use Viagra." She responded with, "You should." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 062

You deserved it 376

Love

The smell detective is on the case

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Scratch that itch

By Anonymous - 24/10/2017 06:00

Today, I had a few drinks with a female friend after having a bad week. I got so wasted that I wound up ending the night by giving my boyfriend a rimjob. He thoroughly enjoyed it and thinks it's going to be a regular thing now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 520

You deserved it 6 989

By Anonymous - 24/01/2016 00:08 - United Kingdom - London

Today, just 1 month after giving me a bracelet with an infinity symbol on it for Christmas, my boyfriend of three years ended everything out of the blue. That was a short infinity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 047

You deserved it 2 023

Polite bodyshaming

By alie - 26/08/2010 12:57 - United States

Today, I wore a cute new striped shirt to work. One of my co-workers said to me, "I like your shirt. Most fat people don't look good in horizontals." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 776

You deserved it 4 678

By sucks - 12/03/2009 17:53 - United States

Today, I decided to tell my mom about my choice to wait to have sex until after marriage. Coming from a very christian family I thought she would be proud. Instead she laughed and said, "is that your excuse for not being able to get laid?" and walked out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 294 763

You deserved it 53 919

By Anonymous - 12/12/2014 18:46 - United States

Today, I took my Spanish exam. One of the questions was to translate "Mark is lazy and antisocial." My name is Mark. Everyone kept giving me weird looks the whole test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 061

You deserved it 2 777

By Hypocrisy - 28/09/2011 22:16 - United States

Today, I was called a pervert. On a phone sex line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 612

You deserved it 56 650

By I have wood - 16/09/2013 21:11 - United States - Stephenville

Today, my room mate told all of our mutual friends that he had walked in on me doing woodwork in my room. They all thought he meant he had caught me rubbing one out. I'm actually building a guitar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 262

You deserved it 3 657

Don't care

By Anonymous - 19/02/2020 01:00

Today, I realized that I'm a horrible uncle, I have two nephews and I don't know their age nor birthday. They are twins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 1 550

By Anonymous - 30/05/2018 15:00

Today, my wife informed me that she wants a boyfriend but doesn't want a divorce. Also, apparently I'm horrible for not "respecting her feelings" when I told her she can't have both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 561

You deserved it 281

Fucked around, found out

By anonymouss - 26/08/2021 16:01

Today, I had to yell at both my adult children; my daughter for having an OnlyFans page and my son for finding the page, blackmailing her for money for two months, then telling me about it when she refused to keep paying. I'm not a proud parent right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 228

You deserved it 278

Pass the parcel

By Anonymous - 30/06/2021 10:59

Today, I went to my son's friend's birthday party and felt really proud of giving a great gift. It just so happened that I regifted the same gift that his friend's mother gave to my son the month before because I forgot to check the name on the bag. It looked like she was about to faint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 169

You deserved it 1 400

Dad of the month

By littl3storm - 11/07/2020 08:08

Today, I found out that my 'dad', the man who couldn't afford to buy me a bed, despite sleeping on the floor for 3+ years, has spent well over $3000 on sex chat lines, as well as cheating us out of child payments. He doesn't understand why I refuse to talk to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 043

You deserved it 98

By god - 29/04/2014 18:48 - United Kingdom - Livingston

Today, while at a restaurant with my husband for our 4-year anniversary, he kept behaving strangely, breathing deeply and eventually sighing happily. I thought the wine had just gone to his head. Nope; he proudly admitted later that he'd jerked off without anyone noticing, even me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 145

You deserved it 5 520

Seize the means

By Anonymous - 25/11/2020 18:02 - United States - Cody

Today, I found out I'm getting a pay cut, a week after I told my boss I need a raise or second job just to afford bills. I made the company 10k last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 990

You deserved it 78

By Mojo0608 - 02/11/2014 21:28 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my 16-year-old brother once again scored well at a local archery competition. He got home and, once again, unleashed his "spectacular aim" at the toilet - or rather the toilet seat and surrounding floor. He refuses to clean the bathroom we share every single time he does this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 172

You deserved it 2 520

By anonymous - 07/07/2016 15:24 - United States

Today, my friends woke me up on my birthday by spraying me with silly string. I have a job interview and it won't come out of my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 734

You deserved it 1 020

By GDBeast - 09/01/2013 23:55 - United States

Today, a girl I've been talking to online for a while asked me if I wanted to meet her in person. Two hours of driving later, I end up at her house. When she opened the door, she screamed and called the cops on me. While detained, she called my phone asking why I never showed up today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 361

You deserved it 6 292

By -_- - 05/07/2013 21:59 - United States - Munith

Today, at a family dinner, my mother-in-law talked me into showing off some moves that I've learned in martial arts. I gently did a restraining hold on her. She screamed that I was trying to break her wrists, and kept the wounded act up all night, smirking as everyone gave me death glares. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 440

You deserved it 5 195

Right under your nose

By Anonymous - 03/02/2021 01:56

Today, my husband took our 5-month-old to the doctor, who diagnosed him with a severe sinus blockage and referred us to a specialist. This is the third major health problem with our son that our husband has picked up before I did. My job? I’m a nurse in a paediatric clinic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 479

You deserved it 662

By :// - 05/11/2013 21:01 - United States - Romulus

Today, I woke up and went to the bathroom, only to find my dad sitting on the toilet, blind drunk. He screamed "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" at me. I just wanted to shave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 681

You deserved it 3 731

By The Selfie Parent - 04/11/2014 21:48 - Canada - Mount Pearl

Today, I looked at my twelve-year-old daughter's test. One of the question was, "When is a good time to worry about your parents?" Her answer was, "When they take selfies, because selfies aren't made for old people." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 908

You deserved it 6 607

By Anonymous - 07/06/2013 19:32 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, my band and I played at our first ever real gig. Our drummer turned up high out of his damn mind. After ruining our act with his godawful performance, he screamed "HELL YEAH!" then ran and dove off the stage into a nearly non-existent audience. We were told to never come back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 598

You deserved it 5 512

Stuck in TV Hell

By Anonymous - 29/03/2020 23:00

Today, I'm self isolating with a mother who hogs the remote but doesn't know how to use it, and is so short-sighted she can barely see the TV. Every five minutes, I hear, "What have I done now?", "How have I got onto this then?" and she won't let me help her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 462

You deserved it 176

By Anonymous - 24/12/2011 21:50 - United States

Today, my husband left his laptop logged in to a chat site after leaving for work. Curious, I read some of the logs, and discovered he has been posing as a woman and holding filthy conversations with "hot teen lesbians" for the past several months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 255

You deserved it 6 259

By AkaiKitsune - 29/06/2017 04:00

Today, I went to explore a beach that was rumoured to have big crabs on it instead of the usual small tide pool crabs. I found out that the rumours were true went I went to flip over a rock, which was in fact not a rock. I now have to explain to a doctor how I ended up needing stitches again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 842

You deserved it 1 223

By Anonymous - 25/04/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, my 10 year old brother caught me masturbating and then said "Oh, so that's how you do it!". He then ran to his room and locked the door. I inadvertently taught my little brother how to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 462

You deserved it 64 209

By Anonymous - 06/05/2018 07:00 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, my twin sons have decided to forego the toilet, and instead poop in random places around the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 680

You deserved it 406

By cloud7 - 27/12/2010 03:40

Today, after finally dropping my weight from an overweight 200 to a slim 135, my skin is now loose everywhere, and stretches about two inches out on my stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 780

You deserved it 6 876

By DopeDickDover - 26/10/2015 15:50 - United States

Today, at school, a cute girl kept glancing up at me, giggling, and looking away as soon as I looked at her. So naturally I walked up to her and asked if she wanted to go out sometime. She said she didn't like me, she was just laughing at how big a zit was on my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 307

You deserved it 2 548

By HairyLeggedItalian - 24/05/2010 05:21 - United States

Today, I was putting a wooden shelf into my new TV stand. Right before I put it in, I rested it on my leg. I then realized that the wood was of poor quality, and it gave me splinters. Now, I can't remove the splinters, because I can't find their exact location under my really hairy legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 695

You deserved it 9 184

By gamerguru13 - 21/04/2013 12:26 - United States - New York

Today, my grandmother tried to upstage me at my wedding by wearing an actual wedding dress because she "never had a real wedding". FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 842

You deserved it 4 238

By anonymous - 24/03/2016 03:02

Today, my parents and in-laws are in a bidding war for the house next door, since we are about to have a son. We're not even sure if we want them living this close. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 573

You deserved it 1 456

By preggers with probs - 03/09/2018 14:30

Today, I am 10 weeks pregnant and my husband says he needs time for himself. This apparently means he will be romancing and sleeping with other women so he can "relax". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 482

You deserved it 242

By themonkeyman - 23/12/2009 00:05 - United States

Today, I started my job as a waiter. I was excited when my first customer paid for the bill. I go over to the table, half-expecting a tip. I got to the table and no money was on the table. On the bottom receipt was written: "Ever heard of deodorant?" Apparently I smell bad. Thanks for the tip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 187

You deserved it 29 457

Secrecy

By Anonymous - 01/03/2021 22:30 - South Africa

Today, I found out my husband of one year has been renting his old batchelor's apartment in secret, because he is unsure if he wants to stay married to me, and we are broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 056

You deserved it 77

By paperbox - 16/01/2011 05:07 - Australia

Today, my maths teacher was giving my whole class a lecture on 'if you don't pay attention at school, you will fail.' She then pointed out out a man working on the roof and said: 'if you don't listen, you will end up like that guy.' That was my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 075

You deserved it 3 289

Single life

By idk what to do - 04/03/2021 00:30

Today, I'm 22 year-old woman, and my entire family thinks something is wrong with me because I've never been in a relationship. I'm starting to believe them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 867

You deserved it 124

By BarhydtBran - 18/08/2015 01:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my drill sergeant was yelling at me and asking me questions. I got a question wrong, and he asked me if I am a "Shit Sandwich". I replied "Yes sir, with extra cheese." I'm running miles till the day I die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 961

You deserved it 11 314

By Anonymous - 11/05/2014 22:49 - United States - Belmont

Today, I walked outside to see my boyfriend standing on my porch, looking confused. He explained to me that he had attached a prom proposal note to his pet rabbit, and let it inside my house to find me. We went looking for said rabbit, and found my dog halfway through eating it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 219

You deserved it 5 409

By BadGuyLuck - 25/02/2012 06:33 - United States

Today, I got asked out for the second time in my life. Since my first date didn't go so well I thought I might have better luck with a different guy. I had to end the date when he confessed it was his destiny to kill his father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 900

You deserved it 2 789

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

distortedcognition 17

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 January 2020 7:49

Maybe she wouldn’t feel that way if you didn’t view it as “business”

BurnInDemonFire 32

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 January 2020 2:05

Just because you're in your birthday suit (and hopefully a raincoat), doesn't mean what you did was "business". With that mindset, no wonder she's bored with you.

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 January 2020 5:19

She's an ignorant ass. If you can finish your business with her, you don't need Viagra. Now, if she wants to make several deals a night, you might have to.

mccuish 22

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 January 2020 6:01

Confidence killer right there

distortedcognition 17

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 January 2020 7:49

Maybe she wouldn’t feel that way if you didn’t view it as “business”

Gradask 10

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 January 2020 8:57

So she wants you to take medicine that is for people who impotent, it doesn't makes you go longer or better and can also cause high blood pressure and can also burst small blood vessel when you come. Yes, I have friend who had stop taking it because it cause massive bruises . And you should twist it around, she might have to try harder to turn you on and be better on sex too.

Gradask 10

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 January 2020 19:24

Common Side Effects of Viagra Headache Diarrhea Upset stomach Dizziness Heartburn Runny or stuffy nose Nosebleeds Flushing Difficulty falling or staying asleep Numbness or tingling in the hands, arms, feet, or legs Muscle pain or back pain Sensitivity to light Vision color changes (seeing blue on objects or being unable to tell the difference between green and blue) Serious Side Effects of Viagra Sudden vision changes, blurred vision, or vision loss An erection that’s painful or lasts longer than four hours Symptoms of a heart attack, such as chest pain; chest pain that spreads to your jaw or shoulder; sweating; or nausea Irregular heartbeat Shortness of breath Swelling in your hands, ankles, or feet Ringing in your ears or sudden hearing loss Seizures Feeling like you might pass out Rash Burning or itching while urinating Signs of an allergic reaction, such as hives; difficulty breathing; or swelling of the face, lips, tongue, or throat

Yolanda Patrice Evans 17

Send a private message

Thursday 30 January 2020 9:43

That’s a simp move. You’re girlfriend tells you she’s not being satisfied & your reply is to make it her fault lol.... grow up

demix_fml 32

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 January 2020 10:30

Maybe she feels neglected? Or that you don’t satisfy her needs, the way u satisfy your own?

shannon2348 14

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 January 2020 17:05

Apparently you, like most men don't last very long. Its frustrating for a woman to get a 30 second screw. ydi

zhawk316 5

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 January 2020 21:29

Maybe she wouldn’t feel that way if she put some effort in too instead of just laying there.

BurnInDemonFire 32

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 January 2020 2:05

Just because you're in your birthday suit (and hopefully a raincoat), doesn't mean what you did was "business". With that mindset, no wonder she's bored with you.

J15237 25

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 January 2020 2:14

Hey it happens. Besides if you don't have any problems then it will actually help you last longer. You could try getting some of those KY Sprays and see if it helps. I am sorry she is being so difficult about it, but you really should try to see it from her point of view. There are things out there to help you out. Its nothing to be ashamed about.