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By PhantomKitty - 21/10/2016 03:07 - United States - Saint Albans

Today, I called in about a job application I put in over a week ago. Apparently, the branch of the company that I applied to was never given my information, and the position was filled days ago. I've been checking the status of the position online daily, and it still says that it's open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 270

You deserved it 915

Oh no…

By Oh... - 26/07/2019 16:00 - Australia

Today, my grandma drove me home from school early because I was sick. I went upstairs and heard my parents having sex. Embarrassed, I ran downstairs and was about to leave the house when I saw a car pull into the driveway. It was my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 091

You deserved it 271

Mom of the year

By Yuni - 08/10/2019 06:00 - United States

Today, I went to a restaurant that I always go to, and one of the cute waiters gave me a discount. My mother called me a whore in the middle of the restaurant, then slapped me when I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 577

You deserved it 383

Smart move.

By You won’t believe what happened next - 10/03/2018 01:30 - Denmark

Today, I learned that when airport security jokes that he's going to eat your box of donuts, you should not then joke back that he shouldn’t "because the powdered sugar is really cocaine". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 037

You deserved it 5 828

Personality crisis

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Marietta

Today, I told my dad about my new diet. He somehow figured I was only doing it to look more attractive to guys, because he told me my weight is fine and that it's just my personality that needs work. Thanks a lot, Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 968

You deserved it 2 010

By gamber9210 - 07/05/2018 20:59

Today, I learned that the guy I've been talking to online lives in the same apartment complex as me. I also learned that I've earned the title of "woman who has sex too loud" in the same apartment complex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 157

You deserved it 1 605

gamber9210 tells us more.

gamber9210 13

Monday 7 May 2018 8:52

Honestly. I asked him if he lived right next door because I was very worried he’s actually heard me😂

Morning hell

By BillLumberg - 03/02/2009 06:42 - United States

Today, I released a noxious, unforgiving fart in my cubicle not thinking anything of it. You know, one of those sulfurous clouds you get the morning after a few good beers. Moments later, my manager walks in to talk about work. It's 7:30 in the morning, no one else is around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 620

You deserved it 24 836

Not cool, bro.

By Anonymous - 26/07/2018 19:30 - United Kingdom - Poole

Today, I met my long-distance boyfriend in person for the first time. He insisted on bringing all of his friends, and when he went to the bathroom, one of them punched me in the face for "stealing his bro". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 178

You deserved it 413

By LDL - 26/01/2009 22:56 - United States

Today, I organized a romantic evening with one of my old squeezes in the hopes I may re-ignite something special. She showed up at 8 and told me she had to leave by 9. She was gone by 8:30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 558

You deserved it 5 555

By ReallyRyan? - 01/09/2018 06:00

Today, my younger brother sat on some poison ivy. He didn't have any symptoms because he's pretty much immune to it. Also today, my boyfriend had to run to the ER because he got poison ivy on his genitalia. I knew they spent way too much time together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 267

You deserved it 351

By OwieOwie - 29/10/2018 11:00 - United Kingdom - Tewkesbury

Today, my gallstones flared up so badly an ambulance was called. I needed the strongest painkillers they could supply and had even more at the hospital. When my boyfriend came to visit me, instead of comforting words, he told me that "being kicked in the balls is still worse". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 078

You deserved it 307

By Anonymous - 24/11/2018 09:30 - United States - Henderson

Today, I decided to take a relaxing shower. My face mask made my face break out in hives. While exfoliating, my nipples became chafed. Then I slipped and cut myself while shaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 702

You deserved it 355

Man spitting truth bombs over here

By Robert - 19/11/2020 08:08

Today, I found out my cat had died overnight at the vet's. She died alone in the dark, in a cage. Meanwhile, Donald Trump, an old, narcissistic, overweight sack of shit, survived COVID with millions of tax payer dollars in healthcare. I'd rather my cat had been the one to live; at least she made life nicer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 594

You deserved it 1 053

By belladonna1025 - 29/12/2018 00:00

Today, I told a customer her total was $89.40. She put her leg up on the counter and dug a $100 bill out of her nasty sock. It was damp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 844

You deserved it 431

By Anonymous - 28/02/2017 14:00

Today, while doing a project on income, my teacher told me there are no houses in Japan. I told her I lived in Mitaka for 3 years and that I lived in a house there. She told me I was bullshitting. So much for quality education. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 868

You deserved it 396

Give Me Novacaine

By implantme - 11/05/2017 14:00

Today, I learnt that my tooth is cracking due to a crown that was put in this past October to prevent the previous crown from doing that. Cheers to an implant at 25 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 081

You deserved it 260

By fatto - 30/05/2017 16:00 - Sweden

Today, I got up very early to join my fit, slim, husband for a morning walk, since I work from home, order food to be delivered, and barely leave the couch. Afterwards, he biked off to work, and I went straight back to bed. With some candy. Small steps, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 661

You deserved it 2 710

By jwolt92 - 25/10/2016 02:27 - United States - Bourbonnais

Today, I felt something wet and warm on my arm. I looked down and saw a kid with his mouth attached to my arm. Didn't expect that out of a third grader. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 641

You deserved it 708

By Anonymous - 31/07/2017 12:00 - United States - Hurricane

Today, at work, I wanted to scare my best friend, who is also my coworker. Thinking that he was cleaning the women's bathroom, I snuck in and right when I was about to scare him, my store director came out of the stall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 913

You deserved it 3 878

By RetailScapegoat - 16/09/2017 20:00

Today, I was fired for job abandonment. Yesterday, my boss told me to go home early because we were so slow. After I reminded him, he laughed and said, "Oh yeah... You're still fired." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 564

You deserved it 268

It's only a bit of liquid fun, come on!

By Anonymous - 14/09/2019 20:00

Today, I asked the guy I'm dating if he could not drink on our next date, because he ends up drunk-driving every time. His response was, "This isn't working out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 793

You deserved it 332

By whatislife1969 - 08/10/2017 04:30

Today, my work had an employee party at the park and I drank a little too much vodka. Towards the end of the party, I found myself making out with a tree in front of all my co-workers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 430

You deserved it 4 874

By oogabooga9 - 08/11/2017 15:00

Today, I was clearing out the garage when a large bouncy ball rolled into the drive. Only when I blasted it full force with my foot and collapsed did I realise it was actually a bowling ball. Two of my toes are broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 731

You deserved it 4 388

Party pooper

By jeremyr5678 - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, I was at a really big party and everyone was showing off by flipping into the pool one by one. When it was my go, I attempted a back flip, cracked my head open on the side of the pool, and was rushed to hospital. Now everyone hates me cause the party was forced to shut down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 947

You deserved it 4 906

Modern romance...

By Anonymous - 29/11/2017 15:31

Today, I sent a great-quality booty pic to two of my love interests. Instead of sending it individually, I accidentally made a group chat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 678

You deserved it 8 748

Major red flag

By Karissa - 24/08/2021 10:01

Today, I confronted my boyfriend about him and his female friend’s friendship making me uncomfortable. He responded by throwing the mother of all fits and punching a hole in the wall. He said I have to pay for the repair, because I "made him do it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 337

You deserved it 165

Long time coming

By I'm the boss, not you - 26/04/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, after weeks of stealing lunch from one of my employees, he made a sandwich with canned cat food, soap, and something unimaginably spicy that caused me to spew all over my office and laptop. I fired him. Now everyone is treating me like a monster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 2 529

By someone something - 09/10/2018 14:00

Today, I was finally able to come home after 4 months in a hospital recovering from brain surgery and physical therapy. While taking a walk around the neighborhood, my new neighbor's Rottweiler ran after me. I tripped while running, got bit, and went back to the hospital for stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 516

You deserved it 183

By TCRII - 08/07/2019 12:00 - United States - Springfield

Today, it's the first day of our honeymoon. My bride just informed me that she invited her ex-husband to come, so he can spend time with the kids. He will be here in 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 631

You deserved it 272

By gotadirtydick - 14/04/2017 22:00

Today, my neighbor's kid started learning the violin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 450

You deserved it 507

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The Top

Today, my manager sent me a text message with a picture of Santa masturbating, with a message that said he wished me a white Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 591

You deserved it 4 286

Today, we had our whole staff photo. We all had to stand up in rows in height order, as I'm tall I had to stand in the middle, at the back. I'm horribly claustrophobic and ended up fainting in front of 100 colleagues, taking down 4 people around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 307

You deserved it 3 648

Today, we had a tornado warning and I told my parents I loved them, just in case. My dad just said, "See you in Kansas." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 300

You deserved it 8 278

Today, I decided to be nice and "drop" a twenty in my grandma's house for her to find. She injured her back while picking it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 002

You deserved it 879

Today, I live in a country where people are debating something called "The big, beautiful bill." The bill itself is terrible if you're not a sociopathic rich person, but the media is actually using that name. Big beautiful bill. Are we a nation of children? If so, well, googoo gaga I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 607

You deserved it 274

Today, as always, I have a built-in alarm clock: 6-7 hours after going to sleep, I will automatically wake up and easily stay awake. This would be quite handy, except for one annoying detail: I need at least 9 hours of sleep in order to be able to function. FML

I agree, your life sucks 437

You deserved it 158