Today, I caught a lady attempting to steal a watermelon by putting it in her shirt. When I confronted her, she claimed to be pregnant and threatened to sue me and the store for discriminating against mothers. Nice try, but the watermelon fell out. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, while bagging my groceries at a store, a lady came over to me, took a good look at the food I'd bought, picked out an item and put it in her bag. When I confronted her, she called security on me and told them I wanted to steal her stuff. I got thrown out and she walked away with a smirk. FML
Today, working at a fast food restaurant, I saw a woman in her late thirties pull out some hair and put it in her food, then threaten to sue me and the restaurant. She also told me no one would believe me, a teenager, when I told her I saw her put it there. FML
Today, I caught my pregnant wife trying to suck milk from her breasts. FML
Today, I was humiliated, detained, and questioned by police when I tried to leave a store with an unpaid item. I honest to God didn’t see the item because it'd slid under my toddler daughter's leg while she sat in the basket. The store refused to believe me, even when I tried to pay for it. FML
Today, I saw a lady with a stroller in the park. She stopped at the water fountain and got a drink, then left without her baby. I ran to the stroller and started rolling it after her. Two grown men attacked me, accusing me of trying to steal said baby. Turns out it was a baby doll. FML
Today, I saw a pregnant woman fall off her moped. As I helped her back up, I asked if her baby was okay. I was then blindsided by her brick of a purse while she screeched, "I'm not pregnant!" FML
Today, I was working as a cashier and a woman brought up a suitcase. As I was ringing her up I checked inside like I'm supposed to and I very jokingly say, "Look at all the stuff you're stealing." She laughed nervously then hit me in the head with her heavy purse before running out of the store. FML
Today, I was grocery shopping, when an elderly lady walked up to me and tripped over her own feet. I caught her by the arm, at which point she shrieked at me for "groping" her. She ended up smirking as security threw me out of the store. FML
Today, I was shopping at a store from which I had previously bought a shirt. The clerk accused me of trying to steal my own shirt and called security. They examined it and argued with me for so long I was late to work. FML
Today, I was walking out of a grocery store. I hit the button on my key to open the trunk, which hit an old lady just under her chin and knocked her to the ground. As she laid there, she pointed a shaky, bony finger at me and yelled that she would sue me for everything I have. FML
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Top comments
real life problems 26
Did she yell "my water broke!" when the watermelon fell out?
BurnInDemonFire 39
You should have put her outside your store in a watermelon costume, holding a sign. Apparently, it's all the rage these days.
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Comments (18)
Steve Knight 13
I would ask if the father was a alien after that miscarriage
real life problems 26
Are you suggesting that a watermelon and a woman can't have a baby together?
BurnInDemonFire 39
You should have put her outside your store in a watermelon costume, holding a sign. Apparently, it's all the rage these days.
Project71 16
HOW ARE YOU EVERYWHERE!
real life problems 26
Did she yell "my water broke!" when the watermelon fell out?
Ozzlik Bombhammer 3
no but she did yell "my baby, my baby!" This same story was on notalwaysright.com
acmariner99 25
Who or what did that lady have sex with to give birth to a watermelon?
John Nemeth 14
Out all the things to steal she tries to steal one of the biggest fruits... Aren’t they like five dollars? FFS people steal a tv or a computer that way you can sell it and get a couple months worth of watermelons. I do not condone stealing FYI...
tounces7 28
I don't condone stealing either, but I condone stupidity even less.
WeirdUS 30
Wow. At that point I'd hate to condone it but if they are that hungry I"d buy it for her.
RichardPencil 32
Theft of that sort is considered a... ...wait on it... melon-y!
Spiritbird 17
That's hilarious but I don't see the FML in this.
StagGT 13
It's more like an FHL
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
OP had to put up with this idiot shouting. Well, until the watermelon fell out, at least.
ViviMage 40
You are assuming her species?? Don't you know these millennials are my always human or their birth assigned gender? What is she really aligns as being a male seahorse that is pregnant with watermelon babies?? She should try stealing the melons in her bra instead.
Donut_Wizard 23
How dare you discriminate against thieves.
thatslifeiguess7 16
Got caught stealing....