Health and Transportation: Today, I’m having knee surgery. I can’t drive for the next week...

By GeeThanksMom

Today, I’m having knee surgery. I can’t drive for the next week because of the heavy duty pain killers, so my mom told me I'll have to walk to and from school. It’s only a couple of miles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4554

202

Alexa, play "Hey! Student" by The Fall

On yer bike

Near the knuckle

By Anonymous - United States - Cuyahoga Falls

Today, I mixed up my chapstick and cork grease. Now my clarinet smells like cherries, and my lips smell like a gym floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32371

You deserved it

7157

Favorite

By HillaryAngelic - United States - Flint

Today, after a church service, a man approached me as I was walking to my car. He had tears in his eyes and politely asked if I would pray with him. He asked if we could hold hands. As I reached out to hold his hands, the bitch snatched my purse and ran. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50412

You deserved it

8791

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Des Moines

Today, I found out that my parents spent all of the money in my college fund to pay for my cat to be flown to LA and audition for a movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

69348

You deserved it

4069

Favorite

By Rebecca - 3/10/2020 23:07

What could go wrong?

Today, I slipped into an ATM vestibule quickly without a mask. The place smelled like the antiseptic at a doctor's office, so I figured, "What could go wrong? Not more than 6 hours later, I found out that I’m sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

353

You deserved it

1747

Favorite

By Jacky-Boy - United Kingdom

Today, I was playing songs at a funeral in my church. As the organ wasn't in tune I had to use an electronic piano instead. All was going well until in the end of a speech, I accidentally hit the 'demo' button. None of the grieving relatives were impressed by my drum beats and turntable scratches. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44360

You deserved it

7419

Favorite

By shit

Today, I was in a public restroom trying to take a dump. It's difficult for me to do it in public, so to make it easier I kept telling myself, "Nobody's here, you're all alone." I then heard, "No you're not." I didn't realize I was saying it out loud. And that I wasn't alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1607

You deserved it

633

Favorite

By 12incher - United States

Today, I was sitting in math class when I glanced over to the other side of the room and the hottest girl in the school is over there. I could see her thong so I instantly got a boner. About a minute later my teacher calls me up to the board to do a problem. I wore basketball shorts that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

83416

You deserved it

42587

Favorite

By idiotfriend - United States

Today, I rented some movies in attempts to cheer up my best friend. Her husband just died a few weeks ago in a helicopter accident. I was in a rush and didn't read the descriptions of the two films, one was about a plane crash where all the passengers died. She cried through the entire movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11692

You deserved it

87553

Favorite

By Boned...hard - France

Today, after confessing my love for my best friend, he looked at me and said "I'm not feeling it. But does this mean we can have sex?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

26431

You deserved it

3599

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Talk about not getting the picture…

Today, I finally worked up the courage to break up with my boyfriend. His parents weren't able to pick him up for 5 hours. I ended up taking him to a movie to kill time and end on a positive note, but now he thinks we're cool and back on track. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6366

You deserved it

1982

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to bed with a bra on. I woke up with no bra on. My brother had a friend sleep over last night. I wonder where my bra went. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41636

You deserved it

4172

Favorite

By babysitter - United States

Today, I was twenty minutes into babysitting my twin baby cousins when I realized that there are no diapers to be found anywhere in the house. I have no way to get a hold of my aunt, no money to buy new diapers, and I don't even have a way to get to the store in the first place. The next few hours are going to be lovely. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39137

You deserved it

4919

Favorite

By Reebee

Today, I got off late from my bartending job, which is close to my house, but my boyfriend begged me to come to his place half an hour away. I decided the sex would be worth the drive. He was sound asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3110

You deserved it

509

Favorite

By ItWasHotAsBalls

Today, my mom was out of the house, so I decided to make her a gift. I went into the garage for supplies and somehow ended up locking myself in for the next 2 hours. Not only that, but I cut my hand with the rusty paperclip I used to try to pick the lock. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7464

You deserved it

1603

Favorite

By I shaved my legs for this

Today, I prepared for my first date in two years. I shaved my legs, did my hair and nails, painted my face, found the perfect outfit, then waited for hours for a man who never came. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4130

You deserved it

256

Favorite

By izzy

Today, my boyfriend left me for his sister. No, not my sister. His sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3656

You deserved it

202

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my date kissed me after our second date. The way he leaned towards my mouth was very romantic. He's pretty tall, so I stretched myself as high as possible to make the kiss as passionate as possible. That's how I ended up belching into his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35799

You deserved it

10088

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was applying for a job at a corporate office. Everything went fine until I hurled all over the manager, who until then seemed to like me. Never eat expired canned tuna on the same day as an interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8937

You deserved it

34533

Favorite

By Marika - United States - San Francisco

Today, my religious friend and I ended up having wild sex in the back of his mom's minivan. We got interrupted by a priest knocking at our window. Well played God, well played. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33144

You deserved it

9145

Favorite

By weezel - South Africa

Today, I took pictures of myself and my girlfriend doing naughty things together on my camera. My mom later asked me if she could borrow the camera for the weekend. Without thinking, I gave her the camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13243

You deserved it

53942

Favorite

By MotherofET - Australia

Today, my daughter announced on Facebook that she is directly descended from extra-terrestrials. That would be okay - except she's 25 and believes it's true. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31225

You deserved it

4468

Favorite

By sexlube - United States - Kirkland

Hand sanitizer

Today, my kid told my wife he's been using the hand sanitizer under our bathroom sink. It's not hand sanitizer, it's a giant bottle of lube.

I agree, your life sucks

1487

You deserved it

865

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom walked in on me and my boyfriend having sex. She was completely embarrassed (as was I) and she flew out of the room. My boyfriend, on the other hand, still wanted to finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12322

You deserved it

20557

Favorite

By 2285morgan - United States

Today, I heard my alarm go off, dragged myself out of bed, had breakfast and got ready for work. As I was heading out the door I checked the time again. It was 1:41 AM. Apparently my alarm never actually went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36351

You deserved it

6070

Favorite

By eggnoodles - United States

Today, I woke up to find myself drenched in piss after a long night of drinking. I immediately sprang into action, tossing my bedding in the washer and hopping into the shower. Running late for work, I threw on a nice dress and got into my car. Guess who also peed in the drivers seat? FML

I agree, your life sucks

7972

You deserved it

52935

Favorite

By manhandled - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. He picked me up and threw me over his shoulder to take me to his room. He wasn't careful enough, and dropped me right on my head, on the hardwood floor. I ended up vomiting and came down with a headache. He still wanted to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38944

You deserved it

3996

Favorite

By legotron - United States

Today, I left work at 11pm. It was cold and dark, and I was anxious to get home, so I cut across some soccer fields to get to my car. About halfway across, the sprinklers came on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29333

You deserved it

8800

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/11/2020 20:02

It's not unusual

Today, I complimented my crush. No, I didn't call her beautiful or sexy, though those definitely apply. No, instead, I called her scrumptious. I can't even begin to explain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

680

You deserved it

250

Favorite

By cheese123 - United States

Today, my grandmother introduced me to her friends as her 16-year-old granddaughter "who has never been kissed." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30201

You deserved it

3207

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my brother and I were talking about Ebola, when he says he would love to have the disease because of how famous it would make him. Plus, his college essays about him "fighting through the disease" would be "phenomenal". FML

I agree, your life sucks

39074

You deserved it

3577

Favorite

By fuckedalready - United States

Today, the cleaning lady left a note that said my room was too dirty to clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10261

You deserved it

35905

Favorite

By Tanner - United States

Today, I got mugged. I also got an extra kick in the face for not having money in my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38318

You deserved it

3656

Favorite

By Ovie

Today, I got caught absent-mindedly fondling my knob in front of Love Island. FML

I agree, your life sucks

444

You deserved it

1631

Favorite

By FML - United States

Today, I received a ticket for not having my headlights on. The cop who pulled me over had a broken headlight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31728

You deserved it

4929

Favorite

By WeightAMinute - United States

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend who dumped me after 2 1/2 years because I got fat. The last two years I've lost 68 lbs, am happier and couldn't wait to shove that in his face. So, of course the first time he see's me I'm alone, pushing a shopping cart full of ice cream for a party later. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52650

You deserved it

6276

Favorite

By Ashley - United States - Huntington Beach

Today, my friend spilt orange juice all over my iPad. She then went ahead to clean it off by rinsing it with water. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31273

You deserved it

2995

Favorite

By Emcee - Philippines

Today, it was graduation day, and the very first time I'm hosting an event. When I got on stage, I stared at the audience for a good 5 seconds, then I fainted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50550

You deserved it

6150

Favorite

By Late

Today, my boss at my new job yelled at me for being 15 minutes early to work. Last week he yelled at me for being late for my shift when I arrived 5 minutes early. He's considering this my final warning before I'm fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11083

You deserved it

696

Favorite

By alostr1 - United States

Today, while in the waiting room at the dentist's, some kids were running and screaming. One of them stopped right beside me, turned to face me, and threw up in my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35440

You deserved it

2479

Favorite

By Starchyld - Canada

Today, I went on blind date with a guy because both our moms thought we'd like eachother. Things were going really well until I got up to go to the bathroom and he says: "My mom was right, you do have perfect breedin' hips!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

41812

You deserved it

4116

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By RichardPencil | 29

#7603840 - Sunday 25 February 2018 15:06

Now you’ll see just how heavy-duty your pain-killers are.

By UselessWeeaboo1 | 21

#7602004 - Wednesday 21 February 2018 16:29

Good parenting at its finest. Maybe you can ask a friend to give you a ride?

COMMENTS

By UselessWeeaboo1 | 21

#7602004 - Wednesday 21 February 2018 16:29

Good parenting at its finest. Maybe you can ask a friend to give you a ride?

kaylocca | 20

#7604673 - Tuesday 27 February 2018 12:19

completely unrelated but naruto 😍

By RichardPencil | 29

#7603840 - Sunday 25 February 2018 15:06

Now you’ll see just how heavy-duty your pain-killers are.

By Slim87R | 6

#7603861 - Sunday 25 February 2018 16:32

Extended walking immediately after knee surgery? What kind of parent does that?

By MidnaLink | 32

#7603866 - Sunday 25 February 2018 16:43

Wasn’tthis published a few days ago?

By mental asylum | 13

#7603875 - Sunday 25 February 2018 17:00

tell that stupid whore to drive you

By Wintermelons | 19

#7603882 - Sunday 25 February 2018 17:11

Killing the pain, by giving you more.

By bluhbluhbluh | 14

#7603894 - Sunday 25 February 2018 17:57

Time to invest in a unicorn... to take you to school and stab your mom with a magical horn.

By KittyMack | 13

#7603976 - Sunday 25 February 2018 21:10

Tell the school, maybe they have some ideas. Perhaps they will let you stay home (with someone giving you the notes & assignments). Or perhaps they will report your parent(s) to child protection & a social worker will come by & explain that causing harm to one's kid is frowned upon.

By Rabite | 28

#7604038 - Monday 26 February 2018 1:21

Um.. bus?

By DanielleinDC | 32

#7604050 - Monday 26 February 2018 2:49

Unless your mom is unable to drive (and not everyone learns to drive), why can't she drive you to and from school? That failing, isn't there a bus you can take?