Miscellaneous: Today, my husband put "sexual favors" on the memo line for my...

By Pimp Daddy

Today, my husband put "sexual favors" on the memo line for my contractor's check. His wife saw it and he had to quit mid-job. I'm stuck with a half-finished house and my husband thinks it's funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5457

You deserved it

518

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Instadrama

Doomed

Workaholic

By loser

Today I bought the Gold edition to a game for $90. I expected to be very good only to realize it was the same as the previous installment. I went to check the refund policy and it said that I had to have played less than 2 hours, I had 121 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2449

You deserved it

937

Favorite

By SayItToMyFace - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend asked me to text him when I got home after driving 40 miles in bad weather from his house back to mine. When I did, he broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25910

You deserved it

1513

Favorite

By Already Broke Asf - United States - Rock Hill

Today, my 19-year-old brother broke into my dorm and robbed me. When I tried to file a report, my brother went to my parents and told them that he took it because I owed him money on a bet. Guess who lost $92.50. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24879

You deserved it

2309

Favorite

By goincrazy - United States - Milwaukee

Today, my thoughts that I'm going crazy were confirmed when I got into the shower with my socks on. The worst part is that I didn't realize it for a good five minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23231

You deserved it

5445

Favorite

By kcd - United States

Today, I saw a girl texting at school. I told her she might want to put her phone away before she got a detention. She turned around and I saw she was changing her insulin level on her pump. She has diabetes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13831

You deserved it

57088

Favorite

By urmommmm - United States

Today, it was my birthday. My parents came into my room at 12:01 to surprise me. Do you know what fifteen year olds do at midnight? FML

I agree, your life sucks

50223

You deserved it

25344

Favorite

By sicksicksick - United States - Lansdale

Today, I have pink eye in both eyes, the stomach virus, and a cold. I'm also sitting at work because my boss "doesn't believe in sick days." FML

I agree, your life sucks

56517

You deserved it

3667

Favorite

By bugnose

Today, I noticed an extremely large bug buzzing around my room. After several attempts, I stomped on it with my shoe. I was trying to get a closer look at my victory when it flew into my nostril. Turns out it was just playing dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35849

You deserved it

9084

Favorite

By Disappointed Teacher - Canada - Surrey

Today, I taught a college course with a group of 30 adults. I was educating them on leadership and gave a 25 minute lecture, with examples like Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King, and how they changed the world. Then I opened the forum to see who inspired them. The response? Donald Trump. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35796

You deserved it

4792

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my 97-year-old Grandma has an imaginary 30-year-old boyfriend. I laughed until my mom said, "She's still doing better than you. You don't even have an imaginary boyfriend, let alone a real one." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32086

You deserved it

9997

Favorite

By sad45 - Canada

Today, I was shopping with my friends and I got asked by a man if I could be in one of his commercials. I obviously said yes without thinking twice. I then found out that he wanted me to be the before picture for an acne control moisturizer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64231

You deserved it

10111

Favorite

By mental - United States - Norfolk

Insanity

Today, I had my first appointment with my new therapist. After I told her my family history and past abusive situations, she looked at me and asked, "How are you still sane?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1745

You deserved it

121

Favorite

By WhereIsIt? - 25/9/2020 22:01 - Australia - North Lakes

Frustration

Today, I came home from a nine-hour shift and all I want is to sit down with a glass of Baileys. I can't find the key to the liquor cabinet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

854

You deserved it

384

Favorite

By Ugh - United States

Today, I submitted my picture to a rating website. It was rejected because I didn't clarify which person I was. The picture was of my dog and me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52347

You deserved it

7025

Favorite

By JunkDex - Australia - Merrylands

Today, my boss thought it would be a great idea to delay paying me until after Christmas. There goes rent, bills, food and of course Christmas presents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25466

You deserved it

1678

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Galt

Today, my 16-year-old brother managed to convince my 22-year-old boyfriend that I breastfeed my pet parrot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53540

You deserved it

5416

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, a customer asked a question I couldn’t answer. I asked if she would wait while I consulted someone else, but she spat in my face and stormed off. My manager saw, wrote me up for refusing to help, and gave the woman a gift card for her troubles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4894

You deserved it

231

Favorite

By CaptainSosuke - United States

Today, I tripped over my own shoelace after explaining to my boyfriend that my shoes being untied were good luck for me. He then took that as the grand opportunity to tell me that we were breaking up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25817

You deserved it

8361

Favorite

By qwerty

Today, I found out my little sister took a picture of me taking a shit and showed it to her friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

145

You deserved it

Favorite

By anon. - United Kingdom - London

Today, while working at the bar, I accidentally spilled a beer on my chest. Several drunk men whistled and seemed to enjoy what they saw so much that they bought even more drinks and started coming onto me. My boss asked if I could do it again on my next shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27235

You deserved it

2747

Favorite

By hateparents - Australia

Today, my parents met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. They not only brought along embarrassing childhood photos of myself, they'd 'accidentally' placed an intimate photo of me and my ex-girlfriend with them. That was their subtle way of telling everyone they prefer my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40778

You deserved it

3248

Favorite

By prettylady? - United States

Today, I said "bless you" to a nice man who sneezed on the subway. That nice man has now followed me home and stood outside my apartment complex for two hours, claiming to be my "soulmate." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35013

You deserved it

2834

Favorite

By Marie - 20/1/2021 05:01

Freaky

Today, I have been finding long black hairs all over my bathroom. My hair is short and blonde, and I live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

990

You deserved it

Favorite

By cool trick buddy - United States - Atlanta

Today, I was tailgated on the highway. There was a car in the lane next to me, and my tailgater was WAY too close to risk slowing down, so I sped up in order to switch lanes, which bumped me over the speed limit. That's when my tailgater turned on the flashing lights. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2393

You deserved it

365

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I saw a creepy guy grab a woman's ass on the bus, so I caught his arm and put him in an arm lock, only for the woman to hit me in the head with her handbag. Turns out they were a married couple on their way home to have sex, and who couldn't resist a quick grope during the journey. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4025

You deserved it

4554

Favorite

By UnluckyInk - United States - Manlius

Today, I went in to get my first tattoo. I'd put a lot of thought into it and was really excited when the day came. Long story short, the Celtic knot I'd gotten turned out to have an alternate meaning of "female sex slave." The faces my very Irish family made were beyond words. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20263

You deserved it

49509

Favorite

By Sabre

Today, in my role as a social worker, I was ordered by the court to take a very pregnant, petite 15-year-old for a prenatal exam. I am an adult male. As she waddled into her appointment, I turned to see hate-filled stares in the entire waiting room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5048

You deserved it

284

Favorite

By XxtentaculonxX - United Kingdom - Oban

Dweebs

Today, I was chatting to a friend on Facebook about girls, and why we're single. We somehow ended up admitting to one another that we'd never get girlfriends, finding out that we both like hentai porn, and trading info on Japanese sex toys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10760

You deserved it

32351

Favorite

By little tooth - France

Today, my wisdom teeth decided to come in. I didn't know that being wise could hurt so much. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32814

You deserved it

9323

Favorite

By tbright010 - United States

Today, the highlight of my day was learning how to drain my dog's anal glands. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30459

You deserved it

4615

Favorite

By Username - United States

Today, I asked my two children why they smelled like pee after we had gotten lunch at McDonald's. They told me that they were playing in the puddles in the play-place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40699

You deserved it

4975

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I asked my niece to house-sit because she acts very mature and sensible while her brother is an idle slob. Turns out the idle slob nephew is the mature one while the sensible niece actually likes to throw house parties. I found a used condom stuck to my ceiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3128

You deserved it

889

Favorite

By crazybitch - Canada - Okotoks

Not a morning person

Today, I learned that when my girlfriend told me that she's a different person without coffee and smokes in the morning, she wasn't kidding; after I'd asked her how she'd slept, she bitched me out for "mocking her" and hurled a hairdryer at my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26914

You deserved it

4025

Favorite

By Boltz719 - United States

Today, I was at my grandfather's house and my car was low on gas. He said I could put some of his gas in my car. He accidentally gave me the wrong tank to pump it out of, and I put fuel in my car that he uses for his small plane. It never ran better until the engine exploded. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36477

You deserved it

3847

Favorite

By khlonnae - United States - Dayton

Today, while hanging out with my boyfriend, I started getting ready for bed. As I grabbed my face wipes, he said, “Wait, don't take off your makeup because then you'll be ugly.“ FML

I agree, your life sucks

4207

You deserved it

544

Favorite

By Beeh - United States

Today, I shared the story of my younger brother's unexpected death with a friend. After telling him the story, I looked at him with teary eyes and he looked back into my eyes and said "I understand how you feel. That is almost as bad as when I lost my cat last spring term." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35776

You deserved it

3392

Favorite

By sigh - Singapore - Singapore

Lovely parents

Today, my parents forgot it was my birthday. They ordered me to scrub the common bathroom, and when I asked if they remembered, my dad's reaction was "Oh! Really?" My mom's was "I thought that it was next week." What lovely parents I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2193

You deserved it

167

Favorite

By Asterisk1009 - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to tell my parents that I'm gay. My mom said "Yeah, we know." When I asked how they knew, my dad, without looking up from the tv, said, "We've been monitoring your Internet history." FML

I agree, your life sucks

50455

You deserved it

17011

Favorite

By crazyjohnny - United States

Today, I had a really big debate in my English Class about the legalization of weed. My group had to state reasons why weed shouldn't be legal and no one except me had prepared. My partner came to class totally stoned. Our group lost the debate. We got a F. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54275

You deserved it

7941

Favorite

By Mr.no contacts - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, the people fixing my phone called to say that for some reason, my phone's SIM card has wiped all my contacts except for four, and they are doing their best to try and recover the rest. I had to explain to them that I only had four contacts to begin with. The guy laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45484

You deserved it

5716

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Etweens96 | 24

#7446871 - Sunday 30 April 2017 20:02

I think you should make your husband do the work since he thinks it's so funny.

By gatorclay97 | 28

#7446877 - Sunday 30 April 2017 20:05

It is kinda funny

COMMENTS

By Etweens96 | 24

#7446871 - Sunday 30 April 2017 20:02

I think you should make your husband do the work since he thinks it's so funny.

RockPrincess26 | 16

#7446910 - Sunday 30 April 2017 21:35

I agree. Let's see who laughs now.

Etweens96 | 24

#7446911 - Sunday 30 April 2017 21:36

Amen sista!

zeroramiro2 | 4

#7447058 - Monday 1 May 2017 2:14

Even better. Hire someone more expensive. It's hard to get a good price when the competition has been scared off.

By gatorclay97 | 28

#7446877 - Sunday 30 April 2017 20:05

It is kinda funny

By rodfergie | 18

#7446882 - Sunday 30 April 2017 20:07

His wife probably made him quit, because it was true before.

By TheyCallMeDamien | 17

#7446928 - Sunday 30 April 2017 21:56

What an a-hole!

A laugh isn't worth the cost of the time and money this hassle has caused.

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7446937 - Sunday 30 April 2017 22:15

Yeah, that's not funny. Make your husband finish the rest of that job you paid good money for.

By thunderniron | 22

#7446942 - Sunday 30 April 2017 22:23

How's your husband with a hammer and saw?

By mmjab | 4

#7446964 - Sunday 30 April 2017 23:04

your husband, but his wife saw it??

TellyJ34 | 10

#7446976 - Sunday 30 April 2017 23:15

she hired a contractor & the contractors wife saw the check that said "sexual favors" on it.

By praahe | 8

#7446996 - Sunday 30 April 2017 23:34

I really hope your husband went to the man's house and explained this to his wife. I'd had to think I ruined someone's marriage with a silly joke.

False_Stupidity | 41

#7447073 - Monday 1 May 2017 4:44

Yeah I really hope hubby mans up and set this one right, could cause the poor guy all kinds of problems if his wife thinks he is cheating.

By James C White II | 8

#7447071 - Monday 1 May 2017 4:33

Both funny and tragic. Even worse if there were sexual favors

By Pixiewolfe | 46

#7447268 - Monday 1 May 2017 13:26

This is a FML for both the contractor and you.
How insecure has his wife got to be to make him quit a paid job over a check?
I hope your husband sets the record straight!