Intimacy, Books and Porn: Book club gone wild!

Book club gone wild!

By TheWriter - 01/09/2017 04:30

Today, during a family gathering, my mom, grandmother, and aunts started talking about an erotic novel they're all reading on Amazon. My cousin asked for the writer's name and I heard my pseudonym in response. My entire family is reading my horribly-written porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 346

You deserved it 1 424

Intimacy Books Porn

This Charming Man

Dementia or hate? You decide

I can't quit you

By Fattypatty - 09/07/2009 06:21 - United States

Today, I realized how fat I really am. While going to the bathroom I leaned to the side to wipe my butt and heard a crack. Not knowing what it was, I continued to wipe. After I finished, I got up to see that I'd cracked the toilet seat in half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 272

You deserved it 58 187

By Natsert99 - 08/12/2016 14:02 - United States - Deerfield

Today, I brought my best friend to the strip club as a birthday gift, as he had mentioned that he'd never been to one before. It might have been ruined by the discovery that his daughter had a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 734

You deserved it 1 174

By Allenburg - 18/01/2009 01:38 - United States

Today, the guy I've had a crush on for a while called me and asked me over. I took a cab to his place and when I got there he was dressed in leather and wore a mask... It took me a 20 dollar cab fare to realize my crush is a freak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 647

You deserved it 7 469

By anonymous - 06/07/2011 15:21 - United States

Today, my mother told me she wanted me to get an exorcism. Yes, she was serious. I'm Jewish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 426

You deserved it 3 706

By scammed - 29/08/2013 18:48 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I found out after spending my life's income on paying for my grandma's cancer treatment that she has been faking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 661

You deserved it 3 590

By holiday from hell - 25/12/2013 01:12 - United States - Ridgewood

Today, I went to my dad's house for Christmas. Soon enough, my grandma had commented on how much weight I've gained, my aunt asked me why I'm still single, and my dad joined in by reminding me that I still haven't been accepted into college. Only three more days to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 169

You deserved it 3 677

By smells like ass - 29/12/2016 03:05

Today, my brother tried to ninja-kick his dirty underwear up into his hand. He failed and it landed on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 983

You deserved it 401

By coughandcold - 27/03/2009 01:45 - United States

Today, I was feeling sick and having trouble breathing easily. I decided to take a nap and apparently ended up sleeping with my mouth wide open since breathing was an issue. I woke up to my boyfriend trying to put his penis in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 189 614

You deserved it 37 860

By WTFisMyLife - 08/05/2019 03:00

Today, my boyfriend whipped out his proverbial notebook, where he obviously keeps notes of what I do and how I act during sex, and then grilled me about every single one of those things. Now I'm scared to do anything because I don't want to be interrogated about it later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 488

You deserved it 273

By anonymous - 19/03/2011 10:32 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that when I orgasm, my increased heart rate causes me to pass out. I also found out my boyfriend doesn't stop when I'm unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 126

You deserved it 8 493

By nh-Amazon - 27/04/2014 23:01 - United States - Plano

Today, I asked my son to go to the grocery store across the street and pick up some lettuce. He sighed and said, "Why don't you just order it on Amazon?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 248

You deserved it 7 282

By blargggggg - 10/11/2009 06:20 - United States

Today, I received a rejection letter from a company I interviewed with three weeks ago. They didn't mention giving my $200 portfolio back. Guess I'll keep using my 4-year degree to wait tables. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 354

You deserved it 3 283

By Mad - 27/06/2011 01:14 - Australia

Today, after a weekend of helping my sister-in-law move out of our house, vacuuming and mopping her bedroom and bathroom for her, scrubbing her walls and cleaning her shower, transporting her furniture and getting her carpet professionally cleaned, to cover costs she offered me $14. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 577

You deserved it 5 261

Thanks, mom

By Anonymous - 24/10/2020 11:03 - United States - Kenton

Today, my mom saw me holding a plant and told me to walk around with it, to replace all of the oxygen I waste. FML

I agree, your life sucks 852

You deserved it 189

Halved

By Anonymous - 04/09/2019 14:00

Today, I went to the hair salon to get a fresh trim before receiving my master's diploma. The hairdresser managed to shave off half my eyebrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 549

You deserved it 100

By Nosexytime - 14/01/2010 15:56 - United States

Today, for my boyfriends 21st birthday, I wore sexy lingerie, put on a naughty librarian outfit and did a strip tease for him. He just laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 557

You deserved it 5 328

This Is Us

By CrackHouseBaby - 16/10/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I learned that my parents lied. They didn't meet each other at an acid house rave. They met each other at a crack house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 540

You deserved it 141

By figcurzyez - 23/05/2016 15:57 - United Kingdom - Harlow

Today, the checkout guy at my local store asked me if I had my hair cut. I answered and started talking about my hair, and he gave me a really weird look. He was talking to his friend, who I hadn't noticed in the queue behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 930

You deserved it 2 297

Enjoy!

By sad and hungry - 06/06/2015 14:37 - United States - Hackensack

Today, I'm getting over a nasty breakup, and decided to treat myself and order a pizza online. After waiting 45 minutes, I checked the site. Turns out, I'd forgotten to change the address on the site. I sent my ex a free pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 464

You deserved it 6 526

By argh - 01/02/2010 13:17 - United States

Today, my mother gave my daughter a behavior chart. I noticed that "drinking beer" was at the top of one of the columns. It's a chart for my daughter to use on me so my mother can judge my parenting skills. I am currently losing a sticker right now for being on the computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 641

You deserved it 4 958

By ugh - 04/07/2016 17:26 - United States - Milford

Today, my dad had a midlife crisis in the grocery store over his football career in high school. So he decided pelting me with vegetables and fruits would be a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 352

You deserved it 1 099

By WoofWoof - 07/12/2009 18:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months called me. He said his mom was making him choose between having a dog or having a girlfriend. I asked him which one he picked. He was quiet, I heard barking in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 061

You deserved it 4 988

By Anonymous - 15/09/2013 19:53 - Romania - Bucharest

Today, I saw an elderly gentleman in the street wearing a shirt with a big QR code on it. Amused, I used an app on my phone to decode it. It gave me a shortened web address, which I followed, only to be faced with a picture of the same gentleman naked, grinning, and giving a thumbs up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 639

You deserved it 30 682

By Anonymous - 10/11/2011 17:07 - Ireland

Today, I stepped in a pile of dog shit. While trying to get it off by wiping my foot on the grass, I stepped in another pile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 748

You deserved it 7 652

By rastafarimon - 17/04/2011 05:56 - United States

Today, my girlfriend compared my penis to an ewok from Star Wars. She says it's short, stubby, and fuzzy. Now she sings the Star Wars theme when we hang out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 043

You deserved it 8 954

By Anonymous - 08/07/2016 18:47

Today, I clogged the toilet at my boyfriend's house. I couldn't fix it and was too ashamed to say anything. I can't handle confrontation, so I had to just sit there as my boyfriend's brother ended up getting blamed, then grounded for "lying" about it not being his fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 718

You deserved it 13 848

By Anonymous - 24/11/2010 07:35 - Singapore

Today, I went shopping with my parents. Halfway through, I got separated from them and tried to call them only to find out my cell phone battery was flat. A few minutes later, an announcement was made for a lost child. It was by my parents. I'm 36. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 107

You deserved it 5 187

By Bad at life - 18/10/2018 13:30

Today, I pulled a muscle in my face. Chewing gum. For the second time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 036

You deserved it 596

By well i'm fucked - 03/02/2014 22:47 - United States - Aberdeen

Today, my girlfriend of three weeks basically threatened to kill herself if I don't start thinking about having a child with her soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 080

You deserved it 6 829

Feeling ripped off

By EpicOracle - 02/10/2021 09:59 - Nigeria

Today, I woke up feeling out of step with life. Work owes me money for 6 months-worth of projects I did. I collected loans to take care of my sick dad and manage myself, and now my bosses are refusing to pay what they owe, so my account balance is blank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 998

You deserved it 74

By nk - 03/11/2010 04:39 - United States

Today, I was so lonely that I had a 3 hour conversation with a one-legged cricket I found in my room. I'm keeping him. He has a name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 489

You deserved it 12 002

By Anonymous - 27/07/2019 05:00 - United States - Kansas City

Today, I uploaded a video to YouTube. I have around 20k subscribers, so I'm not a huge deal. I used a "fail" sound effect. I just got an email from YouTube saying that I got a copyright strike. They told me that it was the 4-second sound effect. They copyrighted 4 seconds of my video. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 432

You deserved it 477

By nofinal - 10/12/2009 06:34 - United States

Today, I woke up at 7 am to take my last final. When I got to the parking lot, I realized my car was missing. After speaking to the police for 3 hours, I called my girlfriend to let her know what happened. She then told me I had parked on the street the night before. So much for the 8 am final. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 283

You deserved it 30 511

By Anonymous - 13/12/2014 05:05 - United States - San Diego

Today, I came home to find out my roommate sold my PS4, because, "You don't use it anymore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 111

You deserved it 2 836

By screamer - 02/09/2012 06:41 - United States - Paso Robles

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I was apparently really loud, because when we finished I heard his mom and grandma sarcastically imitating me outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 902

You deserved it 38 311

By kenleybunch - 12/03/2013 13:22 - United States - Greenville

Today, I invited my long-lost best friend over, because I haven't seen her much since she got a new boyfriend. 20 minutes into hanging out, he showed up at my door. He still hasn't left, and they're having sex on my couch right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 521

You deserved it 7 543

By not picking up - 20/03/2015 17:50 - Slovenia - Zelimlje

Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents. My dad thought it'd be hilarious to act surprised and ask me if I'd already dumped the girlfriend I introduced him to yesterday. She slapped me and stormed out of the house before my dad could tell her it was a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 334

You deserved it 2 592

Mixed signals

By Anonymous - 13/07/2020 20:02

Today, I had the girl of my dreams in my bed. She was laughing and smiling, kissing and talking. It was great. Then suddenly she said, "I want to go home; is that rude?" Then she left. I called, but now I'm blocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 140

You deserved it 249

By insurance lies - 08/07/2013 14:48 - United States

Today, I had to get an MRI. I double and triple checked to make sure there was no out-of-pocket cost. When I arrived at the testing center, I was expected to pay full price for the test. It costs $2,360. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 468

You deserved it 3 915

By Nearly blind - 07/10/2018 17:30

Today, I forgot my contact solution and used my sister's. When I put them in, my eyes burnt like hell. Apparently my sister has a new solution that is acidic and only gets neutralized after 12 hours in a special container. The warning is on the INSIDE of the bottle label. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 837

You deserved it 575

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

JasonThorn 18

Send a private message

Thursday 24 August 2017 9:26

Considering they are talking about EROTICA at a family gathering, you might be more normal than you think.

azouwa 26

Friday 1 September 2017 5:10

you should make a part 2 and raise the price.

Callyn 47

Send a private message

Wednesday 23 August 2017 22:30

Handsome author, name of Chuck?

JasonThorn 18

Send a private message

Thursday 24 August 2017 9:26

Considering they are talking about EROTICA at a family gathering, you might be more normal than you think.

Rootbeerbum 15

Send a private message

Friday 25 August 2017 10:27

can I know the pseudo name

Zachary8261 28

Send a private message

Friday 1 September 2017 4:39

Bloody hilarious.

azouwa 26

Friday 1 September 2017 5:10

you should make a part 2 and raise the price.

inappropes 31

Send a private message

Friday 1 September 2017 5:23

hey that is positive since it was on amazon. means you should be making some molah. unless this is fake which it sounds like it.

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Friday 1 September 2017 7:03

I wonder which would be considered more disgraceful if your family found out: that your writing was pornographic, or that it was shitty.

Ashamed_Sister 60

Send a private message

Friday 1 September 2017 7:07

THIS. IS. NOT FAIR. Give us your pseudonym and the name of the novel.

Lobby_Bee 17

Send a private message

Friday 1 September 2017 8:17

Participate in the conversations, you know the whole story anyways. Great family bonding time.

Smgreene 15

Send a private message

Friday 1 September 2017 10:14

Xmas presents. Signed hard copies. There you go no mus no fuss. And a little personalization would add to the thought of the gift. "Hey I heard you guys talking about this book and it was written by a friend of a friend of a friend so...." Thougthful. Cheap. And hilarious when they fined out the truth.