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Saturday 14 September 2013

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Today, my fiancée called off our wedding, because she found out I had sex with another woman. Three years before we even met. FML

by Crazy Crazy Crazy / 09/12/2013 at 8:01pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, my 16-year-old cousin came to visit for the week. So far, she's said "raunchy", "cray-cray", "legit", and "like" an uncountable number of times. She's only been here for a half hour. FML

by Anonymous / 09/14/2013 at 5:51pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, one of my online friends told me he's bought a plane ticket, so he can come visit me. I've told him multiple times before that I'm uncomfortable with this idea, but he keeps telling me to stop joking, and reminding me that he'll have no other place to stay. FML

by LolAtMyPosts / 09/15/2013 at 2:04pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, at my boyfriend's brother's house, I desperately needed to poop. After finishing my business, I realized the toilet wouldn't flush. I had to pull my poop out, wrap it in TP and make an excuse to go outside to throw it in a bush. The neighbor was watching. FML

by heyhijello / 09/09/2013 at 6:05pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my daughter told me she is pregnant. The father is the foreign exchange student who just moved back to Germany. FML

by monkey / 09/19/2013 at 6:30am / United States (Ohio) / Kids

Today, a street preacher got on my metro car and gave a long, loud speech about how we sinful, polluted congressional staffers must inform our bosses that choosing a homosexual lifestyle was like trading your soul for soup. We got stuck in a tunnel for thirty minutes. FML

by CapitolSouthSux / 09/19/2013 at 8:54am / United States / Transportation

Today, I found out the hard way that my boyfriend and mother have been sending each other sexually-explicit picture messages. FML

by Amsterdamned13 / 09/13/2013 at 3:02pm / Netherlands (Zuid-Holland) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, after having recently told my 4-year-old daughter that she won't grow big and tall if she doesn't eat her veggies, she decided to pass this wisdom on to a midget that we passed in the store. FML

by Anonymous / 09/11/2013 at 2:10pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, thanks to Grand Theft Auto, I found myself seriously thinking about holding up an armored bank truck when I saw it in traffic. FML

by Anonymous / 09/20/2013 at 6:52pm / United States / Money

Today, I was at a coffee shop, when a middle-aged guy called me a "two-timing whore", dumped his coffee on me and walked out in tears. I'm 14 and I have no idea who he was. FML

by Anonymous / 09/12/2013 at 6:43pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I thought it would be cool to hit a basketball with a baseball bat. Ended up in the ER with seven stitches. FML

by BabeRuth / 09/20/2013 at 11:33am / United States / Health

Today, my mum got engaged to her American pen-pal, who is in prison over there for murder. FML

by Stheno / 09/16/2013 at 8:49am / United Kingdom (Bristol, City of) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I told my boyfriend I loved him. He told me he was a dinosaur. FML

by Kit / 09/16/2013 at 7:09am / United Kingdom (Swindon) / Love