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Beyond stupid. Honestly with all the women who get drugged and sexually assaulted, if I were a bar tender I'd throw him out. And there is no way I would believe he was "role playing".
This is an extreme example but I heard Jeffrey Dahmer told people he was having some kind of lovers' argument with one of his victims and they sent the victim back into the house with him. Believing excuses in situations that seem dangerous can be seriously bad and it isn't something I'm personally willing to do, unless it comes from the perceived victim themselves. If his wife said they were role-playing I might have believed it because it was her drink, but there's no way I'd believe a guy that had slipped something into the drink.
It just sounds like you're pathetically over-reactive. The bar(and most other people on this thread) should try using logic before emotions and listen to the whole story before kicking him out.
No. You're being pathetically under-reactive. There are far too many men who get away with preying on vulnerable women (and vice-versa, I'm sure). Think for a second - if you were a bartender and you saw a man slip a pill into a woman's drink, would you say, "Excuse me, I'm just wondering your motivation." NO. You'd do the right thing and throw his ass out. If it was truly innocent, he'll be no worse for it and will go along his merry way. If his "IT WAS A ROLE PLAYING FANTASY!" excuse was bullshit, then congratulations, you just prevented a date rape.
If the lady is there and tells the bartender the same thing, there would be no reason to throw him out. Regardless of how many women get drugged & raped. What people choose to do & act out, sexually, is nobody else's business but their own. Yeah, it's a good thing that he chose to step in but after it was explained to him, if both parties involved explained it to him, he should have stfu and minded his own business.
"What people choose to do & act out, sexually, is nobody else's business but their own." - Yeah, in private and where they're not going to bother anybody else. Skulking around like a creep and slipping drugs into drinks, in a public place where women GENUINELY have to look out for and fear this behaviour? He should have been arrested.
"Honestly with all the women who get drugged and sexually assaulted," Which women? As I understand it there are few if any actual, confirmed cases of women having drinks spiked before they are sexually assaulted. Most cases seriously investigated conclude that the women cannot remember events and feel ill and disconnected because they drank too much. Yes they are drugged, with alcohol they knowingly consumed.
Yeah, they knowingly consumed the alcohol- but that isn't consent to consuming the drug they didn't know was in it. And not being able to remember stuff is a side effect of being slipped date rape drugs, generally. It isn't necessarily due to them drinking too much. Some even have just one glass, and still can't remember a thing.
"What people choose to do & act out, sexually, is nobody else's business but their own." Are you serious? While I agree with what I think you mean, that what two willing participants behind closed doors is their own business, how could the bartender possibly have known that this was a set up, role playing fantasy? He saw a man slip a pill into a woman's drink. He couldn't have possibly known that they knew each other. And even if he did know about it, apparently, the man wasn't subtle about it, so other people might have seen it, and if they saw the bartender do nothing, they might assume that it'd be easy enough for them to get away with it as well, with more dangerous outcomes and consequences. The bartender and/or bouncers did exactly right. While OP's husband was harmless and acting out a fantasy (albeit a rather twisted one, but whatever floats your boat), they may have made other men think twice and possibly saved another woman or women from being assaulted.
79- the reason so many cases of drugging are unconfirmed is because by the time you make it to a police station the next day, the drugs are often out of your system. I was drugged once, and it was horrible. I had only had 2 drinks on a Saturday night, both bought for me by the same guy, and I wasn't able to leave my house until Monday morning because I kept passing out and/or throwing up. I thought I was going to die. My friend who had also taken a few sips from my drinks had been in a similar way, but our other friend who hadn't was fine. I was fortunate enough that my friends knew something was up when I started slurring my words and then collapsed in the bathroom and refused to let the guy come anywhere near me, and he was trying pretty hard to take me home. I tried to tell the bouncers and bartenders that something was wrong, and they just ignored me, saying I was wasted.
@ 103 That's probably because the bartender was either in on it or didn't want to be responsible for it. I read in a magazine once that sometimes the date rapist pay the bartenders to to put the drugs in the drinks for them. Don't ever drink something you haven't seen everything that has gone into it. If they turn around or go into the back or something, refuse the drink. I have a friend who is a bartender and he's be offered money a few times to slip something into a girls drink. He always has the guys thrown out. It happens all the time. I've read a several stories about women who've been drugged and it could only have been the bartender who had the opportunity to put the stuff in the drinks. Obviously, not all or even most bartenders are evil, but it is a growing danger and girls need to watch out. You're not just looking out for guys slipping things into your drinks while they're sitting on the bar or a table but while they're being mixed too. Sorry for the long rant but I just wanted to put that out there. Be safe everybody. And to the bartenders out there looking out for us, thank you.
#79 Are you referring to something you read on the interwebs? Are you a pharmacist? And last but most importantly, have you actually consumed a date rape drug? Sure, alcohol impairs motor functions and inhibitions, but I think you forgot to read about the cases that ensued after a few sips of a first drink. If your knowledge is based on something you are not well versed in, you shouldn't comment at all.
"Rape fantasy"... Yes, everybody understood. It doesn't make it okay. And if you think it is, you clearly don't understand what rape is. That's just plain weird, if not completely sick. I think they both totally deserved it, because if they want to do weird things in their bedroom it's their problem, but taking it out in public is just out of order.
Ok, hold up. You can't blame them for trying something new. I mean, we have foot fetishes, hair fetishes, I mean come on, some people are into crapping on top of each other. I mean, yeah, it's a rape fantasy, but at least it's a fantasy. And it's not like they were actually out having sex with each other in public; he put aspirin in her drink. People put things in their drinks all the time. Well, I mean, it's usually not by someone else, and I applaud the bartender for seeing a suspicious act and preventing something bad, but it's not a completely vulgar act, and you can't just toss it out the window
I don't think that's true, #46. As a rape survivor, I can honestly say that I don't understand how there is a fantasy aspect in that situation at all. "Ooo, yeah: I'm gonna take what you won't give and it's going to destroy you; do you like that?" just isn't up my alley. That said, yeah; I'm aware that rape fantasies exist. I'm also aware of the fact that a decent smount of serial rapists started out 'role playing' with their significant others. And, I'm sorry but what was the logic here? There was no reason to actually put something in her drink: A) if he was going to "rape" her she wouldn't've seen him and B) if she did see him, according to her own "fantasy" wouldn't she have not gone home with him? because in real life, that's what you would do.
As a person with 'deviant sexuality' (yes I've been called that before) I can tell you from personal experience that rape fantasies for women are very common. Including women who have been raped one of more times in their earlier lives. For some it is a way to explore something new in a safe and controlled environment. For others it is a way to gain some control over the acts they've had forced upon them. Being judgemental about things you clearly don't understand doesn't help anyone.
Well as a human being i know everyone has fantasies. Be happy people do this stuff together, if not just for the fact that it means less UNwilling people getting hurt. Honestly the whole "that is fucked up" argument is bullshit, as long as it doesnt involve animals, children, or unwilling people and is kept to proper locations (home, planes, empty elevators) have at it. But they deserve it for how they went about it.
Honestly, I agree. It shows we live in a culture where rape is prevalent, and of course it's mainly weak little women who want to be "raped" by big strong men who won't take no for an answer! We don't live in a bubble, these fantasies originate from somewhere. I would be plain out disturbed if my boyfriend told me he fantasizes about raping women, even if he never raped anyone. It shows people are inherently cruel.
That's an awesome bar that obviously cares about the safety of its patrons. Would you honestly want it to be any different? What if someone other than your husband had slipped you something?
I only remember bits and pieces from that night and even those are a little fuzzy. It wasn't really that they thought I was lying, in fact they didn't even come and talk to me or ask if I was alright or anything. I saw the bouncers talking to the guy who drugged me, I guess he made it look like we were together, and then he came over and said they told him I was too drunk and needed to leave. I was so out of it and I had no idea what was going on, I could barely walk let alone speak up to someone. I blame the guy who did it but I also blame the bouncers too for not having enough common sense to realize something wasn't right (or just not caring) and basically sending me home with a rapist. They are supposed to be there to prevent this sort of thing from happening and they did not do their job.