Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She gave me back the brand...

By knicksfan - 05/04/2009 05:04 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She gave me back the brand new box of 12 condoms that I had bought and left at her house. There were 8 left and I wasn't the one who opened them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 817

You deserved it 6 576

Intimacy

Late term

Age difference

Slow moving accident

By Anonymous - 13/08/2010 16:13 - United States

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to hack my Facebook and "like" everybody's statuses. This includes my boyfriend's about his grandmother dying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 258

You deserved it 6 127

By Anonymous - 25/12/2012 01:31 - United States - Danbury

Today, I had to slowly explain to my mother that Americans are not the only people who celebrate Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 178

You deserved it 2 880

By Anonymous - 18/07/2019 20:00

Today, my father, who I haven't spoken to in over 12 years, contacted me. He just wanted to let me know that I should get tested for a rare neurological disease. The only thing the man has given to me since my conception is potentially a death certificate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 890

You deserved it 105

Toxic Managers

By impishsamaritan - 07/09/2019 22:00

Today, I had to pretend in front of our director that my manager is a nice person. In reality, she's a soul-sucking bully who has made my life so miserable that twice I was on the brink of nervous breakdown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 519

You deserved it 303

By Jenny - 31/03/2009 00:06 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. All of a sudden he jumped off of me, going "shit, shit!". Worried, i asked him what was wrong. He shouted "I forgot to set my TiVO!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 115 147

You deserved it 8 688

By Mr. Hopeless - 13/02/2009 21:59 - United States

Today, I texted this girl I really like and she didn't answer. She did about two hours later and it said "sorry I was having sex at the time you texted me. So how are you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 849

You deserved it 4 184

By CANTTAKEMORE - 26/04/2016 22:24 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I seriously considered stepping in front of a car so that I could miss a few days of work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 330

You deserved it 2 962

By youredisgusting - 03/10/2014 07:00 - United States - Merced

Today, my roommate yelled at me yet again for using the dishwasher because it's "unsanitary." This is all while a mountain of her dishes were going mouldy in the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 996

You deserved it 2 714

Nice try

By UncleRory - 16/05/2009 09:13 - United States

Today, I was shopping at a supermarket. As I was about to pay for my items, I noticed the cashier was very cute. Trying to be nice, I smiled. She smiled back and said, "Hello, how are you?" Instead of saying, "I'm good" or, "I'm okay", I said, "I'm gay". FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 238

You deserved it 25 488

By anonymous - 09/10/2014 22:09 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while arriving to a date for the first time in a couple years, the first thing out of his mouth was, "I'm only dressed up because I had court today." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 251

You deserved it 3 950

The future

By omen - 02/09/2020 10:01 - Indonesia - Majalengka

Today, I have to take care of my abusive grandpa. He's smearing poop all over the wall and peeing on the bed again. It's still morning and I'm bracing myself for doing this five times a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 567

You deserved it 99

By erockinthesuburb - 19/02/2013 01:49 - United States

Today, I purchased a box of girl scout cookies from a coworker. I wanted to save them for later at home, so I placed them on my desk and then headed to a meeting. When I returned, there was an empty box sitting there with a post-it note saying, "Thanks!" Nobody will own up to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 345

You deserved it 6 323

By Anonymous - 02/12/2015 10:41 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, after working my ass off for months trying to prove myself, I received an email from my boss regarding the end-year function. Excited to be invited, I opened the email just to see I'm the only one being left behind to answer the phones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 287

You deserved it 1 613

By Anonymous user - 09/08/2018 06:00

Today, my mom laughed about hearing me singing in the shower and told our whole family. I wasn't singing, though. I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 984

You deserved it 2 808

By Ulysse - 23/11/2008 16:44 - United Kingdom

Today, I bought my new electric razor. I tried it, and washed it. I started to shake it, in order to get rid of the water. It was pretty slippy, and it exploded on the floor of my bathroom. The warranty doesn't cover this, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 959

You deserved it 8 548

By Noname - 21/02/2009 05:41 - United States

Today, My mom walked in on me and my 2 year crush about to have sex. When she saw us she said "oh I'll just wait outside, I know it wont be long anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 88 909

You deserved it 8 289

By Anonymous - 14/05/2018 05:00

Today, I went to a guy's dorm for the first time. He told me to wait outside for a minute because he had to "clean something up" first. When I told him I'm 420 friendly, he said, "Nah I just came on my desk earlier and didn't feel like wiping it up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 742

You deserved it 681

By bigblue51 - 22/05/2009 12:09 - United States

Today, while interviewing for a job I had to read over the physical requirements for the job. Later on she asked me how flexible I was. Trying to keep a straight face, I told her I was more flexible while I was playing sports but could work on it if I need to. She was talking about work hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 417

You deserved it 48 028

By Anonymous - 14/01/2010 00:05 - United States

Today, I went on an interview for a job that I had been wanting for months. I thought everything was going great. On my way out, my interviewer asked me to recycle something for him. I agreed. It was my resume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 294

You deserved it 2 322

By Anonymous - 01/09/2014 14:08 - United States

Today, I wrecked my car because my mom texted me, telling me not to text and drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 605

You deserved it 44 908

Ignored

By Kim - 05/05/2021 04:01

Today, at work, I was waiting in line to pay my food at the cafeteria when I noticed the doctor who was in front of me had these really cool looking shoes on. I told him, "I like your shoes!" He turned over, looked at me and didn’t say anything back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 782

You deserved it 117

Busted

By Anonymous - 11/04/2021 08:00

Today, I felt like cheating on my diet and ordered a pizza. My mom and my sister were napping, so I put in the delivery notes, “Please don’t knock.” The delivery guy knocked anyway. LOUD. My mom and sister got up and saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 356

You deserved it 1 077

By Savannah - 01/08/2011 21:20 - United States

Today, my dad confessed that the only reason I'm alive today is because he couldn't afford to pay for an abortion. He couldn't afford it because he'd splashed out on brand new furniture at IKEA shortly before discovering my mom was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 007

You deserved it 2 919

By clementine8 - 14/02/2009 06:23 - United States

Today, my Mom came to pay me a short visit at college. She handed me some flowers, which were a Valentine's Day gift, because she "figured I wouldn't be getting any from anyone else this year." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 452

You deserved it 2 763

Vicious dog

By onefmlafteranother - 15/11/2019 01:00

Today, I was laying my head on my dad's dog when he walked in. I jokingly asked my dad, "I'm cuddling with your dog, are you jealous?" At that moment, the dog lets a massive, earth-quaking fart and my dad promptly responded, "Nope!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 609

You deserved it 546

By thnxbabe - 22/09/2014 02:11

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our six-month anniversary. And by that, I mean he brought along his obnoxious best friend, and I paid for everyone's dinner at an expensive restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 595

You deserved it 7 525

By boopingsnoot - 26/08/2017 18:30 - United States - Nashville

Today, at the dentist, I was just supposed to get three small cavities filled. I walked out with a referral slip for the endodontist. Hello, root canal. Fuck you, genetics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 298

You deserved it 280

By foreveralone - 13/11/2012 10:23 - Australia - Wollongong

Today, I was working at the checkout of a nearly empty store, so I picked up an empty box, closed my eyes, and slow-danced with it to the 80s love ballad playing on the radio. I don't know what's worse, dancing with a box, or opening my eyes to see ten or so wary customers waiting to be served. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 858

You deserved it 34 264

By emergencyroom - 15/03/2014 12:21 - United States - Parkton

Today, I locked myself out and had to enter my house via the back door. Thinking I was an intruder, my 7-year-old daughter slammed a metal rake into the back of my head. Nice to know she can take care of herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 395

You deserved it 9 359

By Julia - 26/02/2010 05:04 - United States

Today, I found out all the money my dad has been saving in the bank for me since birth has all been spent, by my mother who I haven't seen or talked to in about two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 448

You deserved it 1 975

By TotallyFkd - 22/01/2009 20:49 - United States

Today, I moved back home because I got laid off and could no longer afford my apartment. I decided to take a nap and when I woke up I overheard my Mom telling my Aunt that she used to be so proud of me and wonders when I became such a loser. Burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 586

You deserved it 2 938

By Chloe - 20/12/2010 18:08 - United Kingdom

Today, it was my first day on a £600 a week job. I was fired for being 10 minutes late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 955

You deserved it 65 610

By Sarah - 30/08/2012 12:58 - United States - Hampton Bays

Today, I found out that I'm not actually allergic to chocolate, when my mom freely admitted to me that she made it up when I was a child because she didn't want to share any cookies with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 737

You deserved it 2 090

By FriendlessLoser - 17/08/2016 07:11 - United States - Bristow

Today, it's again one of many times my mom dropped me off at the mall to hang out with friends. Since I have no friends, I shop by myself and always tell her I had "so much fun". FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 589

You deserved it 2 699

By Anonymous - 09/01/2010 05:58 - United States

Today, my sister and I bought new cell phones. We both wanted the same phone in red, but the guy told us that there was only one red phone left. Flirting with him, I said "You should give the prettier sister the red phone." My new phone is black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 174

You deserved it 44 300

By Anonymous - 19/07/2015 03:45 - Australia - Canberra

Today, while trying to score a date, I almost made a girl pass out. No, I didn't try to chloroform this one. I just came across as so pathetic that she laughed hard enough to have an asthma attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 851

You deserved it 3 120

By UFVKNP - 10/03/2017 16:00

Today, my coworker and I were swamped with coffee orders. I told him I would "take care of the blacks", and a customer who only heard that sentence screamed at me for several minutes about racism. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 908

You deserved it 572

By MoncaBang - 29/01/2009 21:25 - United States

Today, my cat fell into the toilet, jumped out, and ran straight to hide in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 609

You deserved it 3 417

By unwilling redneck - 24/05/2013 22:48 - United States

Today, my uncle drove to my house in his tractor, beer in one hand, and a radio strapped to the dash blasting country music at unimaginable volume. Neither of us live on a farm. Half the neighborhood stood angrily glaring at us until we went inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 407

You deserved it 4 572

How would that work?

By minnie - 23/10/2019 04:00 - Australia

Today, my fiancée suggested a 'Back To The Future' - themed wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 236

You deserved it 375

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Top comments

oooh_dear 0

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Sunday 5 April 2009 13:40

you need sweet sweet revenge. how close are you to her best friend? ;] just a thought.

reset_button 0

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Sunday 5 April 2009 14:33

Tell her you found holes in your 8 condoms, and are worried that the others had holes in them too

oooh_dear 0

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Sunday 5 April 2009 13:40

you need sweet sweet revenge. how close are you to her best friend? ;] just a thought.

hamburgerjung 23

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Monday 2 March 2015 8:14

Good riddance I guess ;)

Arestian 14

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Friday 4 December 2015 0:43

you could be an ass a give her back the condoms with holes in them

Vinatierri 0

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Sunday 5 April 2009 13:41

First! OH and uh...that sux bro

xp0sed 0

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Sunday 5 April 2009 13:45

Guess it wasn't a brand new box. haha.

drybamboo 0

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Sunday 5 April 2009 13:51

She could have used them for a vibrator or a dildo. Or, ya know, to make balloons.

herpderpherpderp 13

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Monday 19 November 2012 11:48

of course.

Ncc_Tardis 0

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Sunday 5 April 2009 13:51

use the other 8 on her best friends/sisters/mother

Youdumbidiot 0

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Tuesday 8 June 2010 5:50

Why does everyone think that having sex with one her relitives or friend will make everything better. because guess what... it won't help you one fricken bit.

Youdumbidiot 0

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Tuesday 8 June 2010 5:54

oh ya I forgot. it also shows that your quite imature if you do that

lovemysnubber 0

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Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:26

agreed

subjectdelta2 0

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Monday 7 November 2011 4:36

Nope it shows u are better off with her close friends/family and how lucky she was to have u then she blew it

Insert_Wit_Here 0

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Sunday 5 April 2009 13:53

That's like, my worst nightmare. Sorry you had to live it out, bro. I agree, go sleep with her best friend.

vxjazz 0

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Sunday 5 April 2009 13:57

#5. Mother??????????????? WTF????????????????????????????

Nexus357 0

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Sunday 5 April 2009 14:02

I'm with #5, you have 8 condoms to use on people close to her. Take photos though, and mail it to her.

silentspilla 0

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Tuesday 10 January 2012 18:32

lmao

kwbuzz23wk 0

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Sunday 5 April 2009 14:06

#2, your are an epic fail OP - be happy she gave you the 8 back, saving you some money. and i would def try something for revenge

crudeandrudeguy 29

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Friday 25 December 2015 21:36

Yes, "your are an epic fail" indeed

Cookie_kaioo 0

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Sunday 5 April 2009 14:31

ROFLMAO! Dude go to her house and give her a sex book like one Eli Y. Dallas 's book (signifying that she needs to know how to perform in bed)... and when she tells you it isn't hers.. tell it would have been had she waited a couple of days.. and she SOOOO needs it! haha..