Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why having sex with him was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty Pringles can. FML
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College Life
Packed lecture halls, a sketchy roommate and frat parties: welcome to college, the real thing.
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend about the importance of foreplay, and that attempting to get me "in the mood" by whipping his cock out and air humping was roughly equivalent to throwing a dry teabag at me and claiming he made a cup of tea. FML
Today, I agreed to anal with my boyfriend, but when I told him anal takes prep, like stretching and lubing, and you can’t just jam a knob up there like in a porno, he lost all interest, asked for a blowjob, and when I said no, he started sulking. I struggle to remember why I’m with him. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he tried to put it in. A few minutes later, he said, "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML
Today, I had to explain to my fiancé that having me watch him jerk off over a porno is not in fact considered foreplay. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I was ovulating. He said he didn't want to have sex because he was afraid of getting eggs on his penis. He then compared it to having sex with a fish. FML
Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be cute to put his penis through a doughnut and try to make me eat it off. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to have phone sex with him. However, it seems he doesn't quite know what it is, so now he wants me to explain it to him. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he’d rather masturbate than have sex with me, and that sex with me is a chore. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend while he was eating potato chips if he wanted to eat me. He looked at the potato chips, looked at me, and said, "Unless your vagina turns into a potato chip, I'd rather eat these." FML
Today, I was explaining the inner parts of a vagina and how they work. To my boyfriend. FML
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Top comments
gojira666 7
Another way of saying hes got a long, thin, flaccid weiner and your ****** is large and in charge?
louiseth 9
Interesting analogy..
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Comments (138)
louiseth 9
Interesting analogy..
HerpYourDerp 7
My eyes are burning with the imagery.
gojira666 7
Another way of saying hes got a long, thin, flaccid weiner and your ****** is large and in charge?
ladyLALAA 29
33 I wish I could thumbs up that comment twice!
Keyman1212 14
Large and in charge is an understatement. Let's do the math. A Pringles can's circumference is roughly 9.7389", and the length of the can is 9.2". This being said, OP's boyfriend would have to have one of, if not, the thickest penis in all of recorded history to even touch the walls of her vag, and at 9.2" deep, this guy would pretty much have to be **** star status to be effective at all.
pinkdisco 3
Ahaha you've given this some thought!
WaSiSimiLang 8
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Man that pussy's wideeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. What happened? An elephant fingered you or too many sex sessions ye *****?
GoW_Chick 15
I know this may sound stupid, much like your comment, but elephants don't have fingers. Well that's my dumb, pointless comment of the day.
Keyman1212 14
But they have very, very large penises.
Stroke_Her_Ace 15
Well unless you squeeze the top of this can together, I don't see how you will be picking up any noodles regardless of texture.
xxHodgieLuvs1Dxx 0
:) agreed
tuppencej777 0
Not only does his penis not fit, if he tries to use his hand, it will get stuck. Now onto that lingering sour cream and onion smell...
zakkyzebra 11
107, if you squeeze her ****** together ever so slightly, your hand will pop out! Just like a Pringles can!
FFPulley 9
Hey, even a 747 would look small landing in the Grand Canyon...
Horcruxer 0
I was still laughing at first elephant comment
angry_anonymous 5
OP should stick a blow dryer into her endless cavern and see if she can melt the bitch out of herself. it's no wonder he can't get it up when she says things like that.
Kalspike 22
Hehe noodle boy XD
nahgemoohc 17
Brings a whole new meaning to 'use your noodle', doesn't it;p
CalCommando 6
Noodle, use your noodle, noodle, do the NOODLE DANCE!
poprockz96 12
Youve broken my secret elbow!!!
f_ckml432 8
I know the feeling... well I didn't really feel anything, but you know what I mean
teague95 16
you too have a pringles can ******?
girl112891 7
I was going to ask for an explanation but then I read a bunch of comment. LOL you guys are so funny! And I understand it now.
Keyman1212 14
Fail on your part for having a big ******, and fail on his part for being a limp dick'd man. You were never destined to work sexually... I'm sorry OP.
lolmonster34 0
She's needs a black guy and he needs....a virgin
Michael_92 20
Hey with todays technology and penis transplant surgery anything is possible.
Amrel 10
Home home on the range! Were the big mouth vaginas feel strange! Were nothing is good and you cant fit your wood!
laden_swallow09 35
And have to playyy with themselves all day!
JHC88 2
Are you saying you have a big ****** and he has a limp doodle? Good luck to you both (you'll need it)
jarednt39 5
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I don't understand why you were thumbed down ? You made a very good point , relationships always get ruined if you start having sex, especially at a young age. Good point my man !
jarednt39 5
Very true also. And the fact that the female in this situation had the mentality to put on FML her size of her " " in comparison to a large hole such as a Pringles can. That is something not to be proud of.
GoW_Chick 15
38- Not all relationships get ruined by adding sex as a variable, just as long as it's not the main reason for the relationship, that's when they start to get ruined.
jarednt39 5
Oh yes I agree with you , sorry meant to put that in my first comment . In my experiences though trust started going away due to it and then caused the relationship to end.
frostburggirl15 4
While yes you are right about it not being everything in a relationship, it is eventually needed. There is a possibility you will be with someone the rest of your life, so it at least should be good/satisfying slightly
lolmonster34 0
So #53 that just means you're bad in bed
Okayitwasme 0
Maybe she was?
Horcruxer 0
Why would someone attention seek about having a big, loose vag?
CheckItOutItsYou 7
I'm hungry now
xxHodgieLuvs1Dxx 0
Nice to know, mate:) haha:D
Airman1988 9
So it's like throwing a hotdog down a hallway?
Chad_the_Brony 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
'I appreciate you taking a poke at that. The- The system, not my mom. Heh. Hotdog down a Skagg den, know what I'm sayin'?' - Scooter, Borderlands.
NotDave 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
88, you got thumbed Dow because people don't get the reference. That's not fair. Don't thumb down comments just because you're not cool enough to understand them.
zombicidal 11
scooter is hilarious good thing lucky busted his mamas girly parts for that comical gem
zaza_x_fml 5
Hahah what an interesting way of putting it. I'm sorry OP, but there are various solutions for these kinda problems.
juliushater 12
So your saying, you are like City Hall and he is a small kid lost inside looking for his mama ???
Keyman1212 14
Swing..... And a miss. It's just creepy that you included a child in this analogy.
GoW_Chick 15
No Keevarou, just no.
jlentriken 8
Interesting, your really loose and he's not to excited for sex with you?? Sorry op
jojimugo 20
What does op mean!
CheckItOutItsYou 7
****** Pictures
CadillacPimpen 6
Original penis.
TheOrangeProon 13
Octagonal pentagon.
Mjfalcon 8
Obscene Pachydermia
lolmonster34 0
Optional platypus
LunaDragon 10
Outrageous Pussy.
mibrahim01 0
Original Poster
desireev 18
^^^^^ This whole bit just made me laugh! Thanks guys! I needed it. :)
DynamicDave 11
I thought it meant outrageously prudish.