By Gavin - 20/02/2012 21:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I overheard my fourteen year old daughter talking on the phone. Apparently, as of last night, she and her best friend have their "official licenses in muff diving". FML
I agree, your life sucks 31 815
You deserved it 4 695

Same thing different taste

Top comments

alexicanaaa 7

Going down on a girl, I'm assuming.


I think it's eating "carpet" but I'm Not sure.

alexicanaaa 7

Going down on a girl, I'm assuming.

Its when someone dives into a bucket of their boyfriend or girlfriends poop

10 is right. It means outing out a girl, so I'm guessing they ate each other out.

In my comment above I was referring to THEBlade

blackheart24 10

This is when urban dictionary is a useful resource.

kelkelbuglv1972 2

I had to look it up too, and I am 40. Ugh

youcrazybasturd 0

You just dont understand, its a jersey thing

It's probably been explained, but Muff diving is a term used in the Uk, England and most of the countries colonized. It's for eating out a woman. So when someone from Australia, UK or England say 'I went muff diving last night' means they licked put a woman.

Bi curiosity? We all go through that phase.

124 - decent explanation but for future reference, England is part of the UK.

blackheart24 10

You can get a license for muff diving? Man you can get certification for anything these days!

If you're only twelve then you don't need to know what it is.

Mysexyfaith 0

I wonder if they hand these license out at the DMV or do you buy it online?

tifani322 13

They were most likely kidding and messing around. It's most likely an inside joke.

Orrrr 201 is retarded. if they say it on the phone to each other, they've obviously done it.

236- I believe it's " You're a retard. " I'm not retarded enough to think it's a joke..

blackheart24 10

194- I think that you have to take a test to get it, but I'm not sure. I wonder if it costs anything?

It's called pussy eating. Sorry, no other way to say it

52- The irony of your typo and your username is pretty funny :P

LunaDragon 10

Where I'm from, the person going down was called a rug muncher. The more you know.

blackheart24 10

Do you have to wear a wetsuit when you muff dive??

Rocky007 15

Hahahahaha, negative votes but I laughed.

ilove80smetal 8

Not such a keyboard warrior now are you? Lol

There's also a drink called a "muff dive" could have been talking about that!

blackheart24 10

Twenty bucks says that ten years from now muff diving will be an official Olympic event.

blackheart24 10

Twenty bucks says that in ten years muff diving will be an Olympic event.

So what? If that's what she wants to do, let her. I don't see why homosexuality is such an issue..

blackheart24 10
blackheart24 10

343- Dude I just read through the comments and nobody has said anything negative about her sexuality. Where the **** did you come from?

Yeah, 343. The problem's not that she's gay, it's that she's 14. If you think 14 is a healthy age to be ******* girls, you may be ****** up in the head or have pedophilic fantasies, you sick bastard.

So what's the problem then? Why is this a 'FML'?

Last time I checked, girls can't get pregnant with each other, so if they love each other, what's wrong with being young? OP's daughter is 14, and I'd say that's old enough to make your own decisions.

Muff diving is not just going down on a girl... It is also doing a shot that has been buried in a martini glass of whipped cream. The person has to get it out and swallow it without using their hands.

JadeWalker 14

If 14 is old enough to make GOOD choices the legal age wouldnt be 18 now would it.

broski4life 0

Why you thumbs up this Question is idiotic God I hate young kids

367 Not everyone is from the UK. This term isn't used in Canada, apparently the states and many other countries. Ignorance at its finest.

SALthe3rd 4

Watched it last night mam and I sure do know what muff diving is.

I thought this was all sarcasm, but now am skeptical. Do some people not know what muff diving actually is? Lol

It's not a real license wow... It's an oral sex term.

370 I'm from the US and I have known the term for many many years as has pretty much everyone I know. It's not a UK thing, it's a you lead a sheltered life stop sucking on your mothers teet thing.

You ask your friend to come muff diving, she comes half an hour later, goes up to your room seeing you in full lingerie and friend in full diving gear. Awkward.

@349 What I'm hearing is... it's okay to have sex at any age if you don't get pregnant. So, even by this logic, you'd let your daughter sex another girl but not a guy?

This whole thread is HILARIOUS. The topic goes from like using weird terms to asking if you wear a wetsuit when you "muff dive."

39 I said "apparently" the US because many of the commenters asking are from there. Also I knew what the term meant, hence why I was helping people out by stating it. Lastly, good for you for knowing it. I never said nobody from the states did. And it wouldn't be "sheltered living" as you put it for not knowing it. Slang isn't the same everywhere and although you know it, doesn't mean everyone else does. Do you know the meaning of the term 'greezy'? Didn't think so. It's slang that's used here and not many other places.

Why are you on fml when ur 12,? please explain.

Muff a term for eating a.girl out but its also somthing we use in to.say their lesbians sorry to say.ur daughters a dyke

if youre twelve you shouldnt be reading thiss... loool

DancinChikk 0

If your twelve, don't fucken ask!

159 u get. 2 thumbs up one for ur comment one for ur pic god damn u fine

rubyliu8420 7
sycosyd_97 1

#277 ha that was funny:D good one

sycosyd_97 1

So the year after transitioning from complete childhood is "old enough to make their own decisions"? That is so sick.... 14 is still a kid! And also when is the last time you've heard of a 14 year old actually being in love with anyone?

cordelldena 1

If that's you in the picture, you don't look 40. Just saying. You look young

That's not a Jersey thing it's just really old and no 1 uses it any more it's ppl like u that give jersey a bad name and the dumb ass from NY that say there from jersey

If you're not 12 why in the hell are you typing like one?!

zeffra13 31

#343 it's probably a big deal because she's only 14. Better than her messing with boys and getting pregnant at that age though.

fmlbrofml 0

"muff diving," as it's referred to by OP is a much better love story than Twilight.

my shit is a better love story than twilight

The Plague was a better love story than twilight.

Cell mitosis is a better love story than twilight.

MissHayleyJames 7

When you go beyond mitosis to meiosis you're playing a WHOLE different game! That's only once you're an expert at mitosis though.

Don't have to worry about her getting pregnant

GreenAppleDP 0

Eh. Kids will be kids, right?

nofearjenshere 12

When I was 14 I was still waiting to get my first kiss. That was only 2 years ago, but i swear now 14 year olds are the ones working the corners.

ftxtubb 0

When I was 10 I was waiting for my first kiss... I'm 15 I'm still waiting

CockAsian 14

275 - That's really sweet actually. Just make sure it's the right girl/guy. :)

madster007 3

I'm 14…and yeah some girls I know are. But then there's me waiting for my first kiss too

chi99y 0

289- telling someone it's sweet that they haven't been kissed yet and giving them advice about choosing the right person is awesome, especially when you see your profile pic and realize your a very dirty person that may be borderline creeper , and I know what that pics from and I know that it's not you, but you still used it to represent yourself on FML lol

I'm an experienced muff diver myself, in fact it took 5 lonely years of angst and awkward touching before I got my license, (or lost it, whatever terms you prefer). Make sure your oxygen tank is always full, there be fatties in the sea...

Umm. You do realize that the United States is a country in America, North America. America is not just the U.S.

nublets 12

The north pole is ficticious and north america is a continent not a country. Anything else need to be cleared up?

jebron 13

The North Pole is not fictitious.

nublets 12

360- as a landmass yes it is, it is only the magnetic north part of the world. Badly worded on my part

smb12346 17

Muff diving is the act of performing oral sex on a girl

Lol who doesn't know that? Thanks doctor obvious

Umm, about 80% of the comments above were asking that. You're welcome sergeant sarcasm.

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

I'm a guy for one, and for two, who cares where you learn it? You learn something new everyday, who are you to say where someone can or can't learn it?

I'm saying it's not appropriate to teach a 13 year old that muff diving is eating out a pussy. They have 8th grade sex Ed and high school to teach. If you tell these kids something worth learning, I wouldn't have any objections. Youre probably young yourself

For all I know you could be one of those Internet perves who gets off in underage chat rooms. Why are you so pro teaching kids sexual innuendoes. What business of it is yours to make sure these kids are educated in this topic. You think their parents would appreciate your brash outlook on this. I'd say 80% of them would say no

xxmel 6

76 - You're not getting anywhere. Just quit.

Please calm yourself. If someone here hadn't told them, they would've googled it. So either way, they would have found out. And just so you know, a majority of the kids I know already knew about many sex terms, acts, and positions before taking sex ed in 8th grade, so.... Kids aren't as innocent as you seem to believe.

I'm sure that most people would have just googled it and found the answer there. He was just helping people out. What makes you think that the people who didn't know what this was, are 13 years old. I'm 22 and i didn't know the meaning. You're turning this into something that it isn't. It isn't 13's fault if there are children on here, that are too young. It's the parents job to know what website they are on and what they can read there.

Obviously they all know these sex terms. That's why they are asking right now right?? Oh wait. Contradiction...

How bout we just leave this between the original dude and myself. It all makes sense. You just have to be smart enough to interpret.

You'd be pretty surprised. They might not necessarily know the term the OP used, but they may know another term for it. And honestly, not only am I closer to 8th graders in age (5 years give or take) but I also have cousins and siblings with friends who know an alarming amount about sex acts. There have been a few actually taught to me by younger kids. Adults seem to think that their children are naive, but if you interact with them enough, you'd realize this is not the case.

MaydayParadexx 18

Lol... They don't teach terms like that in sex ed, my love. They teach us the proper terms.

MaydayParadexx 18

We never said that it didn't make sense. We just don't agree with you. There is a huge difference. The way you said it didn't help your point. You seem really arrogant and keep typing the word lol. I will stop here and leave it between the two of you. There is no point in having an argument, when some just calls others stupid to win. have a nice day.

I realize that they teach proper terms, but a lot of the time teenagers use slang for the acts anyways. I never hear a teenager saying "he put his penis in my ****** etc." it's usually just "we ******" or some variation of that.

96. Thats why I said high school. By the time you graduate you'll know it and have done it all. And that all comes in time due.

Can I also just point out that earlier on, you told a number of people to google it.. Don't you find it just a little hypocritical that you criticized number 13 for defining the term when you yourself essentially did the same thing by telling others to google it? Did you literally give them the definition? No. But you told them where to get it, and isn't that just as bad?

Schizomaniac 24

Yeah, and when you fully develop into a mature, responsible adult, you'll start arguing with people on the Internet. Please shut up now.

Shit, I learn tons of stuff on FML. For example, I learned that some people believe humans don't have animal instincts anymore (which I still think is total bullshit), but it's good to know. But I don't think they teach you how oral sex is performed in eighth grade, just that it may result in herpes, or something. Also, 'muff diving' is a term more popular in the UK, so you can't assume that 'everybody will know this shit by the time they're done with high school', and that 'everyone who's asking what it is is obviously a dumbass'. And yes, you should stop trying to argue because clearly your points are, well, pointless.

bizarre_ftw 21

Sir you are being an asshole, that particular term is not common Everywhere, slang varies all over the world, just because you know it doesn't mean the next person will, and if they don't that doesn't mean they're an idiot. Further more, you're insulting the 16 & 17 yos on here, but they appear to be more intelligent, mature, and sensible than you. Take a look at what you're doing, everyone else is against you and nearly Every comment of yours is buried, you're clearly either wrong or appealing to the wrong crowd so just shut up and stop being such a stuck up self-important ****.

It's not appropriate? I find that quite ironic considering OP's daughter is 14. And like others have said, they would have found out one way or another.

#69 nobody has been trying to teach a 13 year old how to eat pussy, they were just trying to info the people who don't know what muff diving means -.-

Ehh I misread your comment, but I agree with number 140

I'm pretty sure they don't say anything about what muff diving is in sex Ed. Just saying. Quit getting so hyped you psycho

My sex ed was "penis goes in ******, sperm comes out of penis, baby is made. if you don't want baby, wear condom and take pill. now here's a slide show of horrifically advanced stages of STIs that have no bearing on most people's experiences and are really there to make you vomit!" "Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! *vomit*" I had to learn about *********** from Wikipedia, FFS. And we had sex ed from the age of 12 (periods) to 18 (put the condom on the banana).

That would be a literal banana, as opposed to a euphemistic or metaphorical banana.

Did nobody realize that this guy is definitely a troll..

#104 omfg your comments are filled with fail.

Aaaah, it's so delightful to see people like 104 embarass themselves on the internet

Hell... I'm 13 myself and I already know things like this... This isn't the 50's. A lot of kids know this type of thing already.

420smoke420 3

Muff diving is the act of eating out pussy (******). Now do you have any more questions kids?

Actually I had Sex Ed in 5th, 6th, and 7th grade. Not eighth. America's youth is becoming more sexually active at a younger age. I am at that age, I know what it's like. Teaching these kids something they already know, causes no harm.

In my school in the UK, they taught us some of the slang terms, or at least the popular ones. People get bullied over here for stupid reasons and sometimes not knowing a slang term for a sexual activity or even drugs can get you picked on. Children are more aware of things than everybody thinks, my 11 year old asked me a few months ago what 'teabagging' was.. I'm not going in to it, Google it, I'm just saying :)

I hold the record for longest time spent muff diving on a single breath.

eating a 70's style bush between a woman's legs

marpay 11

It's just another term for performing oral sex on a woman. The receiver doesn't have to have any pubic hair for it to be muff diving.