Today, I was diagnosed with crabs. I lost my virginity to my wife, and have never had sex or any sexual contact with anyone but her in my life. FML
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By
Awahso
| 25
Sounds fishy...wait that was a lame pun. That sucks though man.
By
ashyxlynn
| 3
you do realize you can get crabs other ways than just sex right?
COMMENTS
By
Awahso
| 25
Sounds fishy...wait that was a lame pun. That sucks though man.
Reply
MILFSaregood
| 7
Hopefully its not bad enough for u teach her a lesson by shoven ur pubed full dick in her face haha crabbbssss!!
Reply
thingfish
| 0
hey man, you can get crabs from other stuff besides sex. plenty of other stuff, like filthy public toilets for example.
Reply
dakotasgirl00
| 2
Well confront her about it. Try to work it out if you can, if you can't leave her. Also just because you have crabs does not mean she cheated on you.
Reply
Imgonnahaveabf
| 9
Damn, enough with the puns already! 2% of the people here think it's funny. Half of them don't even make sense! AGHHHHH excuse me..
I'm gonna have a bf.
I'm gonna have a bf.
Reply
Miq94
| 0
invest in a trimmer for youself and a razor for your wife you dirty homosapien!
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Eyeliner_fml
| 0
I might be wrong, but I don't think crabs is something to die of, maybe you got it from a public bathroom, you never really know so don't assume and shave your pubic hairs.
Reply
Friaza
| 29
Give her a pet crab for her birthday.
Reply
IndigoAcrylic
| 9
I would so tell that story at a party, bro. The chicks would just melt.
Reply
kingatowning
| 2
You can get crabs from hotel beds too!
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Jaimegirl
| 7
At least you don't have lobsters...sorry I felt like making a crappy joke out of it haha. Sorry dude hope things work out in your future whatever that may be xD
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Iskaria
| 0
Shaving off pubic hair does not get rid of crabs you nitwits lol
Reply
MerrikBarbarian
| 9
no, but it lessens hiding places making it easier to be sure you got them all and apply the treatment to kill them
Reply
Give_Linux_A_Go
| 28
she sounds like a shellfish woman
Reply
bubbywaldo
| 0
this is my favorite comment! because crabs are lice. and lice eggs are called nits. and in the old days, one way to insult people was to say they had the wit of a louse egg, I.e. a nitwit!
Reply
shay1813
| 0
You can't get crabs from a public restroom unless once the person with crabs gets off you jump on the toilet right away. It can only survive without being on a host for a few seconds. Learned this in health class this year :)
Reply
_Oblivion_
| 12
20 what the fuck is wrong with you, frigin nasty ass mind you have
Reply
cummbubble
| 0
im sorry to hear that you've had sexual contact with one person in your life
Reply
Masenko7
| 12
Fyi for having sex with woman in ur whole life.
Reply
Rag_dollxx
| 21
#235 are you implying that OP should try banging men too?
Reply
WinterBlue42
| 22
I'm dying. xD BAHAHA
By
Memoohhh
| 0
sexy (;
Reply
EmmyBabe_fml
| 0
Are you trying to say you enjoy having crabs?
Reply
Muliar
| 0
Isn't it a bit of a delicacy?
Reply
chaserforeva77
| 3
your nasty..
Reply
PeteyPablo12308
| 20
Uhh... No, not so much :-P
Reply
eminemchick
| 19
remove from pubes
put in oven at 480
enjoy!:D
too far?:/
put in oven at 480
enjoy!:D
too far?:/
Reply
tandem123
| 6
I don't want to seem like the complete idiot, but what are crabs?
Reply
mduffy08
| 8
You're face is an STD
Reply
ShyAnn29
| 14
191 don't worry I'm not 100% sure what crabs are either, I know it's a STD but that's all I know
Reply
BlondeRetro
| 0
it is like head-lice in your pubic/genital region
Reply
ShyAnn29
| 14
I looked it up, they look creepy! I'd hate to have that
By
IIRoxieII
| 12
That's fucked up. :(
Reply
MagicallyFat
| 12
Dont be too quick to misjudge her. You can get crabs by sitting on a toilet (that someone with crabs has previously sat in). Talk to her about it
Reply
nitewlf12
| 10
Dude I think she's saying the fucked up part is that this guy has never had sexual contact with anyone but his wife. That's sad. None at all? Damn. That's the real fml. Not the crabs.
Reply
CryMoreFMLs
| 14
58 - You are an example of why I hate a vast majority of my generation.
Reply
emodude44
| 0
I hate the world by default and make exceptions as I go.
Fuck life in general, not just mine.
Fuck life in general, not just mine.
Reply
dakotasgirl00
| 2
58 I think it's sweet that he waited for marriage to have any sexual contact. Not very many people do that anymore.
Reply
Iamaninchworm
| 0
91- Yo
By
ashyxlynn
| 3
you do realize you can get crabs other ways than just sex right?
Reply
yea she could have gotten it from a tanning bed or something similar
Reply
ileina
| 5
Too many negative votes, comment buried.
Show the comment
Reply
Moobug
| 4
It's called conversation, 108. Communication is not just question and answer, nor is it simply inflicting your opinion on the rest of the world.
Reply
emilieee_fml
| 0
You can also get it from public bathrooms:P
Reply
Neorecon19
| 18
We call that the beach and the dinner plate.
Reply
emodude44
| 0
105: Respect
Reply
Iamaninchworm
| 0
This is a comment forum for a specific topic,
conversation is not a part of this you loose twat.
conversation is not a part of this you loose twat.
Reply
senseisuncommon
| 7
says the one with many thumbs down and no one taking your sdie... this is a social site... for communication.
Reply
poohforMVP
| 4
105 u look good with pale skin people who over tan just look stupid
Reply
marissa246
| 0
or you could get it from not cleaning yourself daily
Reply
philipino
| 24
Or OP is just so disgusting that they don't bother to wash their nether regions.
Reply
evilplatypus
| 38
239 - They don't magically appear out of nothing. You still have to get them from somewhere, which is why OP says "FML".
By
twofirstnames
| 12
Mmm, I wonder where she got them from..
By
Nyolia
| 11
It looks like she's got some explaining to do.
By
saIty
| 17
You only had sex with your wife when you're conscious. When you're knocked out it's a whole new story.
Reply
reallytho3
| 11
How can u sleep durin sex? If u can ur not doing it rite...
Reply
Lauren10102
| 3
Not sleep, just unconscious, like blacking out because you're so wasted.
By
glitterme
| 5
well you were just waiting for the right person that's ok :)
Reply
glitterme
| 5
to bad you got crabs from your first time
or did you?
or did you?
Reply
radiocaf
| 29
That wasn't his point. He is referring to the possibility if his wife cheating on him, catching crabs and then giving them to him, although I'm sure they can be caught other ways too, like if she had headlice and performed other sexual acts on him.
Reply
mickmac
| 0
Head lice and genital lice are two different things. Head lice can't go to your genitals and genital lice can't go to your head...
By
daisyduke452
| 3
The post could say "Today I got diagnosed with crabs " And it would be fine... But I understand that you want to explain...
Reply
maybeeiwill
| 11
Fail
Reply
higgy6969
| 7
WTF? You are an idiot.
Reply
bball234
| 6
that wouldnt have made it past the fml screening. they want interesting and usually more than one sentence.
Reply
Sweet_Testicles
| 7
you are a dumbass
Reply
ollierobs
| 0
I believe the FML part was the fact that his crabs implied a cheating wife.
By
chloee484
| 2
you do realize crabs is the only STD you CAN actually get from a toilet seat? or borrowing underwear or anything along those lines.
Reply
FreshSalad
| 1
The whole toilet seat thing is a myth. Crabs that fall off are either injured/dying or dead. Also, they can't grip onto the seat because of it's smooth surface and they just fall off.