Today, I was diagnosed with crabs. I lost my virginity to my wife, and have never had sex or any sexual contact with anyone but her in my life. FML
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Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I found out I have genital herpes. I'm a virgin. FML
Today, I discovered I have a condition that causes loss of feeling in my clitoris during sex. FML
Today, I went in for a routine check up. I also found out I have an incurable STD and that I’m pregnant. I’ve been married to my husband for seven years and have never had sex with anyone else in my entire life. FML
Today, I had sex with a guy. As he was sleeping next to me, I checked his Facebook messages and saw that he sent a message to one of his buddies, asking what kind of lotion helps get rid of crabs. FML
Today, I found out the coworker I was seeing gave me the clap. She resigned two weeks ago and isn’t answering her phone. I can’t blame my wife because she was a virgin when we got married, and has only been with me. FML
Today, I was about to lose my virginity. I couldn't get it up. FML
Today, I gave my virginity to my boyfriend. All I got in return was rug burn and an infection. FML
Today, I lost my virginity in a porta-potty. FML
Today, my girlfriend lost her virginity. I still have mine, though. FML
Today, after having had sex with my girlfriend for the first time the night before, she went to the doctor. He said she's still physically a virgin. FML
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Top comments
Awahso 25
Sounds fishy...wait that was a lame pun. That sucks though man.
ashyxlynn 3
you do realize you can get crabs other ways than just sex right?
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Comments (261)
pottymouthpanda 0
dam,shes a Dirty girl :o
my2centsworth 15
Crabs can be transmitted through towels. Do you perhaps belong to a gym?
thatnucca 36
Time to shake the SHACK for some answers... Smdh!
IndigoAcrylic 9
Looks like Mr Crabs got transferred to Penn Island. ;D
chomper12 0
Ur hella retarded! U can get crabs from ANYTHING! Including grass. Do ur research.
ADub55 0
Well it sounds like you know rhe source then
Sweet_Testicles 7
Reading this comment made me laugh a little :')
awkward_turtles 1
No one knows what comment you're referring to...
NBTX830_94 0
Damn dat shit sucks
DudeItsMelvin 0
I hope you're not crabby about it.
jhashj 0
You can get crabs from almost anywhere. A towel at the gym... Or spa... Trying on clothes... Yeah, don't think your wife is cheating. Have a little more faith.