Today, I had to call poison control because my idiot son swallowed a bunch of baking soda to "make a volcano in his tummy." FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML
Today, I had to take my son to the ER after he badly messed up trying to light his farts on fire. FML
Today, I had to call poison control on one of my students, because they decided to drink a half a bottle of hand sanitizer. FML
Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML
Today, my nephew asked me to help build his science fair volcano. I got too invested in making it realistic and used way too much baking soda and vinegar. The eruption shot across the kitchen, hit the ceiling, and dripped red food coloring down the walls while my sister stared at me in annoyed shock. FML
Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML
Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML
Today, I had to stop my son from climbing out the window, slithering on the stairs like a snake, and attempting to call 911 to help bring him down from his “bad trip”. What caused all this? His older brother convinced him the dried mushrooms in the kitchen were ‘shrooms and the idiot beloved him. FML
Today, I had to take my son to the hospital for drinking sunscreen. Apparently, he saw something on the internet that said if he drank it, his body would sweat it out and continually apply it to his body. He's 16. FML
Today, I got a call from my son's school. He was in the nurse office puking. I picked him up and the dumbass said he'd eaten one of those stupid "WORLD'S HOTTEST SNACK" things and it made him sick. Idiot. No sympathy whatsoever from me. FML
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Top comments
midget_chinese 0
he's not too far off the truth :P
DirtyDiana_fml 0
woah only 1 comment? but idiot is harsh.
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Comments (341)
GriefBacon 0
That's really mean to call your son an idiot. Maybe you're the real idiot.
FeedtheBrood 0
Fact: all kids are idiots.
lolatflyingducks 0
YDI for not watching your kid in the first place.
jazmino15 0
i know a lot of people are giving you bad comments cause you said your kid was an idiot but really a parent can love their kid and say something bad about them every once in a while obviously ,its normal whether its a family member or friend.and about the volcano thing hahahahaha thats cute ,but i hope your kids fine.
dickheadedbitch 0
your a bitch and how old is your son 3 or 4! i would kick your ass if you are a man
TheRoflMonster 0
He is YOUR son. You should have taught him better.
spillproof 0
Maybe if you wouldn't call your son and idiot.
Poge 0
Okay, first I'm doubting s/he walked up to her son and told him he was an idiot. She probably wrote it on the site instead of telling him that. Second, if the kid was old enough to know baking soda make volcanos, then he probably should have known better than to eat it. Next, the fact that he got to it. He probably opened the fridge and ate it; the parent could have been in the bathroom for all anyone knows. Even if they weren't at some point you have to trust your kid to be smart enough to get some thing out of the fridge by themself. My next point, when I was young, not only did I get spanked, but i got called an idiot a lot. Actually I had an issue with poisen control too, my dad called me an idiot several times in front of the doctor, I never ate anything I shouldn't again and I wasn't mad at my dad. I love him more than anything. My last point, even if the kid is five, I got called worce things in Kindergarden and I live in the middle of nowhere! Kids today need to suck it up, and parents need to stop pretending their kids never do anything stupid. Parents need to stop suger coating things! Her kid was an idiot and s/he needs to explain to him what he shouldn't eat.
Not_Ever_Telling 3
Kids do idiotic things. It's the PARENT'S job to stop them from doing those idiotic things. ...Unless, of course, the parents are idiots who not only can't keep an eye on their kids but call their own kids idiots! But I do understand how frustrating children can be.... (I babysit triplets. Need I say more?) I hope your son is alright, and I hope you are more watchful in the future.
chippa 24
I'm 15 and I didn't know till I read this that it was bad to eat baking soda... : I mean, you bake stuff with it, right? So it must be edible. And I have often thought of making a volcano in my tummy lol, but I knew that wouldn't turn out so pleasantly, but POISON CONTROL? :O Why don't they teach us these things?! :( Now I feel really dumb.