Today, I had to call poison control because my idiot son swallowed a bunch of baking soda to "make a volcano in his tummy." FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML
Today, I had to take my son to the ER after he badly messed up trying to light his farts on fire. FML
Today, I had to call poison control on one of my students, because they decided to drink a half a bottle of hand sanitizer. FML
Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML
Today, my nephew asked me to help build his science fair volcano. I got too invested in making it realistic and used way too much baking soda and vinegar. The eruption shot across the kitchen, hit the ceiling, and dripped red food coloring down the walls while my sister stared at me in annoyed shock. FML
Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML
Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML
Today, I had to stop my son from climbing out the window, slithering on the stairs like a snake, and attempting to call 911 to help bring him down from his “bad trip”. What caused all this? His older brother convinced him the dried mushrooms in the kitchen were ‘shrooms and the idiot beloved him. FML
Today, I had to take my son to the hospital for drinking sunscreen. Apparently, he saw something on the internet that said if he drank it, his body would sweat it out and continually apply it to his body. He's 16. FML
Today, I got a call from my son's school. He was in the nurse office puking. I picked him up and the dumbass said he'd eaten one of those stupid "WORLD'S HOTTEST SNACK" things and it made him sick. Idiot. No sympathy whatsoever from me. FML
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Top comments
midget_chinese 0
he's not too far off the truth :P
DirtyDiana_fml 0
woah only 1 comment? but idiot is harsh.
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Comments (341)
SaffronTea 6
I'd wonder how old the son was... he said "tummy" so... if he was, like, a little boy then calling him an idiot isn't right! He's not stupid, he'd just young.
itzkaren592 0
what kind of mother are you?! "idiot son" ?!?!!!? its your OWN FREAKING SON!!!! deal with it! since he says "tummy" im guessing he's lke 3-5? you probably never taught him to not eat certain things so its ur fault!! he probably doesnt noe how to read either so how should he know if its bad for you or not? jeez dats pretty harsh to a lil toddler. child abuser
Kofu 0
I agree with #299. For that terminology, knowing that baking soda is half of the components required for that type of reaction actually makes him pretty smart. Or, if he's older than eight years old, then I'm going to have to drop the blame on you for not establishing the "don't eat the things in this cupboard" rule.
Oh_Gawd_Why 0
YDI for breeding.
iFruit 0
He tried to kill himself because he can no longer live with the shitty excuse for a mom you are. The whole 'volcano in his tummy' was just an excuse he made up. Nice, mamma. Calling your kid an idiot. Nice.
some_girl9 8
I feel for ya, OP. And to all you people with your panties in a bunch 'cause she called her kid an idiot...Guess what, he IS an idiot for doing that. Clearly you don't have kids, and you don't realize how unbelievably infuriating they can be. Where did you people grow up exactly? You should hear how normal people in the world can talk about their kids sometimes. Doesn't make them bad parents AT ALL. It just makes them honest people who aren't trying to put up a sweet little front...Probably like all of your faggoty parents all did.
bored690 0
What is a "bunch of baking soda"?
melissa1983 0
YDI for being a ******* idiot and a bad parent.
Ravenswing 0
YDI for being an incompetent parent and blaming your child.
chris_42 11
His stomach nearly exploded, do you think the kid cares about what his mom called him on FML? its not like she said it tp his face. Grow up.