Today, I had to call poison control because my idiot son swallowed a bunch of baking soda to "make a volcano in his tummy." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML
Today, I had to take my son to the ER after he badly messed up trying to light his farts on fire. FML
Today, I had to call poison control on one of my students, because they decided to drink a half a bottle of hand sanitizer. FML
Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML
Today, my nephew asked me to help build his science fair volcano. I got too invested in making it realistic and used way too much baking soda and vinegar. The eruption shot across the kitchen, hit the ceiling, and dripped red food coloring down the walls while my sister stared at me in annoyed shock. FML
Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML
Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML
Today, I had to stop my son from climbing out the window, slithering on the stairs like a snake, and attempting to call 911 to help bring him down from his “bad trip”. What caused all this? His older brother convinced him the dried mushrooms in the kitchen were ‘shrooms and the idiot beloved him. FML
Today, I had to take my son to the hospital for drinking sunscreen. Apparently, he saw something on the internet that said if he drank it, his body would sweat it out and continually apply it to his body. He's 16. FML
Today, I got a call from my son's school. He was in the nurse office puking. I picked him up and the dumbass said he'd eaten one of those stupid "WORLD'S HOTTEST SNACK" things and it made him sick. Idiot. No sympathy whatsoever from me. FML
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Top comments
midget_chinese 0
he's not too far off the truth :P
DirtyDiana_fml 0
woah only 1 comment? but idiot is harsh.
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Comments (341)
dsegui4 0
that's kinda messed up to say ur son is an idiot, if he's a little kid then he doesn't know any better ur the parent ur supposed to be helping him learn and kids reflect their parents
alexus1994 0
ur an idiot for calling ur son an idiot. ftw volcano in the stomach... vomit up lava. ha! LOL
kpark115 6
^ this is true
droplets 0
#206, you are absolutely right. The OP was talking about the idiot action, nit saying that her son is a full-time moron. People need to grow a thicker skin: everyone gets offended so easily. Grow a pair and be a man about it...kids do idiot things, and as a parent, it's your job to teach them to be decent people, not attention-*****, self-centered sociopaths like so many people are turning out to be. Parents that tell themselves and their kids that they can do no wrong, and that their shit doesn't stink are just producers, not parents.
Skimbap 0
316 If op was talking about her kids idiot action, she would have said: "my son did the stupid thing..." By stating her "Idiot Son" she was implying that her son was stupid and was seemed quite angry at him. By saying that people don't have "thick skin" because of this fml, what you're basically implying that if some one were to punch you in the face, and you'd get angry/offended by it, you're just an attention-*****, or sociopath.
lonidani9229 3
dont call ur son an idiot
brianjman14 23
it's not nice to call your son an idiot.
geez23 0
you guys must be white
Hollister1995 0
your idiot son??...ahh what a loving parent.
Stand_Up 0
Why the hell would you call your own child an idiot? Bad parenting </3 the child must be young. Jee
MusicLover1o1_fml 0
Wow . . .