Today, I had to call poison control because my idiot son swallowed a bunch of baking soda to "make a volcano in his tummy." FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML
Today, I had to take my son to the ER after he badly messed up trying to light his farts on fire. FML
Today, I had to call poison control on one of my students, because they decided to drink a half a bottle of hand sanitizer. FML
Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML
Today, my nephew asked me to help build his science fair volcano. I got too invested in making it realistic and used way too much baking soda and vinegar. The eruption shot across the kitchen, hit the ceiling, and dripped red food coloring down the walls while my sister stared at me in annoyed shock. FML
Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML
Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML
Today, I had to stop my son from climbing out the window, slithering on the stairs like a snake, and attempting to call 911 to help bring him down from his “bad trip”. What caused all this? His older brother convinced him the dried mushrooms in the kitchen were ‘shrooms and the idiot beloved him. FML
Today, I had to take my son to the hospital for drinking sunscreen. Apparently, he saw something on the internet that said if he drank it, his body would sweat it out and continually apply it to his body. He's 16. FML
Today, I got a call from my son's school. He was in the nurse office puking. I picked him up and the dumbass said he'd eaten one of those stupid "WORLD'S HOTTEST SNACK" things and it made him sick. Idiot. No sympathy whatsoever from me. FML
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Top comments
midget_chinese 0
he's not too far off the truth :P
DirtyDiana_fml 0
woah only 1 comment? but idiot is harsh.
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Comments (341)
cconeus 0
you should have borne spawn idiot. that's what kids do.
elwa 0
CRACK UP!
yummylolly15 0
1.where were you when he decided to do that? if u were watching him, none of this would have happened. 2.calling him a idiot would only reflect it upon yourself because if you are doing your job properly, again this wouldn't have happened 3. what kind of a sick mother are you to post a fml that describes your son as a 'idiot'?
ducoeur 0
okay, first of all, stop hating on the OP. i'm almost sixteen, and i still refer to my stomach as "tummy", and the child must have been old and smart enough to understand that putting the baking soda in his stomach would result in a reaction. i didn't learn that until i was like, 8, and by then i was walking around my house in platform shoes. if she's such a horrible mother, then why did she call the poison control centre? she was probably just frustrated, not "abusive". jeez. people call other people, (including children and pets, oh my!), idiots when they're frustrated. get over it.
lizzie447 0
U r a ****** up mom
Sappho_fml 0
It's one thing to slip and call your kid an idiot. It's quite another to deliberately publish it online. Kids do things like that. Good God, don't whine and pity yourself for having to call poison control. Be thankful you called in time!
crackfiend 0
Idiot son? Shit happens, get over it. He's just a kid. YDI for being a shit mother.
dracon81 0
wtf is your problem i would be congratulating him on taking his first steps into becoming a scientist. ITS CALLED CURIOSITY *****
whatthe_efff 0
I bet this kid was like 14, lol.
thatswiggedywack 0
i think its kind of unnecessary to call your son an idiot unless hes over the age of 5. then, you have every right to do so.