spillproof

Today, right after sex, my girlfriend apologized to the neighbor for the screaming. He thanked her for the entertainment. FML

3

0

7

49

Today, I had the sudden urge to sneeze as I was wiping my ass. Out of instinct, I used my hand to cover my mouth. I never let go of the toilet paper. FML

5

1

34

39

Today, my boss told me when I transfer to a Target in Orlando I should work in the clothing department. He said it would be a good way for me to meet chicks. I told him all the girls who work in clothing in that store are ugly as hell. Apparently his daughters work there. I never knew that. FML

6

0

3

40

Today, I was on a long-haul plane journey home from my holiday. After 5 hours, I decided to stretch my arms whilst watching a movie. Little did I know that a little girl was approaching, running down the aisle as my arm stretched out. I accidentally clothes-lined a little 9 year old girl. FML

2

1

15

63

Today, I had a rare phone call from my ex-girlfriend. We ended up talking for hours about old times. It was the best conversation we have had in forever, it made me miss her and miss us. Later on in the day, she called back asking what we talked about. She was too high too remember. FML

28

3

15

18