Today, I had to call poison control because my idiot son swallowed a bunch of baking soda to "make a volcano in his tummy." FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML
Today, I had to take my son to the ER after he badly messed up trying to light his farts on fire. FML
Today, I had to call poison control on one of my students, because they decided to drink a half a bottle of hand sanitizer. FML
Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML
Today, my nephew asked me to help build his science fair volcano. I got too invested in making it realistic and used way too much baking soda and vinegar. The eruption shot across the kitchen, hit the ceiling, and dripped red food coloring down the walls while my sister stared at me in annoyed shock. FML
Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML
Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML
Today, I had to stop my son from climbing out the window, slithering on the stairs like a snake, and attempting to call 911 to help bring him down from his “bad trip”. What caused all this? His older brother convinced him the dried mushrooms in the kitchen were ‘shrooms and the idiot beloved him. FML
Today, I had to take my son to the hospital for drinking sunscreen. Apparently, he saw something on the internet that said if he drank it, his body would sweat it out and continually apply it to his body. He's 16. FML
Today, I got a call from my son's school. He was in the nurse office puking. I picked him up and the dumbass said he'd eaten one of those stupid "WORLD'S HOTTEST SNACK" things and it made him sick. Idiot. No sympathy whatsoever from me. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
midget_chinese 0
he's not too far off the truth :P
DirtyDiana_fml 0
woah only 1 comment? but idiot is harsh.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (341)
x5d13 0
I agree with virtually everyone else here. Your son is not an idiot. In fact, that's a really great idea. It could even work; your stomach produces HCl :D And baking soda ain't poisonous. Don't be obtuse.
Chico87_fml 0
How old is he? If he is calling his stomach a 'tummy', he must be a child, therfore making you a bitch for calling him an idiot.
BlahBlahBlahpoop 0
its your fault because you should have been watching him and you shouldn't call him an idiot thats just mean
sadlyyes 0
I laughed hard at you calling your son an idiot. I wish more parents would be more honest about their children like you.
nanoflacka 0
Maybe you should watch your kid closer you dumbass!!!!!
Chico119 0
lol this is a good one. I personally think it would have been funnier if it said the following: "Today, I had to call poison control because my idiot son swallowed a bunch of baking soda to "make a volcano in his tummy." He's 28." FML
MoobyTheCow 2
I don't think her calling the son an idiot was as much mean as it was a facepalm. If the mother didn't care about the child, she wouldn't have called poison control. I'm guessing they just said to drink a lot of water to keep his breathing from slowing down too much and monitor him, since it's not like the body can't neutralize it.
Neferria 0
Did he at least explode like a volcano or is he alright now?
Fail_Pig 0
YDI for eating a sandwich for lunch.
TehAfroSamurai 0
One word describes this. PHALE