Today, I had to call poison control because my idiot son swallowed a bunch of baking soda to "make a volcano in his tummy." FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML
Today, I had to take my son to the ER after he badly messed up trying to light his farts on fire. FML
Today, I had to call poison control on one of my students, because they decided to drink a half a bottle of hand sanitizer. FML
Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML
Today, my nephew asked me to help build his science fair volcano. I got too invested in making it realistic and used way too much baking soda and vinegar. The eruption shot across the kitchen, hit the ceiling, and dripped red food coloring down the walls while my sister stared at me in annoyed shock. FML
Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML
Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML
Today, I had to stop my son from climbing out the window, slithering on the stairs like a snake, and attempting to call 911 to help bring him down from his “bad trip”. What caused all this? His older brother convinced him the dried mushrooms in the kitchen were ‘shrooms and the idiot beloved him. FML
Today, I had to take my son to the hospital for drinking sunscreen. Apparently, he saw something on the internet that said if he drank it, his body would sweat it out and continually apply it to his body. He's 16. FML
Today, I got a call from my son's school. He was in the nurse office puking. I picked him up and the dumbass said he'd eaten one of those stupid "WORLD'S HOTTEST SNACK" things and it made him sick. Idiot. No sympathy whatsoever from me. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
midget_chinese 0
he's not too far off the truth :P
DirtyDiana_fml 0
woah only 1 comment? but idiot is harsh.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (341)
McBurgar 0
aw, that's not cool. you don't call your own kid an idiot.
EvaMG_fml 0
Thats an FML for your son,, dont ever call him an idiot. What kinda parent are you? Maybe he was trying a little bit on himself so that he can funnel it down your throat when your sleeping.
hussbogman 0
ass wipe who calls there son an idiot
sammy0002 0
never call ur son and idiot you stupid parent
happysmartg 5
bitch! don't call your son an idiot!
RavenBurga 0
Give him cyanide ...hehe
ilovefall10 21
oh yeah that's very nice of you to call your own son an ' idiot' after he had to probably get his stomach pumped. you sound like such a nice parent.. *rolls eyes*
Big_Boss026 0
Idiot? you're a GREAT mother!
shinrawr 0
and that's why you use condoms kids
rainbow19 0
why would you call your son an idiot